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-   -   Advice that you didn't ask for... (http://www.naturallycurly.com/curltalk/hall-shame-discussion/114440-advice-you-didnt-ask.html)

GirlWithUkulele 10-03-2010 08:09 PM

Advice that you didn't ask for...
 
So last year, before I went CG, I wore my hair down for the first time in two months (my hair was straightish until about 2 years ago). When we were going into French class, some girl said "You look different." Someone said "Because she's wearing her hair down." The girl said "Oh. You need frizz control." (Which are often full of cones)
Gee, thanks...

This same girl, just last week, said "Your curls are so pretty," and then started giving all this advice, like "You know what? You should get a defining product. Some need to be applied when soaking wet, others when damp..." as if I didn't know. Yeah, she knows a lot about cosmetics, but considering I'm a bit of a product junkie, I'd think I would know what I'm talking about. Especially considering my hair is curly, and hers is not.

I don't know about you, but it just annoys me when people with straight hair start spouting advice as if they know my hair better than I do, and like I don't know anything at all. Do they know my porosity? Whether I'm a 3a or 3b? Yeah, that's what I thought.

Chevelure 10-04-2010 10:23 AM

So what would be some good comebacks? I'm usually mortified when people make comments like that.

LISA LISA 10-08-2010 01:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by GirlWithUkulele (Post 1487246)
So last year, before I went CG, I wore my hair down for the first time in two months (my hair was straightish until about 2 years ago). When we were going into French class, some girl said "You look different." Someone said "Because she's wearing her hair down." The girl said "Oh. You need frizz control." (Which are often full of cones)
Gee, thanks...

This same girl, just last week, said "Your curls are so pretty," and then started giving all this advice, like "You know what? You should get a defining product. Some need to be applied when soaking wet, others when damp..." as if I didn't know. Yeah, she knows a lot about cosmetics, but considering I'm a bit of a product junkie, I'd think I would know what I'm talking about. Especially considering my hair is curly, and hers is not.

I don't know about you, but it just annoys me when people with straight hair start spouting advice as if they know my hair better than I do, and like I don't know anything at all. Do they know my porosity? Whether I'm a 3a or 3b? Yeah, that's what I thought.


I'd say, "Straight haired people giving hair advice to curly people is like a man giving a woman tampon advice". There's obvious good intentions there, but no field experience.

crwritt 10-08-2010 05:16 PM

Free advice, as with anything else that you get for free, is worth what you paid for it.

veezor 10-12-2010 02:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Curly 'Cuse (Post 1491770)
Quote:

Originally Posted by GirlWithUkulele (Post 1487246)
So last year, before I went CG, I wore my hair down for the first time in two months (my hair was straightish until about 2 years ago). When we were going into French class, some girl said "You look different." Someone said "Because she's wearing her hair down." The girl said "Oh. You need frizz control." (Which are often full of cones)
Gee, thanks...

This same girl, just last week, said "Your curls are so pretty," and then started giving all this advice, like "You know what? You should get a defining product. Some need to be applied when soaking wet, others when damp..." as if I didn't know. Yeah, she knows a lot about cosmetics, but considering I'm a bit of a product junkie, I'd think I would know what I'm talking about. Especially considering my hair is curly, and hers is not.

I don't know about you, but it just annoys me when people with straight hair start spouting advice as if they know my hair better than I do, and like I don't know anything at all. Do they know my porosity? Whether I'm a 3a or 3b? Yeah, that's what I thought.


I'd say, "Straight haired people giving hair advice to curly people is like a man giving a woman tampon advice". There's obvious good intentions there, but no field experience.

I'm going to have to use that one.

Lysterine 11-27-2010 11:31 AM

What kills me is when my African American cousins on my dad's side with weaves and 4c natural curls try to give me advice on how to oil my scalp and keep my hair in check.

My mom is white. I look white. I have very soft, fine 3b curls because I'm super mixed. And was before it was relaxed! If I oiled my scalp and put my hair in cornrows, it would be a disaster.

Everyone always assumes that because they know about their hair, they know everything about everyone's hair. It's somewhat irritating.

Ruth Marie 11-30-2010 10:54 AM

This is slightly OT, but GirlWithUkulele, do you actually play the Ukulele? I do, and I love it!

itsKelCeeEee 12-03-2010 03:11 AM

That's like some random cousin I rarely ever talk to asking me how my hair was so kinky and afro-like if I was mixed and proceeding to tell me that I needed a perm.

:angryfire: You wanna talk about heated? That girl right there...

CurlyLinZee 12-03-2010 11:26 AM

I hear ya! A couple of years ago at XMas celebration, my aunt (the same one who told me if I didn't get married by 30, I might as well join a convent)...told me that I should straighten my hair. She said this loudly and insistently in front of my entire family gathering. Me and my curly hair were in the spotlight for some long moments there.

I said "How about you worry about your hair, and I'll worry about mine?"

This same aunt has been getting perms to put some wave in her (flat) hair for decades now.

I was very insulted. I also threw this one at her because she's very religious:

"If God wanted me to have straight hair, that's what he would have given me."

...put that in your pipe and smoke it!

Puertoricangirl 11-16-2012 06:36 PM

My sister always tries to give me advice to brush it wet to control it at the top. I tell her that will cause breakage because it snaps but she doesn't understand. I think it is so annoying! She has curly hair too and says we have the same hair but every texture is different! She also tells me to use product to control it but with my experience hair mouse/gel make my hair crunchy and I like my natural texture!

My friend Michelle always offers to straighten my hair and tells me if she can put bio-silk in it to control the frizz. Frizz serum doesn't seem to work on me but she insists on doing my hair with it. My other friend Kathleen tells me to brush it and use a frizz serum. Ugh! Michelle has hair similar to mine naturally but straightens hers every day and dies it incessantly. I love my natural curls and using minimal-no product so they can all shove it! lol

eleanormoon 11-23-2012 12:30 PM

People all the time to me:

Have you tried frizz ease?





:angry4:

MissDarcei 11-23-2012 07:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by eleanormoon (Post 2075102)
People all the time to me:

Have you tried frizz ease?





:angry4:

Frizz Ease is the devil lol

Ericachristina 11-24-2012 09:02 PM

Some people just dont know when their advice is not needed and not wanted. Some ppl also think they know more than they actually do, putting up with stupid comments and advice is a part of life but if it bothered me Id tell them what I thought of the advice.

Korkscrew 11-29-2012 05:05 PM

Just explain that hair care is more nuanced than most people imagine - that every head of hair is different and responds differently to different products and techniques. Top it all off with a pleasant "Thanks but no thanks for the advice."

bobby 11-30-2012 11:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Korkscrew (Post 2078072)
Just explain that hair care is more nuanced than most people imagine - that every head of hair is different and responds differently to different products and techniques. Top it all off with a pleasant "Thanks but no thanks for the advice."

As with anything, I think people tend to overvalue their opinion. You're right though, every head of hair has a life of its own. What works for one should not be assumed that it will work for the other.

TrisHermione 02-25-2013 01:59 PM

The worst one was when my (straight-haired) friend was telling me about her new hairbrush that she'd bought, and telling me that I should try it. I said something along the lines of; 'I don't brush my hair at all so there isn't really much point because it makes it frizzy.'
She then said something like 'Well that's probably because you're using a cheap brush, if you used a good brush then...'
If all it would have taken for me to beat frizz was a hairbrush, then didn't she think I would have done it years ago? Ignorant.

lucyprimrose 02-25-2013 02:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TrisHermione (Post 2126458)
The worst one was when my (straight-haired) friend was telling me about her new hairbrush that she'd bought, and telling me that I should try it. I said something along the lines of; 'I don't brush my hair at all so there isn't really much point because it makes it frizzy.'
She then said something like 'Well that's probably because you're using a cheap brush, if you used a good brush then...'
If all it would have taken for me to beat frizz was a hairbrush, then didn't she think I would have done it years ago? Ignorant.

The brushing advice is the thing that really drives me mad. People with straight hair just can't grasp it, that brushing doesn't help. And if you try and explain or demonstrate why, well I just see their eyes glazing over...maybe it's the way I say it. When I used to often get my hair straightened I used to brush it, so like you say if it helped when curly we'd do it wouldn't we? It isn't rocket science to think about brushing hair if it helped. I feel for you! Cheap brush! Ha!

anonymous_133347 02-25-2013 08:01 PM

I think the worst backhanded compliment/piece of unsolicited advice we curlies shall ever receive is:

"Oh my God you have such beautiful hair!"

(and in the same breath)

"You should straighten it."

:happy8:


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