new guy hates my hair

i met this guy recently, and he's cool and all, but he doesnt really like my hair. he says that it looks best with "tamed" curls or when its straight. so im like, "okay maybe he doesnt love my hair as much as i do, who cares? its my hair and it makes me different."

then once we were having a conversation about his old girlfriends/people he used to date and after he showed me pics of them, i told him that he could do better because all those girls were ugly. (they were! i wasnt being nasty!) then he said, they'd all probably think my hair was ugly. strike two. of course i replied with, thats a load of crap because i bet they WISH they could have naturally curly hair as cute as mine.

now the straw that broke the camel's back: once again, another hair discussion and he tells me that i have "poofy" hair. of course, i say i dont mind having poofy hair because id hate to have boring straight hair like everyone else. then he says if i were to ever meet his dad, id have to "do something" with my hair (straighten it) and make sure i stay out of the sun that day. OUCH!

so i take it his dad is a racist as well as being a curl hater like his son. i think these comments might be a deal breaker....
subbrock,

That guy may be cool but he is not nice and he doesn't appreciate your special beauty and your magnificent coilies. Please do not get close to a person that does not glorify you.
I have finally realized I look my best when my hair tells me how it is going to fall, and I just make suggestions.

3A BSL
child that makes me want to pick up a phone and call you if i knew you well!! that is some ******** forreal. you said they "might" be a deal breaker? girl the first comment is enough please drop that mofo cuz he's not worth your beauty. i hope you tell him it's time to step! there are so many men who are all types of colors that are in love with natural beauty. a man should like/love you for who you are, not what they can make you out to be. brainwashed people are so amazing girl. i'm just so upset right now cuz this **** is the reason why woman have such a hard time in this world. please, you just saw your 3 red flags, now it's time to run.

i think you and your hair are gorgeous! i know that sometimes you don't feel it is but please know it today. a person has to accept you for all that you are, mind body and soul. if they can't do that, then where will the relationship lead to? whew that made my blood pressure go up and i'm only 21 lol j/k have a good day girl
Truly Aesthetic...mind, body and spirit
You just got out a relationships right ? Do not be so quick to get into a relationship because this may cause you to “settle.” Maybe it is time to enjoy being with yourself instead of jumping into a new relationship.

When the right guy comes along you will know because he is not going to play mind games, hate your hair, or your skin color . From your other posts, you said that you had some issues with your hair/beauty. IMO it sounds like he may be using your insecurities to make you feel even worse. Get rid of him fast! This guy has shown too many red flags and you just met him .


First thing my guy said 8 years ago was that he loves my hair! I knew then he was a keeper :love:love.gif. Only associate with people who love you for you! That is what I do.
It's not a "might be a deal breaker" situation. It's way beyond that, sweetie.

Girl, after the first comment, I would have had to say "bye, bye". You and your hair are beautiful, and if he can't see that, screw him. :x You shouldn't have to change who you are for his affection, acceptance, or approval.

When I met my fiance, I had relaxed hair, and he liked it then, but he loves my hair now. He thinks it's beautiful, and has never made any negative remarks about how I wear my hair, or said how I should wear it. If anything, it's me complaining about how puffy it is, and him convincing me that it's perfectly fine. It's a part of who I am, and he would never suggest me change who I am.

You can do better, but you have to believe that you deserve better. You'll find someone that will appreciate all that you have to give, hair and all.
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Now the straw that broke the camel's back: once again, another hair discussion and he tells me that i have "poofy" hair. of course, i say i dont mind having poofy hair because id hate to have boring straight hair like everyone else. then he says if i were to ever meet his dad, id have to "do something" with my hair (straighten it) and make sure i stay out of the sun that day. OUCH!

so i take it his dad is a racist as well as being a curl hater like his son. i think these comments might be a deal breaker....
Originally Posted by subbrock
OUCH! I still have my mouth open!
I don't think you should have to defend your
sense of style. It's who you are take it or leave
it. Not up for discussion.
I certainly wouldn't want to be part of that
family. These are red flags!!!

How dare he!!
Maya
3b/c CG routine
HG line DevaCurl
Password: Locks

Wow, the nerve!!! Get rid of him now before you get in deep.

I had always hated my "poofy" hair, especially before I found nc.com & learned how to properly care for it. But, my DH said that it was one of the things that first attracted him to me!!! Even way back then, when my hair was very poofy & I was wishing I had straight hair like all my friends, he loved my hair!!! :couple:couple.gif

You & your hair are just beautiful!!! Do not let some new guy come into your life & tell you any different. He is already trying to change who you are *warning bells!!* Don't let him, ditch the curl hater!!!
3a/2c
Long layers, past BSL
Loving: CON poo, Elucence MBC, Jessicurl WDT, B&A Gel.
SLS free poos since Feb 6/05
Don't just walk away....RUN! Who needs someone that tears away at something that makes you uniquely beautiful? YOu can do so much better. Hold out for someone better.
To everything there is a season. Make the most of the moment wherein you find yourself.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Corkscrew canopy atop a botacelli foundation--3C over 3B.
the good thing is his comments have actually made me like my hair even more.

sidenote: maybe hes just jealous...hes balding and his dad is bald too
He probably is. You can definitely do better than someone who's actually mean enough to make rude comments about your appearance to your face. You don't tell him that he needs to use Rogaine before meeting your parents, do you? I'm with the other girls. This guy sounds like a prick--head for the hills. I'm glad you don't let him get to you though, because you and your hair really are beautiful.
With your feet in the air and your head on the ground
Try this trick and spin it, yeah
Your head will collapse
If there's nothing in it
If he is disrespectful so early in the relationship--it will probably just get worse

What doesn't kill us makes us stronger
2C/3A auburn hair.
between shoulders and BSL
I agree with the other posters, dump this guy ASAP! It's not your hair he doesn't like, he's just using that to make you feel bad about yourself, the last thing you want in a boyfriend. Any more time you spend with him won't be happy, so get out soon.
Subbrock, after viewing your photo albums it is plain to see that you are confident, beautiful, happy and have great self esteem. MANY people are jealous of your beautiful hair, and envy you for being able to wear it in such cute styles. Your clothes are fabulous, your makeup, your whole look. And of course I love the vans (I'm the one who told you I loved them and about the others on the vans website.) Anyway, it is obvious that you are a unique and lovely gal, who loves being happy.

So, do NOT continue to date this guy! I have been there, so happy and unique, and started dating someone like this. I SLOWLY lost pieces of myself, only to become a completely different person. Because the transition was so slow, I didn't realize it, but everyone around me did. It starts with hair or clothes, and ends up telling you which friends to hang with, where you can and can't go, so on and so forth. PLEASE, as a member of a board where MANY people care about you, do NOT do that to yourself. You're too good for him!

By the way, I now date an awesome guy who loves me without makeup and doesn't care how insane my hair is. He cares about me, not my frizzy hair. I say this because he popped up at a point when I was NOT looking for someone, and he just accpeted me from the beginning. I almost didn't believe it and thought I was being tricked, as the last guy messed me up so badly. Don't feel the need to jump right back into dating jerks, just to date.

By the way, you sound like you have a great sense of humor about the situation right now, please keep it that way and don't give him anymore of your time. You have BEAUTIFUL natural hair and it's time to let someone appreciate it!

Wow..... that was long. I got on a roll, sorry.
Believe you can, believe you can't. Either way, you're right.

PW:acceptance
He doesn't have to love your hair, but he should be nice to you! How rude! :x
point and laugh at this fool, and tell him good luck elsewhere because with that attitude he's going to need it. tell a woman what to do with her hair, indeed!
Subbrock-

I sincerely hope that you have drop kicked this a**hole to the curb by now... UNBELIEVABLE! Unfortunately, this type of man will dish out as much as you are willing to take. I've been fortunate never to date such a horror show but have heard stories... they are not pretty.
"Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people."

"I think that somehow, we learn who we really are and then we live with that decision."
- Eleanor Roosevelt (both quotes)

(taking a break from posting starting late august 2009)
oh dont worry, he hasnt contacted me in about a week or two now.
EXCELLENT NEWS Subbrock.

But why the crying smiley People do tend to show you their true colors right up front when you first meet them, and this guy was a big red light! Just move on, head held high. You'll find someone better who can appreciate you and make you feel special. That's what every woman deserves and should expect/demand!!!
"Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people."

"I think that somehow, we learn who we really are and then we live with that decision."
- Eleanor Roosevelt (both quotes)

(taking a break from posting starting late august 2009)
Thank God he isn't callling. Appearantly there was something that he liked about you when he met you. I am a very straight up person and I defend my hair everytime and let people know that if they want to be around me that they are to never say anything bad about natural hair. Was this guy Caucasian? I don't even like straight hair so he would've gotten a BIG laugh in the face.
Black and Puerto Rican 3c Natural since '95 (15). Growing hair to waist. PJ and Certified MAC JUNKIE and a freakin' DEMOCRAT!!! Visit my other page @ www.myspace.com/LipGlassHoney
Me @ 6 mos. looking just like my son
Was this guy Caucasian?
Originally Posted by LipGlassHoney
yeah, he is.

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