The Poop is hitting the Fan!! (Long)

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Did she take a pregnancy test with him there? And if she did have an ultrasound it would just look like a little pea at this point. What did the one she showed him look like? I agree with getting the HCG levels checked.

I feel bad for both of them. I had an accidental pregnancy too and while it gave me the most amazing little girl, it was hard. Really hard. I had to sacrifice a lot.

When are people gonna stop relying on the girl to be on BC and learn to use condoms????
High Priestess JessMess, follower of the Goddess of the Coiling Way and Confiscator of Concoctions in the Order of the Curly Crusaders

i agree with rcw and kat.

dave is a big boy. if he didn't want to possibly have a baby with a "crazy" girl he had only known for 2 months, then he would have (a) worn a condom or (b) not had sex with her. with this alleged epidemic of girls lying about birth control seems like dave would have had plenty of reason to protect himself .

i tend not to believe guys when they give the whole "she's crazy!" excuse. you knew she was crazy 2 weeks after you met her, but you still dated her for 2 months until you left for hockey camp and had unprotected sex? and she's the bad guy? yeah, not so much.
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I wouldn't make any hasty decisions or advice until he is FOR SURE that this girl is pregnant and that it is HIS baby. After that, my only advice to him would be to talk with that crazy girl (sorry, but she does seem crazy) and try to figure out a game plan. Whether she decides to keep it, get an abortion or put it up for adoption, these are all important decisions that need to be made right away. I do feel sorry for him, even though he did not protect himself ( BIG NO ) because he did get himself screwed and now must deal with the consequences. Try, if possible, not to let his situation bring YOU down, I think that's the most important part.
Originally Posted by jenny curl
Im sorry I dont quite understand your post.

How has he got himself screwed? How has he been screwed over? He is as responsible as she is for the position they are both are in. Poor him. He had unprotected sex and now this girl is hassling him for commitment and finances. *eyeroll*. OK.

Why is it always the first assumption that this girl might be sleeping around with other men? Couldn't it be possible that she is telling him the truth. I would assume he is the father until proven otherwise.
Originally Posted by kat180
I am sorry if I seem like the minority here, but I've just witnessed way too many girls get pregnant "by accident". I'm not praising his behavior nor hers. I'm not sticking up for either of them. Not pointing fingers. They are both in the wrong and must now deal with it. When I said she seemed crazy, it was just my opinion. Its weird to me that she waited until after he found out about the facebook messages AND after she was 6 weeks late to tell this guy that he was having a child. Sorry it just doesn't add up to me to see this girl as not being a little off her rocker. YES it is both their faults, and I truly feel sorry for the both of them.
Originally Posted by jenny curl
This to the bolded. There's just too many weird details. She missed two periods and took a pregnancy test (according to her) and then weeks later sent out the bizarre fb messages to the girls on his friends list. She also brought up the ultrasound 10 days after it had been taken.

I know it's always different when you're in the situation and you don't always know 100% what you'd do until you're in it ..... but as a sexually responsible adult I have thought very hard about what I would do if I ever got pregnant ... and I can tell you I would have handled this VERY differently. But I am not her ... so I'm going to refrain from judging.

I also ALWAYS insist on condoms with someone I am not in a LTR with ... Birthcontrol is not 100% effective and needs to be taken like clockwork. Otherwise you are opening yourself up for risk in a big big way. Dave is equally responsible here. In fact moreso because he just "assumed" ...

I also think it's weird she doesn't want to discuss finances, custody, or child support ... she won't even look at a future other than them being together. He said he tried to bring it up and she didn't want to talk about it.


Even if she did purposely get pregnant is manipulating him he needs to make joint decisions with her regarding this baby and support her financially and emotionally through this. Get a job/go back to school and do the right thing.

He's not a bad guy ... he just makes bad decision after bad decision. My friends have always said they liked him more than they should.

Last edited by Nej; 11-16-2010 at 12:28 PM.
Did she take a pregnancy test with him there? And if she did have an ultrasound it would just look like a little pea at this point. What did the one she showed him look like? I agree with getting the HCG levels checked.

I feel bad for both of them. I had an accidental pregnancy too and while it gave me the most amazing little girl, it was hard. Really hard. I had to sacrifice a lot.

When are people gonna stop relying on the girl to be on BC and learn to use condoms????
Originally Posted by Jess the Mess
He was not present for either. I agree that he is going to have to sacrifice .... I'm seeing him tonight and I'm not going to sugarcoat what I think.
While no one knows whether the woman in the OP did this or not, there are women out there who get pregnant on purpose to keep a man around.

There are also women who do not use the pill correctly. There are more user error failures with the pill than failures of the pill itself.

And, yes, sometimes the pill doesn't work.

Which is why I am still baffled by the all too common male reluctance to use a condom. Ohhh, I don't like condoms, they don't feel good, I can't feel sex, blah, blah, blah. And, so many women give in to the bull$hit lines.

If a guy isn't going to wrap it up, he shouldn't be shocked when he sires a child.

In the meantime, he should treat the baby as his until a paternity test proves otherwise. That doesn't mean that he has to marry the woman, but he needs to man up and get a job and start planning for how he is going to support his child.
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While no one knows whether the woman in the OP did this or not, there are women out there who get pregnant on purpose to keep a man around.

There are also women who do not use the pill correctly. There are more user error failures with the pill than failures of the pill itself.

And, yes, sometimes the pill doesn't work.

Which is why I am still baffled by the all too common male reluctance to use a condom. Ohhh, I don't like condoms, they don't feel good, I can't feel sex, blah, blah, blah. And, so many women give in to the bull$hit lines.

If a guy isn't going to wrap it up, he shouldn't be shocked when he sires a child.

In the meantime, he should treat the baby as his until a paternity test proves otherwise. That doesn't mean that he has to marry the woman, but he needs to man up and get a job and start planning for how he is going to support his child.
Originally Posted by redcelticcurls
I don't get it either. EQUAL responsibility.

I do know some girls who tell the guy not to wear them .. they say it feels better too.
What's giving you the impression that he won't take care of his child? Because he has made unusual career choices?

I dunno, you make it sound like they are caught up in some horrifically strange, bizarre situation. He got someone pregnant. It happens everyday. LOL If he is a good guy, he will step up and handle his responsibility. If not, she will sue him for child support and do the best she can w/out him.

Personally, if I were you, I would stop sleeping w/ him (if you haven't already). I would try to leave the door open for him to work things out w/ this woman. Maybe they will and maybe they won't but he doesn't need any extra distractions now.

It sounds like you are trying to steer him away from her and I think you should stop doing that. I disagree that her begging for a reconciliation is not thinking about the baby; I think the baby could benefit from its parents being together.

Maybe help him find a job and complete his education, if he hasn't. Try to help him navigate the whole paternity thing.

He can test the baby's paternity after it's born w/out the mother ever knowing, if he can't bear to broach the subject w/ her now. That's his call, tho. I don't necessarily agree that they need an atty right now. Why be so adversarial about it? She's (possibily) pregnant. This is pretty common, everyday stuff. At least half of everyone I know got pregnant outside of marriage; no one had an atty.

Stay calm!!!! LOL And try not to be so personally involved in this. Seriously, what you think isn't important. She might be getting ready to have a baby. He needs a job. That's it. Your opinion (which could be clouded by the fact you still have feelings for him maybe?) is not very relevent.
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Last edited by spiderlashes5000; 11-16-2010 at 12:39 PM.
Personally, if I were you, I would stop sleeping w/ him (if you haven't already). I would try to leave the door open for him to work things out w/ this woman. Maybe they will and maybe they won't but he doesn't need any extra distractions now.

It sounds like you are trying to steer him away from her and I think you should stop doing that. I disagree that her begging for a reconciliation is not thinking about the baby; I think the baby could benefit from its parents being together.
Originally Posted by spiderlashes5000

Yes, this. Please let him have a chance at a relationship with the woman without interfering. He doesn't need you distracting him from that.
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Personally, if I were you, I would stop sleeping w/ him (if you haven't already). I would try to leave the door open for him to work things out w/ this woman. Maybe they will and maybe they won't but he doesn't need any extra distractions now.

It sounds like you are trying to steer him away from her and I think you should stop doing that. I disagree that her begging for a reconciliation is not thinking about the baby; I think the baby could benefit from its parents being together.
Originally Posted by spiderlashes5000

Yes, this. Please let him have a chance at a relationship with the woman without interfering. He doesn't need you distracting him from that.
Originally Posted by RedCatWaves
I agree 100 % .. until this gets sorted out my role is that of a confidante and friend only. We had talks of maybe getting back together before this happend but until he sorts his business out that's now not an option.


It's hard not to have clouded feelings due to my history with him ... and I do have concerns that he isn't going to man up and accept responsibility. But I know at the end of the day it's between the two of them and not my business.

I only told he needed to be clear with her that he wasn't going to get back together with her because he told me he didn't want to and that there was no chance of it happening. I felt that it was kinder to her to make decisions with a clear understanding of the reality than to give her false hope and break her heart later.
Just wanted to say thank you for everyone's input and advice. I knew that there are lots of women here who have had to raise babies without the father or who may have known people in similar situations and I knew I'd be getting advice based on a vast majority of experiences.
Just wanted to say thank you for everyone's input and advice. I knew that there are lots of women here who have had to raise babies without the father or who may have known people in similar situations and I knew I'd be getting advice based on a vast majority of experiences.
Originally Posted by Nej


This is how I know the "she's crazy" thing isn't always true. I was the victim of such a propaganda campaign and I've seen it happen to many other women as well. Don't believe everything men say, especially when passions are involved.
I agree iwth what SL said above.

I woudl also be tempted to kind of cut back on seeing him and providing advice even in a friendly manner. It sounds like he has a lot to sort out, and it's probably stuff he needs to be talking to her about, not you. I understand that you are his friend and all, but I don't know...

I have a friend going through a divorce. He confided a few things in me about what's going on, and eventually I got tired of saying the same old crap to him. I really don't talk to him much anymore about any of it, and he and I have been friends for a LONG time, since 2006 or so. Of course, there is no romantic interest there and never has been...but eventually he needs to put on his big boy pants, kick out his cheating wife and file. Going on and on with me about what's happened and all of that doesn't help really.

Same with your friend. He needs to find out if she's really pregnant and he needs to do whatever he feels is neccessary. He might have told you he doesn't want to get back together with her, but maybe that's because you guys were talking about seeing each other romantically again, you know? He needs to get actual proof before he goes any further, she could have printed off an ultrasound picture from the internet for all he knows. Go to the doctor with her, etc. Then get tested for paternity and man up. This is all ready stuff I am sure he knows, so I am curious as to what other 'advice' he needs.
Just wanted to say thank you for everyone's input and advice. I knew that there are lots of women here who have had to raise babies without the father or who may have known people in similar situations and I knew I'd be getting advice based on a vast majority of experiences.
Originally Posted by Nej


This is how I know the "she's crazy" thing isn't always true. I was the victim of such a propaganda campaign and I've seen it happen to many other women as well. Don't believe everything men say, especially when passions are involved.
Originally Posted by RedCatWaves
This.

I do not always believe the 'she's crazy' route either, espeically if the guy was with the girl for any extended amount of time. Crazy does not just randomly appear, IMO. The guy just usually ignores it because there is that passion there...hindsight 20/20 blah blah blah.

Im sorry I dont quite understand your post.

How has he got himself screwed? How has he been screwed over? He is as responsible as she is for the position they are both are in. Poor him. He had unprotected sex and now this girl is hassling him for commitment and finances. *eyeroll*. OK.

Why is it always the first assumption that this girl might be sleeping around with other men? Couldn't it be possible that she is telling him the truth. I would assume he is the father until proven otherwise.
Originally Posted by kat180
I am sorry if I seem like the minority here, but I've just witnessed way too many girls get pregnant "by accident". I'm not praising his behavior nor hers. I'm not sticking up for either of them. Not pointing fingers. They are both in the wrong and must now deal with it. When I said she seemed crazy, it was just my opinion. Its weird to me that she waited until after he found out about the facebook messages AND after she was 6 weeks late to tell this guy that he was having a child. Sorry it just doesn't add up to me to see this girl as not being a little off her rocker. YES it is both their faults, and I truly feel sorry for the both of them.
Originally Posted by jenny curl
This to the bolded. There's just too many weird details. She missed two periods and took a pregnancy test (according to her) and then weeks later sent out the bizarre fb messages to the girls on his friends list. She also brought up the ultrasound 10 days after it had been taken.

I know it's always different when you're in the situation and you don't always know 100% what you'd do until you're in it ..... but as a sexually responsible adult I have thought very hard about what I would do if I ever got pregnant ... and I can tell you I would have handled this VERY differently. But I am not her ... so I'm going to refrain from judging.

I also ALWAYS insist on condoms with someone I am not in a LTR with ... Birthcontrol is not 100% effective and needs to be taken like clockwork. Otherwise you are opening yourself up for risk in a big big way. Dave is equally responsible here. In fact moreso because he just "assumed" ...

I also think it's weird she doesn't want to discuss finances, custody, or child support ... she won't even look at a future other than them being together. He said he tried to bring it up and she didn't want to talk about it.


Even if she did purposely get pregnant is manipulating him he needs to make joint decisions with her regarding this baby and support her financially and emotionally through this. Get a job/go back to school and do the right thing.

He's not a bad guy ... he just makes bad decision after bad decision. My friends have always said they liked him more than they should.
Originally Posted by Nej
I think I met him. Not a good experience. Thankfully, I can't get pregnant. This guy needs to grow the **** up! If he doesn't want to be a daddy or in a serious relationship, then he needs be the one responsible and not rely on some woman. The woman sounds like a wacko and he does, too. Nice combination to bring a child into. Sorry, but I would not be friends with either of them. Sounds like he's a lot of fun, but very imature.
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Ummm...he needs to figure out if she's really pregnant first. The fact that she already has an ultrasound just sounds hinky. Do they even really do one this early in the pregnancy? Sorry, I've never had a kid, so I don't know, I just know that all my sisters-in-law and my sister didn't have one until they were 16-20 weeks along. Is she a high-risk pregnancy?
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Ummm...he needs to figure out if she's really pregnant first. The fact that she already has an ultrasound just sounds hinky. Do they even really do one this early in the pregnancy? Sorry, I've never had a kid, so I don't know, I just know that all my sisters-in-law and my sister didn't have one until they were 16-20 weeks along. Is she a high-risk pregnancy?
Originally Posted by SunshineGrrl
Exactly what I was thinking. So he's only known her for 2 months and she's already gotten pregnant, has already figured out she's pregnant, and the doc already did an ultrasound?!!? Sounds fishy. I'd make her pee on a stick in front of me.
I think that since they've only been together for two months, she's already gotten pregnant, had an ultrasound, and claimed he's the father is a little fishy. Usually ultrasounds are given at around 16-20 weeks, right?

Plus, since she told people through facebook before she told him....I'm thinking she just said it to get the girls to leave him alone and then realized how stupid she would look if she wasn't actually pregnant.
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I think that since they've only been together for two months, she's already gotten pregnant, had an ultrasound, and claimed he's the father is a little fishy. Usually ultrasounds are given at around 16-20 weeks, right?

Plus, since she told people through facebook before she told him....I'm thinking she just said it to get the girls to leave him alone and then realized how stupid she would look if she wasn't actually pregnant.
Originally Posted by kenzie!
anatomy ultrasounds are given around that time, but many times an ultrasound is given within the first few weeks of pregnancy to confirm that there is an actual pregnancy.
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I had an internal ultrasound done at around 8 weeks with my first. Looked like a tiny pea with a halo which is why I asked earlier. Like said it can be done to prove pregnancy, etc. I was having severe back pain which is why I had mine. I don't believe they're routine though.
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I had an internal ultrasound done at around 8 weeks with my first. Looked like a tiny pea with a halo which is why I asked earlier. Like said it can be done to prove pregnancy, etc. I was having severe back pain which is why I had mine. I don't believe they're routine though.
Originally Posted by Jess the Mess
Sent a curious e-mail to my sister-in-law who happens to be a physicians assistant and she confirmed that they can be done early, but usually don't show much, just like you're saying. They're usually only to confirm the pregnancy, and usually only done in high-risk pregnancies or if a miscarriage is suspect because they're cost prohibitive. Doesn't sound like either of these is the case, though.
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