Should My Daughter Talk To Her R.A.?

If she was puking and blacking out someone should have called 911. That sounds dangerously like blood alcohol poisoning. If she is coming home like that regularly than she has a serious problem. Yeah college drinking is common, but so is blood alcohol poisoning amongst college students. She sounds like she may be taking it too far.
Originally Posted by internetchick
Yeah, I agree. That's another concern I had.

Even if typical college student behavior, it could be deadly to drink so much that you are passing out.
If there were more people on earth who desired their own happiness more than the unhappiness of others we would have a paradise ~ Bertrand Russell
My concern is with alcohol poisoning (especially with that grain alcohol sh*t they serve at some campus parties) or with the roomate bringing some unsavory characters back to the dorm and putting both girls at risk.
even if what her roommate is doing is common college drinking behavior, drinking to the point of vomiting all night and blacking out (at all - much less on a regular basis) is neither normal nor safe drinking behavior.

therefore, there are two reasons i think your daughter should contact the r.a. one, it is obviously disrupting her study life, sleep, etc.

two, the girl might need help.

i disagree with those who say there is nothing one can do in that case, or that she should avoid 'getting the girl in trouble,' etc. r.a.s can and do help with such things, or can refer the situation to someone who can.

during college, a friend of mine was having similar problems with her roomate, but it had to do with drugs. she hesitated, but finally contacted the r.a., and it did end up that the girl got 'in trouble' and had to go to counseling for her problem. she ended up turning her life around and graduating, which would not have happened if my friend had not 'turned her in' for her disruptive and destructive behavior.

m

eta: oops - i just realized that kcl, medussa and i posted similar responses at the same time!
coarse, thick 3a
modified cg







even if what her roommate is doing is common college drinking behavior, drinking to the point of vomiting all night and blacking out (at all - much less on a regular basis) is neither normal nor safe drinking behavior.

therefore, there are two reasons i think youre daughter should contact the r.a. one, it is obviously disrupting her study life, sleep, etc.

two, the girl might need help.

i disagree with those who say there is nothing one can do in that case, or that she should avoid 'getting the girl in trouble,' etc. r.a.s can and do help with such things, or can refer the situation to someone who can.

during college, a friend of mine was having similar problems with her roomate, but it had to do with drugs. she hesitated, but finally contacted the r.a., and it did end up that the girl got 'in trouble' and had to go to counseling for her problem. she ended up turning her life around and graduating, which would not have happened if my friend had not 'turned her in' for her disruptive and destructive behavior.

m
Originally Posted by mayim
totally agree
If there were more people on earth who desired their own happiness more than the unhappiness of others we would have a paradise ~ Bertrand Russell
My daughter's roomate comes home drunk frequently. (she's eighteen) Last night she was dumped off at the dorm room door. She woke up my daughter and apparently spent the night vomiting (with my daughter holding her head) or blacking out.

This morning my daughter did talk to her and tell her she had to clean up her act, but I wonder if I should recommend that she talk to her R.A. and ask her to speak to her, too.

Opinions?
Originally Posted by Springcurl
No, tattletelling is just plain bi***y. I would only do that if someone betrayed my trust or seriously wronged me.
My daughter's roomate comes home drunk frequently. (she's eighteen) Last night she was dumped off at the dorm room door. She woke up my daughter and apparently spent the night vomiting (with my daughter holding her head) or blacking out.

This morning my daughter did talk to her and tell her she had to clean up her act, but I wonder if I should recommend that she talk to her R.A. and ask her to speak to her, too.

Opinions?
Originally Posted by Springcurl
No, tattletelling is just plain bi***y. I would only do that if someone betrayed my trust or seriously wronged me.
Originally Posted by Josephine
Tattletelling? Are you serious?
My daughter's roomate comes home drunk frequently. (she's eighteen) Last night she was dumped off at the dorm room door. She woke up my daughter and apparently spent the night vomiting (with my daughter holding her head) or blacking out.

This morning my daughter did talk to her and tell her she had to clean up her act, but I wonder if I should recommend that she talk to her R.A. and ask her to speak to her, too.

Opinions?
Originally Posted by Springcurl
No, tattletelling is just plain bi***y. I would only do that if someone betrayed my trust or seriously wronged me.
Originally Posted by Josephine
Tattletelling? Are you serious?
Originally Posted by internetchick
She is stuck living with this roommate because they were assigned to live together before they ever met. If there is a serious problem, going to the RA is not tattletaling, it is the responsible thing to do. That's what RAs are for. She needs to look out for her own well-being. Her roommate's behavior could put them both in danger and affect how she does in school.

Going to the RA is tattling. If it were my daugher, I'd tell her to talk to her roomie again, when roomie is not drunk, hungover, or puking up her lungs. She needs to tell her roomie that she (your daugher) needs her sleep, and that she expects roomie to be considerate of that.

My first college roommate used to come home drunk and no amount of talking helped. She just kept doing it. So I told her that since she didn't respect my need for sleep I wasn't going to respect her hangover. So I got up LOUDLY in the mornings, slammed stuff around getting ready for the shower, blew my hair dry in the room, etc., etc. That went on for about 3 hangovers; she finally got the message, and we got along fine from that point on.
Originally Posted by PartyHair
I agree with this. If her roommate still doesn't change, I would tell her that she needs to move out or I'm telling the RA at that point. I would still never go and tell the RA without giving her the option of leaving me alone.
My daughter's roomate comes home drunk frequently. (she's eighteen) Last night she was dumped off at the dorm room door. She woke up my daughter and apparently spent the night vomiting (with my daughter holding her head) or blacking out.

This morning my daughter did talk to her and tell her she had to clean up her act, but I wonder if I should recommend that she talk to her R.A. and ask her to speak to her, too.

Opinions?
Originally Posted by Springcurl
No, tattletelling is just plain bi***y. I would only do that if someone betrayed my trust or seriously wronged me.
Originally Posted by Josephine
I'd hardly call it tattle telling. I think in this case, it'd be best for her roommate if she told someone. Like others said, it does sound pretty serious.

Sarah

"And death is at your doorstep
And it will steal your innocence
But it will not steal your substance
But you are not alone in this"

“My ability to turn good news into anxiety is rivaled only by my ability to turn anxiety into chin acne.” - Tina Fey
Going to the RA is tattling. If it were my daugher, I'd tell her to talk to her roomie again, when roomie is not drunk, hungover, or puking up her lungs. She needs to tell her roomie that she (your daugher) needs her sleep, and that she expects roomie to be considerate of that.

My first college roommate used to come home drunk and no amount of talking helped. She just kept doing it. So I told her that since she didn't respect my need for sleep I wasn't going to respect her hangover. So I got up LOUDLY in the mornings, slammed stuff around getting ready for the shower, blew my hair dry in the room, etc., etc. That went on for about 3 hangovers; she finally got the message, and we got along fine from that point on.
Originally Posted by PartyHair
I agree with this. If her roommate still doesn't change, I would tell her that she needs to move out or I'm telling the RA at that point. I would still never go and tell the RA without giving her the option of leaving me alone.
Originally Posted by Josephine
Josephine, have you lived in dorms? She can't say that to her roommate. She has no legal right to do so. She has to go to the RA first.

My daughter's roomate comes home drunk frequently. (she's eighteen) Last night she was dumped off at the dorm room door. She woke up my daughter and apparently spent the night vomiting (with my daughter holding her head) or blacking out.

This morning my daughter did talk to her and tell her she had to clean up her act, but I wonder if I should recommend that she talk to her R.A. and ask her to speak to her, too.

Opinions?
Originally Posted by Springcurl
No, tattletelling is just plain bi***y. I would only do that if someone betrayed my trust or seriously wronged me.
Originally Posted by Josephine
Tattletelling? Are you serious?
Originally Posted by internetchick
She is stuck living with this roommate because they were assigned to live together before they ever met. If there is a serious problem, going to the RA is not tattletaling, it is the responsible thing to do. That's what RAs are for. She needs to look out for her own well-being. Her roommate's behavior could put them both in danger and affect how she does in school.
Originally Posted by iris427
I still see it as tattletelling. It's typical for a lot of young students to get drunk and have roommate problems. I think it's best to deal with the roommate directly first and if all else fails, then tell the RA. But going to the RA first without talking to your roomate and telling her that she will go to the RA is tattletelling to me.
rainshower's Avatar
Join Date: Apr 2001
Posts: 6,000
My daughter's roomate comes home drunk frequently. (she's eighteen) Last night she was dumped off at the dorm room door. She woke up my daughter and apparently spent the night vomiting (with my daughter holding her head) or blacking out.

This morning my daughter did talk to her and tell her she had to clean up her act, but I wonder if I should recommend that she talk to her R.A. and ask her to speak to her, too.

Opinions?
Originally Posted by Springcurl
i agree with those who said that if the drunk's behavior is disrupting your daughter's peace, then she should complain. personally, i would have left her a.ss outside the room to vomit all over herself and become the official dorm fool. that'll learn ya!

my dorm room was teeny tiny, and my roommate loved to do her pedicures in there. the whole room was marinated in acetone and nail polish every week. opening the window for ventilation didn't solve the problem. i complained to her once. she continued to do it. i complained a second time, letting her know that she's compromising my breathing air and that she'd have to take it to the bathroom or the lounge downstairs. i didn't use a nice voice and i think i rolled my eyes a couple of times. she didn't do it again. but after that, she copped an attitude and didn't talk to me anymore. we lived in silence. she was stupid, and we didn't have that great a relationship anyway, so no harm done.

your daughter is a good one. i'd be gall-darned if i'd stand beside someone, inhaling her self-induced chunky puke.
"Dogs stink too, but I like dog stink." ~ rileyb
Going to the RA is tattling. If it were my daugher, I'd tell her to talk to her roomie again, when roomie is not drunk, hungover, or puking up her lungs. She needs to tell her roomie that she (your daugher) needs her sleep, and that she expects roomie to be considerate of that.

My first college roommate used to come home drunk and no amount of talking helped. She just kept doing it. So I told her that since she didn't respect my need for sleep I wasn't going to respect her hangover. So I got up LOUDLY in the mornings, slammed stuff around getting ready for the shower, blew my hair dry in the room, etc., etc. That went on for about 3 hangovers; she finally got the message, and we got along fine from that point on.
Originally Posted by PartyHair
I agree with this. If her roommate still doesn't change, I would tell her that she needs to move out or I'm telling the RA at that point. I would still never go and tell the RA without giving her the option of leaving me alone.
Originally Posted by Josephine
Josephine, have you lived in dorms? She can't say that to her roommate. She has no legal right to do so. She has to go to the RA first.
Originally Posted by iris427
Yes, I've lived in dorms and I know you can't make anyone move out. But I would think the roommate would rather move out or change instead of being told on and getting into trouble.
I agree she should try to fix the problem by talking to her roommate first. But if that doesn't work, there is nothing wrong with going to the RA. That's what they're there for--to help resolve problems.

And she can't tell the girl "move out or else..." because she has no legal right to do that. Even the RA can't do that. Only the college's residential housing authority has the right to make someone move out of a dorm. But the RA can initiate the process of switching roommates--the RA is the go-between for students and residential housing.

ETA I just saw your post. I still don't think that's a good approach. The roommate knows her rights in the dorm. If I had a roommate who said "you can move out or I'm going to the RA," my response would pretty much be "f* you" and I think most college students would be the same.

A better approach would be "I really need you to change or I will talk to the RA."

rainshower's Avatar
Join Date: Apr 2001
Posts: 6,000
My daughter's roomate comes home drunk frequently. (she's eighteen) Last night she was dumped off at the dorm room door. She woke up my daughter and apparently spent the night vomiting (with my daughter holding her head) or blacking out.

This morning my daughter did talk to her and tell her she had to clean up her act, but I wonder if I should recommend that she talk to her R.A. and ask her to speak to her, too.

Opinions?
Originally Posted by Springcurl
No, tattletelling is just plain bi***y. I would only do that if someone betrayed my trust or seriously wronged me.
Originally Posted by Josephine
Tattletelling? Are you serious?
Originally Posted by internetchick
She is stuck living with this roommate because they were assigned to live together before they ever met. If there is a serious problem, going to the RA is not tattletaling, it is the responsible thing to do. That's what RAs are for. She needs to look out for her own well-being. Her roommate's behavior could put them both in danger and affect how she does in school.
Originally Posted by iris427
I still see it as tattletelling. It's typical for a lot of young students to get drunk and have roommate problems. I think it's best to deal with the roommate directly first and if all else fails, then tell the RA. But going to the RA first without talking to your roomate and telling her that she will go to the RA is tattletelling to me.
Originally Posted by Josephine
i don't care how typical it is for college students to drink. once your bad habits interfere with my peace and comfort where i have to live, all bets are off.

i owe no one any solidarity by keeping my mouth shut and tolerating their immature, lethal behavior that makes me uncomfortable in my residence.

tattling is what kids do to purposefully get each other in trouble.

informing an ra of roommate conduct that is interferring with your comfort and peace is not tattling. it's using common sense to nip a problem in the bud.
"Dogs stink too, but I like dog stink." ~ rileyb
I'd rather "tattle" than feel guilty because something bad happened to her and I didn't do anything.
Get used to me. Black, confident, cocky; my name, not yours; my religion, not yours; my goals, my own; get used to me. -Muhammad Ali











My daughter's roomate comes home drunk frequently. (she's eighteen) Last night she was dumped off at the dorm room door. She woke up my daughter and apparently spent the night vomiting (with my daughter holding her head) or blacking out.

This morning my daughter did talk to her and tell her she had to clean up her act, but I wonder if I should recommend that she talk to her R.A. and ask her to speak to her, too.

Opinions?
Originally Posted by Springcurl
No, tattletelling is just plain bi***y. I would only do that if someone betrayed my trust or seriously wronged me.
Originally Posted by Josephine
Tattletelling? Are you serious?
Originally Posted by internetchick
She is stuck living with this roommate because they were assigned to live together before they ever met. If there is a serious problem, going to the RA is not tattletaling, it is the responsible thing to do. That's what RAs are for. She needs to look out for her own well-being. Her roommate's behavior could put them both in danger and affect how she does in school.
Originally Posted by iris427
I still see it as tattletelling. It's typical for a lot of young students to get drunk and have roommate problems. I think it's best to deal with the roommate directly first and if all else fails, then tell the RA. But going to the RA first without talking to your roomate and telling her that she will go to the RA is tattletelling to me.
Originally Posted by Josephine
i owe no one any solidarity by keeping my mouth shut and tolerating their immature, lethal behavior that makes me uncomfortable in my residence.
Originally Posted by rainshower
I agree with this. I wouldn't keep my mouth shut at all. I just don't see why it isn't an obvious solution to talk to the roommate first and then tell the RA if she doesn't stop.
The roommate sounds like a date rape waiting to happen.

Also college students should know: this is the time (college) when alcohol abuse can become habitual and lead to a lifetime of addiction.
3b (with 3c tendencies) on modified CG

Like other people said, I'd suggest your daughter talk to her roommate first. But, if it's an ongoing problem and she's already talked to the roommate, I'd definitely encourage her to talk to her RA.


RAs are trained to assess situations and counsel dorm residents about alcohol use/abuse. There are usually protocols in place to deal with situations like the one your daughter is in, and there are usually several steps before the offending roommate gets in disciplinary or legal trouble. So I wouldn't discourage your daughter to talk to the RA because of fear the roommate's going to get a drinking ticket or the like.

It also depends on what sort of relationship the RA has with the residents on her floor. When I was a freshman living in a dorm, my RA was more like an older sister figure than an authority figure. She literally had girls lined up to talk to her outside her door many nights of the week...so I didn't hesitate to talk to her if I was having a problem with my roommate.

It also depends on the dorm's policy and atmosphere when it comes to alcohol. In the dorm where I lived in 2001-2002, the attitude was that they knew residents were going to drink, but they didn't want to catch us doing it in our rooms. They were very open to talking about alcohol problems without bringing in higher authorities (university or police).
Go to the RA.Why should your daughter suffer with such a dumb ass!! :x

Trending Topics


Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On



All times are GMT -6. The time now is 07:02 PM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Copyright 2011 NaturallyCurly.com