Nej

I saw him last night and the more I hear the weirder this whole thing seems.

She broke up with her boyfriend earlier this year whom she was in a 10 year relationship with. Turns out they were trying to have a baby and she misscarried .... bing bang boom she meets Dave and is all of a suddent pregnant again?

I had a look at the ultrasound is it is defnitely real ... she also started sending him messages while we were out for dinner last night (he just needed to talk) and he showed them to me.

While Dave was not being the most delicate in all his responses he said several times (without my advice) that while he has no interest in getting back together with her but that he has every intent to be there emotionally and financially for the child ... she just needs to be clear about what she needs and he will work with her. It was like she was wasn't even listening ... she just kept saying how he was in denial and was threatening to tell his family all these details if he didn't do the right thing ...

Turns out she has a doctors appointment today which he had to ask her almost a dozen times about before she told him when and where it was. He's planning on showing up to show her that he will be for her regarding the pregnancy and to hopefully get some answers.

The more I hear the more it sounds like she may have been upset about the earlier miscarrage and purposely got pregnant .. and then when reality set in she started freaking out.

I'll post an update once I find out how the doctors appointment goes. He really needs to see a lawyer.

ETA: I did tell him after he showed me initially that I didn't wannt him showing me any more of her messages because it was none of my business and made me uncomfortable. They are both being increbdibly selfish and immature about this whole thing .. This is not how two 29 year old adults should be acting.

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jenny curl

29 years old?!?! SHEESH! I assumed, like.....18 year olds or something since that's what it sounds like!

Wow.

I hope for the best for this situation, on all sides.

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Nej

Ya, I had assumed she was in her early 20's based on the messages she had been sending ... I was shocked.

She has been saying she is cramping ... He suspects that she is actually going to the doctor about something else and will just end up telling him she miscarried.

Neither one of them believe in abortion (but they do believe in birthcontrol and pre-maritial sex, but that's a whole 'nother issue)

I feel very badly for this poor child should it make it to full term. Neither one of them are acting fit to be parents.

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RedCatWaves

First trimester ultrasounds are done not only to confirm pregnancy, but also to "date" the pregnancy. In fact, dating ultrasounds are much more accurate when done in the first trimester than when done later, so if a woman comes in without knowing good dates, a dating ultrasound can be done right away and can give very accurate dating of the pregnancy.

Munchy

I found out I was 7w, 2d pregnant with my daughter by ultrasound.

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SunshineGrrl

Good to know. Thanks!

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No...going no-poo or CG does not work for me. It leaves me overconditioned and oily in a second no matter what I use, so that's not what's not working.

automaticflowers

Nej, something very similar happened to my younger brother, though he broke up with his girlfriend because she had cheated on him several times. In her attempt to get him back, he made a dumb ass move and slept with her one more time.

Boom, pregnant, despite successfully using birth control throughout their four-year relationship. He was definitely at fault too, for not using a condom.

Neither believed in abortion, and she still wanted him back so they could be a "family." He planned to support her and the baby... but he made it clear that he didn't want to be with her because he couldn't trust her to be faithful.

She flipped the hell out and has been making his life miserable ever since, going on six years now. Every time he gets visitation, it's taken away a few months later or she just refuses to let him see his daughter. The family court continually favors her, despite marrying a known drug user, using drugs herself and serving six months in jail for shoplifting (her mother was granted temporary custody over my brother, for some ridiculous reason). She even got married, had another baby and divorced the guy, but her ire remains focused on my brother.

I would say, especially if your friend and his girlfriend haven't been dating long, a paternity test is necessary in case she tries to rake him over the coals legally. If/When it's established that the child is his, he needs to step up and take responsibility. He effed up, too. If he wants joint custody or visitation, he needs a good lawyer. My brother's endless line of county-appointed attorneys have been utterly useless. And, uh, use condoms in the future, even if his partner says she's taking the pill.

But I hope he's able to work with her on having a civil relationship for the baby's sake. It doesn't deserve to be the pawn of a resentful parent.

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NetG

Darn you, spammer! Now I want to know how this all turned out...

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Nej

She had his baby. She took the baby away to live with her parents in another province. It's super cute. She still harasses him about getting bak together and holds it over his head. He is still stupid and dumb and has only seen the baby once as he had to travel by plane to see it. She has moved back and left the baby with her parents to raise.


Sent from my iPhone - blame autocorrect for everything strange

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eche428

Awwww what a sad outcome for that child!

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Jenny C

Yeah that's pretty awful. Hopefully these two 'parents' can get it together for the sake of that poor kid.

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Amneris

Yeah, but guys who sleep with women they've only known for 2 months and don't use condoms when they are supposedly committed to sport make their own beds. Why should the woman be responsible for all the birth control?

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LAwoman

Oh my. Well I guess she wasn't faking it.

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RedCatWaves

Wow...I had forgotten all about this. THANKS for the update!

That poor child, with TWO idiot deadbeat parents. I hope the baby-daddy is at least paying child support.

Nej

As far as I know she hasn't asked him for anything. Poor thing is adorable, and is gonna have a a strange life.


Sent from my iPhone - blame autocorrect for everything strange

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RedCatWaves

So...because she hasn't asked for anything, that means he shouldn't help raise his own child, even monetarily? He's not only stupid and dumb, he's an ass-hole.

thelio

Thats how I feel. what kind of man is he??? I would contact the grandparents and work on getting a relationship with my kid adn eventually custody.

Anyone who leaves their kid behind to be raised by others are a-holes imo.

Amneris

Oh, this was an old thread bumped by a spammer?
I really hope you're not still in love with / sleeping with this guy, Nej - he sounds like a complete idiot. No one is "on the cusp of a professional hockey career" at 29. And seems while he was sitting there saying this woman was a crazy liar, she was carrying his child... and because she hasn't asked for child support, he thinks he's not obligated to pay it anyway, let alone emotional support?

I don't think being raised by grandparents is so awful, either, if they are a stable influence.

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LAwoman

I think "as far as I know" are likely the key words here! Doesn't sound like he's the most trustworthy source around.