Go Back   CurlTalk > Life > Non-hair discussion

Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 12-03-2006, 06:46 PM   #1
 
Springcurl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2001
Posts: 13,665
Default Should My Daughter Talk To Her R.A.?

My daughter's roomate comes home drunk frequently. (she's eighteen) Last night she was dumped off at the dorm room door. She woke up my daughter and apparently spent the night vomiting (with my daughter holding her head) or blacking out.

This morning my daughter did talk to her and tell her she had to clean up her act, but I wonder if I should recommend that she talk to her R.A. and ask her to speak to her, too.

Opinions?
__________________


Obamacare is not a blueprint for socialism. You're thinking of the New Testament. ~~ John Fugelsang



Springcurl is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-03-2006, 06:52 PM   #2
 
battinlash's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2005
Posts: 2,742
Default

What is an RA? Isn't that the person who works in the dorm buildings? No, I wouldn't say anything. Give the roomie a chance to fix things first.
battinlash is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-03-2006, 06:53 PM   #3
 
FoxyCurl2's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Posts: 172
Default

I think you may be overreacting.....it's college, young people tend to frequently get drunk and act stupid.
FoxyCurl2 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-03-2006, 07:01 PM   #4
 
FieryCurls's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 2,423
Default

Is the roommate constantly waking up your daughter and disturbing her? That would be the only reason that I would talk to the RA. Your daughter deserves to be able to sleep in peace.


ETA....RA=Resident Assistant
FieryCurls is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-03-2006, 07:07 PM   #5
 
roseannadana's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2000
Posts: 8,683
Default

Yes, if she is frequently coming home drunk, she should speak to the RA. If it were only every now and then, it would be different.

If my eighteen year old son seemed to have alcohol issues, I would hope he had a roomate who would seek some kind of help for him and not just ignore it.
__________________

I was born to be a pessimist. My blood type is B Negative.
roseannadana is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-03-2006, 07:10 PM   #6
 
Springcurl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2001
Posts: 13,665
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by FoxyCurl2
I think you may be overreacting.....it's college, young people tend to frequently get drunk and act stupid.
I haven't reacted at all, actually. My personal belief is that the semester is almost over and, what with finals coming up, it'll hopefully be a moot point. My daughter, however, doesn't drink (we have several family members with addiction problems) and while she hasn't particularly liked her roommate's frequent drunkenness, she was VERY upset when I talked to her today.

I just don't know if we're going to talk about this again and if there's any other advice I can give her besides what I've already said.
__________________


Obamacare is not a blueprint for socialism. You're thinking of the New Testament. ~~ John Fugelsang



Springcurl is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-03-2006, 07:10 PM   #7
 
PixieCurl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Posts: 9,950
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Curlytime
Is the roommate constantly waking up your daughter and disturbing her? That would be the only reason that I would talk to the RA. Your daughter deserves to be able to sleep in peace.

I agree with this. Being a recent college grad (Spring 2004) I have to say that a lot of college kids drink the way your daughter's roommate does. If your daughter is being disturbed, though, she should talk to the RA about that part of it. I know when I lived in dorms we were able to get these "contract" type things that the RA would help both roommates fill out that would define rules about music, noise, visitors, lights-out (and lights-on) times, etc.
__________________
Faith, 3Aish redhead
Mama to two wild superheroes and a curly-headed baby boy
PixieCurl is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-03-2006, 07:11 PM   #8
 
Join Date: Dec 2000
Posts: 2,248
Default

I agree. If it's once a week (like Thursday night, since that's usually a big bar night, at least it used to be), then that's not out of the norm. But if it's constant, especially if it's disrupting your daughter's sleep (which could affect her ability to do well), then she should speak to her RA.

Stuff like that is why I lived alone after my Freshman year.
__________________
"It's hard to remember a time, when I didn't have you", Richie Sambora
"Boys are bad and men are stupid", WB's
"After a while, you just want to be with the one that makes you laugh" Mr. Big
quickcurl is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-03-2006, 08:47 PM   #9
 
Krayt's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2004
Posts: 1,737
Send a message via AIM to Krayt
Default Re: Should My Daughter Talk To Her R.A.?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Springcurl
My daughter's roomate comes home drunk frequently. (she's 1 Last night she was dumped off at the dorm room door. She woke up my daughter and apptarently spent the night vomiting (with my daughter holding her head) or blacking out.

This morning my daughter did talk to her and tell her she had to clean up her act, but I wonder if I should recommend that she talk to her R.A. and ask her to speak to her, too.

Opinions?
Well see how it pans out with talking to the roommate. (Going off of college life she WON'T change her habits).

You sure can send her to the R.A. At the best you'll get your daughter moved from the room I'm assuming, if you are extremely lucky they'll have the other girl leave, but I doubt it.

Good luck with it, if this doesn't pan out she's in for a hell of a long road this year.
__________________
Stephen Fry on "respect" and being "offended".
Calgon take me away.
Krayt is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-03-2006, 08:48 PM   #10
 
mayim's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2004
Posts: 4,687
Default

i think she should mention something to the r.a. it's obviously a problem.

m
__________________
coarse, thick 3a
modified cg







mayim is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-03-2006, 09:14 PM   #11
 
Eilonwy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Posts: 12,126
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by FoxyCurl2
I think you may be overreacting.....it's college, young people tend to frequently get drunk and act stupid.
No, that's inappropriate behavior. When people get drunk in college, they often go home with a drunk friend--or better yet, their roommate is drinking with them. I've never gotten drunk or anything (no, really), but that's what my roommates did. My friend's roommate didn't, though, and was a general biyatch who couldn't find a roommate the next year.

At this point, though, I wouldn't go to the RA. If you daughter does, her roommate might be arrested. If it continues to get out of hand, though, then your daughter should report it and the roommate will just have to face the consequences of her own actions. In the meantime, I'd suggest forcing her out of the room, so the roommate will have to spend the night in the hall (supposing that's safe). If the roommate expects your daughter to take care of her, that's just not fair. In that case, I'd go straight to the RA--especially since finals must be approaching.
Eilonwy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-04-2006, 12:54 AM   #12
Banned
 
Join Date: Oct 2003
Posts: 4,210
Default

I don't think that your daughter should be responsible for her when she is drunk because from what you said, they aren't really friends, just roommates...and it is not like they are going out together. The roommate should at least have one of her pals stay with her in the bathroom while she is vomiting, and watch her so she doesn't harm herself...or so no one else harms her.
slinky1 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-04-2006, 01:19 AM   #13
 
fig jam's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2003
Posts: 4,585
Default

I would say she should talk to someone and not hesitate to call for help.

There is a very real safety issue. It is not uncommon for college students, esp. inexperienced drinkers with low tolerance, to reach toxic levels of alcohol in their systems, go into respiratory failure, choke on their own vomit, injure themselves in various ways while intoxicated. . . . you get the picture.

She could either talk to the RA (most colleges provide some training for these folks to know what to do next) or someone at the counseling center.

It's pretty normal for kids to want to have fun, be stupid and all the other things other posters mentioned but you want them to survive the experience.

Cold showers, hot coffee, walking the person around -- all ineffective. Someone that intoxicated may need medical attention.
__________________
"Tell me, are you incapable of restraining yourself, or do you take pride in being an insufferable know-it-all?"

"Honey Badger don't care!"
fig jam is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-04-2006, 01:20 AM   #14
 
Eilonwy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Posts: 12,126
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by slinky1
I don't think that your daughter should be responsible for her when she is drunk because from what you said, they aren't really friends, just roommates...and it is not like they are going out together. The roommate should at least have one of her pals stay with her in the bathroom while she is vomiting, and watch her so she doesn't harm herself...or so no one else harms her.
ITA. And it's true that if she's kicked out, someone could harm her. I was always in a small, single-sex suite in college, so I hadn't considered that when I wrote my previous post. But the roommate isn't only doing something unnecessary--it's illegal, too (I'm guessing she's under 21 if she's living in dorms, and in the US). It's not your daughter's responsibility. It definitely needs to be made clear that the roommate is either going to clean up her own act, or have her pals do it for her.
Eilonwy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-04-2006, 07:06 AM   #15
 
Who Me?'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2001
Posts: 6,010
Default

At my school, the RA's really only dealt with roomate issues and stuff like that. So, if your daughter is being so disrupted by her roommate that she wants to work out some kind of "roommate contract" or attempt to switch rooms, then she should talk to the RA.

However, I wouldn't suggest going to the RA because the roommate is partying too hard and irresponsibly. I would suggest your daughter talk to her about not being so disruptive, and having a friend stay with her when she is that drunk to take care of her. Your daughter could also say that she will call the paramedics next time if she thinks the roommate is really that drunk. Your daughter could also go to some resources on campus and get some info about what is available for the roomate, and maybe give the pamphlets and phone numbers to the roommate when they have the talk.

I guess my point here is that if it is "roommate issues", then your daughter should talk with an RA, but if it is more that your daughter is concerned for the safety and wellbeing of a fellow student then there are other avenues she should take, and honestly, other than offering some advice, there's really nothing she can do.
__________________
"I don't know! I don't know why I did it, I don't know why I enjoyed it, and I don't know why I'll do it again!" -BART SIMPSON
Who Me? is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-04-2006, 10:07 AM   #16
 
iris427's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 7,115
Default

If this is a constant thing and it is really upsetting your daughter, then yes she should consider going to the RA.

However, going to the RA has a way of getting back to the other person. If the RA has to talk to the roommate, or if the roommate finds out another way, it could cause more tension between your daughter and her roommate.

She should try talking to her roommate first (maybe she already has?) before she goes to her RA.
__________________

iris427 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-04-2006, 10:46 AM   #17
 
PartyHair's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 1999
Posts: 28,042
Default

Going to the RA is tattling. If it were my daugher, I'd tell her to talk to her roomie again, when roomie is not drunk, hungover, or puking up her lungs. She needs to tell her roomie that she (your daugher) needs her sleep, and that she expects roomie to be considerate of that.

My first college roommate used to come home drunk and no amount of talking helped. She just kept doing it. So I told her that since she didn't respect my need for sleep I wasn't going to respect her hangover. So I got up LOUDLY in the mornings, slammed stuff around getting ready for the shower, blew my hair dry in the room, etc., etc. That went on for about 3 hangovers; she finally got the message, and we got along fine from that point on.
__________________
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Rock on with your bad self.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Be excellent to each other. ~ Abraham Lincoln

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
PartyHair is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-04-2006, 11:03 AM   #18
 
hobbs's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2002
Posts: 807
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by PartyHair
Going to the RA is tattling. If it were my daugher, I'd tell her to talk to her roomie again, when roomie is not drunk, hungover, or puking up her lungs. She needs to tell her roomie that she (your daugher) needs her sleep, and that she expects roomie to be considerate of that.

My first college roommate used to come home drunk and no amount of talking helped. She just kept doing it. So I told her that since she didn't respect my need for sleep I wasn't going to respect her hangover. So I got up LOUDLY in the mornings, slammed stuff around getting ready for the shower, blew my hair dry in the room, etc., etc. That went on for about 3 hangovers; she finally got the message, and we got along fine from that point on.
I agree with all this. Sounds like your daughter's roomie is overdoing it a bit, but most kids do when they start uni (god knows I did), and it'll probably calm down a bit soon. I think they'd get a lot farther trying to sort it out themselves. If it keeps going, maybe a roommate switch would help. Party-ers living with non-party-ers rarely works out well.
hobbs is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-04-2006, 11:15 AM   #19
KCL
 
KCL's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Posts: 2,670
Default

I'm not sure who your daughter should speak to but the idea of the roommate being "dumped" back at the dorm sounds like a really dangerous situation for her. I'm more worried about whether or not this girl is putting herself at risk to be raped or worse by getting so drunk that she is passing out or completely out of it on a regular basis.

So maybe your daughter could try talking to the roommate first about how she is concerned for her safety plus the noise issue...and if that doesn't work then escalate up to the RA.
__________________
If there were more people on earth who desired their own happiness more than the unhappiness of others we would have a paradise ~ Bertrand Russell
KCL is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-04-2006, 11:21 AM   #20
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Posts: 10,088
Default

If she was puking and blacking out someone should have called 911. That sounds dangerously like blood alcohol poisoning. If she is coming home like that regularly than she has a serious problem. Yeah college drinking is common, but so is blood alcohol poisoning amongst college students. She sounds like she may be taking it too far.
internetchick is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply
Trending Topics[-]hide

Thread Tools
Display Modes



Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On



All times are GMT -6. The time now is 07:27 PM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Copyright 2011 NaturallyCurly.com