hurtful comments people've made about your hair

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Let's just agree to disagree. This forum is meant to discuss hurtful comments people have made about your hair, not each one of our personal opinions on the word/use of the word Afro and term natural hair movement.
Originally Posted by DaniGirl88
The way the word "Afro" is used by some people who use this forum is hurtful.

This links in with the hurtful comments people have made about about peoples' hair.

I actually pointed out on another thread that the way some people use the term "Afro" is racist.
Originally Posted by Blueblood
An afro is a type of style, it's in the dictionary. I saw no negativity in her story that was putting down African Americans or the term afro. The people making the statements to her were hurtful. Not everyone goes for or wants a poofy style on their head, nor does it look great on everybody. A person's preference in hair style is not racist if they are using the term to describe the hair style that they had.

I see Bobby talking about his white man's fro all the time, and everybody oogles over that. Bobby is great, and his white man's fro potential is great. So how is Dani being negative? I'm not quite sure I understand.
Originally Posted by sixelamy
The term afro in itself isn't negative.. It becomes an insult when someone uses it to describe a negative trait about themselves.

"Look at her afro. It is gorgeous!"- Describes a woman with a deliberate afro style or afro textured hair.

"Ugh, all my hair does is turn into an afro"- Describes a frizzy, possibly bad hair day.

Why should someone's type of hair be used as someone else's bad hair day? Find another way to express your disdain for your hair.

I don't think people necessarily intend to use the word as a negative thing, but IMO it's just like the phrase "That's so g*y"..

I also don't think that people should be allowed to say whatever they want and then say "oh well I didn't mean it that way". If it's offensive, whether it was intended or not, it should still be pointed out.

These are just my opinions, and I'm not trying to be condescending. I just get frustrated when I read stuff like this because there are women out there with natural textured afro hair and when they read comments that display an "afro" in a negative light, it's offensive and hurtful.
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Lovebonita I don't think you are being condescending.

What lots of people don't realise is that saying negative things about an entire group of people particularly about charisteristics they naturally have, is linked to discrimination.

You may not be racist, homophobic, sexist etc yourself but the same terms you are throwing around negatively are used by bigots to hurt and discriminate against people in daily life. The bigots get away with it because they point out it's socially acceptable.

Last edited by Blueblood; 02-07-2014 at 12:13 PM.
So it's only an acceptable term if a person loves having an afro? Otherwise it's racist?

I'm just trying to understand, because it's not making much sense to me right now.
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Find myself confused also as I just re-read the post and, I'm sorry, but Dani was not using the term afro in a negative way. She stated that it looked like she had an afro when her hair was cut a certain way - she didn't say this negatively, she simple made a statement. Then she said OTHER PEOPLE began saying negative stuff about her hair and calling her 'puffball' and saying she looked like MJ. She didn't say afros are horrible, she said other people said horrible stuff to her because she had one (or her haircut made it look like she did).

I'm with Amy here, I don't see how that's using the term negatively or being racist.
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What I think is unacceptable and hurtful is attacking somebody who doesn't deserve it.
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No I'm saying what is unacceptable is taking a characteristic or trait that is naturally occurring for some people and using as a negative descriptive word.

I know Dani wasn't trying to be negative, hurtful or racist and I think she got the full force of anger at the general misuse of that word.. The punishment didn't fit the crime, if you will. However, imagine if a teenage girl with afro textured hair was reading Dani's description of her hair as an afro. How do you think she would take it? Do you think she would see her own hair as positive, when others don't?

I stand by my opinion that someone's natural texture of hair shouldn't be used to describe something someone doesn't like.

The best example I can think of is the campaign to stop people from saying "That's so g*y". There have been commercials with Hillary Duff, Wanda Sykes and other celebrities.

Maybe the reason it's hard to understand is because it's not common to take one of your physical traits and turn it into a joke or a negative thing.
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Maybe the reason it's hard to understand is because it's not common to take one of your physical traits and turn it into a joke or a negative thing.
Originally Posted by lovebonita
Someone could misconstrue this comment as being racist or negative as well, like you're saying "your" because I'm caucasian. I'm not taking offense to that, I'm just using an example that nobody's wording will ever be perfect, and I think it's kind of ridiculous to pick apart someone's sentence just to start an unnecessary argument when there was nothing meant by it.

I do understand now what you are saying about using a term to define a bad hair day. I really don't think she meant it to that extent, like I said one person's preference isn't the same as another's. If she ended up with an afro, that's what she ended up with. I really think her comment was taken away out of proportion to begin with. But it doesn't change the fact that someone got offended. People will get offended by anything you say, no matter how careful you want to word it.

ETA: I personally love afros, I think they are beautiful. If I ever had one on my head, it wouldn't look right. But that's not me being racist or saying I had a bad hair day, it just doesn't look good on me. And that's exactly what I got out of Dani's post.
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Last edited by sixelamy; 02-07-2014 at 02:29 PM.
I'm glad we could come to some sort of agreement. I'm also glad you didn't take my comment as racist or negative, because that wasn't my intent. However, as a fellow curly, you gotta admit some of our features are on the fringe of standard beauty.

If I'm being honest here (and why wouldn't I be?), a lot of my frustration is actually aimed at another post that I responded to in the transitioning section. I'm not sure if you've read it, but that poster had a LOT of negativity towards afros and there was some skin tone preference going on and it was just.. Ugh.. A mess. And I don't think she meant to be negative but that's exactly how it came across.

Personally, I'm a tough love kind of girl. They way I speak/write here is the way I speak to my girlfriends in real life. If I EVER heard one of them spewing the hurtful stuff that I read in that post, I'd say the same exact thing.
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So it's only an acceptable term if a person loves having an afro? Otherwise it's racist?

I'm just trying to understand, because it's not making much sense to me right now.
Originally Posted by sixelamy
Keep in mind....the term "Afro"...stems from the term "African".

African people or descendants of Africans usually have "Afro-textured hair". Meaning their hair ranges in the 4s....a lot of the time.

So when someone states that "Ugh my hair is so ugly today! Its just a big afro!!! " This can offensive to a person with "Afro-textured" hair.

A person with afro textured hair may take that the wrong way...especially if the person who stated it does NOT have type 4 hair...and may think that thst person may view type 4 hair as ugly or unacceptable.

Its better to just say you are unhappy with your "frizzy" hair or some general term like that...the term "Afro" stems from a word that describes an ethnicity/race.

Just trying to explain as best as i can


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I now see im beating a dead horse, lol!

I got that she wasn't trying to racist or anything like that...but i do cringe when ppl say things like that bc it actually describes a group of ppl. For some ppl an "afro" is how their hair naturally grows out of their head as long as they're caring for their hair.

*Stops beating dead horse*

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So when someone states that "Ugh my hair is so ugly today! Its just a big afro!!! " This can offensive to a person with "Afro-textured" hair.

A person with afro textured hair may take that the wrong way...especially if the person who stated it does NOT have type 4 hair...and may think that thst person may view type 4 hair as ugly or unacceptable.

Its better to just say you are unhappy with your "frizzy" hair or some general term like that...the term "Afro" stems from a word that describes an ethnicity/race.

Just trying to explain as best as i can
Originally Posted by SmilingElephant
See, that I understand ! But what I'm saying is that's not what Dani said. And for some reason everyone started acting like it was, which was kind of ridiculous. She said one thing and people jumped on her and acted like she'd said something entirely different.

So I totally get why, if it was used in the context you mentioned, it could be taken offensively. But in this case it wasn't used that way, and I feel bad that Dani had people talking to her the way they did for something she didn't say. It's just not necessary.

Anyway it's all said and done now, so I guess we should just lay it to rest. Misunderstandings happen.
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^ Agreed
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I wanna say I'm glad to see I'm not the only one who has had rude comments made at them about their hair, but at the same time I'm not glad because it's actually pretty hurtful

Here's mine:
- I've always had alot of hair and I ended up getting head lice when I was in elementary school. My mom had to cut my hair really short and the other little kids would laugh at me and point at me calling me a boy

- Whenever I would play with other kids my hair would always be all up in their face and they would always make comments on how I had a lot of hair.

- In middle school I would always try to straighten my hair and my friends would see it and say "you should try straightening your hair some time!" :|

- I ran into to a girl I went to elementary with and she couldn't remember who I was and then she said "Oh yeah weren't you the girl with the really poofy hair?"

- In high school I was in class and I heard this girl behind me talking to her friend making comments about my hair and how she would hate to have it.

- Once I was up in the mountains with my friends and some of them were walking behind me saying "dude look at your hair, its like dead"

- And last but not least, I was hanging out downtown with my sister and these guys started talking to us. The one that was trying to get at my sister was one of the biggest douchebags I've ever met. A little leaf from a tree fell on my head and he saw it and started saying I had head lice and that my hair was nappy. His friend that was with him started saying that my hair looked nice but his face looked pitiful like he was just saying it to be nice because he felt bad for me.

Most of my hair bullying was in elem-high school. But the last one was the most recent, probably about a year and a half ago, and that's the one that hurt me the most I had forgotten how crappy it feels to be made fun of.
Since I started CG though I've actually gotten nothing but compliments. And I just hope it stays that way.
I wanna say I'm glad to see I'm not the only one who has had rude comments made at them about their hair, but at the same time I'm not glad because it's actually pretty hurtful

Here's mine:
- I've always had alot of hair and I ended up getting head lice when I was in elementary school. My mom had to cut my hair really short and the other little kids would laugh at me and point at me calling me a boy

- Whenever I would play with other kids my hair would always be all up in their face and they would always make comments on how I had a lot of hair.

- In middle school I would always try to straighten my hair and my friends would see it and say "you should try straightening your hair some time!" :|

- I ran into to a girl I went to elementary with and she couldn't remember who I was and then she said "Oh yeah weren't you the girl with the really poofy hair?"

- In high school I was in class and I heard this girl behind me talking to her friend making comments about my hair and how she would hate to have it.

- Once I was up in the mountains with my friends and some of them were walking behind me saying "dude look at your hair, its like dead"

- And last but not least, I was hanging out downtown with my sister and these guys started talking to us. The one that was trying to get at my sister was one of the biggest douchebags I've ever met. A little leaf from a tree fell on my head and he saw it and started saying I had head lice and that my hair was nappy. His friend that was with him started saying that my hair looked nice but his face looked pitiful like he was just saying it to be nice because he felt bad for me.

Most of my hair bullying was in elem-high school. But the last one was the most recent, probably about a year and a half ago, and that's the one that hurt me the most I had forgotten how crappy it feels to be made fun of.
Since I started CG though I've actually gotten nothing but compliments. And I just hope it stays that way.
Originally Posted by raahquel
Well if that's you in your profile, i think your hair is very pretty!

When i first went natural i had a lot of mean comments made to me...but im so used to being picked on (i used to be picked on in school the whoooole time from elementary to high school just for being different)...but it doesn't phase me anymore. I even poke fun at myself now and joke that i look like a palm tree or a sexy giraffe lolol!

I find now...as an adult, ppl who make mean comments are usually the ones who do not think outside the box, ever. Which causes ignorance....they only know one standard of beauty...maybe one standard of everything...and need to be exposed to other types of beauty that exists in the world.

Ppl attack things they don't understand.


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Cleanse: SM Moisture Retention or Suave Naturals shampoos
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RO/Detangler: Tresseme Naturals, GVPCB
Leave-In: SM Curl Enhancing Smoothie, TN, GVPCB
Styler: EcoStyler, GF Pure Clean gel, KCCC

Just discovering my hair likes protein!

I wanna say I'm glad to see I'm not the only one who has had rude comments made at them about their hair, but at the same time I'm not glad because it's actually pretty hurtful

Here's mine:
- I've always had alot of hair and I ended up getting head lice when I was in elementary school. My mom had to cut my hair really short and the other little kids would laugh at me and point at me calling me a boy

- Whenever I would play with other kids my hair would always be all up in their face and they would always make comments on how I had a lot of hair.

- In middle school I would always try to straighten my hair and my friends would see it and say "you should try straightening your hair some time!" :|

- I ran into to a girl I went to elementary with and she couldn't remember who I was and then she said "Oh yeah weren't you the girl with the really poofy hair?"

- In high school I was in class and I heard this girl behind me talking to her friend making comments about my hair and how she would hate to have it.

- Once I was up in the mountains with my friends and some of them were walking behind me saying "dude look at your hair, its like dead"

- And last but not least, I was hanging out downtown with my sister and these guys started talking to us. The one that was trying to get at my sister was one of the biggest douchebags I've ever met. A little leaf from a tree fell on my head and he saw it and started saying I had head lice and that my hair was nappy. His friend that was with him started saying that my hair looked nice but his face looked pitiful like he was just saying it to be nice because he felt bad for me.

Most of my hair bullying was in elem-high school. But the last one was the most recent, probably about a year and a half ago, and that's the one that hurt me the most I had forgotten how crappy it feels to be made fun of.
Since I started CG though I've actually gotten nothing but compliments. And I just hope it stays that way.
Originally Posted by raahquel
Well if that's you in your profile, i think your hair is very pretty!

When i first went natural i had a lot of mean comments made to me...but im so used to being picked on (i used to be picked on in school the whoooole time from elementary to high school just for being different)...but it doesn't phase me anymore. I even poke fun at myself now and joke that i look like a palm tree or a sexy giraffe lolol!

I find now...as an adult, ppl who make mean comments are usually the ones who do not think outside the box, ever. Which causes ignorance....they only know one standard of beauty...maybe one standard of everything...and need to be exposed to other types of beauty that exists in the world.

Ppl attack things they don't understand.


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Originally Posted by SmilingElephant

Yes it is, and thank you!

In school I was teased for little things, but mostly because of my hair. I hope one day I can be 100% comfortable with myself and joke about myself like you. Slowly but surely I'm getting there

I agree. Society has forced these ideas on us about what is and isn't beautiful. And yes many people only know one standard of beauty because of that (unfortunately I used to be one of them.) Now I'm more open minded and find some people's curls, (among other things), BEAUTIFUL!! Now I just need to be more accepting of myself
One of my ex best friends found it hilarious to call me and other curlies 'pube heads' which I think is really insulting like sorry you don't have a fantastic mane like us
I grew up in a small town (in Australia), I was the only girl with curly hair plus I was the only redhead, I got the lions share of hurtful comments. Even my mum who is a type 3 maybe 4 brunette chopped her curls off to be rid of them. She used to brush my hair, I had a wooden brush snap in my curls.

Anything from why can't she just get a straightener to being called a tampon top (which is gross and disgusting). I hated my curls for a long time, I straightened my hair constantly, I'd only learned to love the colour in my late teens and now at 23, I'm embracing my curls. I wanted to tell every person that's had hurtful things said, that your hair is amazing
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Once a guy I was dating said "I like your frizzy hair" I don't know what that meant, I guess a compliment in an off colored way? It's was not a hurtful comment...just weird.
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