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Old 01-01-2007, 04:10 PM   #21
 
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I know that there are some older folks who have to raise their grandkids and they do a great job. I also know there are young people who get cancer and leave their kids parentless. I just don't understand why someone who is 67 years old would seek out having a baby by IVF and egg donation. As Amneris said, adopt or foster a kid who needs a family.
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Old 01-01-2007, 04:13 PM   #22
 
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Originally Posted by mrspoppers
I know that there are some older folks who have to raise their grandkids and they do a great job. I also know there are young people who get cancer and leave their kids parentless. I just don't understand why someone who is 67 years old would seek out having a baby by IVF and egg donation. As Amneris said, adopt or foster a kid who needs a family.
Yeah, that's what I'm saying.
I guess I just don't understand.
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Old 01-01-2007, 04:13 PM   #23
 
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Is this really any different than grandparents raising their grandkids because of deadbeat parents???
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Old 01-01-2007, 04:15 PM   #24
 
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Originally Posted by FieryCurls
Is this really any different than grandparents raising their grandkids because of deadbeat parents???

What's different is one was a choice, the other was not.
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Old 01-01-2007, 04:15 PM   #25
 
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Mrspoppers, I didn't see that you had brought up my same question. I guess great minds do think alike!!!
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Old 01-01-2007, 04:17 PM   #26
 
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I agree that one was a choice and one wasn't, but it's still an older person raising kids.
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Old 01-01-2007, 04:17 PM   #27
 
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Is this really any different than grandparents raising their grandkids because of deadbeat parents???
Yes it is. One is a clear choice to put kids in that situation, the other is rescuing kids from a bad home. Big difference imo.
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Old 01-01-2007, 04:23 PM   #28
 
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Originally Posted by FieryCurls
Is this really any different than grandparents raising their grandkids because of deadbeat parents???
Yes it is. One is a clear choice to put kids in that situation, the other is rescuing kids from a bad home. Big difference imo.
That's where I was going with it too.
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Old 01-01-2007, 04:26 PM   #29
 
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yup.
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Old 01-01-2007, 04:30 PM   #30
 
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People keep saying she is being selfish and that she should have adopted or fostered a kid. Once again, I'll ask: Why are young/younger people who choose to have a biological child, or infertile young/younger couples who can only have a child through medical intervention any less selfish for not adopting or fostering? Let's be honest, most people's genes aren't so extraordinary that the gene pool will be devastated by them not giving birth. Isn't it equally "selfish" to have a child on a planet that can hardly even support the population it has now?

With regard to the "she should have adopted or fostered a kid" argument, how could she be an "acceptable age" for such an act if having a biological child at her age is "selfish" & wrong? Or is it that those children have to "settle" for what they can get regardless of how "shoddy" it is b/c they're orphans and/or in the foster care system?
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Old 01-01-2007, 04:40 PM   #31
 
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Originally Posted by Amneris
This is shameful, with all the children in the world waiting to be adopted or fostered or mentored who need loving homes or the support of someone living in the west. It's too bad that this woman preferred to use an egg donor than help some existing children.
Be careful, there. It's not too far a logical leap to go from this statement to saying the same thing about any woman choosing to get pregnant rather than adopt/foster/mentor "some existing children" "who need loving homes or the support of someone living in the west."

I really don't think you want or mean to say that, but you're standing on a slippery slope with THAT argument.
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Old 01-01-2007, 05:12 PM   #32
 
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It seems that I have once again become invisible, so I'll say it again.

As the child of a much older couple--ethically, I consider adoption and IVF to be on the same level--it was a huge mistake on their parts and on the part of the judge who granted our adoptions.

These people did not have the financial resources to provide for us, let alone send us to college. They lost interest in us once we were out of the "cute baby/toddler" stage. They later lacked the energy to care for us--we were basically caring for ourselves from about the ages of 10 or 11--to include cooking, laundry, house cleaning, yardwork, etc. My mom did little more at home than sit around and watch tv, smoke cigarettes, and drink coffee. She did go out and do her own thing alone--play bingo and spend our Social Security money on senior citizen Reno bus trips. No one from my family even attended my 8th grade graduation--two of my neighbors came for me out of pity.

Their generation was so far removed from ours, they were unable to relate and too rigid in their ways to even try--which is understandable at their age. My dad, who was uneducated and verbally abusive, eventually became an alcoholic and left us all before he died. He was progressively resentful of our educations, especially since we both began to excel in school.

It was different from being raised by grandparents b/c it was tiring to explain to EVERYONE that they were, in fact, NOT my grandparents, but my parents, and, no, not my biological parents, but my adoptive parents. Tiring to edure the stares and nasty comments. My family was the joke of the neighborhood.

Of course, not every story will be like this, but I'm pretty sure my parents didn't think theirs would be either, and they were both 10 - 11 years younger than this woman when they adopted us.

It IS selfish and a very bad idea to try to parent a child by any means after age 50. It just is, and no one will ever convince me otherwise. I had a horrible childhood, and I attribute it primarily to the fact that my parents were far too old and underqualified to adopted babies at age 56. What would my life have been like had that particular couple not adopted me? Different--maybe worse, for different reasons; maybe better for different reasons. I do know that the advanced age of my parents was the key factor for the dysfunctional state of my childhood as it were.
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Old 01-01-2007, 05:19 PM   #33
 
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~Ghost Poster~,
It doesn't sound like your childhood was the way it was because of your parent's ages. It sounds like they just weren't good parents.
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Old 01-01-2007, 05:25 PM   #34
 
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Originally Posted by FieryCurls
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It doesn't sound like your childhood was the way it was because of your parent's ages. It sounds like they just weren't good parents.
True to a degree. But they were much better parents to us when they were younger, stronger and healthier. I remember. I've seen pictures. I was there. I know.
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Old 01-01-2007, 05:29 PM   #35
 
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Ghost Poster...I know it must be hard to talk about your childhood and let other people in on your experience. I just wanted to say I'm so sorry for the stuff you had to go through. I wish your parents would have been better to you and given you the childhood you deserved. I hope that there is something that you have been able to take from that situation to make you a better, stronger person. I believe in the next life...whatever you hold that to be, all wrongs will be made right and there will be no more tears. Peace to you.
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Old 01-01-2007, 06:00 PM   #36
 
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Originally Posted by yagottaloveyacurls
Ghost Poster...I know it must be hard to talk about your childhood and let other people in on your experience. I just wanted to say I'm so sorry for the stuff you had to go through. I wish your parents would have been better to you and given you the childhood you deserved. I hope that there is something that you have been able to take from that situation to make you a better, stronger person. I believe in the next life...whatever you hold that to be, all wrongs will be made right and there will be no more tears. Peace to you.
Thank you...that's very sweet. And diplomatic.


While I'm not trying to turn this thread into "about me," I'm trying to lend some real-life credibility to the reasons why older parents--especially someone 67 with newborns--TWO of them at--are likely not such a great idea. Things that someone who has no experience with such a situation might not even be aware of.

What I did take away from my experience, other than the negative, is a firm understanding of how I was NOT going to raise MY son.
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Old 01-01-2007, 06:09 PM   #37
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by fig jam
Quote:
Originally Posted by Amneris
This is shameful, with all the children in the world waiting to be adopted or fostered or mentored who need loving homes or the support of someone living in the west. It's too bad that this woman preferred to use an egg donor than help some existing children.
Be careful, there. It's not too far a logical leap to go from this statement to saying the same thing about any woman choosing to get pregnant rather than adopt/foster/mentor "some existing children" "who need loving homes or the support of someone living in the west."

I really don't think you want or mean to say that, but you're standing on a slippery slope with THAT argument.
I was just about to post the same thing. Amneris, what if someone said what is bolded to you but instead of saying "use an egg donor" they said "choose to become pregnant"? How would you respond?
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Old 01-01-2007, 06:44 PM   #38
 
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I find this topic interesting. Men have been fathering children in their old age forever and now science has leveled the playing field.

Personally, I don't think that it is right for either an elderly father or mother to bear a child since it puts a burden on the kids.
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Old 01-01-2007, 06:44 PM   #39
 
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If I found out I was pregnant at 50, I would step in front of a bus on purpose. I can't fathom why any woman (or man for that matter) in her late 60's would want a baby. I wish her and her kids good luck.
My greatgrandparents were in their 60's & 70's when I was born. I'm very glad they were not my parents.
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Old 01-01-2007, 06:58 PM   #40
 
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This is her choice. I don't understand WHY a woman at her age would want to have children but I don't think you're going to see 65+ women beating down the doors of the invitro clinics.

There are plenty of older parents and grandparents who are raising babies and doing a great job. Younger, stronger, healthier does not necessarily equate to better parenting.

Everyone is picturing a decrepit, doddering old lady who can't find her teeth, much less take care of twins. Yes, there is the possibility that she will not see these babies into their 20's. But there is also the possibility that she has planned for their future and that she will love them and care for them. They are obviously very wanted, as anyone who has undergone invitro can tell you; it isn't an easy road.

Every child should be wanted so badly.
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