Anyone else have "mommy" issues in regards to their curls?

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My mom straightens her hair everyday, no exceptions. I'm convinced that it used to be wavy or slightly curly, but now if it isn't straightened it's just frizzy and thin. Well, here's the story. I developed curly hair when I went through puberty, and before that it was straight with a bit of curl at the bottom. I've always felt like she kind of hated my curly, thick hair. She always suggests that I brush it out or "do" something with it, as if I try my hardest to make it look like crap, but that isn't the case. She also likes when I straighten it and only compliments me if I do. I'm pretty new to this site, and I'm *finally* getting answers to all my curly hair problems, and my hair is starting to feel healthier even though I haven't even gone CG yet. Well, I was so excited about this that I mentioned it to her the other day and now she's on the warpath. She thinks I'm trying to make it curlier instead of trying to tame it, and she finally admitted to me this morning that my hair bothers her. Apparently it's unkempt and messy, and while it probably is too some degree, I think my hair is pretty and her nasty little comments are starting to really make me resent her. I just turned sixteen, by the way.

So, my question is, will you guys share your stories of family members that don't like your hair? And how you dealt with them too? Thank you in advance!
My mom tells me to cut my hair, but my dad tells me to straighten it... In the end the only thing that matters is how comfortable you are with yourself, that brings the most happiness : )
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My mom has issues with her own hair. She's Irish-American, and looking at pictures of her when she was a teen, she had beautiful, red ringlets. Just gorgeous. She looked like a milkmaid or something haha. But now she just wears it straight, and it's so boring and she picks at her split ends and whenever I mention that she should wear it natural, she gets irritated with me.

I am mixed, my father is Somali+Indian...and my hair is super curly. She loves my curly hair, but hates hers. It makes me sad for her sometimes.
Sad to hear that your mom won't accept your gorgeous curls ballerinacurls! I agree with GroYoFro, as long as you are comfortable with your curls, that's all that matters. My mom flits from "why don't you brush your hair" to "ahh, look at your curls" (I think that's her compliment!) Much as I love her, I just brush off any negative comments now, and concentrate on making my curls look their best. Maybe eventually, your mom will get the message that it's your hair to style as you choose.

Best wishes.
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I'm sorry for the lack of curl love from your family. I agree with the others, if you're happy with them I wouldn't worry about what any else thinks.

I had the opposite problem. My mom had gorgeous curly hair growing up but did a straightening treatment in high school (70's baby) and it fried her hair. She was super jealous of all our curly hair (my sister, my brothers and myself). She was forever getting perms to regain her curls.


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She thinks I'm trying to make it curlier instead of trying to tame it, and she finally admitted to me this morning that my hair bothers her.
Originally Posted by ballerinacurls
I'll bet you're right, and that she used to have curly hair. She probably didn't know it, and I'll bet *her* mother kept complaining about her hair and telling her to brush it (which, as we know, only makes it frizzy). She only knows how to deal with your hair the way her mother (or other caretaker) did it.

You know your mom best, and if this isn't possible, then ignore this advice, but here's what I suggest.

One day, when the two of you haven't been having a tussel over your hair, and when you're feeling loving towards her, ask her about what her hair was like when she was young. What did she love about it, what did she hate about it? What did other people in her life say about her hair?

You may find it easier to forgive her, after you hear her story. Depending on how it goes, you may be able to tell her that you're experimenting with ways to make your hair better. That things you've tried in the past haven't worked, and so you want to try this. Will she support you and break the cycle of hair hate that (I'm betting) has gone on, or can she at least agree to not say anything about it while you're trying to work things out. It's not like you're taking drugs or anything

No matter if you are able to have the conversation or not, I hope you understand that her hair issues are just that...hers. It has nothing to do with your hair, or how it looks, or how healthy it is. I don't know if her mother hated her curly hair, or if she was taught something along the line of "only tramps have curly hair" or what, but it's definitely her issues. Don't make them your own
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My mom has super straight, thin hair and she's super jealous of my curls. I've always had curly hair, even when I was little, and that's where my "mommy issues" came in. She had no idea what to do with curly hair because hers was straight so she would just brush it when it was dry and it really hurt because it had so many knots and it just turned into a frizzy mess.
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If you can get her to look, show her the before and after thread. The hair there is too beautiful to be ignored.
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I'm having opposite issues with my 15 year old. And, I always make sure to comment the rare occasion she wears her hair down and curly.

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Last edited by Libra_Moon; 04-09-2012 at 08:06 AM.
For some reason, I'm the only one in my family with curly hair. My mom, my dad and my sis all have really straight hair.
They don't like mine.

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I alternate use of products and use both Shampoo and Conditioner daily. Have been mod- CG for approx. 5 months. Straighten aprox once every 2 weeks. Thinking of going full CG.
I know exactly how you feel! My mother has always made comments like 'you should straighten your hair so it'll look good for such-and-such event' or 'are you sure you don't want to put your hair up?' Basically my hair only looked good if it was straightened or out of the way. It got to the point where I would straighten my hair every week and keep it that way as long as possible because I could never feel pretty with curly hair. Ever since coming on here and learning about the CG method and plopping etc I'm a lot better at keeping up with my curls and I'm learning to love them. Despite what my mother says. You have to just tune that stuff out.
This is awesome, look at all the support she is getting!!
"Life is too short to keep your hair short"

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My mom once threatened to kick me out of the house unless I got my hair "done"....
last relaxer 08/08/09
all natural since 7/30/10


Shrinkage happens.
My mum seems to prefer it when I straighten my hair. One of the joys of being south Asian. Guess I should be glad I'm not being harassed about my dark sin!
My mom was an extreme opposite. Straightening my hair was expressly forbidden, and in my life it's only ever been flat ironed once. It was a weird experience XP And when I was in middle school I went through a huge tomboy phase and always wore my hair in a ponytail, and this drove my mom insane, she always insisted I wore it down.

Now I always wear my hair down XD And straightening is still pretty much forbidden.

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My mom was opposite. She loved my curls and hated when I straighted it and even more when I cut it shoulder length. Right now I'm considering a BC and when I told her she freaked out. She told me my hair was going to be all frizz and poofy cause it was short. I tried to explain to her that that wouldn't happen because now I know how to take care of my hair and style it. Did she listen? No. She just kept going on about how horrible I will look with short hair in that special way moms do that makes you feel guilty and angry at the same time. I just tuned her out until she was done and then changed the subject. The best part is I'm a married adult and I still care what she says. I think it's really hard for girls to go against some of the things our mothers tell us because they are our first female role models and when we are young we strive for their approval. What you have to remember is at the end of the day it is your life and your hair and you need to do you. If you live for someone else you will wake up one day and realize you haven't lived at all.
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My mom once threatened to kick me out of the house unless I got my hair "done"....
Originally Posted by forbee
Hahaha omgggg so sorry to hear that!! How did you calm her down??
"Life is too short to keep your hair short"

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my mom tells me i need to do something with my hair all the time. by "do something" she means straighten. whenever i have it flat-ironed, all i hear is "it's so pretty! you should do that all the time."

she's asian with the stick-straight hair and never knew what to do with our hair. my sister's and my hair were always straightened. i eventually embraced my natural curls but i don't think i've ever seen my sister's curl pattern.

i've learned to ignore the negative comments.
My mom tells me I look alot prettier with straight hair, and tries to badger me into straightening all the time.
Makes me feel like poo. I like my curly hair and feel ugly with straight.
If the good Lord had intended everyone's hair to be straight, He'd have made it that way. I've found that pointing that out shuts up most people, family and otherwise.

I'm 55, and I still get looks, if not actual comments, from my parents if they see me before I've SOTC'd, especially from my Dad. I've now been ignoring it for over 30 years
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HG Method: Super Soaker + Smasters-ing, brief upside down diffusing w/360o diffuser then clips/clamps & air dry. Newly gray - stopped my henna glosses!

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