boyfriend behavior

My boyfriend, who i'm completely head over heels for, occasionally tries to pawn me off on his friend. at least, that's how it feels. he'll tell me that his friend is talking about me, or wants to invite me somewhere, or wants a picture of me etc. i don't know if he's telling me this to see my reaction or if he thinks it's funny...

i've come right out and asked him why he does this and told him that i have no interest in his friend but he either won't respond or tries to goad me into humoring him.

Does anyone have any insight? Is it a self-esteem issue? a trust issue? it's not something that happens often (about every 6 months) but when it does happen, it pisses me off and i'm insulted by it.
Thanks.
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Maybe he's insecure about his friend comments. Or maybe he's just testing your reaction. Or maybe it's just weird.

I could see a friend asking questions about you if you were a new girlfriend, and he wanted to know about you. But repeatedly after a long period of time, I dunno what that's about.
I have found that people really don't "joke". They say serious things in a joking way. To me, it sounds like he's testing you to see if you love him enough, to meet his own insecurity needs.
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It sounds like he wants to pawn you off on his friend.
I think he's just trying to test your reaction.
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I have found that people really don't "joke". They say serious things in a joking way. To me, it sounds like he's testing you to see if you love him enough, to meet his own insecurity needs.
Originally Posted by RedCatWaves
i agree. that's exactly what it sounds like to me. he wants to see how you respond, and i'm not sure what kind of response he's hoping for...but that would be my guess.

in general, i must wholeheartedly agree with the bolded!
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How long have you been seeing this guy?

Based on this information there are a lot of things that could be going on. He could be trying to pawn you off, he could be testing your reaction to make sure you react "correctly," whatever that is.

either way you should tell him to knock it off. And you should tell him you're not as amused by his friend's over interest in you as he is, and that you don't really want to hear about it anymore.

Test HIS reaction.

(Can you tell I'm unamused by game playing like this?)
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I have found that people really don't "joke". They say serious things in a joking way.
Originally Posted by RedCatWaves
This.

It sounds like he wants to pawn you off on his friend.
Originally Posted by TanyaJolene
But also this. In my late teens when I was much-- erm-- wilder with much lower self esteem, I had boyfriend suggest very strongly that I should have sex with his best friend.


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Maybe he is just insecure , just reassure him
Well, I'm getting old and cranky, but I don't believe it's your responsibility to reassure him if he's that insecure. It's his issue and he's going to need to work his own way through it. You shouldn't have to suffer for it and shouldn't have to pass his tests because of it.

I'm also noticing that I'm becoming a bit less tolerant and more obnoxious about things like this as I get older (I'm 38 ), so I would probably say something like, "Great! Give me his cell number and I'll text/call him myself. I'd love to get together with him. You sure you don't mind?" And then I'd break up with him and that would be that.

There is no one worth playing these games to be with. Those who are worth it won't put you through crap like this.
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Well, I'm getting old and cranky, but I don't believe it's your responsibility to reassure him if he's that insecure. It's his issue and he's going to need to work his own way through it. You shouldn't have to suffer for it and shouldn't have to pass his tests because of it.

I'm also noticing that I'm becoming a bit less tolerant and more obnoxious about things like this as I get older (I'm 38 ), so I would probably say something like, "Great! Give me his cell number and I'll text/call him myself. I'd love to get together with him. You sure you don't mind?" And then I'd break up with him and that would be that.

There is no one worth playing these games to be with. Those who are worth it won't put you through crap like this.
Originally Posted by Nallia
Yeap, I'd tell him you want out and see what he says. To me, it sounds like it is what it is pure and simple. He wants out and hopes you'll make it easy for him, which you don't. He's either hanging on because he's not mature enough to step up and end it, or nothing "better" is on the horizon for him. I agree that the games aren't worth it, especially if you're adults - he should know better. I'm betting if you announce you want to break up, he'll jump at the chance.
I agree with Nallia. I really don't have time to play games and take on someone else's insecurities. I find what he is doing as insulting. You may adore him, but it doesn't sound like it's the right relationship to be in. Why would you be ok with this?
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On "his friend?" Just one person or any given friend? If he wanted to test you or play cupid, you'd think he'd give you some alternatives instead of offering up the same friend every 6 months (assuming it is 1 friend). You already made your feelings clear. How many 6-month intervals have you been through? Sounds a bit wacky to me.

Though.... Are you sure you don't have hidden feelings for this friend? I think A. He feels you like this friend and you're eventually going to fess up to it, or B. He wants to get rid of you and is offering up the friend as a consolation prize. He doesn't want to feel like he totally abandoned you. That is all I can make out of it. I would insist he be honest with you.
On "his friend?" Just one person or any given friend? If he wanted to test you or play cupid, you'd think he'd give you some alternatives instead of offering up the same friend every 6 months (assuming it is 1 friend). You already made your feelings clear. How many 6-month intervals have you been through? Sounds a bit wacky to me.
Originally Posted by AllyT
This. Or he wants a threesome with his buddy
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If you haven't already tell him to stop doing it. I've busted my SO's chops before about other females and finaly he told me that he thought it was annoyng and cut it out. Sometimes people dont get it until you spell it out for them, which might be why asking him why he does it hasn't done the trick yet.

If he keeps on doing it even after you expressly tell him to stop then ride off into the sunset with the friend. (Totally kidding. Don't do that.)

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i was just thinking...if he is testing your reaction because he's feeling insecure, i kind of feel like no matter what you do, he's always going to have that insecurity and may not really believe you if you say you're not interested in the friend. i agree with nallia: it's HIS deal and you shouldn't have to put up with that if his insecurities are making you feel like crap. it's his issue, so even if you say something that you think should make him feel like he doesn't have to worry, he's just going to believe what he wants to believe. if he's starting this stuff out of nowhere, even if there is no reason for it, he's probably always going to feel insecure.


on the other hand if he really and truly is trying to pawn you off on his friend, you should just make it easy for him and leave. either way, his games sound stupid and exhausting.
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On "his friend?" Just one person or any given friend? If he wanted to test you or play cupid, you'd think he'd give you some alternatives instead of offering up the same friend every 6 months (assuming it is 1 friend). You already made your feelings clear. How many 6-month intervals have you been through? Sounds a bit wacky to me.
Originally Posted by AllyT
This. Or he wants a threesome with his buddy
Originally Posted by CurlyCanadian
This occured to me too.
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Wow, that's really weird. I'm not sure what is on his mind.

Anyway, I would be uncomfortable in your situation. You need to talk to him about it. Tell him up front that this isn't cool...you have no interest in his friend.

I had a friend once who tried to fix me up with her ex-boyfriend without my knowledge. That was years ago. I still have no idea why she would have done something like that, because I didn't like anything about this guy.

He was creepy and annoying and not cute in the least. I believe he was jealous of my friendship with her. She was also very insecure. She actually accused me of "wanting" him at one point. Needless to say, we aren't friends anymore. I haven't seen her since high school.

It isn't quite the same as your situation, but I can see some similarities. You need to tell your boyfriend, "Look...I don't know what the deal is but I feel like you're trying to tell me something by constantly bringing up John (or whatever his buddy's name is). "

Hope it all works out.
update: had the talk, again, with my bf about why he does this and explained that i don't think it's very funny, etc. he promised that he was only joking and that he wouldn't do it again. i'm all about joking and teasing, but i have my limits.

i think he wanted to see my reaction. to see if i was interested or flattered or something. i know that his ex cheated on him and that could be what's making him insecure. i tell him all the time that i love him but it's up to him whether he believes it or not.
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Prod: GV DLI, LOOB, FX Gel, Mop-C Curl Creme,
I think that he is justing testing your reaction to see if youu have any interest in his friends . By him bringing up his friend nonchalant and making conversation that would include that friend having interest in youu , he waits for your response to see if youu have interest in that friend .
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