Mother's Hurtful Comments

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  • 1 Post By curlyornot
  • 1 Post By adthomas

I just need to vent!

My mother is awful to me about my hair. I've asked her for years never to say another word about it. She NEVER listens. I hate straightening my hair for the sole fact that she will always say I look beautiful (and never when it's curly) and I've told her to stop that. She's gotten better...and by better I mean she generally only dishes out a comment maybe once every two weeks or a month? Who knows, but she still does. I get very angry every time because it's been going on for years, and I am so fed up with it! She knows it's hurtful and yet she still continues! She really only thinks I'm pretty when it's straight which is just BS. I really love my hair...I think it's beautiful, and I love my hair straight but for some reason she just can't understand that it's so mean when she says my hair is "so pretty...when it's straight." I mean really???!!! I would actually straighten it more often if I didn't think she loved it so much (childish I know).

Anyway, this time was so much worse though. The guy I have liked for the past few months has basically made it very clear that he doesn't return the sentiment, which is fine...I can get over that. My mother however, thought it was the perfect time to tell me (well actually, she forced my brother to say it, but really it was her idea) that men think girls with curly hair are wild and rebellious and men avoid them (in a nutshell). She said that "if you want to attract a nice man maybe you should think about changing your hair." WHAT.THE.HECK. I literally laughed aloud, it was so funny. My mother somehow always comes up with a way to get in a curly hair dig, but this...after basically having a man reject me, she thinks it's a wonderful time to tell me that my brother avoids girls with curls, and that maybe if I want a nice guy I should straighten it? How unbelievably sick is that? I am so horrified I can't stand it. She thinks that just because more people look at me when my hair's straight, OH STRAIGHT HAIR IS GREAT!!! Curly hair is rebellious and that woman must be strong and independent and aka not compliant and wife material! I basically told her to go to heck and walked away. I'm disgusted by her. Absolutely disgusted. I know it's ridiculous but I'm literally crying.
Is hair the only negative from your mom? How old are you? I think in my early 20s after college my mom had a problem with having less control and influence on my decisions than when I was under her roof. she wasn't paying my bills so couldn't use that. Finally she accepted that she couldn't make me do anything I didn't want to do and fussed less. not stop but less.

Sorry about the guy.
Is hair the only negative from your mom? How old are you? I think in my early 20s after college my mom had a problem with having less control and influence on my decisions than when I was under her roof. she wasn't paying my bills so couldn't use that. Finally she accepted that she couldn't make me do anything I didn't want to do and fussed less. not stop but less.

Sorry about the guy.
Originally Posted by adthomas
She complains about my weight incessantly as well. I'm a sophomore in college. I feel so dumb complaining about her but I just felt like venting. I wish my mom could just be nicer!
KinkyChica likes this.
I completely understand what your going through and how frustrating it is. For me the worst thing is not just the comments but to have them continue after you've made it clear that they hurt you. I wish I had some advice to offer but I'm struggling with the same sort of issue, my mother is consistently critical of me (not about hair but about other things like my weight, monitoring what I eat, my parenting, etc), deceptive, and manipulative often to the point of emotional abuse which I am only now recognizing. I'm 23 now, the only time she speaks to me is to complain, vent, get me to do something for her, or criticize me. I point her behaviour out to her and she denies it, even if it only happened moments before. This has been going on forever and I definitely feel the loss of not having a nurturing/supportive/affectionate mother-daughter relationship. I hope you have other family members that can back you up with this and offer some support, and just remember it doesn't mean that she doesn't love you.

Just curious, does she or did she have curly hair as well?
The real issue may not even be your hair. Just in my experience that age was a rocky time with my mom because the power dynamic of our relationship was changing. In high school we fought but at the end she still had final say. Not so much after that. Transitioning from parent child to adult adult took time and growing pains. Plenty of blowups. Plus it helped when my mom took on more of her own interest after awhile because I'm an only child and my mom had made her world about me for a long time. Also I think my mom saw me as a reflection of herself so she wanted to present what she considered her best self to other people. She used to nag me a lot about not wearing makeup even though she wears it less than I do. I won't lie and say it will completely go away because it might not. I still hate riding in the car with her because the routes I like to take differ from hers. If I go one way she will say "why didn't you go that way". She complains I drive too fast. I make her wear her seatbelt although her brother the cop doesn't. Eventually I threaten to pull over so she can drive and she stops.
chupie likes this.
I think adtomas is right. The issue is that you begin to not need her and you become independent and she might not be prepared for that. I face the same attitude whenever I try to "grow up" in something ex when I prefer doing things or go somewhere alone. My mom will get kinda mad about it and she will try to nag about other things out of the blue. When i do my pre poos my mother finds that I tire my hair or suffocate it. She had said that I style my hair too stuck on my head. She said it one she said it two.... I then couldn't hold in and told her that I want to have as much as curl definition I possible can get and that prepooing has improved the health of hair. That I myself like it and that only matters. That stopped her from making bad comments. From now on I just ignore any "advice" and she stops eventually.
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Last edited by KaZenner1990; 10-20-2014 at 08:50 AM.
I just need to vent!

My mother is awful to me about my hair. I've asked her for years never to say another word about it. She NEVER listens. I hate straightening my hair for the sole fact that she will always say I look beautiful (and never when it's curly) and I've told her to stop that. She's gotten better...and by better I mean she generally only dishes out a comment maybe once every two weeks or a month? Who knows, but she still does. I get very angry every time because it's been going on for years, and I am so fed up with it! She knows it's hurtful and yet she still continues! She really only thinks I'm pretty when it's straight which is just BS. I really love my hair...I think it's beautiful, and I love my hair straight but for some reason she just can't understand that it's so mean when she says my hair is "so pretty...when it's straight." I mean really???!!! I would actually straighten it more often if I didn't think she loved it so much (childish I know).

Anyway, this time was so much worse though. The guy I have liked for the past few months has basically made it very clear that he doesn't return the sentiment, which is fine...I can get over that. My mother however, thought it was the perfect time to tell me (well actually, she forced my brother to say it, but really it was her idea) that men think girls with curly hair are wild and rebellious and men avoid them (in a nutshell). She said that "if you want to attract a nice man maybe you should think about changing your hair." WHAT.THE.HECK. I literally laughed aloud, it was so funny. My mother somehow always comes up with a way to get in a curly hair dig, but this...after basically having a man reject me, she thinks it's a wonderful time to tell me that my brother avoids girls with curls, and that maybe if I want a nice guy I should straighten it? How unbelievably sick is that? I am so horrified I can't stand it. She thinks that just because more people look at me when my hair's straight, OH STRAIGHT HAIR IS GREAT!!! Curly hair is rebellious and that woman must be strong and independent and aka not compliant and wife material! I basically told her to go to heck and walked away. I'm disgusted by her. Absolutely disgusted. I know it's ridiculous but I'm literally crying.
Originally Posted by curlyornot
Well, she is just wrong. You need a standard line for when this comes up to change the subject and refuse to engage, because you KNOW it ain't going anywhere good once she starts it. Maybe, "So, what's for lunch?"
You can see my wavy tutorials here: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?lis...ZNxhBHSXAW40OQ and my wavy blog is The Wavy Nation http://wavynation.wordpress.com
The real issue may not even be your hair. Just in my experience that age was a rocky time with my mom because the power dynamic of our relationship was changing. In high school we fought but at the end she still had final say. Not so much after that. Transitioning from parent child to adult adult took time and growing pains. Plenty of blowups. Plus it helped when my mom took on more of her own interest after awhile because I'm an only child and my mom had made her world about me for a long time. Also I think my mom saw me as a reflection of herself so she wanted to present what she considered her best self to other people. She used to nag me a lot about not wearing makeup even though she wears it less than I do. I won't lie and say it will completely go away because it might not. I still hate riding in the car with her because the routes I like to take differ from hers. If I go one way she will say "why didn't you go that way". She complains I drive too fast. I make her wear her seatbelt although her brother the cop doesn't. Eventually I threaten to pull over so she can drive and she stops.
Originally Posted by adthomas
I'm fifty and when I was in college, exact same. My mom's tactic was refusing to talk to me for like 6 months because I wasn't coming home over the summer.
You can see my wavy tutorials here: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?lis...ZNxhBHSXAW40OQ and my wavy blog is The Wavy Nation http://wavynation.wordpress.com

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