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-   -   He doesn't like my hair :( (http://www.naturallycurly.com/curltalk/hall-shame-discussion/152998-he-doesnt-like-my-hair.html)

Scrit 12-16-2012 10:49 PM

He doesn't like my hair :(
 
Sooo I just found out that my maybe boyfriend is into blonde wavy hair and that he doesn't really like my dark brown corkscrews (he actually told me).
Now I thought I was cool with that but ever since then thoughts of straightening and the usual jazz are back in my head...
I don't want to change my hair, I really don't but I don't know if a relationship can work with the thought of "I'd actually prefer anything but curly" in the room.
M I overreacting?

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prentonne 12-16-2012 10:54 PM

Whats a maybe boyfriend?? I dont think he likes you. He likes blondes and you are not. But Im sure he enjoys your low self esteem and the fact that although he has said you are not his type you continue to give him the time of day.

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poemaXX 12-16-2012 11:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Scrit (Post 2087562)
Sooo I just found out that my maybe boyfriend is into blonde wavy hair and that he doesn't really like my dark brown corkscrews (he actually told me).
Now I thought I was cool with that but ever since then thoughts of straightening and the usual jazz are back in my head...
I don't want to change my hair, I really don't but I don't know if a relationship can work with the thought of "I'd actually prefer anything but curly" in the room.
M I overreacting?

Sent from my Lumia 800 using Board Express

If this guy thinks your hair is more important than your personality, you are underacting. He's shallow and you have better things to worry about—you seriously must.

multicultcurly 12-16-2012 11:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by prentonne (Post 2087564)
Whats a maybe boyfriend?? I dont think he likes you. He likes blondes and you are not. But Im sure he enjoys your low self esteem and the fact that although he has said you are not his type you continue to give him the time of day.

Sent from my GT-P1000N using CurlTalk App

+1 He is using you until he finds that wavy-hair blonde. A guy who is worthy of the boyfriend title will be into you even if curly brunettes are not the type he usually goes for. You deserve better.

curlypearl 12-17-2012 05:26 AM

He is shallow and immature. He's not worth it - believe us! :thumbdown:

Ml001 12-17-2012 07:35 AM

^this, ^this, and ^this...

curlyhoneyb 12-17-2012 06:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Scrit (Post 2087562)
Sooo I just found out that my maybe boyfriend is into blonde wavy hair and that he doesn't really like my dark brown corkscrews (he actually told me).
Now I thought I was cool with that but ever since then thoughts of straightening and the usual jazz are back in my head...
I don't want to change my hair, I really don't but I don't know if a relationship can work with the thought of "I'd actually prefer anything but curly" in the room.
M I overreacting?

Sent from my Lumia 800 using Board Express

I agree with the other ladies...and to second what prentonne said, what in the world is a "maybe" boyfriend?

I believe that if a guy likes/loves you, then he will accept all of the things that make you who you are. Men will have certain ideals and preferences that are influenced by various factors (society, friends, family, media) but ultimately a guy who is into you will appreciate what you have to offer. If you're not pretty enough in his eyes, then it's "next!" Move on to a guy who will see the beauty in your hair and in you.

I know that when we were dating, my husband didn't really like my hair. Actually I'm not sure he thought I was pretty at all. He'd never been with anyone like me before. But somehow his concept of beauty expanded. He went from being with straight-haired Caucasian blondes with flat butts to a mixed curly girl with crazy 4a/4b kinks and booty, hips, and thighs (sorry for being blunt). Now he digs my hair and thinks it's cool.

So your "maybe" boyfriend's notions of beauty can change like my husband's did, but they might not. And you know what? You are beautiful no matter what he thinks of your hair and there will be plenty of guys who would kill to be with a woman like you. So remember that before you pick up the flat iron and fry your curls trying to fit his notion of beauty. Instead of changing your hair, you might consider changing boyfriends...I'm just sayin'.

And onto the blonde stuff...no disrespect to my fair-haired sisters, but luscious dark tresses are where it's at, you feel me? Curly blonde hair is pretty too, but it is often hyped in Western media as the ideal.

I guess what I'm saying is that you deserve to be with somebody who prefers YOUR type of hotness, not what is touted as conventionally hot. I have very small breasts and I will admit that I'm insecure about that...but the only way I would get a boob job is if I wanted to (so I can look smexy and stay making other chicks jealous. I kid, I kid! :laughing1:)


So it's up to you to decide if he is right for you. And no, you're not overreacting...it is natural to feel that way when your man says something that makes you feel less than desirable.




CurlyCarmenCurly 12-20-2012 08:08 AM

For a start, I think he is allowed to have his preferences. However, I am not sure why he told you. Did it come up in conversation, did you ask him or did he just tell you?

Secondly, I don't think you're overreacting. It can be hurtful when people don't accept your hair, especially with so much negative messages all around about our curls. I love my hair and I still suffer from it sometimes. A guy I am 'seeing' preferred straight hair before (but now likes my curly hair, just prefers the length from my straight hair - fair enough. I like length too, and length looks better on me), and it hurt a bit.

Remember, he is allowed to have his preferences, but you're allowed to feel hurt or insecure.

Hugs {{}}

Korkscrew 12-26-2012 06:14 PM

A lot of wisdom on this thread: people are able to see beyond just his comment about your hair ... people see that you're even hesitant to call him a boyfriend. He's your "maybe" boyfriend, you say.

In my experience, if a boy/guy really likes you, he will understand he's on an interview of sorts. He'll be on his best behavior. Will show his enthusiasm, which includes praising all sorts of things about you, or at least pointing out things you have in common. He'll generally withhold facts that might upset you or otherwise make you think you aren't his type. An interested boy is on his best behavior so he can find a way to "have" you, unless he's socially deaf or is just a schmuck.

I think most interested guys actually don't discuss how little they care for some part of a woman's appearance until they're in a r-ship (past the "interview" stage). Either way, they are allowed their preferences. And, like Carmen said, you have a right to feel hurt too.

Sorry to say, it just really sounds like this boy may really not be that into you.

ShubhoR 12-26-2012 06:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by poemaXX (Post 2087566)
Quote:

Originally Posted by Scrit (Post 2087562)
Sooo I just found out that my maybe boyfriend is into blonde wavy hair and that he doesn't really like my dark brown corkscrews (he actually told me).
Now I thought I was cool with that but ever since then thoughts of straightening and the usual jazz are back in my head...
I don't want to change my hair, I really don't but I don't know if a relationship can work with the thought of "I'd actually prefer anything but curly" in the room.
M I overreacting?

Sent from my Lumia 800 using Board Express

If this guy thinks your hair is more important than your personality, you are underacting. He's shallow and you have better things to worry about—you seriously must.

Exactly. If he judges you for your looks and hair, then girl, you need to run away from him fast. Your hair is beautiful. You don't change yourself for someone. You find a someone who loves you exactly the way you are. Changing yourself for a guy is not a solution bcz the person you become is not you.

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StayBeautifulHK 12-28-2012 06:44 PM

I asked my man straight out if he preferred my straight hair or naturally curly hair (I have to straighten it sometimes, because I'm on a gymnastics team and I have to look professional).. He said he really loved my straight hair. I replied, "Well, you're stupid! My curls are SEXY and reflect my crazy personality" and he just laughed and said, "I like u no matter what your hair looks like"

So, is he asking you to change your hair? If so, there might be some serious problems there. If he just prefers a certain look, then tell him that he can go to h----, your hair is not changing. If he's a keeper, he'll love you for who you are, not for your hair!!!


3a/2c, medium porosity, high density, medium width..

Curls Rock Catwalk curl enhancer, Catwalk shampoo, Bumble and Bumble Super Rich conditioner, Enjoy oil, Bumble and Bumble heat protecter, finishing creme, and serum...

ShubhoR 12-28-2012 08:41 PM

I just remembered, when I purchased my flat iron and was using it frequently, he kept asking me not to ..of course I didn't pay any heed to him because I just loving my straight hair.this was 7-8 months ago. Hmm, maybe he likes my natural hair after all! :-D

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bobby 12-29-2012 12:27 AM

Speaking from a guy's perspective. He's allowed to have preference but again having preference vs. loving someone for who they are have two different meanings. I have been married for nine years and have "curl crush." Oddly enough my wife is straight-haired but I would never tell her that I "prefer" curly because I love her for who she is.

Villain 01-05-2013 12:33 AM

I think there is a BIG difference between someone saying "You know, I've always thought I preferred blonde wavy hair..." even though you have brown corkscrews, and someone saying, "I would like you better if you had blonde wavy hair."

My husband is mostly bald and has been the whole time we've known each other. I don't have anything AGAINST baldness, but I always thought my "type" was a guy with thick dark hair. I still love my husband and find him VERY attractive. Of course, I don't think I'd tell him that I preferred thick dark hair (because it clearly doesn't matter)....but if it came up in conversation, I would be honest that while he doesn't have the hair type I've always preferred, I still love him dearly and wouldn't change a thing about him or his appearance.

crazycurlyhair 01-14-2013 09:10 PM

I would say forget him. It will feel so amazing when you meet a guy who absolutely adores your hair.

dee-nature 01-15-2013 03:01 PM

.

dee-nature 01-15-2013 03:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by StayBeautifulHK (Post 2092976)
I asked my man straight out if he preferred my straight hair or naturally curly hair (I have to straighten it sometimes, because I'm on a gymnastics team and I have to look professional).. He said he really loved my straight hair. I replied, "Well, you're stupid! My curls are SEXY and reflect my crazy personality" and he just laughed and said, "I like u no matter what your hair looks like"

So, is he asking you to change your hair? If so, there might be some serious problems there. If he just prefers a certain look, then tell him that he can go to h----, your hair is not changing. If he's a keeper, he'll love you for who you are, not for your hair!!!


3a/2c, medium porosity, high density, medium width..

Curls Rock Catwalk curl enhancer, Catwalk shampoo, Bumble and Bumble Super Rich conditioner, Enjoy oil, Bumble and Bumble heat protecter, finishing creme, and serum...

You shouldn't be mad @ him for giving you an honest answer, after all you did ask him the question. Sounds like he refers it str8 but doesnt mind it curly thats alot more than i can say about other guys who truly are stupid. Cut him some slack

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Sent from my MB612 using CurlTalk App


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