Is this REALLY that unforgettable? (relationship issue) - Page 2

Krayt · 01-17-2007, 02:22 PM

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Originally Posted by sdcurly

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Originally Posted by SaKkeh

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Originally Posted by kurls

I told him today on the phone that I will NOT allow him to beat me up over what happened this weekend - that I admit that it was rude and just plain 'inappropriate', and I've apologized as much as I could.

I dont understand why you would even apologise for this...what did you do wrong? Nothing according to your story...so why are you apologising? Thats just giving him ammunition. Don't let him tell you who you can or cannot talk to when he is around. I unerstand why he would be insecure with the ex-boyfriend situation, but dont let him hang it pover your head and make you feel guilty for speaking to your male friends.

It's not the fact that she was talking to a particular person that was rude. It's the fact that she spent more than a minute or two talking on the phone when she had guests. I don't know how anyone could say that is not rude. However, the boyfriend is making too big a deal of it and that is the red flag. Maybe he wants to break up but doesn't know how to say it.

Sounds to me like it was an out of town friend she doesn't get to talk to much. Don't think its rude. People could have conversed amongst themselves. Get over it.

Also, agree with the jealous, insecure, needs to wake the **** up boyfriend issues.

medussa · 01-17-2007, 02:24 PM

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Originally Posted by CGNYC

Yes, it is rude to ignore your guests to spend half an hour chatting on the phone to some random friend. I don't do that when I have guests and I can't imagine trying to entertain myself for half an hour if I were visiting a friend who decided that the person on the phone was the priority right now.

That said, it's not worth getting huffy or holding a grudge and bringing up over and over. That's just obnoxious.

ITA. You were being rude. Doesn't matter who was on the phone (male or female). But the fact that your BF can't move past it, concerns me.

Gemini13 · 01-17-2007, 02:24 PM

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Originally Posted by Amneris

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Originally Posted by sdcurly

I think your boyfriend is blowing it out of proportion, but I also think it is rude to talk on the phone for more than a minute when you have guests and that minute should be mostly explaining that you have guests and can't talk now.

Emergency's excepted of course.

She was in her own home for the weekend with a house full of guests who can entertain each other, so I don't think it's rude.

Anyway, are her boyfriend and her roomate's fiance really "guests?"

Amneris · 01-17-2007, 02:24 PM

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Originally Posted by kurls

BF is very insecure - that I will admit. For all his status and what he has - good looks included - he is VERY insecure, which is sad.

Either way, i FULLY admit to it being rude - cause I was on the phone for a good 30 mins, and I know I would feel some sort of way had it been the other way around: had he been at MY house, on the phone for a significant amount of time with some girl. Can't say I wouldn't catch a FIT over that myself.....but I know I wouldn't hold ONTO that and continue to harp on it for days - I'm sorry!!

He keeps tying it into 'trust' and making it SUCH a big deal! As if I CHEATED on him or something....UGH. It's getting on my nerves.

He should be apologizing to you for going off on you and making a big deal over nothing. Instead, he has you apologizing to him. That is exactly how abuse (and I am including mental/psychological abuse) starts.

SaKkeh · 01-17-2007, 02:26 PM

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Originally Posted by Amneris

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Originally Posted by sdcurly

I think your boyfriend is blowing it out of proportion, but I also think it is rude to talk on the phone for more than a minute when you have guests and that minute should be mostly explaining that you have guests and can't talk now.

Emergency's excepted of course.

She was in her own home for the weekend with a house full of guests who can entertain each other, so I don't think it's rude.

Precisely. Its not like they were alone and she proceeded to spend two hours on the phone and completely ignore him. That I could understand him beign upset about.

ShrekLover · 01-17-2007, 02:28 PM

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Originally Posted by Gemini13

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Originally Posted by Amneris

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Originally Posted by sdcurly

I think your boyfriend is blowing it out of proportion, but I also think it is rude to talk on the phone for more than a minute when you have guests and that minute should be mostly explaining that you have guests and can't talk now.

Emergency's excepted of course.

She was in her own home for the weekend with a house full of guests who can entertain each other, so I don't think it's rude.

Anyway, are her boyfriend and her roomate's fiance really "guests?"

I do think it's rude. A guest is anyone in you invited into your home who doesn't live there. Manners seem to be going out of style.

ShrekLover · 01-17-2007, 02:29 PM

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Originally Posted by SaKkeh

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Originally Posted by Amneris

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Originally Posted by sdcurly

I think your boyfriend is blowing it out of proportion, but I also think it is rude to talk on the phone for more than a minute when you have guests and that minute should be mostly explaining that you have guests and can't talk now.

Emergency's excepted of course.

She was in her own home for the weekend with a house full of guests who can entertain each other, so I don't think it's rude.

Precisely. Its not like they were alone and she proceeded to spend two hours on the phone and completely ignore him. That I could understand him beign upset about.

How can you not ignore someone in the room when you are talking on the phone? Whether there are other people there or not, he was her guest not theirs.

SaKkeh · 01-17-2007, 02:30 PM

I'd love to hear what Kurls thinks about this. Do you consider your BF a "guest" in your home?

SaKkeh · 01-17-2007, 02:33 PM

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Originally Posted by sdcurly

How can you not ignore someone in the room when you are talking on the phone? Whether there are other people there or not, he was her guest not theirs.

In that case, they ALL had the right to blow up in her face then. I dont think it was about her ignoring him as a guest. It was about his jealousy over her speaking to a male on the phone. I am almost sure he would nto haev behaved that way if she was speaking to her mother on the phone

Amneris · 01-17-2007, 02:33 PM

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Originally Posted by sdcurly

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Originally Posted by Gemini13

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Originally Posted by Amneris

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Originally Posted by sdcurly

I think your boyfriend is blowing it out of proportion, but I also think it is rude to talk on the phone for more than a minute when you have guests and that minute should be mostly explaining that you have guests and can't talk now.

Emergency's excepted of course.

She was in her own home for the weekend with a house full of guests who can entertain each other, so I don't think it's rude.

Anyway, are her boyfriend and her roomate's fiance really "guests?"

I do think it's rude. A guest is anyone in you invited into your home who doesn't live there. Manners seem to be going out of style.

So if a family member visits for a month, you can NEVER take a personal phone call from anyone else? I think that's kind of ridiculous. When my husband and I were dating, he visited me at grad school for 2 weeks. I lived with my aunt so he stayed there too. She and I took phone calls, and I had homework to do, chores to do, rehearsals, auditions etc. etc. Life didn't stop for my boyfriend. Whenever possible, we did stuff together, but he understood that I was a busy student. It was NYC - he was perfectly capable of finding stuff to do on his own without me coddling him.

KCL · 01-17-2007, 02:35 PM

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Originally Posted by kurls

My boyfriend was up this weekend, and my roommate had her fiance up also. We'll all hanging out, and my cell phone rings. It's one of my buddies from FL calling - it was 9am - and he for whatever reason was just shooting the breeze...asking how my weekend was, how I was doing, telling me about how he and his sister are coming up soon and would like us all to get together. NOW, in the midst of this 'general' conversation, everyone is mulling around and my BF comes IN the livingroom and sits next to me on the couch while I'm talking - which is fine with me because I wasn't being shady or sneaking around. Within MINUTES, he shoots me this look, jumps UP from the couch and storms off. I get off the phone minutes later, run in the back to explain myself, and he proceeds to tell me he is NOT cool with this, blah blah blah.

So we all sit down to eat, and when we're done and just talking - he brings up how RUDE it was of me to be on the phone with some other dude while HE was right there - AND while everyone was around!! How that was embarassing to him, and disrespectful...and that he feels that if I'm THAT bold to talk to a guy while he's there, then he has no CLUE what I do when he's NOT there or whom I talk to. That was MONDAY - and now it's Wed, and everytime I TALK to BF, he is bringing up how RUDE I was and how he is so hurt by what I did...how he is uneasy now about 'us', and how he now isn't sure if I'm being 'faithful' to him or not.

A QUICK flashback story on why he is THIS upset...is because my ex and I have been good friends for YEARS. I even introduced the 2 of them (ex and BF). But BF made it clear that my 'close' relationship with my ex made him uncomfortable, and although I put up a fight for months, I finally decided that it wasn't worth the hassle, and limited my association with my ex...out of respect for my BF. So THAT happened all of 3 weeks ago and is still 'fresh' in BF's mind...and he doesn't cease to remind me of THAT situation when he can.

So what can I do???? I told him today on the phone that I will NOT allow him to beat me up over what happened this weekend - that I admit that it was rude and just plain 'inappropriate', and I've apologized as much as I could. But yet, he can't let GO of this situation....underlying issue being that he feels that my guy friends all 'want' me and that having them around is disrespecting our relationship. How do I get him to let this mess GO????

I actually kind of see your boyfriend's point of view. I don't think you meant to be rude, but I'm thinking that it would be extremely rare for your ex- to just want to be platonic friends with you and have no romantic/sexual intentions at all.

I can understand why your boyfriend was upset and I don't think that it means that he is jealous, insecure, or has deep issues.

kurls · 01-17-2007, 02:36 PM

YEP....if he's in the house, then he is a guest in my eyes! And thus he (like eveyrone else) should be treated as such.

I was WRONG for being rude and having such a long conversation while he and everyone else was there....that was my fault. And like I said, at one point he came into the livingroom and sat NEXT to me on the couch while I was still talking - and I never even thought of excusing myself to another room or whatever cause I had NOTHING to hide!! Still, everyone ELSE said they could hear my conversation (I am a naturally loud person), so I'm sure that had something to do with it too ....

I DO understand him being upset over the length of the phone call, but all this 'moodiness' he's giving me and talking about how he's confused, doesn't know if he can trust me, how he's TIRED of this....is really getting to me.

SaKkeh · 01-17-2007, 02:39 PM

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Originally Posted by kurls

YEP....if he's in the house, then he is a guest in my eyes! And thus he (like eveyrone else) should be treated as such.

I was WRONG for being rude and having such a long conversation while he and everyone else was there....that was my fault.

Ok. Let me change my tune. You were rude then.
That aside, I still think he is being unreasonable and childish for going on and on about it.

kurls · 01-17-2007, 02:39 PM

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Originally Posted by SaKkeh

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Originally Posted by sdcurly

How can you not ignore someone in the room when you are talking on the phone? Whether there are other people there or not, he was her guest not theirs.

In that case, they ALL had the right to blow up in her face then. I dont think it was about her ignoring him as a guest. It was about his jealousy over her speaking to a male on the phone. I am almost sure he would nto haev behaved that way if she was speaking to her mother on the phone

Thing is - they all DID blow up at me. Well, not blow up...but when the topic was brought to my attention, everyone at the table 'chimed' in about how I was loud, it woke them up (some were sleeping), how they felt that it was disrespectful to my BF and to them, etc. I give them all credit for CALLING me on my rudeness, but I don't think that BF taking it THIS far is necessary. BUT when I think about how I would feel if he did the same to me, I know I would be really hurt by that......so I'm trying to relate to him on that level, but not to that DEGREE.

KCL · 01-17-2007, 02:40 PM

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Originally Posted by sdcurly

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Originally Posted by SaKkeh

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Originally Posted by kurls

I told him today on the phone that I will NOT allow him to beat me up over what happened this weekend - that I admit that it was rude and just plain 'inappropriate', and I've apologized as much as I could.

I dont understand why you would even apologise for this...what did you do wrong? Nothing according to your story...so why are you apologising? Thats just giving him ammunition. Don't let him tell you who you can or cannot talk to when he is around. I unerstand why he would be insecure with the ex-boyfriend situation, but dont let him hang it pover your head and make you feel guilty for speaking to your male friends.

It's not the fact that she was talking to a particular person that was rude. It's the fact that she spent more than a minute or two talking on the phone when she had guests. I don't know how anyone could say that is not rude. However, the boyfriend is making too big a deal of it and that is the red flag. Maybe he wants to break up but doesn't know how to say it.

I agree with you.

Maybe the boyfriend is making too big a deal of it or maybe there is (likely) more to the story regarding how he feels about this particular ex, etc.

Quote:

how he's TIRED of this

ETA: Sounds like there is more to the story and that this telephone call just brought up some feelings that he was having about this Ex or about something in your relationship in general.

The only thing you can do is talk to him and see what's really bothering him and what it stems from.

SaKkeh · 01-17-2007, 02:41 PM

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Originally Posted by KatieCoolLady

I agree with you.

Maybe the boyfriend is making too big a deal of it or maybe there is (likely) more to the story regarding how he feels about this particular ex, etc.

She wasnt talking to her ex ---were you Kurls? Thats not the impression I got from your first post.

ShrekLover · 01-17-2007, 02:42 PM

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Originally Posted by Amneris

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Originally Posted by sdcurly

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Originally Posted by Gemini13

Quote:

Originally Posted by Amneris

Quote:

Originally Posted by sdcurly

I think your boyfriend is blowing it out of proportion, but I also think it is rude to talk on the phone for more than a minute when you have guests and that minute should be mostly explaining that you have guests and can't talk now.

Emergency's excepted of course.

She was in her own home for the weekend with a house full of guests who can entertain each other, so I don't think it's rude.

Anyway, are her boyfriend and her roomate's fiance really "guests?"

I do think it's rude. A guest is anyone in you invited into your home who doesn't live there. Manners seem to be going out of style.

So if a family member visits for a month, you can NEVER take a personal phone call from anyone else? I think that's kind of ridiculous. When my husband and I were dating, he visited me at grad school for 2 weeks. I lived with my aunt so he stayed there too. She and I took phone calls, and I had homework to do, chores to do, rehearsals, auditions etc. etc. Life didn't stop for my boyfriend. Whenever possible, we did stuff together, but he understood that I was a busy student. It was NYC - he was perfectly capable of finding stuff to do on his own without me coddling him.

So now you are comparing her BF coming for the weekend to a relative coming for a month or your BF staying for 2 weeks? Those are different situations and I didn't say she could NEVER take a phone call, what I said is she shouldn't have spent much time on the phone. Why are you blowing what I said all out of proportion?

Even is she does not consider him a guest, he doesn't llive there, he was there to see her and she ignored him to talk on the phone.

You can change the situation however you want to make your argument the right one, but I disagree in this situation that what she did was ok. If you read my other e-mails I never said he was reacting correctly.

KCL · 01-17-2007, 02:43 PM

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Originally Posted by SaKkeh

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Originally Posted by KatieCoolLady

I agree with you.

Maybe the boyfriend is making too big a deal of it or maybe there is (likely) more to the story regarding how he feels about this particular ex, etc.

She wasnt talking to her ex ---were you Kurls? Thats not the impression I got from your first post.

oops, maybe I misunderstood...sounded like she was talking to her exboyfriend on the phone while her current boyfriend was sitting there.

SaKkeh · 01-17-2007, 02:44 PM

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Originally Posted by KatieCoolLady

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Originally Posted by SaKkeh

Quote:

Originally Posted by KatieCoolLady

I agree with you.

Maybe the boyfriend is making too big a deal of it or maybe there is (likely) more to the story regarding how he feels about this particular ex, etc.

She wasnt talking to her ex ---were you Kurls? Thats not the impression I got from your first post.

oops, maybe I misunderstood...sounded like she was talking to her exboyfriend on the phone while her current boyfriend was sitting there.

well, maybe she needs to clarify:

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Originally Posted by kurls

We'll all hanging out, and my cell phone rings. It's one of my buddies from FL calling

kurls · 01-17-2007, 02:44 PM

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Originally Posted by KatieCoolLady

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Originally Posted by SaKkeh

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Originally Posted by KatieCoolLady

I agree with you.

Maybe the boyfriend is making too big a deal of it or maybe there is (likely) more to the story regarding how he feels about this particular ex, etc.

She wasnt talking to her ex ---were you Kurls? Thats not the impression I got from your first post.

oops, maybe I misunderstood...sounded like she was talking to her exboyfriend on the phone while her current boyfriend was sitting there.

No...I am close friends WITH my ex who lives here in my city. But the phone call was with a buddy of mine from FL....so it's 2 different guys we're talking about here!!