Fishing for Hair Compliments
I feel like this girl I see everyday is silently fishing for compliments from me for her hair.
The female I work with is getting to be pretty strange about her actions with her hair when around me. There are a few places I have seen her do it, but tonight was just downright irritating because I couldn't make sense of it. Sometimes I wonder if there is a code between black females that I just don't understand.
Tonight it was like this girl was waiting for me to see her toss her hair all over her head... She had used the bathroom and washed her hands and just stood there while I was talking to a friend on the other side about hair. She basically just stood there through our conversation while we were getting dressed. Wasn't doing anything.
Because the mirrors were facing eachother, I could see her around the corner, but I'm not sure if she realized this :confused3:. Tonight I was actually talking to a friend in the bathroom and she came in on the other side i guess to pee. I am sure she heard us talking about hair (an acquaintance wanted some crotchet braids and we laughed about how that went out of style in 1995). It was comedy! However through the mirrors I saw this girl just standing at the sink, she had looked up at us and just stood there :confused3:. Well I got dressed and was carrying on with the conversation as I walked out, and as I'm leaving, just as I pass this girl looks at me through the mirror (no joke, I don't think this girl realized I saw her the whole time, waiting) and starts tossing her hair and watching me as I leave! If she had come into the bathroom to "fix" her hair, why did she need to wait until I passed her? She turned her head to watch and everything. Who does that???
Now, mind you she has pretty decent hair. It's not damaged or anything. It's just some medium/long type 3 hair that she puts up and takes down and puts up and takes down all day... I can tell she likes her hair a lot. I like my hair too. I don't wear it out because I'm in a uniform everyday, but I don't care if people don't see it out either. When I used to brush my hair she would see me in the bathroom, and there was one night that she stood there and watched from a distance while I brushed my hair. When I felt her watching me, I looked over, immediately she stopped what she was doing and tossed her hair. Unfortunately it's like everytime I see this girl she is doing the "LOOK AT ME! I HAVE GOOD HAIR! IT'S LONG! I'M TOSSING IT!" thing. I really don't care about her hair, but I am a little concerned that she tries to get me to see it all the time. I wonder if she expects me to be jealous, or if my ignoring her makes her think that I am. I wonder if she thinks I am supposed to hate my hair and melt everytime I see her touch hers... Maybe she wants me to strike up a conversation in response or compliment her. I have no idea what she wants, but it's like every day or so she has to be standing right in front of me, or waiting for me to walk by so she can do the exaggerated hair toss.
Sometimes I want to just ask, "Do you want a cookie? A gold star, maybe?"
Lol she sounds like a kook!
I would suggest that you compliment her hair...just to see what happens, but I'm afraid it'll get worse if you do that lol!!
Oddly enough, to me it sounds like she is flirting with you, trying to get your attention. Don't know what I would do in your situation. It seems weird to me, too.
I guess its in the realm of possibility that she's flirting. I've definitely made it clear I'm straight though. She does this thing where she has a snotty look on her face all day, but if I speak to her, the demeanor changes. So it is possible she just wants my attention for those reasons..
I know I'm responding to this a bit late, but bear with me.
Her actions sound weird but maybe it has very little (if anything) to do with you. Maybe she does this in front of other people as well. Or she could simply be vain about her hair and she likes to play with it. Unless she actually says something rude/offensive to you, I wouldn't worry about it.
It sounds fairly innocent to me. She might be the type to play with her hair a lot. Or like others have said, she might be bisexual and she could be flirting with you in what she hopes is a subtle way. ;-)
You said: "Sometimes I wonder if there is a code between black females that I just don't understand". I will be blunt...a lot of this stems from catty, competitive behavior between women in general. But with Black women there is the added dimension of skin color and hair length/texture. I believe that many of us still judge one another based on these things, whether we admit it or not, because of social conditioning. As a very light-skinned woman with 3c hair down to the middle of my back, I have experienced stares and jealousy, especially when I wear my hair down and it looks nice.
I hope that doesn't sound conceited or anything, but it's true. I had a Black psychology professor in college who was very insecure about students in class with long hair. She seemed to be annoyed by girls twirling their hair or flipping it. She had very short, brittle hair in a brassy blonde color. This woman actually had a rule that female students with hair below shoulder length needed to wear it up in a bun or braids in her class at all times. I've also heard similar comments from other Black women and most of the ones who complained had fairly short hair (not saying this is you, Wumi...it's just something I've noticed).
There is even a debate online whether Black women perceive hair-flipping to be a sign of disrespect! :-? Some of the comments were quite interesting. I wish I could link to it, but I can't.
I think that some of the women with long hair are very proud of it and they like to show it off, especially if they feel that it makes them prettier than women who don't have long or luxurious hair. They feel better about themselves because they fit into a certain beauty standard. So in that case, I would say yes, they are trying to be annoying.
But in other instances, I think some people just play with their hair out of habit. I do it sometimes and it's not to make others feel bad...but there have been times when I will catch another woman staring at me or giving me the evil eye while I'm combing/playing with my hair. And sadly, most of the time it is another Black woman giving these hateful looks but they will rarely compliment or say anything at all. I love to compliment others. I don't throw shade at people based on what they look like, but it happens to me often.
I'm not the type to fish for compliments on my hair or anything else. If somebody decides to pay me a sincere compliment, cool. If not, that's fine too. I guess my point is that while her actions might be annoying (sounds that way) you really don't know why she is tossing her hair or playing in it. Why not have a friendly conversation with her? She might be nicer than she seems to be. Some people have thought I was stuck-up or mean but when they decided to give me a chance, they were pleasantly surprised.
It sounds like she is trying to get your attention somehow, but I wouldn't assume that she is trying to make you feel bad about your own hair. Just continue to be confident in your own beauty...it doesn't matter what she does.
I hope I didn't offend, but that's just my perspective. Please forgive me if what I said made no sense.
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