Should My Daughter Talk To Her R.A.?

My daughter's roomate comes home drunk frequently. (she's eighteen) Last night she was dumped off at the dorm room door. She woke up my daughter and apparently spent the night vomiting (with my daughter holding her head) or blacking out.

This morning my daughter did talk to her and tell her she had to clean up her act, but I wonder if I should recommend that she talk to her R.A. and ask her to speak to her, too.

Opinions?


Obamacare is not a blueprint for socialism. You're thinking of the New Testament. ~~ John Fugelsang



What is an RA? Isn't that the person who works in the dorm buildings? No, I wouldn't say anything. Give the roomie a chance to fix things first.
I think you may be overreacting.....it's college, young people tend to frequently get drunk and act stupid.
Is the roommate constantly waking up your daughter and disturbing her? That would be the only reason that I would talk to the RA. Your daughter deserves to be able to sleep in peace.


ETA....RA=Resident Assistant
Yes, if she is frequently coming home drunk, she should speak to the RA. If it were only every now and then, it would be different.

If my eighteen year old son seemed to have alcohol issues, I would hope he had a roomate who would seek some kind of help for him and not just ignore it.

I was born to be a pessimist. My blood type is B Negative.
I think you may be overreacting.....it's college, young people tend to frequently get drunk and act stupid.
Originally Posted by FoxyCurl2
I haven't reacted at all, actually. My personal belief is that the semester is almost over and, what with finals coming up, it'll hopefully be a moot point. My daughter, however, doesn't drink (we have several family members with addiction problems) and while she hasn't particularly liked her roommate's frequent drunkenness, she was VERY upset when I talked to her today.

I just don't know if we're going to talk about this again and if there's any other advice I can give her besides what I've already said.


Obamacare is not a blueprint for socialism. You're thinking of the New Testament. ~~ John Fugelsang



Is the roommate constantly waking up your daughter and disturbing her? That would be the only reason that I would talk to the RA. Your daughter deserves to be able to sleep in peace.
Originally Posted by Curlytime

I agree with this. Being a recent college grad (Spring 2004) I have to say that a lot of college kids drink the way your daughter's roommate does. If your daughter is being disturbed, though, she should talk to the RA about that part of it. I know when I lived in dorms we were able to get these "contract" type things that the RA would help both roommates fill out that would define rules about music, noise, visitors, lights-out (and lights-on) times, etc.
Faith, 3Aish redhead
Mama to two wild superheroes and a curly-headed baby boy
I agree. If it's once a week (like Thursday night, since that's usually a big bar night, at least it used to be), then that's not out of the norm. But if it's constant, especially if it's disrupting your daughter's sleep (which could affect her ability to do well), then she should speak to her RA.

Stuff like that is why I lived alone after my Freshman year.
"It's hard to remember a time, when I didn't have you", Richie Sambora
"Boys are bad and men are stupid", WB's
"After a while, you just want to be with the one that makes you laugh" Mr. Big
My daughter's roomate comes home drunk frequently. (she's 1 Last night she was dumped off at the dorm room door. She woke up my daughter and apptarently spent the night vomiting (with my daughter holding her head) or blacking out.

This morning my daughter did talk to her and tell her she had to clean up her act, but I wonder if I should recommend that she talk to her R.A. and ask her to speak to her, too.

Opinions?
Originally Posted by Springcurl
Well see how it pans out with talking to the roommate. (Going off of college life she WON'T change her habits).

You sure can send her to the R.A. At the best you'll get your daughter moved from the room I'm assuming, if you are extremely lucky they'll have the other girl leave, but I doubt it.

Good luck with it, if this doesn't pan out she's in for a hell of a long road this year.
Stephen Fry on "respect" and being "offended".
Calgon take me away.
i think she should mention something to the r.a. it's obviously a problem.

m
coarse, thick 3a
modified cg







I think you may be overreacting.....it's college, young people tend to frequently get drunk and act stupid.
Originally Posted by FoxyCurl2
No, that's inappropriate behavior. When people get drunk in college, they often go home with a drunk friend--or better yet, their roommate is drinking with them. I've never gotten drunk or anything (no, really), but that's what my roommates did. My friend's roommate didn't, though, and was a general biyatch who couldn't find a roommate the next year.

At this point, though, I wouldn't go to the RA. If you daughter does, her roommate might be arrested. If it continues to get out of hand, though, then your daughter should report it and the roommate will just have to face the consequences of her own actions. In the meantime, I'd suggest forcing her out of the room, so the roommate will have to spend the night in the hall (supposing that's safe). If the roommate expects your daughter to take care of her, that's just not fair. In that case, I'd go straight to the RA--especially since finals must be approaching.
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I don't think that your daughter should be responsible for her when she is drunk because from what you said, they aren't really friends, just roommates...and it is not like they are going out together. The roommate should at least have one of her pals stay with her in the bathroom while she is vomiting, and watch her so she doesn't harm herself...or so no one else harms her.
I would say she should talk to someone and not hesitate to call for help.

There is a very real safety issue. It is not uncommon for college students, esp. inexperienced drinkers with low tolerance, to reach toxic levels of alcohol in their systems, go into respiratory failure, choke on their own vomit, injure themselves in various ways while intoxicated. . . . you get the picture.

She could either talk to the RA (most colleges provide some training for these folks to know what to do next) or someone at the counseling center.

It's pretty normal for kids to want to have fun, be stupid and all the other things other posters mentioned but you want them to survive the experience.

Cold showers, hot coffee, walking the person around -- all ineffective. Someone that intoxicated may need medical attention.
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I don't think that your daughter should be responsible for her when she is drunk because from what you said, they aren't really friends, just roommates...and it is not like they are going out together. The roommate should at least have one of her pals stay with her in the bathroom while she is vomiting, and watch her so she doesn't harm herself...or so no one else harms her.
Originally Posted by slinky1
ITA. And it's true that if she's kicked out, someone could harm her. I was always in a small, single-sex suite in college, so I hadn't considered that when I wrote my previous post. But the roommate isn't only doing something unnecessary--it's illegal, too (I'm guessing she's under 21 if she's living in dorms, and in the US). It's not your daughter's responsibility. It definitely needs to be made clear that the roommate is either going to clean up her own act, or have her pals do it for her.
At my school, the RA's really only dealt with roomate issues and stuff like that. So, if your daughter is being so disrupted by her roommate that she wants to work out some kind of "roommate contract" or attempt to switch rooms, then she should talk to the RA.

However, I wouldn't suggest going to the RA because the roommate is partying too hard and irresponsibly. I would suggest your daughter talk to her about not being so disruptive, and having a friend stay with her when she is that drunk to take care of her. Your daughter could also say that she will call the paramedics next time if she thinks the roommate is really that drunk. Your daughter could also go to some resources on campus and get some info about what is available for the roomate, and maybe give the pamphlets and phone numbers to the roommate when they have the talk.

I guess my point here is that if it is "roommate issues", then your daughter should talk with an RA, but if it is more that your daughter is concerned for the safety and wellbeing of a fellow student then there are other avenues she should take, and honestly, other than offering some advice, there's really nothing she can do.
"I don't know! I don't know why I did it, I don't know why I enjoyed it, and I don't know why I'll do it again!" -BART SIMPSON
If this is a constant thing and it is really upsetting your daughter, then yes she should consider going to the RA.

However, going to the RA has a way of getting back to the other person. If the RA has to talk to the roommate, or if the roommate finds out another way, it could cause more tension between your daughter and her roommate.

She should try talking to her roommate first (maybe she already has?) before she goes to her RA.

Going to the RA is tattling. If it were my daugher, I'd tell her to talk to her roomie again, when roomie is not drunk, hungover, or puking up her lungs. She needs to tell her roomie that she (your daugher) needs her sleep, and that she expects roomie to be considerate of that.

My first college roommate used to come home drunk and no amount of talking helped. She just kept doing it. So I told her that since she didn't respect my need for sleep I wasn't going to respect her hangover. So I got up LOUDLY in the mornings, slammed stuff around getting ready for the shower, blew my hair dry in the room, etc., etc. That went on for about 3 hangovers; she finally got the message, and we got along fine from that point on.
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Going to the RA is tattling. If it were my daugher, I'd tell her to talk to her roomie again, when roomie is not drunk, hungover, or puking up her lungs. She needs to tell her roomie that she (your daugher) needs her sleep, and that she expects roomie to be considerate of that.

My first college roommate used to come home drunk and no amount of talking helped. She just kept doing it. So I told her that since she didn't respect my need for sleep I wasn't going to respect her hangover. So I got up LOUDLY in the mornings, slammed stuff around getting ready for the shower, blew my hair dry in the room, etc., etc. That went on for about 3 hangovers; she finally got the message, and we got along fine from that point on.
Originally Posted by PartyHair
I agree with all this. Sounds like your daughter's roomie is overdoing it a bit, but most kids do when they start uni (god knows I did), and it'll probably calm down a bit soon. I think they'd get a lot farther trying to sort it out themselves. If it keeps going, maybe a roommate switch would help. Party-ers living with non-party-ers rarely works out well.
I'm not sure who your daughter should speak to but the idea of the roommate being "dumped" back at the dorm sounds like a really dangerous situation for her. I'm more worried about whether or not this girl is putting herself at risk to be raped or worse by getting so drunk that she is passing out or completely out of it on a regular basis.

So maybe your daughter could try talking to the roommate first about how she is concerned for her safety plus the noise issue...and if that doesn't work then escalate up to the RA.
If there were more people on earth who desired their own happiness more than the unhappiness of others we would have a paradise ~ Bertrand Russell
If she was puking and blacking out someone should have called 911. That sounds dangerously like blood alcohol poisoning. If she is coming home like that regularly than she has a serious problem. Yeah college drinking is common, but so is blood alcohol poisoning amongst college students. She sounds like she may be taking it too far.

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