Seriously- Why don't men like Curly hair?

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Thanks Myrna.

And yes I do agree, I think that (SADLY) a lot of people especially in the Hispanic community it seems, somehow attach curls to the African American race only, something that is incredibly ignorant. Unfortunately a lot of guys I've met that are Hispanic have pre-conceived notions about curls and they believe that based on what they've heard from their families being "black" is a bad thing?

I know this because I was born in the Dominican Republic, my family however is from Northern Spain and I was raised in the U.S. I'm from all over the place and was never raised with any sort of prejudice or complexes about hair, as a matter of fact growing up I didn't know there was really a difference between straight hair or curly or wavy, I just never thought about it to be honest. But after encountering a lot of Hispanic people I realized most views were very different from mine.

I've noticed that in DR most men if not ALL will NEVER date a girl with curls because that means she must be mixed with African, and in Dominican Republic a lot of people attempt to be as "White" as possible? Whatever that means. So you see women relaxing their hair every weekend at the salon and if you want to find a man, you're not going to with what they call (pajon) or "giant poofy mess" in English. In a lot of Hispanic communities the men's goal is to get a "white" girlfriend, or one that at least sort of looks white, so being curly haired and tan isn't the best thing I guess.

I am mixed with many races. so I don't think curls only come from Africa since there are women and men from all over the globe with curls and textures. But like you said, I do find it quite racist for guys to make comments like that about curls because the majority of the time I feel it does have some underlying pre-conception or assumption about a specific ethnicity, be it African or any other.
Originally Posted by ElleBelleCurls
I've never been to DR but I've heard this. I live in South Florida which has an overwhelmingly Latin/Hispanic population, and my experiences have always been a bit interesting.

I'm multiracial too, with very white skin and very curly 4B hair. My mother is a very light-skinned Jamaican and my father was a white American. Not only do lots of people assume I'm Latina (mostly Cuban or sometimes Dominican) but I've heard a lot of cruel comments about my hair over the years.

Most of the rude comments have been in English, but some were in Spanish. I don't speak Spanish but I know enough to know when insults are being aimed at me. I remember this Dominican lady washing my hair calling it "feo y sucio" (dirty and ugly)...that was pretty offensive. And there were at least two incidents of Hispanic people calling my hair "n*gger hair". I was not a happy camper.

I only know of one Hispanic guy who said that he wanted to marry a white woman with blonde hair and blue eyes, but most of the Hispanic men I know don't care what the girl looks like as long as they find her attractive. I don't think most of them like my hair but it doesn't stop them from trying to flirt with me, so hey...*shrugs* I once dated a Colombian guy with the most gorgeous curls and he loved my hair, so that was an exception. But I think that for a lot of women and some of us with curly hair of a certain texture, it can be somewhat challenging to find guys that appreciate our hair the way it is.


But I have noticed that, as with other cultures, straight hair is generally preferred. Dominican salons make a killing when it comes to that because most women in my city seem to want sleek, straight hair. And some people aren't shy about giving the stink face to more tightly coiled hair, whether it is relaxed or natural.

Curlyhoneyb, I wonder if some of the Latin ( *cough* part-black) people who've said awful things about your hair understand that they are simultaneously attacking themselves

Anyway, I bet your hair is wonderful
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I think just as many women prefer softer/straighter hair as men. Otherwise there wouldn't be so many of us fighting our hair for years trying to get it to be something it's not. And even when we 'embrace' our 'natural' hair, we are all still on a quest to get the softest, smoothest hair possible. It's just natural. I don't think there are many people who wouldn't kill to wake up with silky, smooth hair- curly or not. My ideal hair actually has nothing to do with how curly it is or how straight it is, I just want it to be soft and frizz free.

I think men love to run their hands through women's hair. Heck, I love it when my boyfriend does that! Can't say I blame them for that. I think that's why there is a perception that they like straight hair. It's not that they don't like the curls- most guys wouldn't like heavily sprayed and styled and product heavy straight hair either.
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I dont agree with this at all, sorry. Its an issue of cultural conditioning. Curls are historically considered lush and lovely; women were curling their hair as far back as into the 19th century. It has really only been since the 1960's, with role models like Cher, that straight hair started becoming au courant. I am not speaking against straight hair; but I dont think it is correct to say that we all want straight hair, because curls have always been treasured.
Curls have been treasured in history. Not today. If so, Nicole Kidman and Taylor Swift would not be constantly straightening their curls. Even recently Taylor said she "loved" her curls...but what has happened since she got really famous? Straight straight straight. Likely from pressure from her stylists. Men do tend to love long hair & hair they can touch. Straight hair is everywhere and very few of us on NC.com have never straightened - whether we did it because that was considered beautiful or out of a lack of knowledge and products that allowed us to properly care for it. Only recently has curly hair become acceptable and encouraged again, but judging from the amount of advertisements for curly hair products that feature straight hair "curled" with a curling iron into perfect glossy frizz free unattainable curls, natural hair is still a long way from being mainstream.

Men are constantly exposed to these advertisements & also to girls who have flat ironed their hair into submission. Curlies like us are still in the minority. So for a man to be exposed to truly natural hair, it's pretty uncommon and I can imagine it's a natural reaction, at least until they get used to it on you, to be like wtf is that? Now, if a man continues to belittle your hair when he knows you love it, then he is a d-bag.
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WEll of course I am not in the media, nor am I a "handler" of anyone famous, and of course I am biased in favor of curls. But, Nicole Kidman had drop dead gorgeous curls - now she looks ordinary. Less attractive, in my opinion. Same as Juliana Marguiles, and Taylor Swift, for that matter. I have had people stop me on the street and ask if my curls are natural. I doubt anyone asks that of our straight haired friends.
I also think that curls are youthful; softer, more flattering to a woman's face as she gets older. Just sayin'.
I think just as many women prefer softer/straighter hair as men. Otherwise there wouldn't be so many of us fighting our hair for years trying to get it to be something it's not. And even when we 'embrace' our 'natural' hair, we are all still on a quest to get the softest, smoothest hair possible. It's just natural. I don't think there are many people who wouldn't kill to wake up with silky, smooth hair- curly or not. My ideal hair actually has nothing to do with how curly it is or how straight it is, I just want it to be soft and frizz free.

I think men love to run their hands through women's hair. Heck, I love it when my boyfriend does that! Can't say I blame them for that. I think that's why there is a perception that they like straight hair. It's not that they don't like the curls- most guys wouldn't like heavily sprayed and styled and product heavy straight hair either.
Originally Posted by Luuuuucy
Yeah, sorry but I call BS on this too. First, credit where it's due: it is true that straight hair tends to be softer because sebum is more evenly distributed down each hair shaft (whereas curly hair is bent, and at times, grows out rather than down, so that these natural oils can't take advantage of gravity quite as much). BUT ...

"Soft" is not exclusive to straight hair AT ALL lol. Some of the most crisp, moisture-starved hair I've ever touched is straight. I'd say whether or not the hair is porose has a lot more to do with how soft or rough it is to the touch. And of course, the products/chemicals you use, and how you care for it. Throw those last two factors in and you have a whole lot of straighties with hair that's just not soft.

And preference for "frizz free" hair is clearly indoctrinated thinking. I mean, there is nothing inherently bad or wrong about frizz, and since frizz is indigenous to all sorts of hair (after taking away all the lotions and potions), it's clear that frizz is a natural condition of hair, depending on context. So I doubt anyone's distain for frizz is "natural".

One way we know this anti-curl BS is nothing but a historical trend in the US is by looking at US and European history (in which you'd think straight hair would have been most desired). In past centuries, curls, waves and curly wigs were all the rage. Men thought they were sexy too and I bet plenty of those men played w/those curls and waves. As recently as the 1980s in the US, you were considered sexiest with big, curly hair, and YES, Nicole Kidman did wear her hair curly back then, with pride. Women couldn't step away from the perm solution. Men played in women's hair, joyously. (Who could resist all those great curls?)

But I'm glad you found out what you like, for yourself

Edited to correct a typo.
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Last edited by Korkscrew; 03-12-2013 at 07:21 PM.
I agree, one hundred percent

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Korkscrew likes this.
My husband loves my hair and so do my friends

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Ya know, we curlies are a bunch of strong minded women! maybe that is what "some" people dont like.

Or maybe, our culture, and the way the media represents it, just dont like diversity too much. Well, they can take a flying leap!
I think there is something to be said for being able to run your fingers through hair, and having it look neat, like straight hair usually does. (And that often comes with a trade off to flat hair or other things.) BUT also, I have thought about it like this: there are millions of us with curly hair. Therefore, obviously some of our ancestors had curly hair – and obviously, they all had sex. So someone found all these curly haired people attractive enough for sex.

Soooooo, obviously men aren’t all that picky about curly versus straight hair.

I do think men (and white male culture in particular) tendto follow the lead dog. Therefore, IMO, if the prevalent images of women portrayed as desirable have straight hair, men will be influenced by it. Relatedly, I have had (white) males confide that they find rounder, even chubby, women attractive. But they are supposed to like the thin women and that is what is socially acceptable, so that is who they brought to their Fraternity parties. And okay, warning ‘cause this is offensive - but here is what one guy used to say that makes the point “Fat girls are like mopeds. They are fun to ride until yourfriends see you”.
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Last edited by tricello; 03-11-2013 at 09:34 AM.
Didn't mean to make it sound like I'm anti curl. I'm not! I love my curls! I am just saying that the most common thread I see on these boards and what every single persons know in real life wants is touchable hair. I was pointing out that maybe people have been trained to THINK that means straight but if you put soft straight hair next to soft curls, I don't think as many people would say they prefer straight.
Agreed that plenty of straight haired girls have damaged hard hair- that was my point when I said that its a soft feel that people generally like, it's not anti curl. I don't think you'll find any guy (or girl) who would choose straight but damaged and crispy hair over soft touchable curls.
I know everyone is not lucky enough to have this hair (I'm not!) but I don't think it's because we are all indoctrinated by the evil media. People are tactile and sensory. We (generally) want soft hair for the same reason we like soft sheets, fuzzy socks and soft tshirts. It feels better than wearing burlap.
It wast an attack on coarse haired curlies at all. The vast majority of us would prefer soft and touchable products to hard and crunchy.
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Tricello, that guy is an idiot and immature. My husband prefers "a woman who looks like a woman". it is OK for a man to have a beer gut, to not have the sense to remove his baseball cap when he is out on a date in restaurant, but heaven forbid a woman have curves. Y'all ought to see "Real Women Have Curves". Its great.

Lucy, sorry, i dont think this is about anything but the lack of diverse role models on the part of the media. If you saw "The Help", she started out as a curly haired gal; in the end, when she was off to be a journalist, her hair was no longer curly. What is the message there? How are African American and Latina women supposed to feel abut their hair when all we see are images of women with straight or perfectly manageable hair? Its just a bias, plain and simple.
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BUT also, I have thought about it like this: there are millions of us with curly hair. Therefore, obviously some of our ancestors had curly hair – and obviously, they all had sex. So someone found all these curly haired people attractive enough for sex.
Originally Posted by tricello
LOL ... yes! "Our [original] ancestors" were African. That's where civilization started. And even when you look at many Italians and Spanish people today, their hair reflects North African (Moorish) ancestry. ... Not to mention Latinos"and Arabs, all of whom have admixtures that include African ancestry. ... As for being able to run fingers through hair, sure, that a legitimate, sensual experience. But there are also a lot of men and women who get off on playing with curls. their own and others. I can personally attest to that

I have nothing to back this up ... it's strictly speculation: I suspect one of the things that appeals to men about curly hair is that it is often - but not always - thicker than straight hair. I think thicker hair (and more of it) tends to be a sexual turn on for a lot of people. Maybe because thick and abundant hair suggests good health and good genes for potential offspring. But even then, I think some people won't care about that so much.
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Last edited by Korkscrew; 03-11-2013 at 04:29 PM.
Didn't mean to make it sound like I'm anti curl. I'm not! I love my curls! I am just saying that the most common thread I see on these boards and what every single persons know in real life wants is touchable hair. I was pointing out that maybe people have been trained to THINK that means straight but if you put soft straight hair next to soft curls, I don't think as many people would say they prefer straight.
Agreed that plenty of straight haired girls have damaged hard hair- that was my point when I said that its a soft feel that people generally like, it's not anti curl. I don't think you'll find any guy (or girl) who would choose straight but damaged and crispy hair over soft touchable curls.
I know everyone is not lucky enough to have this hair (I'm not!) but I don't think it's because we are all indoctrinated by the evil media. People are tactile and sensory. We (generally) want soft hair for the same reason we like soft sheets, fuzzy socks and soft tshirts. It feels better than wearing burlap.
It wast an attack on coarse haired curlies at all. The vast majority of us would prefer soft and touchable products to hard and crunchy.
Originally Posted by Luuuuucy
I don't think you're purposely out to offend anyone. It's just that the way you stated your opinion earlier sounds like you've taken on some of the indoctrination you set out to describe. You just now said, "I know everyone is not lucky enough to have this hair (I'm not!)." But Lucy, I submit that having curly or straight hair isn't about bad or good luck. All hair has equal value. The "luckiest" people are the ones who learn to appreciate what they have and what everyone else has, regardless of what society says.
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Last edited by Korkscrew; 03-11-2013 at 04:30 PM.
SO HAPPY to have found this thread and to know I am not alone! I have been frying my hair with color and heat to please my fiance'. He is Spanish and always teases me about my hair. All of his girlfriends have had long straight or wavy Caucasian hair. He even nicknamed me "naps" because he thinks bi-racial or ethnic hair =NAPPY. I can never tell if he thinks he is funny or really means it He's the only person who doesn't like my curls... I've been getting so many compliments and other mixed women asking me about my hair, so I am inspired to show him that curly can be beautiful too... (considering HIS hair is quite curly too)
I couldn't imagine my significant other not liking my naturally curly hair...it's part of who I am. And I'm not gonna damage it to please anyone.

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Antonia likes this.
SO HAPPY to have found this thread and to know I am not alone! I have been frying my hair with color and heat to please my fiance'. He is Spanish and always teases me about my hair. All of his girlfriends have had long straight or wavy Caucasian hair. He even nicknamed me "naps" because he thinks bi-racial or ethnic hair =NAPPY. I can never tell if he thinks he is funny or really means it He's the only person who doesn't like my curls... I've been getting so many compliments and other mixed women asking me about my hair, so I am inspired to show him that curly can be beautiful too... (considering HIS hair is quite curly too)
Originally Posted by pinkmouse09
Aww, my husband jokes about my hair all the time too...but he always says he loves the curls. When its curly he tells my son "Yay, its fun mom today!" and when I straighten it he says "uh-oh, serious mom". lol
He once took a bottle of my hair serum and put a label over it that said "Naps-be-gone serum". Gotta love the guy.
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My SO isn’t thrilled with the curly look but we went through dozens of curly girl hair photos and found a style we mutually like. He did say that all the girls in the curly hair pics looked like they would be fun to be around.


I think showing him pics of great looking women with curly hair helped bring him along. Note that it wasn’t necessarily “great looking curly hair” but “great looking women with curly hair”. It was the *great looking women* part that influenced him. Like he hadn’t previously associated attractive women with curly hair - but once he made that association, a small barrier was broken.

I say Thank God for Rihanna and Beyonce, cause those images do make a difference.
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Yeah, and we used to have Andie McDowell, Juliana Marguiles, Nicole Kidman, Minnie Driver, and Taylor Swift - and they all defected.

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