hurtful comments people've made about your hair

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I just had a lady at work comment on my straight hair. My stylist straightens it to cut it, and she gives a great cut - I've always gotten exactly what I've asked for. This is the first time I've worn it straight in 7 months, so people aren't used to seeing me with it anymore.

Lady: You flattened out your curls.
Me: (secretly rolling eyes) *I* didn't, my hair stylist did.
Lady: Your hair stylist? Well.. I don't have to do anything to keep me from having curls!

I'm glad you think it's a good thing to not have curls, but I like it thankyouverymuch. She tries to relate but fails all the time.
Originally Posted by sixelamy
What an awkward phrasing. Both of those comments are so weird. Like . . .what the hell . . .
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What an awkward phrasing. Both of those comments are so weird. Like . . .what the hell . . .
Originally Posted by mustangbunny
I know!! When I herniated a disc in my back, she was trying to relate by saying she fell in the snow. I was just like.. umm... I'm sorry you hurt, but kinda not the same!
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The way I see it there are people who sympathize and people who try to 1 up you. She sounds like a 1 upper. Also, very annoying.


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Oh, she definitely is! She asked me how I was one day and I started crying, apologized, and told her my grandpa just died. She then turned the convo into her mother who passed away about 10 years ago and then she started crying. I do sympathize with her, but she just doesn't know how to relate appropriately. Now every time she talks to me, I'm very curious to see what will come out of her mouth lol
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I just had a lady at work comment on my straight hair. My stylist straightens it to cut it, and she gives a great cut - I've always gotten exactly what I've asked for. This is the first time I've worn it straight in 7 months, so people aren't used to seeing me with it anymore.

Lady: You flattened out your curls.
Me: (secretly rolling eyes) *I* didn't, my hair stylist did.
Lady: Your hair stylist? Well.. I don't have to do anything to keep me from having curls!

I'm glad you think it's a good thing to not have curls, but I like it thankyouverymuch. She tries to relate but fails all the time.
Originally Posted by sixelamy
Sounds like a pain! I have this one friend here at work (who's on this site) and we talk about hair when she comes out to my location. There's this one co-worker who will come down, stand and listen to us and then try to say something (she has straight hair). We both just look at her until she goes away. Lol. It wouldn't be so bad though, if she wasn't so fake about it!
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Last edited by ailsa; 05-13-2014 at 12:52 PM.
I am so bumped that most of the bad comments are from ny mother. Shouldn't she be the one supporting me?

It will be either that my hair is way too flat or the other day I was showing her some pieces of my hair that were very tight curled and she asked what I used to make them curl that much and said that wouldn't they look pretier if they were looser.

Many would say not to let it bother me but it's my mother. No matter what she bothers me.
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Last edited by KaZenner1990; 05-03-2014 at 05:46 AM.
I am so bumped that most of the bad comments are from ny mother. Shouldn't she be the one supporting me?

It will be either that my hair is way too flat or the other day I was showing her some pieces of my hair that were very tight curled and she asked what I used to make them curl that much and said that wouldn't they look pretier if they were looser.

Many would say not to let it bother me but it's my mother. No matter what she bothers me.
Originally Posted by KaZenner1990
You need to tell your mother exactly how you feel when she is making those comments and may have to do it a couple of times.

I had to do that to my own mother when she was alive - and I know it's not easy.

Also if you are showing her or anyone else something i.e. a split end, try and sound positive even if your positivity is only that you know how to deal with it or where to find out how to deal with it.
I usually get "I think you need to comb/brush your hair" comments when I wear my hair out. It's like they don't understand that all fros aren't always the picked and sprayed-to-death styles of the 60s.
No I'm saying what is unacceptable is taking a characteristic or trait that is naturally occurring for some people and using as a negative descriptive word.


The best example I can think of is the campaign to stop people from saying "That's so g*y". There have been commercials with Hillary Duff, Wanda Sykes and other celebrities.

Maybe the reason it's hard to understand is because it's not common to take one of your physical traits and turn it into a joke or a negative thing.
Originally Posted by lovebonita
This. People always have and excuse and cry their tears for their own negative views whether it's consciously or subconsciously. I especially agree with the last part. " It's not offensive because blah blah" I really wish people would stop trying to dictate what we can and can't be offended by. Then forever trying to turn it around on you and get their usual pass. Bye. I love Wanda Sykes & those "That's so gay" commercial. Some folks are so entitled it's not even funny. They want to hold onto their ideology but don't want to be labeled. "That's so gay" is highly offensive


But any who there's always people that are forever asking me, "why do you wear your hair like that? " do I ask you about your hair? Why do you wear yours that way? Because you want to right? There's your answer now shut up
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You know the weird part is that last week I got complimented from my mom's friend, female one, about my curly hair and she kinda said that my mom has spring in her house me with my curly hair, i was wearing a flower clip to hold my bangs and my mom kinda humff agreed which actually upset me.
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Oh KaZenner my mom is just like that. Anytime she feels bad about something, no mater what, she takes out her frustrations by saying something not nice about my apearance: hair, zits, eyebrows, feet, clothes, whatever.

In my opinion the best thing is to give ABSOLUTELY NO importance, just ignore the coment and know the problem is her's, not mine.
And change the topic:
"what happened to your hair?" "Nothing, how was your day?"
Butter52, is like you describe my mom when she gets cranky I HAVE to agree with her on everything!!! Otherwise I am considered as I always want to disagree with everything on purpose.

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My mother frequently says that I don't have "a good grade of hair" and that I "don't have the type of hair for natural hair". It always sounds as if she's just saying, "I don't like your hair, and it's ugly."
Wow, mothers can be so nice!!

My mom does like my hair, but she dislikes my face. So it's like she's telling me I am just wearing a mask or something. "At least your hair looks nice" or some crap.
I am not sure if this is actually a comment towards my 'curly' hair, but years ago I had a 5 month vacation in Asia. When I came back, my hair was very dry (I hadn't had a haircut in 6 months, my hair was bleached, and I had been swimming and washing up in salt water for months), and when we visited my ex-boyfriend's sister in london, she hugged me, took me by the hair and said 'wow, you REALLY need to buy a good conditioner. This hair is the driest I've ever seen." I had only met her twice before this comment so it definitely wasn't even one of those 'helpful' comments.
My mother frequently says that I don't have "a good grade of hair" and that I "don't have the type of hair for natural hair". It always sounds as if she's just saying, "I don't like your hair, and it's ugly."
Originally Posted by Xhexania
This is just like my mother! I have come to peace with the fact that my parents will never accept my hair, will never fully accept me. They have the nerve to deny that they don't think I am ugly, too.
Ive been called chia-pet, Brillo Pad, and frizz ball, in school and as a adult. I used to straighten my hair along time ago, (never anymore), and when I did, these same people would say "wow your hair is so much prettier like that" or "wow you look so much younger with straight hair" and I always got a "you should leave your hair straight all the time"
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Does anyone here know the "Struwwelpeter" (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Struwwelpeter ) .When I was a kid this was still a very popular children´s book (in Europe). I got called this a lot.
I also remember crying on my first day of school because I overheard some older girls talking about my hair in church and I knew I would have to see them in school.
Church in general was a horrible place for me because as a kid you had to sit in the front and I knew people would stare at me and talk. Sometimes my grandmother would report back to me that I should have brushed my hair and things like that. I also got asked if my hairdryer exploded or if I had gotten an electric shock. In 4th grade a boy who had a crush on me told me that now he liked some other girl better because she didn´t have “hair like this”. She didn´t even have straight hair, but I guess her brushed out waves still looked a lot better than the bush on my head.
When I was 11 years old my mother and some hair stylist talked me into a short haircut, because apparently my kind of hair has to be kept short to look neat . After that even my teacher called me “poodle”. I got so much unwanted attention that I tried to stay home as much as possible. Eventually my hair grew out and I would wear it in a bun day and night (I didn´t want to see it myself). My mother then made an appointment at a better stylist because she knew I was very unhappy. This “stylist”, who had assured my mother before that he knew how to work with curly hair, took a short look at me and said that there was nothing to be done with this kind of hair (he also sold us some expensive shampoo).
I got my first relaxer in my early twenties after stepping into a black hair salon – I knew it was damaging, but then I didn´t care because I hadn´t been able to grow my hair past my shoulders in 10 years and I never wore it down – so I had nothing to loose. The lady at this salon was the first one ever telling me that she knew how to handle my hair. I got some more relaxers after that but at the end I started loosing so much hair that I got scared. The guy who did my last relaxer burned my scalp really bad, I had a big blister and later I could peel of patches of skin. But that was the time I got the most compliments for my hair, so I actually thought he had done a good job.
Since I have started to find the right routine for my hair I really enjoy my hair and I get a lot more positive feedback. The only one negative about it is my sister´s boyfriend who every time he sees me has to make a stupid comment. The must hurtful one was at my sisters birthday when we were talking about how I didn´t have much hair till I was almost 1,5 years old – that´s when he said: “and after that you got this African hair that no one else wanted”!!!! I was cought off guard so I didn´t say anything but it really makes me mad (also I don´t have type 4 hair but what good would it do to explain that to someone this ignorant)!!!
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Since I've started high school I recievied a lot of horrible comments or treatments about my hair. Since calling it a "rat's nest" to even cut it on propose because, somehow, my classmates found that really funny. Once, I remember it clearly, I had a fight with an ex friend of mine and she told me "you should shave your head and use a decent wig on it". My best friend told me "she's just jelous" but, I knew it wasn't like that and that's one of the reasons why I would never let anyone else see my natural hair till I finished highschool, six months ago. There's a lot of things that I miss of school, but being uncapable of being myself isn't one. So now I'm curly, since 3 weeks.
But, I am a very weak person, so two days ago I broke in tears. I met with two girl friends from school, we chat, had a great time and everything, they were surprised about how good my hair looked and that kind of help me to increase confidence. But then, we met this guy, a kind of "bully" from school (who's also dating one of my friends) and he kind of laughted at me, IN MY FACE. So, he proceed to say "what's up with that hair?" I answered: It's just my natural hair. He said that I looked like his mother. I tried to ignore him, but then one of my girl friends ask him "Don't be bad, don't you think it looks pretty on her?" and he said "It looks pretty on my mom".
So, I give him a big friendly smile, but when I came home I cried and grab the iron flat and started straightening my curls. When I was in the middle of the process, I cried even more because I felt that I was ruining all the progress. then, I took a shower and my curls were back, as always.
I told my boyfriend about this, and he said that I'm making a big deal of an innocent joke. Maybe he's right, but I'm trying to make my selfsteem stronger than anyone's "innocent joke".
I find this bigger than a superficial deal. For me this is a way of breaking with all the chains people put in me once. Like when I saw that not eating wasn't a way to be accepted and it won't make me happy, just because a brainless dude told me that I was fat when I was not.
So, my new goal is not to achieve 85 pounds, or having straighter hair. My new goal is loving myself the way I am. And for me, this is a way to go for it.

Last edited by HelenaBeat; 07-28-2014 at 03:45 PM.

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