I Might Take A Beating For This...

Like Tree76Likes

I honestly don't belive that's true rcc.
Not happened yet, rcw.
He has a Honda Accord that he drives.
She drives the Pilot.
Originally Posted by WileESteelNervs


You're so cagey. You say "he owes you no money for the pilot" and that "she drives the pilot". But you didn't actually say "he paid it off". Ergo...I can only surmise that she must owe you money for the pilot. Are they still together?
Originally Posted by RedCatWaves
gtfoh cagey?!
the pilot is strictly her responsibility, as I have stated numerous time before!
Code:
chicks
they are still together and unfortunately will probably get married.........god help us all........
Originally Posted by WileESteelNervs


OK, so I was right. He/They have not paid off the car loan. Saying "he owes you no money" is indeed cagey.
So, my question is, w/o being too revealing, is how far do you go to help a sibling?
Originally Posted by WileESteelNervs
i would give my sibling a kidney.

But if he continually made bad decisions regarding money and was not working hard to try to improve the situation, he wouldn't get any money from me.
WileESteelNervs likes this.

I was born to be a pessimist. My blood type is B Negative.
First of all, Wile, "cagey" is kind of your whole schtick here.

Second, you really REALLY just need to back away and stay out of their relationship and finances.

It is impossible not to have an opinion and trust me, I know this. Like I said, I have brothers, SILS, and nieces/nephews of my own and God knows I don't always agree with how they do things. Do like the rest of us and gossip with your mother and girlfriends but stay out of their relationships and that includes finances. It's not your place.
I have a sister who used to take advantage of my generosity. Of everyone's, really. I could go on and on and on for days, but it suffices to say that she used a lot of the money she was given for drugs and alcohol and barely worked a day in her life. She lied, stole, manipulated, and talked a lot of people into paying her way in life. She stole my car right in front of me when I was 21 and got my license suspended by pretending she was me and getting moving violations in my name (10 of them). She has two children and used to use them against everyone or make us feel guilty for not helping with them. But nothing was ever enough. She was all sweet and light when she got her way, but the minute the answer had to be no for any reason--like my needing to pay my own rent and not having any extra money--she became angry and acted as if I was a horrible person. She did similar things to my parents, threatening to not let them see the kids if they didn't give her money.

After years of being abused and taken advantage of, I just had to stop enabling her for my own sanity. So I stopped giving her money and stopped answering the phone when she called. Unfortunately, it required almost completely cutting her off. But I was always worried about my niece and nephew and always did what I could for them. They are now with my mother and have been adopted by her. My sister is still doing whatever she's doing.

The only thing I can tell you is that it's entirely up to you how much you can do and how much you can take. If you truly don't mind helping to support him, his girlfriend, and his family, then keep doing it and stop second guessing your decisions. If it truly bothers you to do it then dont do it anymore. But it won't end unless/until you end it. Most cases aren't as extreme as my sister's and many people will finally get their lives together when they no longer have a choice. But some won't. You just can't blame yourself and let yourself feel responsible for his choices, even when they hurt his children. I know it's hard. That was always the hardest part for me and the reason I let her manipulate me for so long.
"...just because you're paranoid doesn't mean that there isn't an invisible demon about to eat your face." ~Harry Dresden

I am totally on Team CGNYC on this one - both her posts are spot on.

As for your parents, they are grown people in full control of their faculties. They enable your brother? That's on them. I'm in the same situation with my brother and my mom, but you know what? My mom is the one who lets him live there rent-free, etc., etc. It's on her.

Do I like it? Hell, no. I want to shake my brother for treating Mom that way, but SHE ALLOWS IT. She is a party to it just as much as he is.

You just need to back away from your brother and his family and his relationship to your parents and their issues.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Rock on with your bad self.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Be excellent to each other. ~ Abraham Lincoln

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Banned
Join Date: Jun 2001
Posts: 41,043
rcw...you are always right
Code:
your poor hubby
she owes me...he does not...wtheck
I think it's also worth considering the fact that pretty much everyone here has said you're too involved and you need to back out of their relationship and finances.
Banned
Join Date: Jun 2001
Posts: 41,043
First of all, Wile, "cagey" is kind of your whole schtick here.

Second, you really REALLY just need to back away and stay out of their relationship and finances.

It is impossible not to have an opinion and trust me, I know this. Like I said, I have brothers, SILS, and nieces/nephews of my own and God knows I don't always agree with how they do things. Do like the rest of us and gossip with your mother and girlfriends but stay out of their relationships and that includes finances. It's not your place.
Originally Posted by CGNYC
However....however...do you have a GP?
Code:
that is the ?
I don't have a gp but I agree with CGNYC 100%.
To Trenell, MizKerri and geeky:
I pray none of you ever has to live in a communist state.

Geeky is my hero. She's the true badass. The badass who doesn't even need to be a badass. There aren't enough O's in cool to describe her.
I think what you consider the whole "GP" phenomenon is really just what happens when you have two children and one of them doesn't grow up. I know you need to break it down in a way that lets you say "penis" as often as possible (and bonus! Abbreviations! ), but I think it's more a birth order thing.

People often see things more clearly when they're looking in from the outside. It's easy to get swamped when you're in the situation. This is how most people see your situation: you're too involved, you need to back off and butt out. And this is from hearing YOUR side of the story! You're involved, at least in part, as a way to boost your ego and have some control. Your parents are adults and have the right to do whatever they want. You're at least somewhat jealous of your brother and enjoy being the good child. Many of us have been there and no good came from it. That about sums it up.

Walk away, let it go, let him deal with his own crap. It will be hard at first but you will be happier for it.
rileyb, mrspoppers and maria_i like this.
I "liked" most of the posts because I agree with them. I have been in a similar situation and I agree that you have to let it go, let HIM go, and stay out of it. It's not healthy for you. He has to grow up some day, you can't stop your parents from enabling him, but YOU CAN STOP YOURSELF! Please try. It's for the best.

And I agree that the kids will get gifts from others so if he can't afford them, that's on him and they will learn. Maybe if his kids see that dad can't buy them gifts (because he can't manage money and lives beyond his means, etc), it will hurt him enough to open his eyes. Sad as it sounds.

SF Bay Area, CA * "The Angel-Goddess-Guru of Haircoloring"
3b/c/a mix. medium texture, low porosity
* pw: just4curlies
* My Motto: Strand Test!
some hair pics
-- gone, but never forgotten.
What is a GP?

I thought CGNYC's post made a great deal of sense and if I'm smart, I'll take a lesson from it

Wile, you probably have heard this recommended before, but the book "CoDependent No More" would really be helpful to you, I think. {{{Wile}}} code: Hugs to you, sweetie.
WileESteelNervs and maria_i like this.
2/c and some 3A.
Protein sensitive but can use occasionally
Highly porous. Color over grey.
Best 1st day method: Super Soaker
Stylers: Mix Curls in a Bottle into everything for shine. Terrible pj
Sometimes try roller sets - classic glamor but I prefer my curls.
Every day is a gift
I'm really not trying to give you a beating, Wile, I have just learned this the hard way and I can see others have, too.
Wile, I totally agree with CGNYC. I think you like the drama and I think you like saving the day. Nothing wrong with that if it works in your family, but you need to see you're doing it.

Another oldest sister here who is always the responsible one. My brother will show up an hour late for a dinner reservation, my Mom will fume the whole time, but he waltzes in, gives her a hug and all is good. I would never hear the end of it, if I did the same thing.


I think what you need to do is let him fall on his ass and crawl his way back up. He's an adult with kids to look after and he needs to grow up and take some responsibility. In the end, it'll only make him a better person and father.

If you want to still play the hero, look after the kids. Take them to a movie, shopping, get them lessons in something.




I believe in manicures. I believe in overdressing. I believe in primping at leisure and wearing lipstick. I believe in pink. I believe that laughing is the best calorie burner. I believe in kissing, kissing a lot. I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong. I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls. I believe that tomorrow is another day and I believe in miracles.
Audrey Hepburn
What is a GP?
Originally Posted by curlypearl
Golden Penis

I don't know that its relevant in this anymore though. I think of a GP as the shining son, the one every one loves, the favorite child.

Not so much the guy who keeps messing up his life and is always needing to be bailed out.
I believe in manicures. I believe in overdressing. I believe in primping at leisure and wearing lipstick. I believe in pink. I believe that laughing is the best calorie burner. I believe in kissing, kissing a lot. I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong. I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls. I believe that tomorrow is another day and I believe in miracles.
Audrey Hepburn
GP - The things I learn on this website!
2/c and some 3A.
Protein sensitive but can use occasionally
Highly porous. Color over grey.
Best 1st day method: Super Soaker
Stylers: Mix Curls in a Bottle into everything for shine. Terrible pj
Sometimes try roller sets - classic glamor but I prefer my curls.
Every day is a gift
rcw...you are always right
Code:
your poor hubby
she owes me...he does not...wtheck
Originally Posted by WileESteelNervs


I'm only right about the things I'm right about. I don't post wrong stuff...that would be stupid.

You're just ticked because my Bullsh1t Detector works.
Amneris and MichelleBFT like this.
cailin, if your sis did have kiddos, how would you feel differently? ty
Originally Posted by WileESteelNervs
I was trying to think of the right way to say it with out sounding harsh...but Mrspoppers took the words out of my mouth with this:


Now that the divorce is final, my sister and nephew are settled in an apartment, and everything is stable, nobody in my family--including my mom--will give my sister money again, unless they are literally faced with homelessness. There is nothing short of homelessness that will sway us.

My opinion on the kids is this: Kids should be clothed, fed, sheltered, and feel safe. Outside of that, it is not necessary to give your bro money.
Originally Posted by mrspoppers
What is a GP?
Originally Posted by curlypearl
Golden Penis

I don't know that its relevant in this anymore though. I think of a GP as the shining son, the one every one loves, the favorite child.

Not so much the guy who keeps messing up his life and is always needing to be bailed out.
Originally Posted by CurlyCanadian


WileE's brother was a GP because the parents kept bailing him out, because they valued his penis so much, because he was an Heir Creator. Now, though, the parents seem to have cut him off. So, the only one valuing his penis is...WileE.

Do you see the irony in that, WileE?
I agree with everything CGNYC and RCW said.

About the collateral for the loan...if you're going to lend him money, just lend him the money. You know he's never going to pay you back, and you also know that you're not actually going to keep his things in exchange for that money. And he knows all that, too. Cut the crap and either just give him the money or put your foot down for real this time and cut him off.
Eres o te haces?

Trending Topics


Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On



All times are GMT -6. The time now is 08:18 PM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Copyright 2011 NaturallyCurly.com