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-   -   Straightening Comments Getting To Me... (http://www.naturallycurly.com/curltalk/hall-shame-discussion/146496-straightening-comments-getting-me.html)

whirlyhair 06-25-2012 04:14 PM

Straightening Comments Getting To Me...
 
I'm a little depressed today. Yesterday I came to work with one of the best hair days of my life, I mean my hair looked legitimately 3A that day with the most luscious body and volume I've ever seen before. I had a lot of compliments, but then, there's that evil straightening comment once more...

"You know, you have such lovely dark hair, and I seriously think you should straighten it. It would look so good if you did."

Before that, she complimented on my curls, but then she said that! I'm like wtf, if you like my curls so much you wouldn't even suggest that. It's like telling someone their car looks nice but they should buy a truck. Confusing!

This is like, oh I don't know, the tenth time since I've been employed in this job over half a year ago that I get that kind of comment, and now it's really getting to me. I feel as if I'm really not as blessed as I thought I was... that my natural hair texture simply does not work for my face or anything.

I'm sorry for the whining. I just wish I had more strength to resist to conform to others, but I'm so so sad. :( What do I do to deal with it?

kimmidawn 06-25-2012 06:18 PM

I don't think these people really mean it as an insult (at least I can't think most people consciously mean to insult someone when they say stuff like that, or I would hope not)...if you're close to the person, you could mention to them that it came off insulting rather than the compliment they most likely intended. If you aren't close with them, maybe just remind yourself how many girls on here (and people who see you who may just not say anything) would love to have your curls. There are a lot of curlies and wavies I see on the street that, although I don't say anything to them, I would kill to have their hair. I hope this helps.

Sami 06-25-2012 08:49 PM

Ugh I hate when that happens! It happened to me not a while back, when I went to a family friends party and I wore my hair curly. Like you, I was having a great hair day so I was super excited and got compliments until one person said, you would look reallyyy pretty if you straightened your hair! I got offended because that hurt more than she probably meant it to, so I just said "thanks but no thanks-I like my curly hair!"

proudcurlygirly 06-26-2012 04:12 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kimmidawn (Post 1981834)
I don't think these people really mean it as an insult (at least I can't think most people consciously mean to insult someone when they say stuff like that, or I would hope not)...if you're close to the person, you could mention to them that it came off insulting rather than the compliment they most likely intended. If you aren't close with them, maybe just remind yourself how many girls on here (and people who see you who may just not say anything) would love to have your curls. There are a lot of curlies and wavies I see on the street that, although I don't say anything to them, I would kill to have their hair. I hope this helps.

;-)+1!

jeepcurlygurl 06-26-2012 01:47 PM

Whenever someone says "why don't you - flatiron your hair? dye your hair? cut your hair shorter?" I always respond with - "Why would I do that?!? I get many more compliments and much more attention with my hair curly/grey/long. If I straightened/dyed/cut it, I would just look like everyone else". I always say it in a nice cheerful voice.
Just do what you're doing, be happy with your beautiful curly hair, and don't worry what others say.

raindear 06-26-2012 03:50 PM

And there's the rub. Everyone is brainwashed with a preconceived, prepackaged "ideal" of what is beautiful, and if we don't fit in the "box", we can't be beautiful. Well, I don't want to be put in a box and labeled. I am and will continue to be my own individual self. "Look like everyone else?" Don't think so.

GingerBear 07-09-2012 09:57 PM

I HATE when people tell me that! Luckily, since I've figured out my hair a little bit more, I've gotten it less and less. Still, every time I do it annoys me. My curls are one of my favorite parts about me, why would I change it?

bobby 07-17-2012 10:00 AM

I actually found that straightening it takes longer than taming the curls. OK, as a guy, I finally came around to embracing my curls seven years ago. Big step for me. Some days I would use the round styling brush while blow drying my hair. Granted that is not straghtening with a flat iron but sort of the same principle.

NaturalRemedy 07-18-2012 03:41 PM

Just ignore those comments. Everyone has straight hair...it's the norm and so it's expected. Imagine if celebrities started perming their hair and only wearing it curly? Everytime you wore your hair straight your friends would probably get on you about it. It's just how society is...It's like how I don't have my ears pierced, but I wear clip ons and I always get asked why I don't pierce them...Because I don't want to, that's why.

bobby 07-18-2012 06:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jeepcurlygurl (Post 1982480)
Whenever someone says "why don't you - flatiron your hair? dye your hair? cut your hair shorter?" I always respond with - "Why would I do that?!? I get many more compliments and much more attention with my hair curly/grey/long. If I straightened/dyed/cut it, I would just look like everyone else". I always say it in a nice cheerful voice.
Just do what you're doing, be happy with your beautiful curly hair, and don't worry what others say.

You can thank corporate America for that. As a guy it took me a long time to embrace my curls but I found that straightening actually takes longer and makes it look worse than figuring out ways to tame the frizz. Though I am a mixture of 2/3. When I decided to wear my hair long again, I used blowdry my hair and use the round styling brush. I even tried to curl it a few times. Looked good initially but not so much later in the day.

Lilya 07-18-2012 07:33 PM

I really think that these people are reflecting their own ideals completely not connected to other aspects of what you look like. For example with my breasts (I get a lot of comments from other women about them), I have been told I would be "smokin'" if I just got implants. I tell them like what you say with your hair...No, thank you, I like what I've got. It doesn't mean that I am disproportionate, or that your face doesn't match your hair--this one feature that they prefer is taken out of context. Chances are, that person wouldn't like it on anyone.

People like different features, and there are many men and women who adore curly hair. There is no biological reason why straight hair would be found to be more attractive than healthy, curly hair. And even if there was, who are other people to try to make you a flower in their personal garden??

MissKris 07-18-2012 07:52 PM

Just wanted to chime in real quick......

Some folk really are discriminating against the naturals......but......

SOME people who say "Your hair would look good straightened" are saying it bcuz if you natural texture is luxurious, they're imagining how luxurious the straight look will be. They're not necessarily against the curls. I'm a curly and I've said that to my buddy who is "blaxican" LoL. My texture wouldn't be so flyy straightened so I always notice textures that look as though they would straighten well.

Straightening should not be done cuz you hate your curls or bcuz others might find it more beautiful. If you're gonna do it, let it be bcuz you just wanna do sumthin different to mix it up. I'm the type that might want braids for a while, then do the India Arie type scarf, then do my fro, then do a sew in....cuz I like to change it up, not cuz I wanna be viewed a certain way. Whatever you're liking at the time is what works 4 you. If others prefer sumthin other than that, they can turn their eyes or close 'em!!!!!!



Birth Feb 1984, First press 1990, First relaxer 1992, Last relaxer Oct 2006, BC Sept 2007, 4c.....

whirlyhair 07-19-2012 06:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MissKris (Post 1996399)
Just wanted to chime in real quick......

Some folk really are discriminating against the naturals......but......

SOME people who say "Your hair would look good straightened" are saying it bcuz if you natural texture is luxurious, they're imagining how luxurious the straight look will be.

Are you talking about the whole "good hair" thing? Because, I'm sorry, but all hair that is healthy is "good hair" to me! I do know what you mean, though!

MissKris 07-19-2012 11:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by whirlyhair (Post 1997107)
Are you talking about the whole "good hair" thing? Because, I'm sorry, but all hair that is healthy is "good hair" to me! I do know what you mean, though!

Ha! That "good hair" crap is irritating like a child scratching the chalkboard. Errthang God gave me is good. I'm glad you got what I was saying. I was hoping it would make some kind of sense to someone....



Birth Feb 1984, First press 1990, First relaxer 1992, Last relaxer Oct 2006, BC Sept 2007, 4c.....

GroYoFro 08-13-2012 04:53 PM

Don't ever let somebody's opinion get to you!! There's 7,000,000,000 people on this planet. Some like curly hair and some don't, so don't let one encounter get to you or 100 for that matter

confusedcurly89 08-14-2012 01:21 AM

im so glad i came across this post and this whole site really!
im really trying to embrace my curls but it doesnt help when you have relatives ready to take you out to put keratine on you hair!!!
that really annoys me so for the longest time i used to blow dry my hair so that no one would tell me what to do!
Big mistake! majority of my hair is now heat damaged! I've decided to finally ignore everyones comments and try to get healthy curly hair!

GroYoFro 08-14-2012 05:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by confusedcurly89 (Post 2014063)
im so glad i came across this post and this whole site really!
im really trying to embrace my curls but it doesnt help when you have relatives ready to take you out to put keratine on you hair!!!
that really annoys me so for the longest time i used to blow dry my hair so that no one would tell me what to do!
Big mistake! majority of my hair is now heat damaged! I've decided to finally ignore everyones comments and try to get healthy curly hair!

Ignore them!! You have our support : ) curly hair isn't popular bow, but. The tides will turn and people will soon wake up...

Johari 09-16-2012 11:00 PM

Don't give in its so not worth it.One day I'll be strong enough to resist but when it comes from close friends+family I just can't help but listen.In the end you'll end up with split ends and frizzy hair and makes you want to straighten it even more which is a terrible cycle.

GoldenBlaze 09-17-2012 01:14 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by whirlyhair (Post 1981736)
I'm a little depressed today. Yesterday I came to work with one of the best hair days of my life, I mean my hair looked legitimately 3A that day with the most luscious body and volume I've ever seen before. I had a lot of compliments, but then, there's that evil straightening comment once more...

"You know, you have such lovely dark hair, and I seriously think you should straighten it. It would look so good if you did."

Before that, she complimented on my curls, but then she said that! I'm like wtf, if you like my curls so much you wouldn't even suggest that. It's like telling someone their car looks nice but they should buy a truck. Confusing!

This is like, oh I don't know, the tenth time since I've been employed in this job over half a year ago that I get that kind of comment, and now it's really getting to me. I feel as if I'm really not as blessed as I thought I was... that my natural hair texture simply does not work for my face or anything.

I'm sorry for the whining. I just wish I had more strength to resist to conform to others, but I'm so so sad. :( What do I do to deal with it?

Oh that's that green eyed monster called "Jealousy". NEVER allow ANYONE to make you doubt how fabulous you and your hair are! It doesn't matter what others think, it's about what YOU think and feel about YOU that matters. Honey, when they tell u that your hair looks better straight, you tell them: "my hair is GORGEOUS the way that it is, but thank you" turn that head so them curls can slap them in the eyes and walk away with your nose in the air. Do it and I promise the negative comments will stop. Been there, done that.

whirlyhair 09-22-2012 05:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by GoldenBlaze (Post 2034563)
Honey, when they tell u that your hair looks better straight, you tell them: "my hair is GORGEOUS the way that it is, but thank you" turn that head so them curls can slap them in the eyes and walk away with your nose in the air.

LMAO :toothy7:I sooo wish I can do that, but I might get fired. Oh well! Thank you so much!


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