Help! How do i deal with people like..

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  • 1 Post By bobby
  • 1 Post By Korkscrew
  • 1 Post By Neirelle

So my "friend" told me i could never have healthy hair because i have a frizzy curly hair. She always tell me that i should get a straight perm if i want healthy hair. Ughh it get so annoying. I already got a straight perm when i was kid.(Worst mistake ever)Fortunately my curl pattern went back but i still straight my hair after tht. But now i realized that curly hair is beautiful! Im 2 months CG . Anyways back to my "friend" i dnt know how to deal with her she is sometimes a good friend but whenever she says that about my hair it makes me mad. People like her motivates me to have healthy curly hair!! i will show her i can have healthy curly hair! I know it will take time but i am so determined!! Anyways i dont know what to say her. I dont want to be mean or anything. I dont know any better way to deal with her. Plus she is one of those people with pin straight hair and trims their hair every month and if she sees a split end on one piece of her hair. She panics.
Well, I don't want to offend you or your friend but your friend is ignorant. She obviously has no knowledge about curly hair, so her comments are somewhat unintelligent. If you have curly hair and you put a perm in it or a relaxer then it will not of might not be healthy because you only put chemicals in your hair, so the comment of your friend telling you to put a perm in it makes no sense at all. Besides, let her know that you like your hair, it's your hair not hers, so she should get off your back.

Everyones hair can be healthy, curly hair is more fragile than straight hair, but that doesn't mean it can't be healthy.
Tell her to shut up then smile and change the subject simples
Hmm... I think she may be a bit too obsessive-compulsive about hair. Straight hair must surely appeal to obs-comp types because at least you know where every strand is, so to speak. Curly hair is always going to be more unruly no matter how healthy it is. Could she therefore be mistaking 'healthy' with 'unruly'? Like the parent who freaks out because their kid has just spontaneously decided to do paint-hand-print artwork while sitting on the living room carpet?

If that's the case then I'm prepared to hazard a guess that she gets obsessive about other things, too. Would I be right about that? If so then she has to manage her anxiety about perfection all the time and she just happens to be spilling it out onto you about your hair.

In your situation I think I'd calmly say to her that you're happy with your hair and that actually, you're training it to be healthy.

How extreme her obsessiveness is is best guessed by you or herself, but it may be an interesting thought exercise for her to see you, her friend, with 'not-perfect' hair and to grow to accept it as much as you do.
Type 2C... I think
Very coarse, highly porous and thick as you like
I use Henne Color Paris henna powder
Start on CG road on 12/08/13
http://curlyhairimprovement.tumblr.com/
So my "friend" told me i could never have healthy hair because i have a frizzy curly hair. She always tell me that i should get a straight perm if i want healthy hair. Ughh it get so annoying. I already got a straight perm when i was kid.(Worst mistake ever)Fortunately my curl pattern went back but i still straight my hair after tht. But now i realized that curly hair is beautiful! Im 2 months CG . Anyways back to my "friend" i dnt know how to deal with her she is sometimes a good friend but whenever she says that about my hair it makes me mad. People like her motivates me to have healthy curly hair!! i will show her i can have healthy curly hair! I know it will take time but i am so determined!! Anyways i dont know what to say her. I dont want to be mean or anything. I dont know any better way to deal with her. Plus she is one of those people with pin straight hair and trims their hair every month and if she sees a split end on one piece of her hair. She panics.
Originally Posted by Neirelle
Either
roll your eyes and start pissing yourself laughing
OR
educate yourself on what healthy hair actually is, then ask her to define it and explain how chemicals will make the hair healthier (a relaxer is hugely damaging)
OR
show her the before and after threads on NC/ link her to the Curly Girl book and Scott Musgrave Facebook pages (both have loads of before and afters)
OR
find new friends
OR
tell her that two thirds of the world's population has naturally wavy or curly hair, so maybe our hair should be the benchmark of what is healthy and normal
OR
ask her not to comment on your hair unless she has something nice to say, you like her very much so it's very hurtful. Rinse and repeat.
2a-2c, medium texture, porous/ colour treated. Three years CG. Past bra strap length heading for waist.

CO-wash: Inecto coconut/ Elvive Volume Collagen
Treatments: Komaza Care Matani, coconut/ sweet almond oils, Hairveda Sitrinillah
Leave in: Fructis Sleek & Shine (old), Gliss Ultimate Volume, various Elvive
Styler: Umberto Giannini jelly, Boots Essentials gel
Flour sack towel, pixie diffuse or air dry.
Experimenting with: benign neglect
Neirelle, I agree with Greenlight about your friend having an issue with perfectionism. My eyebrows raised when you said:

... and if she sees a split end on one piece of her hair, she panics.
Depending on your friend's age, I gander to guess she's a combination of insecure, perfectionistic and immature.

Spending your time trying to prove to another person that you can have heatlhy, curly hair ... or feeling the need to prove that something else about is you is worthy of respect, is reactionary and painful IMO.

If you think she is a person worth your time, be honest. Tell her how much her comments hurt you and that you need for her to stop. If, after that, she continues to hurt your feelings anyway, it's time to re-consider whether or not she's a friend. In healthy friendships there is mutual respect and increasing trust over time.
3b/c?

Ringlet Fandango! ... Where curly ideas roam free

* 2 blogs this week: Pictures of My (Sorta) Big Chop! AND Turn a Nightmare Product into a Dream* My Albums
Thank you for great advices yall..im still young i didnt know any better...but tomorrows first day of school and i will take the advices yall gave me...and yeah it always seems like i always hung out with the wrong people...coz one of em will end up talking crap behind my back..but then when you see them face to face they act all fake... It seems like nowadays the only person you can trust is yourself :/
Thank you for great advices yall..im still young i didnt know any better...but tomorrows first day of school and i will take the advices yall gave me...and yeah it always seems like i always hung out with the wrong people...coz one of em will end up talking crap behind my back..but then when you see them face to face they act all fake... It seems like nowadays the only person you can trust is yourself :/
Originally Posted by Neirelle
I know it's difficult being young because of the peer pressures that come with it. The main thing is to be yourself and don't compromise principles for anyone. You'll be better off in the long run and the ones that appreciate you for you are, well, they are the ones to invest time and friendships in.

In the meantime, keep wearing those curls with pride, my dear.
Korkscrew likes this.
2B always with potential of white man's fro

http://www.naturallycurly.com/curlta...-my-album.html

"Curls aren't just for girls"
Per your picture, your hair is fabulous! Your friend may be uncomfortable because you've left the straight hair "team" -- where she's naturally very successful -- to do something that would be hard or impossible for her to do. So it calls into question a goal/value of hers. I agree with other posters that you should just tell her that curly hair is natural for you, like straight hair is natural for her, and you love your look, for you, like she likes her own look for her. With regard to healthiness, just about any straightening process from chemicals to blow-drying is much more damaging to hair than working with the curl.

By the way -- what do you use on your hair?? I'm 3b too but my curls are a little tighter and much frizzier. Whatever you're doing, you're getting a fabulous, HEALTHY look!
Hmmm. After clicking on your icon pic, my bet is your friend is jealous. Your hair is wonderful. Everyone made good points and I'm glad you're taking the advice. Whatever her motivation for the insults, you do deserve to be respected.
bobby likes this.
3b/c?

Ringlet Fandango! ... Where curly ideas roam free

* 2 blogs this week: Pictures of My (Sorta) Big Chop! AND Turn a Nightmare Product into a Dream* My Albums
Thank goodness you've figured out that this person is talking out of their backside. And is also rather jealous. Tell her to keep her remarks to herself.
UK based, Curly from birth 2b-2c fairly porous with cherub tendencies and frizz halo! Faves include KCKT and Keracare LIs, Deva Curl, CCCCL, Ecosyler gel and Be Curly Curl Enhancer. I donít mind the odd cone - shhh CG since August 2012
Hmmm. After clicking on your icon pic, my bet is your friend is jealous. Your hair is wonderful. Everyone made good points and I'm glad you're taking the advice. Whatever her motivation for the insults, you do deserve to be respected.
Originally Posted by Korkscrew
I could not agree more that it is out of jealousy. Those who have jealous tendencies often have insecurity complexes.
2B always with potential of white man's fro

http://www.naturallycurly.com/curlta...-my-album.html

"Curls aren't just for girls"
I had a great first day today...and apparently the girl that dislikes my curly hair is not my friend anymore...I saw her giving dirty looks to me at lunch -.- ..but hey I wore my hair natural today i was gonna wear it straight...but i honestly love my curly hair better on me..and i didnt care what other people think bout it...back then when i wore my hair straight i felt like im in jail..like its not me..like i only straight it because i think everyone like straight hair better, and with curly hair i just felt more me..like it fits my personality better!
Thank you korscrew, mr bobby, fightingfrizz, princescurlies, greenlight, sayoon, firefox....i will totally remember what you all posted..i will always keep in mind the advices yall gave me
Per your picture, your hair is fabulous! Your friend may be uncomfortable because you've left the straight hair "team" -- where she's naturally very successful -- to do something that would be hard or impossible for her to do. So it calls into question a goal/value of hers. I agree with other posters that you should just tell her that curly hair is natural for you, like straight hair is natural for her, and you love your look, for you, like she likes her own look for her. With regard to healthiness, just about any straightening process from chemicals to blow-drying is much more damaging to hair than working with the curl.

By the way -- what do you use on your hair?? I'm 3b too but my curls are a little tighter and much frizzier. Whatever you're doing, you're getting a fabulous, HEALTHY look!
Originally Posted by Princess Curlissima
Aww i think tight curls are beautiful!! i wish i have tighter 3bs ) but my hair routine is just very simple...the conditioners i use are either aussie moist, shea moisture raw shea butter conditoner, herbal essence hello hydration and i shampoo once a week but it depends on my build up..and then for my leave in i use kinky curly knot today or shea moisture smoothie or styling milk and i use just a little bit of gel if theres a lot of humid(im from Texas) i use any gel like la looks or la bella gels...and most of the time i air dry but i have low porosity so sometimes i have to blowdry..i deep condition using a home remedy with eggs, mayonaise, honey, olive oil, or sometimes avocado instead of mayonaise. Thats basically just all tht...i learned it from what most people post here and it worked for me
Hmmm. After clicking on your icon pic, my bet is your friend is jealous. Your hair is wonderful. Everyone made good points and I'm glad you're taking the advice. Whatever her motivation for the insults, you do deserve to be respected.
Originally Posted by Korkscrew
I think your hair is beautiful korkscrew you have helped a lot of curlies in this web and im one of them thank you very much!
Korkscrew likes this.
Awwww ... shucks

Thanks for the compliment hon! ... Lots of people have helped me too. I try and pass it forward. It's great to see you embracing the beautiful hair you have
3b/c?

Ringlet Fandango! ... Where curly ideas roam free

* 2 blogs this week: Pictures of My (Sorta) Big Chop! AND Turn a Nightmare Product into a Dream* My Albums
I had a great first day today...and apparently the girl that dislikes my curly hair is not my friend anymore...I saw her giving dirty looks to me at lunch -.- ..but hey I wore my hair natural today i was gonna wear it straight...but i honestly love my curly hair better on me..and i didnt care what other people think bout it...back then when i wore my hair straight i felt like im in jail..like its not me..like i only straight it because i think everyone like straight hair better, and with curly hair i just felt more me..like it fits my personality better!
Thank you korscrew, mr bobby, fightingfrizz, princescurlies, greenlight, sayoon, firefox....i will totally remember what you all posted..i will always keep in mind the advices yall gave me
Originally Posted by Neirelle
You should very proud of yourself for staying true to who you are. Fitting with the "in" bunch may sound good in the short term but trust me, being yourself will win you much more respect in the long run. You may not see it now but it will happen.

Look at the bright side, by going natural and letting your curls do their thing, you have hair others would pay money to get with perms.

Keep rockin' those gorgeous curls.
2B always with potential of white man's fro

http://www.naturallycurly.com/curlta...-my-album.html

"Curls aren't just for girls"
I just had a look at your profile pic - your hair really is fantastic!
Type 2C... I think
Very coarse, highly porous and thick as you like
I use Henne Color Paris henna powder
Start on CG road on 12/08/13
http://curlyhairimprovement.tumblr.com/

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