my friend and weight/fat/food issues (long-ish vent)

RedCatWaves...I completely agree with you. You had to let go of those friendships because they weren't respecting your wishes and hurting your feelings.

I would like to point out, though, that when thin women express unhappiness with their own bodies it doesn't necessarily mean that they think the same way about *your* body. When I was very thin, I hated my body. I had massive insecurities about my small breasts and my big behind.

My cousin, who has always been a big girl, believes that because I don't like my body then I must view hers in a negative way. This isn't true. While I would not want to be her size (if I can be honest), I do see her as beautiful. I don't judge her for being a size 16-18 because I believe that beauty comes in all shapes and sizes.

When thin women call themselves fat, they're often judging themselves harshly. Not you...although it feels that way. That is what they see in the mirror. I know it sounds insane but it's true. Sure, there are some people who do it just to be annoying but there are many women who are intensely unhappy with their bodies, regardless of size. When you hear a 110-lb. woman complaining about how "fat" she is, it is often because that's how she views herself...it has nothing to do with you.

That's just my perspective, though. You're right...life is too short to spend time with people who make you feel bad about yourself. I had to stop associating with people who were bringing me down so I understand where you're coming from.
Originally Posted by curlyhoneyb


Oh, I'm sure they are just trying to insult themselves, but when they are outright TOLD they are being insulting, and they continue to do it, I can only conclude they are then being willfully insulting to others.

And they weren't necessarily "making me feel bad about myself", because they weren't. They were just being insulting. Period.
Reading this thread got me thinking...I have a current friend who is doing this, and I've been letting her slide, because we are tied together in several ways and splitting off the friendship would be sticky. She said to me recently: "OMFG, I'm so FAT. I've been eating like a PIG. How am I going to go to the beach this summer?" On and on it went.

I told her: "You know, fat people go swimming too...I do it every day."

I don't think she got the message, because she continued on with it for a while. I probably should have been clearer, but, like I said, I've been letting her slide.

She is not fat in the least. She hardly got any excess weight on her, and she is quite fit. I really don't know where this comes from. I do know I dislike it and find it insulting, and if she does it again, I'm going to be firmer.

If she thinks she's a fat pig...what does she think of me? I think my response should have been: "Are you calling me a fat pig?"
I wonder if some of the REALLY skinny / fit women truly hate their bodies and resent their limited diets, or if they just want people to think that and are really fishing for compliments as to their amazing figures and self-discipline.
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I wonder if some of the REALLY skinny / fit women truly hate their bodies and resent their limited diets, or if they just want people to think that and are really fishing for compliments as to their amazing figures and self-discipline.
Originally Posted by Amneris
I hate mine but I don't really talk about it because I know it sounds ridiculous for someone my size to say anything. What OP's friend said was out of line and definitely projecting.

I can't speak for others, but I don't fish for compliments either. Of course I have no discipline in regards to my diet.
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I wonder if some of the REALLY skinny / fit women truly hate their bodies and resent their limited diets, or if they just want people to think that and are really fishing for compliments as to their amazing figures and self-discipline.
Originally Posted by Amneris
I think a lot of women and girls like to complain out loud and want their feelings validated. It's annoying when it's repetitive. I don't mind occasional comments about how one needs to lose some weight or get more fit. But women who call themselves fat, pigs, feel guilty about eating, and talk about their weight more than how good food is are generally not the type of people I have much in common with. I've met people like that and they're usually boring and shallow. It's probably because I grew up appreciating good food and eating. That's much more important in life than looking like a model. I understand not everyone can due to their weight but the people that usually complain the most are thin.

Last edited by Josephine; 06-01-2011 at 08:02 AM.
One of my good friends and I had a conversation about this recently. We both were in the same self-hating mode more than ten years ago and didn't know it. She's skinny, and I was always chubby.
We went to the beach last year together and she finally confided in me that she's always been a little jealous of my curves. I, during that time, was always jealous of her tiny, compact body. We laughed about it because we both wanted what the other had, and now we've become satisfied with our own bodies with age, pregnancies, etc.

I wonder if some of the REALLY skinny / fit women truly hate their bodies and resent their limited diets, or if they just want people to think that and are really fishing for compliments as to their amazing figures and self-discipline.
Originally Posted by Amneris
Some do, some don't. It depends on the woman. Not every slim woman is happy with her figure.

I can only speak for myself...but when I was younger and I would complain about my weight sometimes (not that often), I definitely was not trying to fish for compliments. I was sincerely expressing the way I viewed myself. It wasn't about anybody else. It was about me. I've noticed that in some instances women will interpret a thinner woman being critical of herself as somehow being critical of them. I'm not sure why, although I kind of understand. I hope that makes sense?
Some women can be really obnoxious and they pretend to dislike their bodies so that other people can tell them "you're not fat, you look great". Some girls just want attention by any means necessary. But I believe that women who actually do this for that purpose are in the minority. Anyway, it is annoying. I see your point.

Like I stated in my earlier post, I love food. I agree with Josephine...if somebody doesn't enjoy food, I will probably wonder what the deal is but it doesn't really matter. Hey, more for me!

My body image is bad but I guess I've learned to recognize that when another woman does the whole "fat talk" bit, it really isn't about me. And if she chooses not to eat for whatever reason, that isn't about me either. Those are her issues. I won't let it stop me from eating good food and enjoying it within moderation. I know that not everyone feels the same way so I'll leave it at that. Rebecca's friend is making it a bit more personal by projecting these issues onto other women, which is wrong.

The people I have a problem with are the ones who try to make others feel bad for enjoying food, as Rebecca's friend did with her comment about licking the plate. There is no shame in enjoying food or having a big appetite but because of the stereotypes about fat people (I'm just saying this as an example) being out of control when it comes to food, there are people who will try to make a person feel ashamed to eat.

Finishing my meal or eating a cheeseburger once in a while doesn't make me a disgusting pig...despite what some people have told me.
One of my good friends and I had a conversation about this recently. We both were in the same self-hating mode more than ten years ago and didn't know it. She's skinny, and I was always chubby.
We went to the beach last year together and she finally confided in me that she's always been a little jealous of my curves. I, during that time, was always jealous of her tiny, compact body. We laughed about it because we both wanted what the other had, and now we've become satisfied with our own bodies with age, pregnancies, etc.
Originally Posted by Munchy
I see your point, Munchy...the grass is always greener and all that jazz.

My cousin has always wanted to be slim, although she has never actually admitted it out loud. She is 5'7" and well over 200 lbs. She is on the Hcg diet and has lost a lot of weight. But many women wish they had her boobs, which look fabulous in dresses with deep necklines. There are advantages and disadvantages to every body type.

I was the small, slender one with a shapely butt and no boobs to speak of. I envied her ability to wear certain styles without needing something to fill out the top.


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