Anyone else have "mommy" issues in regards to their curls?

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My mom was opposite. She loved my curls and hated when I straighted it and even more when I cut it shoulder length. Right now I'm considering a BC and when I told her she freaked out. She told me my hair was going to be all frizz and poofy cause it was short. I tried to explain to her that that wouldn't happen because now I know how to take care of my hair and style it. Did she listen? No. She just kept going on about how horrible I will look with short hair in that special way moms do that makes you feel guilty and angry at the same time. I just tuned her out until she was done and then changed the subject. The best part is I'm a married adult and I still care what she says. I think it's really hard for girls to go against some of the things our mothers tell us because they are our first female role models and when we are young we strive for their approval. What you have to remember is at the end of the day it is your life and your hair and you need to do you. If you live for someone else you will wake up one day and realize you haven't lived at all.
Originally Posted by curlangel0690
OMG that too! I totally had forgotten that my Mom absolutely LOATHED me wanting to get my hair cut, and that was practically forbidden, too. As a result I've maybe gotten it cut 3 times in my life? It was kind of a pain growing up.

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My mom tells me I look alot prettier with straight hair, and tries to badger me into straightening all the time.
Makes me feel like poo. I like my curly hair and feel ugly with straight.
Originally Posted by Brooke-
Trust your instinct and be yourself, keep it curly!!
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Oouf, Ballerinacurls your situation is a tough one. From what you stated, it sounds to me that the mom's reaction has more to do with her own insecurities than how your hair really looks. So when she criticizes your hair, I'm sure it's because she's insecure about her own. She must wish that she had straight, thick hair, but she can't achieve it. So she transfers those desires and insecurities on to you. People use the words that would hurt them the most when they attack others. So probably your mom dreads someone telling her that her own hair is messy and unkempt.

And now that you're not conforming to her ideals of beauty, she'll try to bully you into doing so. But you have to remember that it's your hair, not hers. God gave her a head of hair, and she fried it. She doesn't get to have a second round with yours! If she hadn't tried so hard to conform to a standard of beauty that wasn't meant for her, then maybe she wouldn't be so unhappy about her own hair.
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My mom use to press my hair, and I talked her into perms. >_<

As an adult, my family loves my hair. Or at least they don't bash it to my face. My mom loved my locs, and she loves my curls. I'm lucky there...

But DH has been a thorn in my natural side since my last perm. He hated my locs until they got long and everyone lusted after them, and he hated my loose curls until my "boy cut" grew out. He likes it now- or he's not insulting it anymore. I've had some hard times with him. (A FIST FIGHT over my locs!!!!)

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Well, it's funny because my mom is white hispanic with long wavy hair and my dad is black, but my mom has always been way more supportive of my curly hair than my dad's side of the family. She actually thinks I don't have enough pride in my hair and gets mad at me when I wear wigs. She seems to take it as a personal affront because I'm a person she created XD She's very sensitive and concerned with black issues and that I might be buying into stereotypes of beauty always worries her (but I don't know how much that might apply to you).

I'm very grateful I have a mother like this, but of course everyone has that person who will make nasty comments about your appearance in what they feel is in good esteem. And for me that person is my paternal grandmother. I've already made a thread talking about her, so you might know. But she despises my hair and treats me different than the other grandchildren because I have curliest hair and I'm "blackest". Of course she'd never admit, but I feel like she honestly likes me less.

But don't worry, as you can see with my mom and grandmother, you just have to find someone who will build you up. If you look you will always find five people for everyone one that absolutely adore your hair!
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Well, it's funny because my mom is white hispanic with long wavy hair and my dad is black, but my mom has always been way more supportive of my curly hair than my dad's side of the family. She actually thinks I don't have enough pride in my hair and gets mad at me when I wear wigs. She seems to take it as a personal affront because I'm a person she created XD She's very sensitive and concerned with black issues and that I might be buying into stereotypes of beauty always worries her (but I don't know how much that might apply to you).

I'm very grateful I have a mother like this, but of course everyone has that person who will make nasty comments about your appearance in what they feel is in good esteem. And for me that person is my paternal grandmother. I've already made a thread talking about her, so you might know. But she despises my hair and treats me different than the other grandchildren because I have curliest hair and I'm "blackest". Of course she'd never admit, but I feel like she honestly likes me less.

But don't worry, as you can see with my mom and grandmother, you just have to find someone who will build you up. If you look you will always find five people for everyone one that absolutely adore your hair!
Originally Posted by freeasmyhair12
That's a great positive attitude to pass on freeasmyhair12!
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My parents hate my curly hair. Whenever my dad takes me out he begs me to straighten in, and tells me it looks better straight. Both parents compliment me when I straighten it only. But it doesn't really deterr me, especially since people compliment me on my curls all the time.
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Hey, just remind them you got it thru them - it ain't your fault That always gets a rise from my Dad.
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For the most part, I don't ever recall my parents saying anything negative about my hair. When I was little, my mom would always put my hair in a ponytail because that was the only way she knew how to style my hair. Her hair is super curly, but now she keeps it extremely short. I wish she would let it grow out. In her graduation portrait she had somewhat of a fro. And it looked really good on her. I have another picture when she was like 13 and her hair has a wave to it. It's also big in that picture too. I think she tried to iron it that time. she was told a lot that she had "black people hair". And I was always told the same thing growing up, that my hair was "kinky like black hair".

I'd like to add that my family is white (I know a lot of us put a certain hair type with a certain color, but it's not always true. ).
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My mom loved my curly hair and always took really good care of it when I was younger. She was also trained as a hairdresser so that helps. Oh yeah, she had straight, straight hair herself but knew and appreciated hair in its natural state looked the best.
Im mixed to, also with super curly hair. When I was 3yrs old, my sisters started relaxing my hair. My mother took care of my sisters hair when they were growing up so they had nice hair, and they were teens when I was born and were kinda in charge of my hair. They said it was to hard to deal with so they relaxed it. My hair was really messed up, because of relaxing on and off from such a young age.
Because my hair was in such a bad state, I hated it, I thought that's how my hair just was and I thought if I carry on relaxing its the only way to get my hair at least a little acceptable.
I'm early 20s now and I went natural a few years back, its 1 of the best decisions Ive made.

I know it sounds dumb, but I honestly found that once I learned to love my hair, it started to love me back. I give my hair what it needs by taking care of it and it in return gives me what I need which is just something semi decent I can call hair lol

ETA: my sisters have never relaxed their hair, so I have no idea why they did mine. I think my hair is ruined for life now because I was too young.
Anyway, once your hair starts getting health, it will look AMAZING, every single curl type looks good and receives compliments, so your mum will realise soon.

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Last edited by coconilla; 05-07-2012 at 10:34 AM.
When I finally got a curly cut, my mom LOVED it! She was talking about how straight hair looked so nerdy on me and how this just fit me a lot better. Also, now whenever I scrunch or look at it, she mocks, "Look at me with my naaaturally curly hair!" like the girl from Charlie Brown, haha. She also tells me to always stop obsessing over it now, but I'm with her on that
She has fine, fine and very straight hair, and she says she is sooo jealous.
2c/2b with some 2a, coarse, dense, thick, low porosity
Growing out a CL bob. Currently at APL.
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My mom straightens her hair everyday, no exceptions. I'm convinced that it used to be wavy or slightly curly, but now if it isn't straightened it's just frizzy and thin. Well, here's the story. I developed curly hair when I went through puberty, and before that it was straight with a bit of curl at the bottom. I've always felt like she kind of hated my curly, thick hair. She always suggests that I brush it out or "do" something with it, as if I try my hardest to make it look like crap, but that isn't the case. She also likes when I straighten it and only compliments me if I do. I'm pretty new to this site, and I'm *finally* getting answers to all my curly hair problems, and my hair is starting to feel healthier even though I haven't even gone CG yet. Well, I was so excited about this that I mentioned it to her the other day and now she's on the warpath. She thinks I'm trying to make it curlier instead of trying to tame it, and she finally admitted to me this morning that my hair bothers her. Apparently it's unkempt and messy, and while it probably is too some degree, I think my hair is pretty and her nasty little comments are starting to really make me resent her. I just turned sixteen, by the way

So, my question is, will you guys share your stories of family members that don't like your hair? And how you dealt with them too? Thank you in advance!
Originally Posted by ballerinacurls
Exactly what my hair was like!!
2c/2b with some 2a, coarse, dense, thick, low porosity
Growing out a CL bob. Currently at APL.
CG again as of 7/20/12


Cleanser: BRÖÖ Smoothing I.P.A. Shampoo
RO: Trader Joe's Nourish Spa Conditioner
LI: Kinky-Curly Knot Today
Styler: Beautiful Curls Gel for Wavy to Curly Hair

all-natural products, light moisture, humectants, argan oil
silk protein, synthetic ingredients, heavy oils/products, cowashing
I don't think I have any family members that don't like my curls, I have mommy issues of a different sort.

My mom had curly/wavy hair all her life, but didn't know what to do with it and was growing up when the finger wave, or setting in rollers to relax the curl was the thing. She says she even remembers laying her head on an ironing board and her or her mom using the clothes iron to flatten it! Yikes!

So when she had a little girl who finally grew lots of fine blonde curly hair at age 2 I don't think she knew what to do with me. I HATED having my hair combed, my head is sensitive and my fine wavy/curly hair was always tangled. So I think my mom avoided much styling at all because it was a battle everytime. The result was limp, stringy, waves and tangles. At one point she did large diameter steam setting every morning for me, but the curl would come back in by mid-day. When we moved to wetter climates that was out the window and I just ran around with a mess on my head. I was teased- I remember one girl asking if I even OWNED a hair brush. I had several haircuts that were too mature for my young self (think "mom" mushroom top) and hated it. One day a friendly stylist at my local Great Clips said "Do you know you have really curly hair?" and showed me how to scrunch it in 8th grade. That was my curl epiphany. Of course I did the whole 80's tons of mousse or gel and tons of hair spray thing, so I ended up with curls, but tons of crunchy and tons of frizz all the same.

I proceeded to abuse my hair for many many more years until I tried curly girl methods at age 27!

Anyways, I had a little boy when I was 25, and after he finally grew some hair at 1.5- lots of strawberry blonde curls, silky fine hair, I was determined that he would not suffer my fate! I've been lo poo-ing or skipping shampoo all together and using grown-up hair cleansers/conditioners with him once his hair was longer thank a 1/4 inch, lol. The all in one baby wash/shampoo freaks me out. It kind of reminds me of carwash or something... DH left for a deployment to Afghanistan when my son was about 1.5 years old. He said he wasn't missing the first haircut, so we either had to cut it before he left, or after he got back, in 6 months. He'd just started getting hair when it was time to leave, so I said "No way!" and agreed to wait at least 6 months for him to come home. I thought if worst came to worst, I could do an at home trim of the unruly parts, but he wouldn't have a "proper" haircut until Daddy could be there. I knew to hide imperfectly shaped/length of hair we needed great curls, so I started using the CG friendly leave-ins on him. Have not needed to cut a single hair on his head and Daddy came home a week ago ! The long pieces curled tighter than the shorter pieces and it all looked great. He gets compliments from EVERYONE we see out in public!

So I think I can say that my mommy issues, past, present, and future have been resolved by CG!

Now I'm just trying to get my mom to try it! She's handcuffed to her straightener though.

Last edited by lag28wa; 05-15-2012 at 08:27 PM. Reason: typos
I have mommy issues, kinda...

When I wake up early and shower and style my hair curly, she loves it and compliments it! However, my hair is wavy and wurly so my second day hair is absolutely horrible. It's poofy, frizzy, and the curls are pretty much gone. (this is probably because I'm using a mousse with only medium hold, but my mom says I have to finish that before I can get a strong hold gel or curl creme) when I put my second day hair in a ponytail, she says it's ugly and I should brush it, even though I've told her it'll make it worse (I make it look decent in a ponytail) Or if I'm having a reeeallly bad hair day I put it up in a bun, and she says it makes me look like a grandma -.- On the rare occasion I straighten it, she says it looks good but not as good as curly(:

I've tried telling her my second day hair sucks because I don't have a strong hold gel, but she won't listen. She says it's fine but just tangled because I don't brush it. So today, I wasn't going anywhere so I completely brushed it out and showed her the gigantic, extremely frizzy, ugly, puffball I had on my head that was too poofy to even fit in a ponytail. Now she believes me, and we'll go shopping for a better product! Yay!
You may find 2nd day hair elusive, even with a harder hold gel. Getting a night cap may help you get 2nd day hair. I find that I am able to refresh my look on the 2nd day by dampening my hair a bit and scrunching it.
Be Happy!

Type:2b/3ab?
Texture:Medium/fine
Porosity:Normal
Elasticity:Normal

Experimenting with too many products to name here. All this great info keeps my head spinning.
You may find 2nd day hair elusive, even with a harder hold gel. Getting a night cap may help you get 2nd day hair. I find that I am able to refresh my look on the 2nd day by dampening my hair a bit and scrunching it.
Originally Posted by raindear
I have a night cap AND I try to dampen my hair and scrunch it in the morning! And you're right, the harder holding gel didn't really help at all:/ I just can't seem to get second day hair! I eventually just wet my hair again and then use conditioner and style as usual.
So far, no matter what I do at night, I have to dampen and scrunch each day. I am going to try a silk pillowcase and see if that makes a difference.
Be Happy!

Type:2b/3ab?
Texture:Medium/fine
Porosity:Normal
Elasticity:Normal

Experimenting with too many products to name here. All this great info keeps my head spinning.
My mom is not supportive at all!
She has straight hair and she doesnt like my curls and sometimes make comments that hurts me and my sister. Here in bahrain, the term naturally curly is not common and she insist on straightening my hair. I used to listen to her and that caused alot of heat damage to my hair so I decided to put an end to it and ask her to mind her own hair because I can take care of mine.she keeps making those comments but I dont care of what she thinks any more. Shes not curly so she doesnt understand.
My mom is not supportive at all!
She has straight hair and she doesnt like my curls and sometimes make comments that hurts me and my sister. Here in bahrain, the term naturally curly is not common and she insist on straightening my hair. I used to listen to her and that caused alot of heat damage to my hair so I decided to put an end to it and ask her to mind her own hair because I can take care of mine.she keeps making those comments but I dont care of what she thinks any more. Shes not curly so she doesnt understand.
Originally Posted by Candee
Good for you!
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UK Curly
Curl type : Boticelli, 3a, loose curls
Porosity : High
Texture : Fine/medium (I think!)
Co-wash/rinse out/leave in : L'oreal Full Restore 5, GFR&S, Schwarzkopf Bio Pomegranite
Gels : Umberto Giannini Flirty Curls Scrunching Jelly
Finish product : Boots Naked Style Frizz Fighter Serum or a pea-sized blob of condish smoothed over canopy
CG since Feb 2011

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