hurtful comments people've made about your hair - Page 22

lexx · 09-25-2009, 07:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by leftywefty

Ok, maybe saying it's a curse is extreme, but I can't even come here and vent??? I thought that surely other curlies would understand

Thats great that you like kinky hair and straight hair. Good for you! But I have my opinions too. Everybody else in the world is entitled to theirs. I prefer any hair past type 1. Thats my preference. Sorry, can't change that. If it's rude then oh well, just because everyone else praises straight hair doesn't mean that I have to.

I was reading the posts and wondering the SAME thing as u...if someone says u have a fro y is that the greatest insult? I think its pretty funny that while complaining about how someones curly-hair insults hurt them, they turn around and insult other curly haired people...oh well. I'm multiracial with 2c/3a hair and apparently (to most of those who I come in contact with) it is neither straight enough nor curly enough to be considered "ok".

CJSmith241 · 09-26-2009, 09:17 PM

I was teased relentlessly in middle school because of my curly hair. It was horrible!! When I was in sixth grade, some seventh grade girls used to call me Poodle. One time, we were doing skits in Language Arts class on Greek gods and my classmates all voted for me to be Medusa because of my hair. Another time, a kid spit in it.

I didn't have many problems in high school. I usually wore it pulled back in a ponytail or a bun though. It wasn't until recently that I started wearing my hair completely down. I'm not quite there yet with totally loving my hair but I'm starting to like it a little more each day.

anonymous_29030 · 09-27-2009, 01:37 AM

Catching sight of this thread late but leftywefty you are totally entitled to vent (not like you need my permission or anything!).

I agree that it is a delicate line between not subjecting other people to similar (definitely not the same!) kinds of insults and trying to practice self-love. I think you are speaking out to the broader institution that promotes straight hair as the only acceptable type of hair rather than individual type 1s. Yes?

Nonetheless, it can be hard to not offend straight haired people when practicing curly self-love is part of disengaging from the straight hair worship of most of the world.

It is even harder still when opposition to your self-love can be as vicious as it is (rude comments, violent actions like someone spitting in your hair (CJSmith241's experience)).

It is painful to read your post because I know that your experience of curl-hate is real and that those experiences make it harder to own and love that part of yourself.

Keep being defiant!

Greencurls · 09-28-2009, 05:56 PM

Something that happened to me recently...It was more about what was NOT said. I saw a friend that I hadn't seen since pre-curl days. She said, "Oh, you grew your hair out." No compliment, no "nice curls," no "your hair looks great." Just the observation that I had grown my hair out. So now I think I must look like a freak or something, LOL!

mysmileyface · 09-30-2009, 04:46 PM

omg im so mad my crush sed that my hair looked like a bush wen i wore all nice and then wen i startded to get mad he sed it looked like a preeeeeeeeeeeeeeetttttttttty bush i was so angry

anonymous_29030 · 10-01-2009, 01:29 AM

Bad save on his part...

bergasaurus · 10-03-2009, 06:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Truly

This one is totally indirect and not really aimed at me technically. Where I used to work there was a girl who really liked my hair and asked me how I did it. She was Middle Eastern and had probably a 3a/b hair type that she straightened every day.

I told her how I did mine and the next day she shows up to work beaming with her hair looking gorgeous and curly, and the guys were like, "What the hell did you do to your hair?!" She didn't care though, and kept the style sort of off and on.

However, it made ME feel terrible as a 3c. If they hated her hair- they must REALLY hate mine. I wasn't that bothered by it because I LOVE my curls, but I'm sure you guys get what I'm saying.

I'd be flattered- clearly she liked your hair enough to take your advice and emulate your 'do. Personally I find that more significant than the comments from the other people.
I genuinely don't get the anti curly sentiment some people have- for the folks that have hard to handle hair I can get why they would have a hard time loving their own hair, but for other people I just don't get it. People are creatures of habit, I guess...when someone makes a drastic change (when one of the guys at work shaves his head for example) it takes a bit of getting used to. I would never say it looks terrible though, that's just rude.

ganesa · 10-12-2009, 12:59 AM

I had always worn my hair in braids until one day my grandma decided to tame the beast a bit so I could wear it out. I thought it looked so pretty. And when I got to school everyone gasped and ask "What happened to your hair?!" Some people (I think they thought they were being nice) even told me they were sorry for what happened to my hair... I got the standard electric socket comments. I never wore my hair curly ever again... It was relaxers and straightening irons from there on after. It wasn't until my boy friend dropped by for a surprise visit and he saw my hair curly. I was so ashamed but he loved it.
I started wearing it curly but I still got and still get comments like, "Girl, don't let your man see your hair like that!" And "God have you heard of a brush" Oh and " I like your hair. It's like a wild jungle person's hair." Is that really a compliment??? Most people just think I'm too lazy to brush it. They have no idea that we curlies put so much love and care into our hair. >_<
Ahhhhhhh

em9035 · 10-13-2009, 10:58 AM

My hair was stick straight until I was about 12. It's gotten progressively wavier/curlier since then. But, I also discovered the straightening iron at age 12. This summer, I just stopped straightening my hair every day. Since then, people sitting behind me in lectures laugh at me. Of course, if I actually straighten my hair, people tell me how good it looks. But worst is my mother. She acts like she's all supportive but she ALWAYS tries to tell me to brush my hair. The other day I finally told her that brushing it would make it a frizzy poof, and she suggested I get an "afro pick." (My hair is pretty much 2c). Apparently she knows ALLLL about curly hair because she got her stick straight hair permed in the 80s and always used to brush it

. So far the only family member that has complimented my hair has been my uncle...two days ago. They all have stick straight hair. They just don't get it...

FunkyCurlGurl · 10-13-2009, 10:59 PM

A few days ago, I picked out my hair so that I had this rockin' fro. Seriously, it was great and I was so proud. I took pictures and posted one up on Facebook and my friend commented that I should wear my hair like that for Halloween...

So my hair is now costume material??

ShanaVilloria · 10-14-2009, 01:54 PM

Like many of you, it took a long time to realize that, yes, I have curly hair, and I have to work with it, rather than against it. For me the realization happened in college, so while at the stylist I asked him to do my hair curly and show me how to do it so that I could replicate it on my own. (As usual, stylists have always blown my hair out and it was so frustrating because I could never make it look like that myself!) So learning how to do it was an epiphany for me. Coming to this site has taken me even further, learning that it's 3A, which products to use, and how.

What really sucked was that in college, my boyfriend at the time did not like my hair curly at all! And it really sucked b/c we were in New Orleans where it was humid most of the time, so I didn't have much choice but to wear it curly. And here's the awful thing he would say to me... he would say that I have "Jew curls," and that my "little Jew hairs" were fuzzy, or tickling his face, or whatever else. It was awful because I'm half-Jewish and have always taken Jew insults very personally. I was always kind of insecure about being of Jewish descent because it was not the "preferred" status: blond, straight hair, blue eyes, tall and thin... you get it, the socially acceptable beauty standard. I was none of these things, and could never be these things, so all in all it hurt me deeply. Turns out that this particular boyfriend became abusive in many ways, so I left his ass, and went on to enjoy myself the way I am, curls and all!

As many of you have experienced, I get compliments when I do my hair straight (it's not too hard or time consuming for me, but curly is MUCH easier), but also lots of times I get compliments when it's curly. Blah -- I discovered that everyone has a different preference and I can never please them all, so I should just do whatever the hell I like with my hair.

But luckily, the most important people in my life prefer my hair curly! My mom and husband both really like my curls better than straight. My dad is indifferent, he just loves me no matter how I do my hair. So at least the people that matter most love my natural hair -- the rest of the world be damned!

And the awesome thing is that my husband now has grown his hair long (shoulder blade length - it's totally metal!) and it's curly too! We're a curly-haired couple. No doubt we're going to have some curly-headed kids one day. And the best part is that I can take care of his hair the CG way. Honestly, he's clueless about how to take care of his own hair, and he doesn't really care how it looks anyway cus he's a dude. But he likes it when I do it because he likes the attention and head rubs involved in hair styling. And I like to do his hair because it looks so much better when I can style it like a CG!

IrisChacon1984 · 10-14-2009, 05:52 PM

I remember a coworker telling me I looked like I stuck my hand in an electric socket the first time I wore my wash and go to work.

That was the first and last time he ever made a comment like that about my hair after I was done with him.

battah · 10-19-2009, 09:56 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by leftywefty

There's an ad on this site, it's either for KCCC or jessicurl, and it shows a woman with 4a-4b hair in an afro (probably a wash n go). She's the "before" version. The "after" version is her fro slicked and clumped with tons of product to make it look like a looser curl (more 3c-ish). Those kind of things I give the side eye.
Why is my hair type always the shown as being the WORST?
Why is my hair type used as a derogatory term to other curlies?!?! I mean damn. Why can't me and my kinks and coils live in peace!!!

I'm sooo ready to go back to school this semester so that I can hear the negative comments about my hair. I have some good comebacks in store

I deal with a lot of black women who have chemically relaxed hair, so this should be fun.

I noticed that! The model looks absolutely gorgeous in the "before" picture - the "after" picture is fine, but the before is way prettier. That strikes me every time I see that ad.

MoussakaChaos · 11-12-2009, 08:41 AM

Barely any. A few times as a child I was told that it was curly, but that's not really a hurtful remark. When I began straightening it in 8th grade, i was told that it was very dry. Other than that, I'm my own worst critic. Too bad huh.

hunnybeemay · 11-14-2009, 05:46 AM

I have thought the same thing about that particular ad, too! I think she looks gorgeous in the first picture. I didn't pay much attention to the product or the ad itself, just noticed the pics. Then one time I actually read the ad and realized that she was supposed to be a "before" in the first pic.....I think they are totally off the mark!

And can I just say to all the girls here with really kinky, curly hair that I LOVE that hair type and style! I'll be totally honest and admit that I've always wondered why african american or multiracial girls always relaxed their hair and straightened. Even when I was still straightening my own hair! I would kill for those kind of curls! I can remember as a child occassionally seeing a girl here or there who had natural hair with all the kinky-curls that were left natural and wishing so bad that my hair would do that! I think that is probalby the most beautiful hair in my opinion!

MissJeksa · 11-15-2009, 05:24 PM

I had been talking to this guy for a while (who was black and had just as curly hair as mine...AND his father was a barber) and every time I had seen him I wore my hair curly but back in a banana clip. Well one day I saw him after I had flat ironed my hair straight and he was touching my hair saying that it was really soft. He then asked if it was my natural hair and I said yes (assuming he meant not relaxed or a weave) and he then asked "So then, what is that curly thing you always wear?" I was so insulted!!

Rotini · 11-17-2009, 06:08 PM

I feel so bad for all of you! I'm currently in middle school and my friends adore my hair. I have gotten compliments from almost everyone I know in the school, including the principal and the vice-principal. One day I straightened my hair and one of my friends said this,"When will it be curly again? I like it better curly!"
Then the rest of my friends were the echo of that announcement. The only bad comment I have received was,"When are you going to tame that lions mane of yours?" But it was from a girl that straightens her 4a hair everyday. It has split ends, it is stiff, and constantly has this weird crimp from the straightener. I hope she sees the light soon, curls are gorgeous!

CurlyCarrieS · 11-17-2009, 06:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by subbrock

my boyfriend like to "tousel" my hair. he rubs the palm of his hand all over it super fast and i hate it! i tell him to stop because hes messing up my hair and he always laughs and says that you cant mess up my hair. that makes me angry because rubbing my curly helmet DOES mess it up and makes it frizzy!!!

Since I have been cg I ask my husband how my hair looks and he says it looks the same. And that gets me all frustrated because I KNOW it looks different so he says your hair was always beautiful. And he likes to run his fingers through it to 'get the tangles out' So then I just have a mass of fluffy hair on my head even though I say they aren't tangles they are curled together!

Nobody ever made fun of my hair to my face that I can remember. Kids are evil to anything that is different from them. Thank goodness most of them grow up.

I would also like to add that IMO, when adults insult your hair it's because they secretly wish they had curly hair or they are self concious about themselves in some way and childishly put the spotlight on somebody else.

curlyactress · 11-19-2009, 02:12 PM

In elementary school, a girl said that my hair was ugly and looked like a "poof-ball" That was in fourth grade, and now in 8th, I can't go a day without someone complementing my ouidad curls!

Amelia24 · 11-21-2009, 06:19 AM

Like some of my fellow curlies, I didn't start wearing my hair curly until I was around 16 or 17, and so avoided most taunting about my hair. Now that I'm at university, I can't walk down a corridor without people asking to "ping" my curls or complimenting them.

People ask if it's natural - I always reply, "Do you think I would do this to myself intentionally?", but everyone knows that i'm joking - I love my curly hair!

My mum always told me that people pay good money to get the hair I have naturally and it always made me feel better, curly girls rock! Anyone that would tease or taunt obviously suffers from curl-envy! xxxx