Anyone else have "mommy" issues in regards to their curls? - Page 4

proudcurlygirly · 10-22-2012, 04:27 AM

You're right about the attitudes of our female relatives of a bygone age having an influence on our mothers and grandmothers in terms of how they act and look to 'conform' Knotty Maddy. Thank goodness we are breaking down the barriers of what is acceptable and what is not, and learning to love our natural selves!

fefe912 · 10-22-2012, 07:19 AM

I hate reading that so many have to deal with an issue like this. When I first thought about going natural, for some reason I thought my mom would be a little judgemental about me cutting off my hair and not getting it relaxed because there have been a few times while I was relaxed that my edges would start to curl up and she would be like you really need to go on and get a touch up because you're hair is looking a bit scraggly. Anyways surprisingly when I told her what I was gonna do she was all for it and agreed that it was healthier for my hair and that's what I should do and she loves the way my hair curls up and always comments on how pretty and healthy it looks.

terranut · 10-23-2012, 11:00 AM

I've just decided to start going curly (within the past 2 weeks) and my mother and I have always had joint frustrations with my hair, but that was due to lack of knowledge. We'd invest in smoothers and shampoos for very dry hair (which still had sulfates in them) because we just didn't have the knowledge. My hair all my life has looked mostly straight with a huge amount of frizz. Every school dance (except for prom, where we had a professional do it), wedding, or other dressy event, we'd try to tame my hair. This meant blow drying it straight. This had varied results and would still be somewhat poofy and would barely last the night unless huge amounts of product was put in it.

It wasn't out of any idea she had that straight was better, more that she didn't realize that my hair really wanted to be curly. It had gone very frizzy after puberty, but never showed a defined curl. She has always blow dried her hair before work after showering. Mine takes forever to dry, so I just tended to air dry it or shower in the evening and put it in a bun. Part of it is that my frizz most likely comes from my father's side of the family and my brother always had a much more defined curl (though he had a bit of an afro for the first few months whenever he decided to grow it long). She tends to keep her hair much shorter than mine, as well, though I think she might also be a bit curly, but less than myself.

I recently told her that I was going to try going curly. I thought she'd think it was silly, not because she was against curly hair, but because she might think it was a ploy to get my to buy really expensive products. However, her response was that she thought it made a lot of sense and is looking forward to see what it looks like at Thanksgiving. I think she is almost experiencing this vicariously through me, so that's somewhat fun. I'm going to try to convince her to experiment with curly at least once when I see her, which I think she'll be open to. At least I know if my children inherit my hair at all, I'll be better equipped to deal with it.

bjsch · 12-21-2012, 12:19 PM

Hopefully I don't cause any issues! My girls have the hair I always wanted and if they ever thought they wanted to straighten it I would be sad! My hair is wavyish and needs a lot of encouragement to curl nice. They are a solid 3A and 3B though and I'm jealous. Fortunately, at 11 and 14, they love having curls (when the curls behave), and do not want to straighten it at all. Plus, they are both in the same boat and can't be jealous of each other!

Now that we are doing CG/modCG I find myself a little more involved with how their hair is looking depending on what we did that day. Must remember to not be overbearing

kibs · 01-19-2013, 08:00 AM

I always say my mom is "a 25 year old boy in a 50-something woman's body" She builds computers, plays video games (shes currently addicted to Borderlands), wears old boy's Levi's and t shirts, plays guitar and sings in a band, etc. It was a fun way to grow up, but as far as anything girly went (period talk, boy talk, hair, makeup, clothes, etc), she had NO interest whatsoever. Everything "girly" I ever learned I had to learn by myself, and has kind of screwed me up as an adult because if I want something "girly" I feel like I may be teased or judged about it by someone. There was some pressure in my house to not grow up to be a stereotypical vapid girl who only cares about appearance, so for a long time I didn't dare to say out loud that I cared about ANYTHING girly, even just keeping my hair healthy. I just kind of did whatever my friends did, which of course was straightening the crap out of my hair, dying it, damaging it, etc.

Now that i've discovered CG, I've been emailing her updates on my experiments with my hair and pictures etc, and I even sent her to the before/after forum. She seemed interested, and tried to wash her hair with something non-silicone that day which happened to be a bar of body soap. *facepalm* I've told her to find a CG stylist in her area, but she's one of those people who feels guilty doing anything for herself, so I doubt she will, but if I can show her that its easy and not high-maintenance maybe she'll come around

She has hair just like mine, so I think it'd do wonders for her.

Julesonline · 01-19-2013, 09:43 AM

Hi!

I do have "mommy" issues with my hair. Granted, not so much now, but certainly while I was growing up and in my 20's. I am adopted and am a mix of Irish, Portuguese, Swedish, and English. My mother has stick straight hair and really had no idea how to handle my hair. I basically was in a state fuzziness from the age of 4 to 15. It wasn't too bad at 4 while it was long and my mom or grandmother would form long ringlets around their fingers. In the 80's I used so much moose etc it was crunchy. My mom often said my hair was messy and that I need to brush it, no matter how often I would say no way it gets too frizzy. Since going CG method, she has said it looks great.

Samanthascurlz · 01-19-2013, 05:00 PM

Interesting post! This may sound mean but I think your mother is jealous of your hair. Every woman wants to be able to be natural and not have to work to straighten their hair everyday. Also, this society is always focused on stowing curly hair away and sleek and straight is the way to go. So it could be your mom is brainwashed in believing curly hair is just a mess.

My mom compliments my hair, my dad says straight hair is better. Idc it's my hair and they can seriously f off. At the end of the day, it's not the type of your hair that makes you it is the content of your character.

Korkscrew · 01-20-2013, 03:24 AM

I'm sorry for all of us - everyone whose had to conform to someone else's standard of beauty.

My mother imprisoned my hair - crafted it into a greasy looking ponytail - all my hair condensed into a single Shirley Temple curl spouting out of my head. Strictly silly looking. My father insisted I keep my hair long, so that one curl was HEAVY!

As a teenager, my mom straightened her hair and encouraged the same for me and my sibs. My sister is my hero: One day she stopped doing that and let her natural hair grow out. I was beside myself with envy about her uniquely curly hair and she eventually talked me into growing out mine too. After that we no longer cared what my mother thought because we were thrilled about each other's natural curls and supported each other around it - it felt deliciously rebellious (which seems odd now, cause it was just us being natural). My mom still presses her hair, but she said she'll let me do some natural styling for her on my next visit

toriluvsmusic16 · 04-07-2013, 02:25 PM

I'm going through pretty much the same thing!! But i've always had curly hair, even as a kid. when i was really young, my mom used to always do my hair in braids and stuff so people couldn't tell i had such curly hair. She also hates my curly hair and says i need to "do something with it" and "make it look nice" and stuff, and i hate it! i used to straighten my hair almost every day so she'd get off my back, and now i have frizzy hair with really bad split ends. it's gotten to the point where half of my hair doesn't eve ncurl unless i scrunch, roll, use a curling iron, etc. on it. I'm fairly new to this site as well, and have learned some great ideas about how to get my curly hair healthy and she doesn't support me at all

in January i accidentally left my flat iron in Washington D.C. on a trip i went to and she got so mad!! It was horrible. She's also admitted to not liking my curly hair, and after months of no straightener and going curly all the time, I've finally told her that it doesn't matter what she thinks; it's my hair and my choices. Even though she makes me pay for my own curly hair products, she still understands that i need the freedom of doing my own hair the way I like it. (I'm 15 btw lol)

MissDarcei · 04-07-2013, 05:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by toriluvsmusic16

I'm going through pretty much the same thing!! But i've always had curly hair, even as a kid. when i was really young, my mom used to always do my hair in braids and stuff so people couldn't tell i had such curly hair. She also hates my curly hair and says i need to "do something with it" and "make it look nice" and stuff, and i hate it! i used to straighten my hair almost every day so she'd get off my back, and now i have frizzy hair with really bad split ends. it's gotten to the point where half of my hair doesn't eve ncurl unless i scrunch, roll, use a curling iron, etc. on it. I'm fairly new to this site as well, and have learned some great ideas about how to get my curly hair healthy and she doesn't support me at all

in January i accidentally left my flat iron in Washington D.C. on a trip i went to and she got so mad!! It was horrible. She's also admitted to not liking my curly hair, and after months of no straightener and going curly all the time, I've finally told her that it doesn't matter what she thinks; it's my hair and my choices. Even though she makes me pay for my own curly hair products, she still understands that i need the freedom of doing my own hair the way I like it. (I'm 15 btw lol)

Hang in there! Don't worry, once your hair is healthy and gorgeous everyone around you will appreciate it.

Lotusthreads · 04-07-2013, 08:06 PM

I am sorry to hear you having such problems with your mother's attitude. I am in my 50s so attitudes to curly hair here in Australia are different. I remember my grandmother and great aunts having very curly/frizzy hair when I was growing up, probably in the 3c to 4a range looking at old photos, and my mum had very fine, very thin curly hair (2c/3a). My dad had straight hair which went completely gray at 22.

My sister and I both took after her, and we had 3a curls when we were little, but because we lived in a hot humid climate, she kept our hair in pixie cuts for a long time. When we were allowed to grow it out, I remember mum using brushes on us,so we both had frizzy hair, but we never had any unkind comments from our mum about our hair. I started going gray when I was 15, and mum let me start dyeing it then, her attitude was "it's just hair, it grows back, and its a good way of changing your appearance" so she supported us with anything that we wanted to do with our hair.

fihe · 04-08-2013, 08:16 PM

I don't think my mom had any issues with me having wavy hair per se, but ever since I was a child, she would always blow dry it straight, except when she starting curling my bangs with a round brush while drying them. She started doing that because she used to cut my bangs and made them too short one time, and thought that curling them would make them look better. I'm so upset with how ugly my hair looked at the time (4th-5th grade) that I haven't had bangs since. Oh yeah, I also had this one part of my hair on the right side of my head that was hopelessly frizzy, which didn't calm down until well into my teen years, as far as I can remember.

Once I got old enough to start doing my own hair, I always blow dried it as well, usually making it appear straight since I put a brush to it. My reason for always heat styling is because my mom had this idea that I would get sick if I left my hair wet for too long. It would often look frizzy, even when I tried using different brushes or styling products; I suppose I just did not know how to properly select/use them. I also used to use a flat iron sometimes, but it was a kinda cheap Conair iron that fortunately I don't think did much damage to my hair. I still have it but I prefer my Chloché for when I choose to flat iron.

I didn't really stop heat styling my hair until my senior year of high school, just because I was suddenly so busy that I didn't really have time to do my hair. I often leave my hair natural nowadays, but I still am not fully sure of what kinds of products I should use to achieve a desired look and to keep my hair looking its best.

collegecurly27 · 04-26-2013, 11:38 PM

I feel your pain.

I have the opposite problem with an older group of female relatives (who I'm super close to). They constant obsess over my curls. I'm pretty sure they have some residual negative feelings towards their own curly hair left over from past hair mistakes (i.e. they all looked like twisted sister at some point the 1980s)

If I ever mention getting a hair cut, I get a huge lecture over how "horrible" I will look with short hair and how it would be the worst decision of my life. When I started university, I cut about 4 or 5 inches off my hair because it was too hard to handle. I really liked my shoulder length bob but they HATED it. I am still hearing about how it was the worst decision of my life years after the fact. They rant and rave about how I only look good with super long, super curly hair. I love my curls but I also love them at different lengths, styles and sometimes straightened. It's like, can't we find something else to talk about? Apparently not.

curlylifestyle · 04-28-2013, 07:37 AM

Ah yes...my dads greek(super curly almost Jewish hair) and my mom is African(actually not as kinky as you may think but she usually wears it in a short Afro) but my dad HATES when I wear my hair down!! it's so annoying because he actually wants me to wear it in an Afro but he doesn't understand that my hair simply isn't thick enough. So I just wear it down occasionally(cuz it really is unmanageable) and he kinda pretends not to notice which is fine by me.