Dumbest comment regarding your hair?

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Someone asked me if I had to wash it more than white people wash their hair to keep it from dreading a few months back.
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@Luuuuucy Would you make your comments about "good" hair to a complete stranger? What you use the terms "good" and "bad" hair when talking to or around children?

That's part of the issue I've faced.

Others in my family who aren't lighted skinned have been bullied as children and have had their heritage and parentage questioned just because they happened to be 100% Black and have a defined curl pattern. I wasn't bullied as a child at school because my hair was braided then chemically processed.
No, of course not. And I wasn't defending your friend who did. I was agreeing with a previous poster that I had no idea, until reading this, that it would be considered offensive.

For what it's worth, people, even strangers, have told my 10 year old son that he has good, great, or beautiful hair his entire life. Strangers have stopped me since he was a newborn. I see that there are different connotations of this word but I always took it to mean his hair was unique and interesting and different, something makes his hair stand out from the average.

In some cases, I'm not sure that the opposite of good hair is actually "bad" hair. I don't think that the vast majority if people who have ever told someone they have good hair, or great hair, would also say that someone had bad hair. I think a lot of people use good hair as a compliment, but those same people would never use the term bad hair.

Obviously you know many people that do. That's sad. And I wasn't defending or disputing that. Only saying that until reading this thread, I had no idea that it would be taken offensively and it scared me a little to think how many people may inadvertently say offensive things to others.
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I have no idea where most of the people posting in this thread are from, but I really thought the whole "good hair" "bad hair" thing was common knowledge in the English speaking world, or at least the US, even among white people. I don't remember not knowing about that and I am white. I don't use the terms good hair or bad hair because of this, I will say nice hair, pretty hair, hair looks good etc instead.

I'm also bothered by how there were POC people here who said it was offensive and tied up with racism and then (I think) white people continued to argue that wasn't true. Why would a white person know whether good hair/bad hair were offensive or tied up with racism in the black community better than someone who is black? In my world if a POC says sincerely that something is offensive and/or racist I accept that and adjust my behavior/speech accordingly if it was something I said/did (and fortunately usually it's not).
belwillcoily likes this.
So it's wrong to point out how not everyone might mean the words "good hair" in a different way than that?

@Lucy, I agree with you. The opposite of good hair isn't actually bad hair. It's what you personally don't like and people are entitled to have tastes. Hell, I'm sure lots of people have no bad hair idea in mind because they love any type of hair with its pros and cons. And even if they do, decent people don't go commenting on hair they don't like. There's no reason to unless you want to be a deliberate a-hole.

@wavypen, I'm sorry, but not everyone comes from the US or from an English-speaking country or a country with a big enough community of black people to be acquainted with that. I'm one of those people.

I don't think anyone's arguing that the phrase can have a racist connotation and it surely does a lot. Just that assuming it always does is wrong. Of course there can be factors at play that make the comment evidently racist, but unless there are, you should ask to clarify. Just a "what do you mean? " is enough, and it can avoid an otherwise ruined day.

"You have good hair" is such a generic compliment that I don't think it can ever be eradicated. I feel like it also would be wrong to erase it from our vocabulary because of the history of racism. What we need to erase is the people making that phrase awful, not the words themselves. And that's a fantasy, of course, maybe for a distant future, but I still feel it's more sensible to work towards the phrase becoming a positive one than focus and remain so fixed on the bad history it has.
With this I'm not saying I wouldn't respect people's wishes: from now on I'll probably be careful with that phrase myself. But if it feels like the right thing to say, I will say it, and explain myself as much and as long as needed. I won't be afraid of uttering such simple words I mean positively just because others use it disrespectfully. They weren't born to be bad words. I can't treat them as such.

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(Any HtBlack you find anywhere on the internet is most likely always moi! :3)
@HtBlack The problem wasn't not knowing, the problem was being told and then continuing to argue about it. I think this may be partially a problem with translation, nice hair is much more commonly used in the US (even among white people) as a compliment than good hair. And good hair may not have the same connotations at all in other languages as it does in English, so if in your language it doesn't have those connotations, by all means continue to use it, just understand that in English it can be a racially charged term.
NaturalGrace likes this.
@wavypen it's not a translation problem, and that's a bit insulting of you to say when I have expressed myself in a definitely more than average way for a non native speaker. I was also pretty clear when saying I wasn't arguing, just explaining my point of view: I don't think I ever said I don't believe that comment can be racist, if you read my comments correctly.

I don't even know why you're arguing with me when with your last sentence you confirmed my thought. It CAN be a racially charged term. The difference between you and me is just that I don't take it as such before knowing if it is.

Lastly, I'm not looking for an argument and I do not mean to sound rude, but I find it funny how I wrote a novella-length explanation of my view multiple times and from it you simply understood that "I'm arguing" even though things "have been explained to me". Am I not allowed to express my idea? Oh, I'm sorry. Sorry for taking a different approach to the table thinking it might help black people understand that not everything said to them, just because it can be racist, it MUST be. When have I ever said that I don't understand how it is offensive, also? You ask me to understand the thing can be racist. Have I not said previously numerous times how I understand that it is? Is there a problem with how I express myself maybe?
Let me put it in crystal clear terms: I understand that it's a comment that can be charged with many awful meanings, and I agree and find it sad that it can make many people feel miserable and suffer. I also think that although because of that I'd justify people being defensive towards the words, taking them for racist without even considering the person in front of you is wrong, for the reasons I already mentioned countless of times. Not everyone is aware of the weight those words have, so it is not fair to lash out at them when they happen to make what they think is a compliment.
Now, if you disagree, that's okay. Just don't belittle my opinion to just an arguing as if I couldn't follow what was going on, please.

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A 2C, hopefully something more as my hair gets redefined. Lots of chemical/heat damage to get rid of! Currently at shoulder length, aiming for mid-back.

(Any HtBlack you find anywhere on the internet is most likely always moi! :3)
Lawd! -____-

(((hugs both HtBlack and wavypen))
Lets move on to other "dumb" comments made about our hair you guys

Like how ive been called Krusty the Clown numerous times lol!! I find that one humorous...now that it's longer i don't hear that much anymore :\ #AllInMyFeelings lolol!

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sixelamy likes this.
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This is interesting. I've never known about the "good hair" thing either. Can't say I've ever heard someone use that terminology to comment on someone's hair though. You learn something new everyday!
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I have no idea where most of the people posting in this thread are from, but I really thought the whole "good hair" "bad hair" thing was common knowledge in the English speaking world, or at least the US, even among white people. I don't remember not knowing about that and I am white. I don't use the terms good hair or bad hair because of this, I will say nice hair, pretty hair, hair looks good etc instead.
Originally Posted by wavypen
I'm from the UK.

I was warned about this phrase and other such phrases and attitudes as a teenager.

It's only when one of my classmates, whose family varied in hair and skin tones, went on holiday to the Caribbean we all in my school class realised these phrases/attitudes were a real problem and hadn't died.

I then went natural as an adult and had to deal with random older Black female adults who were complete strangers making that comment to me.

Then one of my nephews' decided to grow his hair out at school and was bullied due to his "good hair". He was told his parents couldn't be 100% Black and West African etc.

Luckily we had had a family discussion about the range of different hair types in the family, the attitudes of some Black people, where the attitudes came from and how to deal with comments, so he managed to stop most of the culprits himself. However two boys wouldn't give up until after he had a sickle cell crisis and was hospitalised. (His crisis wasn't caused by that but it didn't help.)

As he is now 20 I don't see the phrase dying out anytime soon, as apart from the fact the women making that comment to me where around his mum's age, there are other Black communities who use the phrase. They use it to discriminate against each other in their own countries and now as some are newer immigrants as a group to Europe and the rest of the world, they will have taken these bad attitudes with them.

Wavypen I agree with you about the second part of your comment. I don't use certain language about Scottish/Northern Irish people, Chinese, Vietnamese etc because I know they are offensive. Some less obvious ones I had to be told the historic context.
[QUOTE=SmilingElephant;2262870]Lawd! -____-

(((hugs both HtBlack and wavypen))
Lets move on to other "dumb" comments made about our hair you guys

Like how ive been called Krusty the Clown numerous times lol!! I find that one humorous...now that it's longer i don't hear that much anymore :\ #AllInMyFeelings lolol!



Lol not Krusty the Clown!!!
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^^Yaasss girl! Krusty! From the Simpsons! Lol!!

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2yrs 7 months post relaxer/2 years and 11 months natural

Cleanse: SM Moisture Retention or Suave Naturals shampoos
Co-Wash: Suave Naturals, L'Oreal EverCreme or EverCurl
RO/Detangler: Tresseme Naturals, GVPCB
Leave-In: SM Curl Enhancing Smoothie, TN, GVPCB
Styler: EcoStyler, GF Pure Clean gel, KCCC

Just discovering my hair likes protein!

^^Yaasss girl! Krusty! From the Simpsons! Lol!!

Sent from my LG-LG730 using CurlTalk App
Originally Posted by SmilingElephant
Then my profile pic definitely qualifies me for that position. That's exactly how my hair looks lol!!
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Oils: olive, argan, and Jamaican Black castor oils
I was told I had "bad hair" as a child and that it needed to be relaxed just to manage it, by an adult, mind you....since I was young and ignorant I believed it. Now I know that was the dumbest comment ever said about my hair :/

Friend's roommate: "You NEVER brush it? That's really disgusting."

I wanted to reply with "Yeah, and so is your personality." Maybe next time
Originally Posted by Edie
Someone else once told me this too and it actually pissed me off so much I showed that person the difference when actually brushing curly hair and not brushing curly hair. Then she said "Oh now I understand, I wasn't thinking."




About the big discussion of "good hair" and "bad hair". When I stopped relaxing my hair, a lot of people told me "Why did you ever relaxed your hair in the first place, you have really good hair!" And I got that comment in all sorts of ways. I usually don't overthink it, but I do tend to listen to the intonation when someone says it. Because yes it can be a compliment, but it can also be very offensive. I have heard in so many different ways, but both in two ways. It either sounded like a compliment or it was very offensive.

"You didn't have to relax your hair, you have good hair anyways, a lot of people don't" (I'm sorry but what does that mean? Some people don't? Then what kind of hair do they have?)

Besides that, I've heard this from many different kind of people, (white, black, yellow, purple, whatever kind of color) and I think it just depends on the way someone says it.

Anyways, that being said, I never also really thought of racism because of those comments. It just shows how ignorant some people can be.

As long as you like your hair

Someone else once told me this too and it actually pissed me off so much I showed that person the difference when actually brushing curly hair and not brushing curly hair. Then she said "Oh now I understand, I wasn't thinking."
Originally Posted by Krullenbol
I don't know how I came across this video because I wasn't looking for something like this but this is a great video that shows you what happens when you brush curly hair. This YouTuber is pretty funny.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6kk1C6BEThY


I'm definitely a "curly" 2c. Sometimes curly and sometimes just wavy upper layer with a ringlety under layer. My hair has been thick and coarse since birth. Strawberry blonde in color that can and does change depending on the type and amount of light.


All in all, I'm happy with my hair type but almost for sure think yours is prettier.
"is that a perm?"
"when are you going to straighten it?"
"is your hair naturally like that?
"How do you get it to look like that?"

.....hmmmm like I would do *this* on purpose? I wouldn't even know how to create curls like mine if my hair was naturally wavy or straight.
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3b/c ~ fine ~ high porosity ~ low density
My friend had good intentions, so I can't blame her for that. But people really don't understand curly hair!

I just received a text from a friend who saw this frizz reducer/heat protectant spray in a magazine and asked if it would be good for my curls when I style them.

1. I only use a heat protectant when I'm straightening my hair, plus I already have one (kind of a 'duh' moment here.)

2. I air dry or diffuse on medium/warm just until the extra wetness is gone - I don't need one!

Do people think we curl our curls?? I got kind of confused by this.
2c-3a - coarse - normal-high porosity - high density - growing out to donate

NP/LP: KMF Whenever Conditioner/ YTCucs
RO/LI: Sevi Pumpkin Seed DC / CJ Argan & Olive Oil, KCKT, YTBbs
DT: Coconut Oil + scalp massage
OIL/STYLER: SM Elixir / KCCC
COLOR: henna, amla & indigo
My friend had good intentions, so I can't blame her for that. But people really don't understand curly hair!

I just received a text from a friend who saw this frizz reducer/heat protectant spray in a magazine and asked if it would be good for my curls when I style them.

1. I only use a heat protectant when I'm straightening my hair, plus I already have one (kind of a 'duh' moment here.)

2. I air dry or diffuse on medium/warm just until the extra wetness is gone - I don't need one!

Do people think we curl our curls?? I got kind of confused by this.
Originally Posted by sixelamy
I would have said the same thing as her. Blow drying hair is still using heat. Heat protectant doesn't have to mean that you curl your hair.
Medium texture, normal porosity, normal elasticity
I was told I had "bad hair" as a child and that it needed to be relaxed just to manage it, by an adult, mind you....since I was young and ignorant I believed it. Now I know that was the dumbest comment ever said about my hair :/
Originally Posted by CoifedCoils
More likely the adults around you couldn't do your hair and couldn't be bothered to take the time to learn.

You know one of the most beautiful things I heard? When one of my brothers' had a daughter he wanted to learn how to braid hair in case his wife couldn't do it.

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