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Old 01-24-2013, 01:05 PM   #241
 
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Angry Advice please?

So ever since I went CG people (not strangers blessed be) but straight-haired friends and family have been touching my hair. Maybe they were just so used to seeing me straight they've forgotten what my natural texture looked like. Maybe they haven't seen my natural texture look quite so curly before. (At least not since I was a little girl.) But it's driving me bananas. What's a polite way to say "quit it"? I've said, "You know you can't just touch a woman's hair. You have to ask permission." And I would be fine provided they'd ask first, that way I could remind them to do it gently. But that's the thing. They often forget (or don't bother) to ask. Someone yanked first thing this morning and my hair wasn't even quite settled yet. Big no no.
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Old 02-10-2013, 11:03 PM   #242
 
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I don't wear it out often or in it's natural state (a wng) often so not really, but I have had friends touch it w/o permission, but I don't really care. If a stranger did that would be annoying, because it's just disrespectful, but my hair is usually under a hat so this doesn't really happen to me.
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Old 02-10-2013, 11:19 PM   #243
 
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Strangers DONT touch to the point of annoyance but my brothers do and i get irritable, especially when its in a nice style.

Strangers look, and compliment but they dont touch. I like it like that

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Old 02-20-2013, 07:47 AM   #244
 
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Originally Posted by dusalocks View Post
So ever since I went CG people (not strangers blessed be) but straight-haired friends and family have been touching my hair. Maybe they were just so used to seeing me straight they've forgotten what my natural texture looked like. Maybe they haven't seen my natural texture look quite so curly before. (At least not since I was a little girl.) But it's driving me bananas. What's a polite way to say "quit it"? I've said, "You know you can't just touch a woman's hair. You have to ask permission." And I would be fine provided they'd ask first, that way I could remind them to do it gently. But that's the thing. They often forget (or don't bother) to ask. Someone yanked first thing this morning and my hair wasn't even quite settled yet. Big no no.
Thats what i want to know...What is a polite way to say STOP IT!! lol when ppl yank my curls i nearly cuss them out bc it hurts.

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Old 02-20-2013, 01:19 PM   #245
 
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It appears I've gone into feral mode because last week someone tried to touch this curl sticking out the side of my head that wasn't 100% dry and I smacked their hand mid-air. I felt so bad afterwards but I've gotten exasperated. But at least my friends know not to touch my hair now.
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Old 02-21-2013, 12:34 PM   #246
 
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LoL! People can't help it! They're like "Must has the preciousssssss...."


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Old 02-21-2013, 09:48 PM   #247
 
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I'm reading this thread with interest. I am taken aback that strangers/friends approach you without your permission. I've been curly for at least 15 years and no one touches my hair. My husband does not even touch it. I recently had a big chop and people in my office ( I am the boss) will say "you got a hair cut" but they will not touch. I am also not a hugger and there are a slim few (2-3) per year that will attempt a hug and I will grudgingly respond.... I'm wondering if this touching of hair has to do with personal boundaries/how we carry ourselves ? I have a post graduate level job and just do not make myself accessible to random touching.
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Old 02-22-2013, 03:54 PM   #248
 
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Perhaps. Nobody touches my hair in a professional setting as they say. But I'm also an educated adult who likes to be taken seriously. However, my personality is that I'm very friendly, affectionate and I love hugs so I have a good sense of humor about it all. I'm also petite (stature and size) and look younger than my age just by default, which can give people the impression they can treat me like a kid. I was at the cash register with my friend buying some booze one evening and the girl ringing us up paused and said, "Now I know this isn't for you, sweetie," laughing and looking at me. My friend happens to be taller and I said, "Jesus, I'm older than her!" The girl blushed and we all had a good laugh.
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Old 02-22-2013, 06:09 PM   #249
 
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I was at our local CVS today. As I am standing in front of the " ethnic" hair products reading ingredients, a store employee walks up to me, grabs a handful ! of my hair and says " girl, you don't need none of that stuff, that's only for darkies " !
I took a deep breath and was about to start what would have been ugly when my dh literally yanked me away and out of the store ( he knows me too well )
Aside from the unfortunate comment about ethnic products for my hair ( I could have looked for my best friend, husband , son , daughter ) grabbing a handful of my perfect hair day made me so angry I don't know when I can go back into that store.
I am an implant to the south but I don't know if I ever get used to the way people invade your personal space here.
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Old 02-22-2013, 07:45 PM   #250
 
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.

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Old 02-24-2013, 02:55 AM   #251
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Nikitakev View Post
I was at our local CVS today. As I am standing in front of the " ethnic" hair products reading ingredients, a store employee walks up to me, grabs a handful ! of my hair and says " girl, you don't need none of that stuff, that's only for darkies " !
I took a deep breath and was about to start what would have been ugly when my dh literally yanked me away and out of the store ( he knows me too well )
Aside from the unfortunate comment about ethnic products for my hair ( I could have looked for my best friend, husband , son , daughter ) grabbing a handful of my perfect hair day made me so angry I don't know when I can go back into that store.
I am an implant to the south but I don't know if I ever get used to the way people invade your personal space here.
DH or no DH, after pulling that stunt on me she'd have been crawling along the "ethnic" hair care aisle like a baby in a diaper, searching for all her teeth.
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Old 02-28-2013, 11:59 AM   #252
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Nikitakev View Post
I was at our local CVS today. As I am standing in front of the " ethnic" hair products reading ingredients, a store employee walks up to me, grabs a handful ! of my hair and says " girl, you don't need none of that stuff, that's only for darkies " !
I took a deep breath and was about to start what would have been ugly when my dh literally yanked me away and out of the store ( he knows me too well )
Aside from the unfortunate comment about ethnic products for my hair ( I could have looked for my best friend, husband , son , daughter ) grabbing a handful of my perfect hair day made me so angry I don't know when I can go back into that store.
I am an implant to the south but I don't know if I ever get used to the way people invade your personal space here.
Oh hell no! I would've checked her there on thespot! How rude! I wouldn't have let this go. By the time I was done complaining to the manager and getting corporate involved, that smart a** lady would've been fired!! On top of that she took her filthy hands to your hair (you never know where people's hands have been). Sorry but your post got me hella heated!!!

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Old 02-28-2013, 12:46 PM   #253
 
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I am an implant to this small coastal ga town, people here are different . In hindsight I am not even sure complaining to the manager would have accomplished anything. Sometimes I think I am in a bad 1950 movies when it comes to racial tensions here and I do think the best way for me was to walk away.
I am just sticking to ordering online now
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Old 02-28-2013, 01:42 PM   #254
 
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I could never live in some racist, ignorant town where ppl were routinely popping off at the mouth like that (unless I was a kid and had no choice); a situation so extreme that I felt ordering things online was the only easy option (?). I think that crap continues because most ppl take the cowardly way out and say nothing.

Sitting there idly as someone casually makes hateful comments about an entire ethnic group? No. Admittedly some of it is personal: I lost relatives in the Holocaust and understand that hateful behavior starts somewhere, and when the little things go unchecked, racist mentality grows and suddenly whole communities see no problem with burning crosses as instruments of terror and minority people being dragged from the back of trucks or hung from trees (which also might have happened to one or more relatives on the other side of my family). People need to speak up IMO. I mean sure, that manager might not have listened (or s/he might have!), but you can say you did something. Also, you never know if you're the first person or the sixth person the manager has received a complaint from. So it could make a difference after all.

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Old 02-28-2013, 02:26 PM   #255
 
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I get your point. But I have learned to choose my battles carefully. I am Germany married to an African American,the battles I fought and am still fighting are for our kids. Believe me when I tell you I am the last person to sit by and say nothing. Discrimination is different from ignorance, you can't fix stupid. When my dd did not get a part in a school play because she did not have blond hair I went all the way to the county school board, when my dh and I were refused service in a restaurant we filed a complaint with corporate head quarters, for me that's discrimination.
That woman in the store was easily over 70 years old and grew up in a different time, she is ignorant and I think you can explain it to them until you are blue in the face and they still do not understand.
Trust me, if I could ,I would have moved yesterday! But we go where the military sends us.
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Old 02-28-2013, 04:41 PM   #256
 
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I agree. I don't think we should judge anybody's reaction or presumed inaction in such a situation as this because we haven't been in their shoes. If that had happened to me, right here, in Southern California, I'd have lost my sh*t and indeed, would have had that woman fired, I'm sure, because comments such as those are not so common here. There's a certain shock value and I don't think the average store manager would be inclined to let it pass. But Nikitakev is elsewhere and she's not entirely charge of where she lives because her husband is in the military. (Or maybe she is? She didn't specify.) It's easy to say just pack up and move without knowing the specific circumstances of that person's personal and professional life, not to mention finances. To me it honestly sounds like she's doing her part in fighting discrimination when and where it will make the most impact. Don't get me wrong, I'm especially sensitive to racism too, of any sort, and for any minority group. I hate anti-semites, people who say racist things about blacks, latinos, asians, southasians, arabs and/or muslims etc. It's extremely upsetting to me. And that is why, as my friends and I like to joke, we drive around the South.
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Old 02-28-2013, 06:41 PM   #257
 
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Quote:
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I get your point. But I have learned to choose my battles carefully. I am Germany married to an African American,the battles I fought and am still fighting are for our kids. Believe me when I tell you I am the last person to sit by and say nothing. Discrimination is different from ignorance, you can't fix stupid. When my dd did not get a part in a school play because she did not have blond hair I went all the way to the county school board, when my dh and I were refused service in a restaurant we filed a complaint with corporate head quarters, for me that's discrimination.
That woman in the store was easily over 70 years old and grew up in a different time, she is ignorant and I think you can explain it to them until you are blue in the face and they still do not understand.
Trust me, if I could ,I would have moved yesterday! But we go where the military sends us.
Sorry to hear you're stuck there due to military ties

We definitely have a difference of opinion. I truly don't care about someone's age and the era from which they came when it comes to this. It doesn't give them a free pass, and I'm not going to cynically assume they can't hear things and learn. Again, that's my personal take on it.

Actually, I think plenty of discrimination is based in ignorance. I know plenty of smart and not so smart people who've benefitted from hearing how their behavior affects others (including my own). Someone else mentioned choosing battles. Yes, of course that's reasonable, and if a racist woman said that and grabbed my hair, that'd have been a battle I'd have chosen to take on.

Plus, I just get sick of people giving passes to racists. I'm especially sensitive to it because I've heard a lot of BS from ppl who've said things to me, not realizing what my ethnic background is.
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Old 03-05-2013, 04:54 PM   #258
 
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For me, the issue is about messing up my hairstyle or making my hair frizzy. I'm a 3C, so I get a lot of shrinkage, which I hate. If someone touches my hair in a way that makes it frizzy or messes up the style I'm not going to be pleased. It's usually mom who does it (fluffs, pets, runs her fingers through it) so I've had to ninja-dodge her quite a bit.

If I invite someone to touch my hair, or if they ask, I'm cool with it as long as I don't wind up frizzy or with a messed-up style afterward. I've never taken issue with curl boinging, but if it's a stranger or generally someone I don't consider a close friend, they have to ask first. I'm pretty entertained by people's fascination with curls, and laughed my ass off when my bf boinged my curls for like five minutes.
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Old 03-05-2013, 05:32 PM   #259
 
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Perhaps. Nobody touches my hair in a professional setting as they say. But I'm also an educated adult who likes to be taken seriously. However, my personality is that I'm very friendly, affectionate and I love hugs so I have a good sense of humor about it all. I'm also petite (stature and size) and look younger than my age just by default, which can give people the impression they can treat me like a kid. I was at the cash register with my friend buying some booze one evening and the girl ringing us up paused and said, "Now I know this isn't for you, sweetie," laughing and looking at me. My friend happens to be taller and I said, "Jesus, I'm older than her!" The girl blushed and we all had a good laugh.
I get treated the same way and it's annoying. I am a college educated professional adult with two children who still looks like a high schooler and gets treated as such. I will appreciate youthful looks as I continue to age but it's the perception & assumption that I am still a child and can be treated like a child that makes me stabby.

My best friend lives 4 hours away and doesn't see me or my hair much and even SHE stuck her paws into my hair and exclaimed "you have little girl curls!" last time I saw her. I wanted to smack her!! It was a good hair day until then!
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Old 04-14-2013, 06:03 PM   #260
 
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My boyfriend's mother and I went to a nail salon and one of the Chinese women said "Is your hair naturally curly?" And I said it was and she RAKED her fingers through my DRY hair for at least THIRTY SECONDS! I was in shock! I didn't know what to say. I just waited for her to stop. It was horrible. My hair looked fine after. Thank goodness!
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