Need to vent

I have lupus which means I take medication to suppress my immune system. Because of this, I'm prone to infections. From De 09 to June 10, I had multiple kidney infections. Haven't had one since June... well, now I do.

This damn disease has taken so much and I hate it- my brain, my body, my teeth and even my hair. There isn't one part of my body and life that hasn't been affected in a negative way.
It's so incredibly frustrating. Just the monthly cost is outrageous- over 700$ each month. Plus the tens of thousands I need for dental care. I need 4 implants, most likely more in the future. It's an unendng cycle.

I'm eating cystex like candy, my kidney is throbbing and it hurts to pee.
Have to see my doctor first thing...don't want to because it costs $
what's a few hundred dollars in lab fees. Uggh.

The worst part is that I feel so guilty. I suck up so much money. I don't cook and clean like I used to. You know the drill.
My husband works his butt off. We're struggling right now because he's taken such a big pay cut.... but prices of everything else has increased. So he works more. He worked 80 hours of overtime last month but got paid as straight time.

Both kids had MRIs this month- that's over 1000$ because neither had met their deductible.
Really just needed to vent.
Thanks for reading.
VENT AWAY! You have every right to, IMHO. (((HUGS))) for you and your family. I wish I had a magic wand that could fix your body as well as your finances... Sadly, I don't. But, wanted you to know that I'll say a prayer for you that things will improve at least in some way.
Janet ~ Northern NJ
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I don't have Lupus but I have been diagnosed with an auto immune disorder. It's frustrating because doctors have no idea what causes our immune systems to get out of whack and basically just treat the symptoms. My friend's mother participates in a Lupus walk every year in the DC area so know there are people out there that care and our trying to find a cure.
Hi Guys:
Just chiming in for a minute: a lot of auto-immune diseases (including lupus) are caused by heavy metal poisoning--lead, mercury, etc. You can have a hair test done to check for those levels in your body. Google it...

I would not be surprised at all if it was metal poisoning that is causing all of your health issues. No one is born with Lupus (or MS), etc...

It's toxin build-up...
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So sorry things are so difficult for you. It must feel so unfair.
I might offer a suggestion (because nobody will sell me health insurance due to pre-existing conditions) about expenses -- do as much "homework" as you can.
When lab tests are done, ask why, whether they will alter the course of treatment. Drill and grill your doctors. Is there a generic medication? Is there a less-expensive (or older) one? What can I do to prevent X, Y, and Z from recurring? What are your options for having implants done -- any less expensive ones? Often the right person will help you out or make a suggestion. If they do, get it in writing!!!
I know that a disease like this takes away your sense of control and runs your life. Any action that gives you a feeling of control is probably a welcome thing.
You feel guilty, but it's not your fault.
I was once told by someone that feeling guilty is a choice you make and usually just makes you feel worse. Guilt isn't necessary. You need to get through this rough patch. Focus on what you can do, what you can control, be grateful for your husband and let him know it, try to enjoy your kids and the impending holiday season and the lights on people's houses.

So what if you can't cook and clean how you might do when you're not feeling so bad? I cannot imagine anybody would expect that of you right now. Why would you expect that of yourself? Be kind to yourself. Take care.
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