So apparently natural hair is "a waste of time"...

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  • 2 Post By Dedachan
  • 2 Post By GroYoFro
  • 1 Post By arel

Sorry for the long rant, but I just had to. I guess this relates to the "mommy issues" topic, but I made a separate topic because I'm sure some of you have heard it from other family members or friends.

So I have 2a hair with some 2b texture in the front. Admittedly, not a difficult hair type to work with, at least now that I've, for the most part, found out what my hair needs to look nice. However, as a young teen I always had trouble with this. I don't know if it's changed since then or if I simply found the right way to care for it, but I always blow dried my hair straight as a preteen/teen, and unfortunately my hair often looked like a frizzy mess.

I've only been wearing my hair in its natural state since my senior year of high school, when I suddenly got way too busy to heat style my hair all the time. Also, ever since I colored my hair with a demi-permanent color a few months ago, I've been much more interested in finding products and treatments that work for my hair.


Today, I was sharing with my mom how I made a spray of epsom salt, water, and glycerin to enhance and define the waves in my hair, and how it's so cheap and easy to make whereas some brands have a spray with those basic ingredients and sell it for a small fortune.

She has the AUDACITY to tell me that I'm wasting my time with hair products and that my hair doesn't even look nice after using them, and that I should just blow dry it so it looks "nice and fluffy", whatever that means. I guess she means how my hair looked crazy when I struggled with blow drying it for years when I was young?

Also, my mom has the SAME type of hair as me! (well, I know it's some kind of type 2) I'm sorry that I don't have the time or the interest to always heat style my hair, and would rather use a few (inexpensive) products on my natural hair if it saves me the time and eventual damage of heat styling it. What made me feel even more insulted by her comments is that there are a lot of women I know whose hair is much more high-maintenance than mine. I'd hate to see what my mom would think of my hair if it were type 3 or 4!
mostly 2a/2b hair, fine, medium density, low porosity?
That's unbelievably rude and catty. I can hardly believe that! But, when you think about it, it's probably jealousy.
Moms have a very weird thing about kids' hair. I'm 49 and mine has been unhappy with mine my whole life. She seems to want it however I do not have it. And wear makeup at all times. And for sure BRUSH YOUR HAiR!!!!! Some mom thing. I guess.
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Sorry for that. I would just not bring up your haircare routine anymore, since she clearly has no interest or nothing nice to say. Shrug it off. You can't please everyone, all you can do is do what feels right for you.
Couldn't agree with Dedachan any more. She is your mother and will love you unconditionally, but you can not please everyone. I'm sure you love her for some things and then can't stand other things, at least that's the way it is with my mother's and I relationship.

At least you know you have us here for support : )
"Life is too short to keep your hair short"

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Sorry you had to hear that from your mom. I know it makes it tougher since you always expect your family to back you up on decisions. However, like everyone else has said, just keep doing you. You can always make a positive post on here about a new product you've made.
High Porosity, Fine, Thin Density, Low Elasticity
Co-wash, leave in, and gel: Alba botanica coconut cond., ogx mousse, &/or super wet look gel.
Curls
I can relate to this, even though I'm older. When I was a kid, it was always - "what are we going to do with this hair" since I was the only one in the family with mixed-texture(2c-3a)hair that also happened to be a lot of it(dense?). Always had to be "tamed" meaning either scraped back into a tight bun if was long, or cut too-short in a dorky home haircut. Then it was acceptable. But heaven forbid I ever wore it down, or let it grow the least bit too long, and of course there was the furious battle against humidity with big rollers, drying with a hair dryer and all, where it would look acceptable, until venturing out into the humidity. Then it would be made out to be my fault that I couldn't control my hair - ugh! Fortunately all that ended when I found decent haircutters beginning in my mid-to-late 20s and also moved far far away from home, and having mother pass on early. We did NOT have a good relationship in general, and it took good therapy years later to get past that too. My sympathies to those here who have controlling mothers!
Grandma has given mom such a hard time all her life. A while ago mom decided she wanted to grow her hair, and grandma all the time was telling mom how "horrible" her hair looked and many, many things.
She also had said really mean things about her clothes, appearance and even her toe nails.

What I don't understand is how come they don't realize how much these comments hurt??

I mean, mom is always been very honest to us, her kids, but subtle. She makes her point without making us feel like crap.

As others have mentioned, just don't share your hair routine with her. I have decided not to share mine with people closer to me (specially coworkers), because I am sure they will think I am crazy (which I don't care - at the end my hair looks nice and healthy while theirs look like an abandoned doll )
Hootenanny likes this.
Grandma has given mom such a hard time all her life. A while ago mom decided she wanted to grow her hair, and grandma all the time was telling mom how "horrible" her hair looked and many, many things.
She also had said really mean things about her clothes, appearance and even her toe nails.

What I don't understand is how come they don't realize how much these comments hurt??
Originally Posted by arel
This might be a little out of left field but when someone constantly puts down or manipulates a person they should love and not want to hurt, I start thinking about personality disorders. They are pretty common, studies suggest one in ten even as high as one in seven of the general population.
2a-2c, medium texture, porous/ colour treated. Three years CG. Past bra strap length heading for waist.

CO-wash: Inecto coconut/ Elvive Volume Collagen
Treatments: Komaza Care Matani, coconut/ sweet almond/ fractionated coconut oils, Hairveda Sitrinillah
Leave in: Fructis Sleek & Shine (old), Gliss Ultimate Volume, various Elvive
Styler: Umberto Giannini jelly, Au Naturale styling gelee
Flour sack towel, pixie diffuse or air dry.
Experimenting with: benign neglect

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