Would it be wrong to come up with a list of topics appropriate for dinner convo?

Like Tree57Likes

I think having her clam up and writing an angry letter (that would immediately go in the trash anyway) is a fine option.

That's just me though.
Originally Posted by Bianca
I'm with Bianca. If she can't play well with others, then she can be huffy about it and I wouldn't worry about it. That's her cross to bear.
Springcurl and Who Me? like this.
"And politically correct is the worst term, not just because it’s dismissive, but because it narrows down the whole social justice spectrum to this idea that it’s about being polite instead of about dismantling the oppressive social structure of power.
Fun Fact: When you actively avoid being “PC,” you’re not being forward-thinking or unique. You’re buying into systems of oppression that have existed since before you were even born, and you’re keeping those systems in place."
Stolen.
LOL, your mom would fit in great at our family dinners... lots of politics, lots of activists, lots of debate and that's the way we like it. I'd prefer her topics to a lot of the other inane stuff people want to talk about!

That being said, part of social skills is knowing your audience and going with consensus, so if you're the ONLY one who wants to talk politics, then you should have the sense to realize you should talk about a safer topic. If I go to my husband's relatives, I stay off politics because #1 their views annoy me and probably vice versa, and #2 it's usually not in their comfort zone to talk about it.

If your mom doesn't have the ability to realize this and adjust, then I agree - either don't invite her and deal with the consequences, or invite her, warn everyone, try redirecting her if possible and deal with her huffiness if she gets mad - toss her angry letter and enjoy the silence if she clams up. She's not going to change now. You could also go with the flow and see if engaging in her topic for a while is really that bad, and if it is, just change the subject.
Nej, wavyblonde and minthe like this.
Get used to me. Black, confident, cocky; my name, not yours; my religion, not yours; my goals, my own; get used to me. -Muhammad Ali











I would probably just say all super pleasant after she starts with a depressing story, something like 'Oh WOW, that's AWFUL, why don't we talk about something happier, today is a day for us to focus on POSITIVE things.' And keep saying things to that effect. If she does it multiple times, I'd probably just ask her pointblank why she is so insistent on ruining everyone's dinner with depressing news and then let her pout and write letters to her heart's content, which I would ignore. I mean, saying 'I listen to what's going on in YOUR lives' is only analogous if you guys only talk about miserable depressing stuff from your lives - which would be just as irritating.
I haven't got the slightest idea how to change people, but I still keep a long list of prospective candidates just in case I should ever figure it out.
What if you have a little ritual to acknowledge her political stuff. Like a little blessing or secular blessing where you remember all those who are suffering around the world and let your mom go to town. And then have normal conversation the rest of the time. And tell her before hand that you realize the activism is important to her and you want to acknowledge it, but you also want to talk about other things and enjoy the day. Would that work or would it only encourage her to go even more overboard?

(P.S. this is straight out of my "how to handle stubborn toddlers" playbook. )
M2LR, WileESteelNervs, Nej and 3 others like this.
To Trenell, MizKerri and geeky:
I pray none of you ever has to live in a communist state.

Geeky is my hero. She's the true badass. The badass who doesn't even need to be a badass. There aren't enough O's in cool to describe her.
Those are great suggestions of riley and geeky.

Re-reading this, it doesn't sound as if your mom is as much of a "political activist" as a "negative nellie." Talking about how many people are getting stabbed in Springfield isn't really an "activist" topic to me - an "activist" topic is talking about why the government's crime policy is misguided. I'd be into talking about the second, but not so much the first.

I agree - if everything is just kept really, really positive there won't be as much room for negativity. I like the idea of everyone going around and saying what they are thankful for. We do that at our Thanksgiving. There are also lots of positive things people in your family are doing that you can focus on - doesn't your sister have a new little one, and your daughter is married and off on new adventures, and you're rollerblading and losing weight.... I'd just talk a lot about those so she will really have to work to bring up her stuff. We also acknowledge the suffering in the world in our opening grace and you could do that in a secular way, too.
Get used to me. Black, confident, cocky; my name, not yours; my religion, not yours; my goals, my own; get used to me. -Muhammad Ali











My boys do that. They get rather obsessive about some things. Sometimes they talk so much about it they get in trouble because they won't stop after being asked repeatedly. Occasionally it ends with them storming off to their room.

If I had to deal with an adult acting like that, I'd treat them like a child and be rather obvious about it.
Do you have a "time out" chair?

I understand where Amneris is coming from. If you are in a family who are really into politics, sports, or whatever you are all going to discuss it. It's interesting convo for all. I feel like your mom is a Debbie Downer and wants everyone to be down like her. There are so many horific things happening in our world today. Thanksgiving is a day to be thankful for what we do have. We always go around the table and tell what we are thankful for. There is nothing negative that day. Maybe your mom should read this topic.
Amneris and missbanjo like this.
From Michael Berg:

Every person has a unique connection to the Creator that can never be extinguished, and every person has a great soul that can manifest important things in our world. To make a person feel less than they are because of something inside themselves, be it faith, race, or sexual orientation, is the greatest sin of all."
Do you have a "time out" chair?
Originally Posted by Lotsawaves
No, but I've threatened it. It works sometimes.
I feel like your mom is a Debbie Downer and wants everyone to be down like her.
Originally Posted by Lotsawaves
It would be funny if every time she says something that's a downer, the whole group would make that Debbie Downer noise.. "wah, wah, ..." Or, record it on your cell phone and hit play.

Debbie Downer Noise - YouTube

Don't mind me, I just cracked myself up picturing it!
nynaeve77 likes this.

I was born to be a pessimist. My blood type is B Negative.
She does sound like Debbie Downer!

BUT...here's what I'm wondering. I'm wondering if she is a person that wants to accomplish a grand purpose in life and look at the big picture, etc, and maybe she can't stand listening to all the day-to-day minutiae conversations about diapers and taxes and work. Maybe the activism stuff is stuff that feeds her brain, and she's just as miserable listening to people talk about their lives as y'all are about her politics and current events stuff. I know my eyes glaze over when conversations turn to how much diapers cost at this store as compared to that one, no matter how much I love the people having the conversation.

Maybe a compromise is in order?
Amneris likes this.
2c/3a with 2b underlayer. Fine, porous. Loves protein. But not hydrolized wheat protein. Yuck.

Wash: WEN Sweet Almond Mint or Pomegranate
Gels: LA Looks Sport Gel
Mousse: Tigi Catwalk Curlesque
Curling creams/gellies: Coffee Coco Curling Cream Lite, Spiral Solutions Curl Enhancing Jelly, Curls Gel-les'c
SOTC: JC N&S (LOVE)
http://public.fotki.com/wavyblonde/hair-2010/
I bought this game for my Goddaugther that we went to visit last month.
Her and her mother moved because of divorce and we hadn't seen her for about four years.
I thought this would be a cute game for her and friends to play and us too.
We read a few cards but had dinner plans so we didn't get to actually play the game. I actually want to get another and the relish the moment looks fun too.
CatchupGame.com

Maybe you could go thru the cards and place them around the table.

Last edited by curlylew66; 11-20-2011 at 05:38 PM.
Springcurls...we have the same Mother....all she talks about is Nancy Grace and murdered little children!
Originally Posted by Wiregirl
Then we must all be long-lost triplets because I have the same mother too! LOL
Springcurl likes this.
No MAS.

I am the new Black.

"Hope the Mail are saving space tomorrow for Samantha Brick's reaction piece on the reactions to her piece about the reactions to her piece." ~ Tweet reposted by Rou.

http://www.youtube.com/user/Kimshi4242

http://www.tumblr.com/blog/kimshi4242
Love the Debbie Downer Wah-wah. I use it on my mom all the time.

I think when she starts in I'd give a 'we are not talking about this at Thanksgiving!'

Like when the subject of abortion came up, bf's mom yelled 'Its Easter!!'

I'm sure at this point a preemptive warning would cause her to pout and threaten to avoid Thanksgiving altogether. Or she'd just have her feelings hurt. I don't like hurting people's feelings no matter how much of a pain they can be.

Using my iphone with my toe thumbs. There will be typos.
My family usually has their mouths full and there's not much talking going on! Then it's football and a nap.

I was born to be a pessimist. My blood type is B Negative.
I would probably just say all super pleasant after she starts with a depressing story, something like 'Oh WOW, that's AWFUL, why don't we talk about something happier, today is a day for us to focus on POSITIVE things.' And keep saying things to that effect. If she does it multiple times, I'd probably just ask her pointblank why she is so insistent on ruining everyone's dinner with depressing news and then let her pout and write letters to her heart's content, which I would ignore. I mean, saying 'I listen to what's going on in YOUR lives' is only analogous if you guys only talk about miserable depressing stuff from your lives - which would be just as irritating.
Originally Posted by rileyb
I agree.

Handling it at the moment seems the better way to deal with someone like this. Handing her a list of acceptable dinner conversation topics seems rather odd - passive/aggressive maybe. And so what about her angry letters. Make sure they go straight in the trash, unread and unopened.
50% of our family gatherings end up in heated arguments and people leaving because of the elders. this is why i usually sit at the children's table. at least i can sometimes win an argument like "is Justine Beiber a real blond?"
Josephine likes this.
rainshower's Avatar
Join Date: Apr 2001
Posts: 6,000
is there no one in your circle who shares her interest in those topics?

my family can enjoy talking about anything. but their passion is politics. the conversations get emotion-filled and loud. i hate it. when the talk turns to the political world, i just quietly watch them sometimes or laugh to myself about how cartoonish some of them look when their eyes bug and their teeth gnash at the very thought of certain public figures. but most of the time, i'll silently slip away to another part of the house.
"Dogs stink too, but I like dog stink." ~ rileyb
is there no one in your circle who shares her interest in those topics?
Originally Posted by rainshower
To be clear, we ALL share her interest in these topics. We all agree with them. But we were raised with them, fed them with dinner every night, woke up hearing her talk on the phone about them. She'd miss family events because she was too busy writing grants. Dragged my younger sister around from protest to protest when she was 1 to 13 years old.

It's not not that we don't share her interests. We do. We just don't want to live them any more.


Obamacare is not a blueprint for socialism. You're thinking of the New Testament. ~~ John Fugelsang



is there no one in your circle who shares her interest in those topics?
Originally Posted by rainshower
To be clear, we ALL share her interest in these topics. We all agree with them. But we were raised with them, fed them with dinner every night, woke up hearing her talk on the phone about them. She'd miss family events because she was too busy writing grants. Dragged my younger sister around from protest to protest when she was 1 to 13 years old.

It's not not that we don't share her interests. We do. We just don't want to live them any more.
Originally Posted by Springcurl
I kind of love the bold! That is what I strive for for my kids. What about it is a problem for you guys (and I'm asking sincerely, because to me, that's an AWESOME upbringing for a kid, but if it isn't perceived that way by the kids as adults, then I would want to be aware of why.)
minthe likes this.
Get used to me. Black, confident, cocky; my name, not yours; my religion, not yours; my goals, my own; get used to me. -Muhammad Ali











Trending Topics


Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On



All times are GMT -6. The time now is 05:31 PM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Copyright 2011 NaturallyCurly.com