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Old 10-17-2006, 01:02 PM   #1
 
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Default my mom is mean :(

hi everyone, i need to vent and say how badly my mom made me feel this morning I was talking to her on the phone and I showed her on the computer some of the new curly pics I put up my fokti.. she was like Oh.. yea nice..(meaning not so nice) Ive been so excited about finally excepting my curly hair & ive been all about researching learning and spending time on my curliness. Then she said when you get home (im in mi for school my mom and family are in Ct) you should blow dry it straight and I will take some new pictures of you! :x Her hair is a mess from years of chemicals and she blow dries it every day... My sister(whom im very close with) said that it's probably because shes just jealous.. im close w/ my mom too.. but i can't believe my mother would be jealous of me.. I really just want her to say you look so beautiful with curly hair i love it..AND MEAN IT NO MATTER WHAT SHE ALWAYS ENDS UP SAYING i like it better straight.. she wont just say it even just to please me.. it makes me so mad :x
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Old 10-17-2006, 01:49 PM   #2
 
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Your hair is gorgeous!!! I wish mine looked half that good. I think moms have a hard time accepting change. Her little girl looks different, so she's freaking out. Try not to take it too personally ( I know it's hard), but be firm with her if she tries to get you to straighten. It's your hair, and it looks beautiful.
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Old 10-17-2006, 01:54 PM   #3
 
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You are a gorgeous young woman with gorgeous hair.

It's hard for some moms to let go of their "little girl." I had one of those who esp. wanted to mold me in her own image. I think that when I did things "my way" she saw it as a criticism of how *she* does things.
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Old 10-17-2006, 02:49 PM   #4
 
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Oh man, you and your hair are both gorgeous...I don't see how your mother would feel otherwise after seeing those photos. Your absolutely stunning, your hair is so glossy and frizz free...I don't understand why mothers are so anti-curly sometimes. Mine is the same way too.
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Old 10-17-2006, 07:16 PM   #5
 
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Thanks u guys , That makes sense!-"I think that when I did things "my way" she saw it as a criticism of how *she* does things." Maybe she just wants me to be like her.. I dont know.. I can't let what she thinks bother me so much its not healthy.. I just hope one day she will be like you know what I like your hair curly and i wish she would of told me that when i was younger too. .it would of saved me a lot grief and time! Shes a curl hater and i really hate that.. I want to be ME natural... not me who has to waste two hours of my day turning my hair into something its really not.. Well.. maybe she will grow out of it.. if not ill just have to count on my sisters and you guys which i can count on <3
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Old 10-19-2006, 10:47 AM   #6
 
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It has to be a silly mom "i like things my way" thing...because your hair is incredibly gorgeous! I'm keeping my fingers cross that if I stay on CG I'll get hair like yours!

It's funny- my straight-haired momma always used to get on me for straightening my hair and loves that I wear it curly now. Yet, if it's not one thing, it's another and yes, we still have our dissagreements...frequently. I still have friends who are like "Why don't you straighten your hair anymore?" There will always be someone who thinks they know better.
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Old 10-19-2006, 07:23 PM   #7
 
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I would give my right arm to have your hair. It is amazing!

I am in a slightly different boat than you. My whole life I have wanted straight hair, and I finally thermal reconditioned it about 3 years ago. My mom liked it, but she wanted me to go back curly! Maybe it is because she has board straight hair and appreciated the curls. But it is hard when you are so proud of something, and people like it a different way.

You rock those awesome curls!
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Old 10-20-2006, 07:06 AM   #8
 
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thank u for the compliments it took a long time for me to actually stop putting crap in it!( i did the thermal reconstructing too) and before that i used to get bleeding sores and broken hairs from this burning fish smelling chemical that my mother would bring home from new jersey. So i had to grow everything out. I think i might be a little bit bitter towards my mom for not liking it, and never teaching me that i should accept my curly hair.She told me curls hair was ugly from birth but thats her own f-ed up complex; u guys are such a support system thank u for responding to my posts, seriously reading them makes my day. Shes going to be the way she is i guess so ill have to accept that. I love my curls now they are what i got and they look healthy (not like fake straight hair) and arent going anywhere, so my mother will just have to deal with them maybe one day she will say I change my mind I DO like them. that would be rad
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Old 10-20-2006, 08:38 AM   #9
 
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Default moms

I am much older than you.... in my 40s. And I *still* can't get my mother's approval on some of the things that are most important to me.

I would suggest to give up on that as a goal, and just understand that there are some things that she might NEVER approve of, and that's just the way it is. You have to live your life according to what makes sense for YOU.

She's made her own choices, and has her own life, which is different than yours. And quite frankly, there probably are some things about HER that YOU don't approve of either.

We can always just agree to disagree. and let it go at that.
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Old 10-20-2006, 11:20 AM   #10
 
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Moms really can be control freaks, and project their own issues onto their kids (esp. their daughters). I know they only want the best for you, but at some stage they have to realize that the cord has been cut! You are your own person. My Mom usually whines at me when I get a short cut, or when I color my hair. It's my head, get over it! :P Sorry you have to deal with this. Your hair is gorgeous, and in the long run it is sooo much healthier to let it do its own thing!
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Old 10-21-2006, 03:14 PM   #11
 
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What is with moms and our hair???

My mom spent two years telling me that I was having a hard time finding a job because nobody hires people with curly hair!!! She also told me that I didn't have a boyfriend because guys look at me and "just see your hair." My sister's wedding is coming up and I am being told I MUST straighten my hair.
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Old 10-21-2006, 06:57 PM   #12
 
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DO WE HAVE THE SAME MOM and just didnt know about it till now! lol seriously couldn't relate more. DOnt agree with her but couldnt relate more. My mother said the same regarding jobs with me too.. saying it look unkempt.. ?Grrrrrrrr I guess we can just take it w/ a grain of salt at the time and vent here. Because I don't believe in just shrugging things off (im studying psychology) bottling anything up would be not good. But this would be the place to vent that stuff. I also think that u should wear your hair however it looks best to you
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Old 10-21-2006, 07:54 PM   #13
 
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I think it's really important to be your own person, no matter what anyone else thinks. I also believe it's equally important to realise that you're beautiful the way you were made. Good for you for sticking to your curliness, and I hope your mom comes to realise that her own curls, as well as yours, are beautiful!
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Old 10-21-2006, 10:04 PM   #14
 
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Girl,

What can I say U look stunning. I'm sure u r feeling much secure of yourself by now.
I had the same problem with my mom and lots of ppl actually. I'm a 3C and I use to have long straight hair and when i cut it all off almost everyone was like why did u do that u look like a boy etc... this usually came from the hispanic community being that I am hispanic.
You wont believe what my mom did I was having problems with my partner and she called me and asked if he was probably cheating I was like no those are not the issues. Then she went you know you should relax your hair u were more elegant with it straight. When ppl said things like that it made me fight harder to have my curls look good.

Just keep it up your hair beautiful.
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Old 10-22-2006, 10:48 AM   #15
 
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Hi,

You are STUNNING, just gorgeous and I LOVE your hair. And I DON'T love your mom's opinions. That is so awful. Thank GOD I'm a mom now so I can learn that ANY unusual gift our children are given from god, are our gifts too. My mom gets mad when I straighten as that's not how I'm meant to be. It appears you're a 2b/3a and just beautiful. I would seriously say something to your mom. Like mom, "you are hurting me and insulting who I am." Please change your attitude as it is hurting my self esteem.

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Old 10-22-2006, 02:21 PM   #16
 
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thanks so so much <3 u are all my therapy, *hairapy* , I am going to say something to my mom but i have to wait till im with her in person because even if i say something calmly she gets VERY defensive. Dont really want to be hung up on. So i will approach in a non abrasive manner and hopefully she will start to understand that its imporant to me for her to except the REAL curly me and at least if her opinion of it is negative to keep to herself and humor me because i dont have the time or emotional energy or desire to straighten it anymore.
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Old 10-22-2006, 03:40 PM   #17
 
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good job, and p.s. I'm also working the guts to wear my hair down in public. It's just such a drastic reaction by people. They either think I'm some goddess or some weirdo in desperate need of a straightener. Oh well, curly goddesses must win!
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Old 10-24-2006, 06:39 AM   #18
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dana222
DO WE HAVE THE SAME MOM and just didnt know about it till now! lol seriously couldn't relate more. DOnt agree with her but couldnt relate more. My mother said the same regarding jobs with me too.. saying it look unkempt.. ?Grrrrrrrr I guess we can just take it w/ a grain of salt at the time and vent here. Because I don't believe in just shrugging things off (im studying psychology) bottling anything up would be not good. But this would be the place to vent that stuff. I also think that u should wear your hair however it looks best to you
LOL! My mom was INSANE when it came to the jobhunt and the hair. I am in NYC, and I was interviewing in creative places (theatre companies, publishing houses, things with children). This city has every race, nationality, kind of hair in the world!

I had one interview at a publishing house and the HR person was a young woman not too much older than myself. She was awesome, and when I didn't get the job, she told me they had wanted a seasoned secretary, etc...I told her what my mom had said about the hair (I felt really comfortable with her) and she thought it was INSANE!

I was also interviewed by a woman with a full head of dreadlocks and several with crazier hair than mine!

My sister, on the other hand, has stick straight, glossy, shorter hair. When she didn't get the ONE job she went out for (teaching position) my mom rolled her eyes and was annoyed that, "Probably the principal's daughter got the position...your sister was obviously qualified, blah blah blah."

Made me so annoyed!
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Old 10-24-2006, 08:05 AM   #19
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CanItBeChristine
LOL! My mom was INSANE when it came to the jobhunt and the hair. I am in NYC, and I was interviewing in creative places (theatre companies, publishing houses, things with children). This city has every race, nationality, kind of hair in the world!
Ha! Seriously- like no one in NYC has curly hair... bwahaha
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