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-   -   A CURLY AMONGST THE STRAIGHT, A ROSE AMONGST THORNS- Straight from a highschooler (http://www.naturallycurly.com/curltalk/hall-shame-discussion/161317-curly-amongst-straight-rose-amongst-thorns-straight-highschooler.html)

Ana021 08-05-2013 03:24 PM

A CURLY AMONGST THE STRAIGHT, A ROSE AMONGST THORNS- Straight from a highschooler
 
There's just something intimidating about going to high school with curly hair.
I've been in a hate relationship with my hair since FOREVER. In elementary school, I was the one with brushed, puffy wavy hair because I didn't know I had curls. My mom would iron my hair on the ironing board because I didn't even know what a straightener was. I didn't know what to do with my hair, so i kept it in the worst looking ponytail until middle school. In middle school, I straightened my bangs and then begged my mom to give me a relaxing treatment. It only worked the first 3 days, and after I washed, I straightened my hair every day to get it as straight as the day in the salon when I first got the treatment. I straightened it for about 5 years, and would be so EMBARRASSED to go out in curly hair; I didn't know how to manage it.
I tried stretching my curls, brushing then making a bun, curl ironing the top part of my head, braiding it, and NOTHING worked. It wasn't until this summer how I searched for my fellow curlies amongst the valleys of YouTube. OMG, it helped SO much! But then I realized that those girls weren't making crazy routines like me. They would wash, scrunch, apply product, dry. Simple.
So I tried it out for myself. I bought myself some shine shampoo and conditioner after my grandma insulted my hair and its lack of shine. Got myself some good mousse, hairspray, shine spray, and a scrunchie. I washed, dried, scrunched, applied products and air dried. And for the first time in 17 years, my hair is born.
I'm not ashamed of it! In fact, I posted a picture of it on Instagram and it's my most liked pictured :)

Now here's the thing: I finally LOVE my hair. I love that it's wild and exotic, and voluminous and 2c3a spontaneously wavy curly all in one. My boyfriend loves it, he goes CRAZY for it. However, I'm going to my senior year of high school, and i go to the most PRETENTIOUS high school EVER. It's a private school, where everyone has the nicest car, their molecules were formed so perfectly that everyone is beautiful, everyone has the straightest longest hair that they can fit together in a tiny clip, and everyone looks the same; skinny, with expensive shoes, and tiny clothes and UGH. It all just gets to their head.
I joined naturallycurly because it gave me confidence. I didn't feel alone in a sea of stringy hair. I even watched Sex and the City to feel better about my hair by seeing Carrie's. It's just that I have noticed that people treat me different in school depending on my hair. When I straighten it, I feel included and equal. I mean, about 95% of my school is caucasian and rich and spoiled and superficial. But the few days I wore my hair curly, I felt like the black sheep and geeky.


So I'm reaching out to the CurlTalk and to my inner confidence. I'm hoping that on my senior year, I don't give a crap about how people perceive me, or how many weird looks I get. I am myself, I love my hair, and I finally found myself this summer. I wanna be that rebellious girl in my school who looks exotic, and gives confidence to the other curlies who are hiding behind their straightener. I guess I found the answer myself; maybe I need to be the revolutionizer and pump it up.. Literally :)

Dedachan 08-05-2013 03:44 PM

Even if you don't feel confident, act the part. Pretty soon you will find that you really do feel confident.

If anyone teases or puts you down because of your hair, stay cool, don't get defensive, and just say you prefer your hair curly.

I know this isn't for everyone, but personally I'm okay making light jokes about my hair when I'm around certain friends. It shows them I'm not sensitive and accept my hair the way it is. Some of the people who make fun of me also let me know they love my hair when being more serious.

And remember, high school will be over soon enough.

rapunzel4ever 08-05-2013 03:51 PM

You go, Ana! {Cheer}
The key to acceptance is not 'fitting in' but it is 'self acceptance'! You've got that already.
That's the best lesson you can learn in life and it makes life a lot easier in the long run.
(ha, and I haven't even seen your hair yet ;-))
_____
2b-c/3a med/fine- low porosity- normal elasticity, BSL

Korkscrew 08-05-2013 05:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ana021 (Post 2197086)
However, I'm going to my senior year of high school, and i go to the most PRETENTIOUS high school EVER. It's a private school, where everyone has the nicest car, their molecules were formed so perfectly that everyone is beautiful, everyone has the straightest longest hair that they can fit together in a tiny clip, and everyone looks the same; skinny, with expensive shoes, and tiny clothes and UGH. It all just gets to their head.

Almost everyone from my high school did fit the description of your high school. Then, years later, I checked out my year book again and noticed that ... NO: actually not everyone was beautiful but a lot of the people were insecure and felt the need to play "follow the leader". As a result many of them looked strangely similar, as if they feared they were worthless without their proper costumes on.

I'm not trying to downplay your high school experience and the tremendous social pressure that goes with it, but high school is one tiny part of life that ends and becomes relatively irrelevant. And after high school ends, you hopefully get to see more of the world and discover the endless forms of physical and spiritual beauty that really exist.

And then hopefully you gain a great appreciation for your own special brand of beauty, inside and out. Bonus points if you develop a sense of discernment which allows you to value inner beauty over outer beauty in yourself and everyone you meet.

Wear your hair as you will. Be you. Do you. The people who really matter will gravitate to you whether or not you wear your hair curly :headbang:

JessMess 08-06-2013 12:40 PM

Fake it 'til you make it!

And remember that EVERYONE feels insecure about their looks. All those thin and straight-haired girls do, too. That's why they're killing themselves to be thin and have straight hair. If you go in there and rock your big, beautiful waves, they might just wish they were you--and you might give them some confidence to discover what's natural for them, too.

Ashleynicol 08-06-2013 01:17 PM

Ahhh high school, it was better than middle school that's the most I can say.

Rock your big curls girl and don't try to fit in with everyone else. People are drawn to confidence. Trust me everyone is obsessing about something and that's life. "My boobs are too small or too big, my butt is not round enough, my chin is too pointy. I'm too short or too tall. Some issues can be remedied with physical fitness, others you could go more extreme and get plastic surgery. I almost got a breast reduction a few years ago, they were always big even when I was younger and skinnier. I always envied girls who could wear a simple bikini when I have to buy my bathing suits from specialty stores. Or just throw on any top and it looks fabulous when it is so hard for me to find clothes that fit right up top and cover enough.

But those girls envy me and some get plastic surgery to be as big as me. Sounds crazy from my perspective.


Same thing for curly hair. Many girls would love to have some wave and body. I understand it now my daughter has fine straight hair. Everything my hair is not. Sometimes I just wish her hair had a little bit of curl to it or a little more bounce. It doesn't stay in a pony tail and it gets stringy if not washed daily. She is beautiful and perfect of course but my point is each type of hair has its pros and cons. She can walk out the door right after washing and combing and her hair air dries straight and shiney and beautiful.

You gotta "work with what your momma gave ya" embrace it and love it.

RobotQT1 09-06-2013 01:04 PM

It Gets Better!
 
Once you're out of high school, you will never see those people again. Just keep reminding yourself of that!

Also, even if you feel self-conscious of having curly hair around those people, there are still others who would love to have your hair. I've gotten comments about my hair both at work and from family members :) My grandma loves curly hair and before she got cancer, she would use a curling iron on her hair. Guess what texture her wigs are!

Another time, I was at work at my last job and was practicing my Spanish with a customer. She told me, "Su pelo es bonita," which means, "Your hair is beautiful." Recently a coworker told me "Yo quiero su pelo", "I want your hair." She's also a curly, but she loves my hair and when she showed me a picture of her sons yesterday, she told me how she loved their curls as well. The same day, she pointed out a little girl in the kids section (we work in a library) who had pretty little curls. I hope that girl never straightens!

Just do you. Do what makes you happy. If that means rocking your curls, do it, and do it with confidence! Confidence is the best accessory.

Ashleynicol 09-07-2013 09:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RobotQT1 (Post 2206624)
Once you're out of high school, you will never see those people again. Just keep reminding yourself of that!

I graduated 11 years ago and see people from high school all the time.

Yeah that's Lake County Florida...

Korkscrew 09-08-2013 05:30 PM

Staying in a small community or one where you run into the same people is of course a choice that some embrace, and a decision that for some people is quite comforting.

But if a young adult wants to escape an environment she feels is too insular, where she doesn't quite fit in, all she has to do is step out of her own "backyard" and explore one of many numerous other communities. There are worlds upon worlds of different people out there with diverse views and all sorts of things to teach you. Plus you gain a kind of knowledge that can only be acquired by striking out and seeing what's beyond the world you already know.

It's a choice. If you want to meet more people after high school, you will. It's only a matter of expanding your geographical landscape. One option, if you're going to college, is to choose one that offers diversity and a relatively large student body.

Ashleynicol 09-08-2013 08:48 PM

Of course if you move far enough away from your hometown. You make it sound easy. There are those who simply do not have the resources to move far form home. Having to attend a community college close to home because you can't afford to go away to college... just pointing out the person who said "you'll never see those people again", its not true for everyone. It would be better to say after high school nobody cares. But the teuth is appearance does matter especially in the working world. There are careers where you can flex your creativity but there are jobs where your hair is going to be required to be pulled back or shoved under a hat. From working around food to working in healthcare.

Korkscrew 09-09-2013 03:12 AM

I completely agree with your position that there's no guarantee someone will never have to see their high school peers again. Good call. But it's also too much of a generalization to proclaim that "after high school, no one cares". Of course some people outside of high school care. Some of us will continue to endure rejection re: our hair and other aspects of ourselves, sometimes from mere acquaintances at a party and sometimes by people we thought would be more accepting.

As far as moving away, my message was not that it should be easy. What I meant was that it is a deceptively simple choice. It's simple in that the geographical move alone can be a catalyst to more diverse social opportunities. But yes, of course it will take effort, like anything in life, and more or less effort depending on things like monetary resources and level of confidence. So yes, all one needs do is step outside her proverbial backyard. And it's a simple choice, not necessarily an easy one IMO.

Ashleynicol 09-09-2013 08:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Korkscrew (Post 2207410)
I completely agree with your position that there's no guarantee someone will never have to see their high school peers again. Good call. But it's also too much of a generalization to proclaim that "after high school, no one cares". Of course some people outside of high school care.

That's why I said, the reality is looks do matter and people do care, just not necessarily the people you meet in high school.

Korkscrew 09-10-2013 08:02 PM

LOL I simply expounded on that.


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