stop the curl on curl crime
It's sad when a curly girl is hating their own curls, because they didn't turn out as they desired.
For example, I have "Like"-ed a few natural hair pages on Facebook and on one, this girl was asking for help and guidance.
People gave her inspiring words, and she gave more descriptions of why she was not happy with her hair.
However she made a comment on how her hair doesn't look and grow as fast as her peers, but she has never had N word hair.
That was an eyebrow raising moment, because by her definition I may have that type of hair. I didn't comment,however, other people let her know that it wasn't best to say those words, especially in a environment where we are trying uplift fellow curlies. Somehow she became offended by that and said she won't use that page again.
The fact of that happening made me wonder. Why do people expect to go natural if they can't accept their hair for what it is??
If you're on the verge of giving up just because you wanted to have loose glossy locks and it grows out dry, tightly curled, and frizzy, maybe you're not doing it for the right reason.
There were times that I felt lost and didn't know what to do with my hair, however, I feel there are ways around that without degrading your hair and others like it.
If you are transitioning and you're clueless about your hair my advice is to get some braids, a sew-in, or even a wig (a lot of women do that these days), and do research, ask around, there is someone out there willing to lend a helping hand because they went through it too.
I learned not to expect what my hair should be. I just go along for the ride and find the healthiest things for my hair and myself.
ALL CURLIES who went through that transition please share what you learned to conquer not hating your hair and growing to love your hair.
I hope this helps a girl in doubt of their natural hair.
LOVE YOUR CURLS
"All I can do is be me, whoever that is" --Bob Dylan
I think a lot of girls grow out their hair to see if maybe they have that "good hair" and not because they really want kinky frizzy hair.
I am ashamed to admit I thought my hair would be looser because my mom is Puerto Rican and was disappointed that although it isn't really a 'fro, the curls weren't as defined as I expected. I've since through much soul-searching and inspiring photos of natural hair learned to love my own texture and now wouldn't trade it for anything in the world. But it's just hard starting out to simply let go of all the negativity you've heard about frizzy hair.
I guess the best thing to do is go in with no expectations. I got my first perm at 9 b/c all my friends used to make fun of my so-called doo-doo braids, i.e the wrong reason. My mom begged me to reconsider but she gave in to my pleas so there was my birthday present.
After getting a bad cut (my APL hair was cut into a bob :sad7:) and dying it beyond repair I decided to go natural at 17 to grow my hair out. At the time I was still in high school and (as superficial as ppl are then) no girls could understand why I chose to be nappy even though they themselves had no edges/bad weaves/broken off ends. The more they hated the more I wanted curly hair b/c it was how it grew from my scalp, i.e the right reason.
Now I didn't necessarily love my curly hair at first but it was a part of me just like (and not to be gross or anything) getting mother nature's red tide is a part of being a woman: You don't have to like it but once you learn how to handle it it becomes a breeze and you actually learn to appreciate it for what it is.
So my advice would be to really think about if you're really mature enough to handle the responsibiilty as well as ppl's negative comments b/c it's all about a journey about getting to know yourself, not expecting Teyana Taylor curls. If you can't be comfortable with that then maybe you're just not ready. HTH! :mrgreen:
For me anyway, it's not that I hate my hair, it's that I *really* hate that I've lived my whole life and I never had any idea of how to take care of my hair. As a result, there never really was any wearing of my hair in its truly gloriously natural state. I either blowdried and flatironed it straight, or washed it and coiled it up in a bun or French twist.
In the short time that I've let my hair go natural, I've seen it look absolutely fantastic -- which has always been when it's well-moisturized and healthy and otherwise responding well to the proper care I'm giving it. In other words, when my hair is in a truly healthy state, I *love* it, and it's that truly healthy state that I consider my hair's truly natural state.
On the other hand, since I've gone natural, the only times I've not liked how my hair looked was when *I'm* not understanding what it needs from me for haircare, and as a result it's in anything but its truly natural state. In other words, the problem's NOT my hair. The problem is shamefully mine.
BUT, I'm proud of myself that I'm fiiiiiinally dedicated to learning what my hair is all about so that I can give it the care it deserves and so that it can be its naturally beautiful, healthy, curly self! :)
P.S. And, yes, I know that what I think looks fantastic for my hair in its natural state isn't necessarily what other people/society thinks looks good, but that doesn't matter because I can't tell you how good I feel when my hair is full and soft and curly and I can run my fingers through it without a tangle to be found anywhere. (I need to remember that on days when I've let my hair down by going too long between PTs or DTs or didn't pineapple it the night before or something.)
I started growing out my natural hair because I relocated to a new area where salons charge $100+ for just a touchup. Too rich for my blood so I turned my situation into a test for myself: can I go a year without a relaxer? At the end, I'll decide whether or not I want to go back to the creamy crack or continue my journey into naturalhairdom. It's not that I dislike my hair in its natural state, I just always had a relaxer and I know how to take care of it in that state. I don't remember my natural hair much, it's been a while since we last met. I'm just trying something new and turning it into an adventure of figuring out what works best for me and learning what my natural hair likes. So far she's soft, thick and a little kinky, just my type.
As for worrying about other people's opinions of my hair or anything else related to me, I don't care. I stopped that a while ago because I realized that there will always be someone out there who will dislike me or try to put me down for the tiniest quirk. So there's no reason to sweat it. I decided to do whatever makes me feel happy because I can't and won't please everybody else. They can all eat my shorts.
Very well said, Devushka. I wish there'd been more resources in the media or women's mags on how to take care of my hair when I was growing up. ESPECIALLY for my mom.
I personally decided to go natural because i've seen pictures of me as a child with my hair natural and I wanted to see if I could get that back and relaxers were harming my hair more than helping them plus their expensive.
Since i haven't taken care of my natural hair, ever It's a learning process. I have some curly idols that i love how their hair looks and their curls are kinda close to mine. But at the moment I kinda am not focusing on if my curls are super pretty (since still twa stage) but just moisturized and healthy and see how it looks longer as i go because i always have had long hair. I don't know if it'll get better or worse as it grows i just want it to grow healthy not so much like everyone else or picture perfect. I mean my main goal is length and soft(i love soft vs. crunchy) and healthy not so much perfect curl definition and such.
Need more resources... Love to clear up your own hair.
I'm glad I found this post (even though I'm super late) because I was talking about this the other day. A LOT of girls see a few other girls and say "wow! your hair is so soft and curly. it's so beautiful... I wonder if mine will come out like that!" and they go on this journey for all the wrong reasons. That's why they become miserable because they see that their hair texture and/or curl type didn't meet their expectations.
If you're going to become natural, at least in my opinion, it's not just a physical change, it's also an emotional one. I wanted to go natural around this time last year, but I was just throwing myself into it. It didn't feel natural (no pun intended). It wasn't until this pass June when I looked in the mirror and didn't like what I saw and I knew right then and there I was ready to become natural for all the right reasons. Not to have bouncy curly "soft" hair or to do wash 'n' go's but to have HEALTHY THICK hair that I once had.
Granted, the curls (or curl typing) are a plus. I'm transitioning at the moment (3 months post) and I want to know my curl type but it's not my main focus. Again, I see a lot of girls transitioning and they're only a month in and they want to know their texture or curl type RIGHT AWAY. They're so focused on typing their "curls" that might not even exist. If you don't have these expectations for your hair, you wouldn't be so disappointed when it comes out completely different later on.
But hey, everyone is different. Everyone has a different motive when it comes to certain things.
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