Is this REALLY that unforgettable? (relationship issue)

Yes, it is rude to ignore your guests to spend half an hour chatting on the phone to some random friend. I don't do that when I have guests and I can't imagine trying to entertain myself for half an hour if I were visiting a friend who decided that the person on the phone was the priority right now.

That said, it's not worth getting huffy or holding a grudge and bringing up over and over. That's just obnoxious.
Originally Posted by CGNYC
ITA. You were being rude. Doesn't matter who was on the phone (male or female). But the fact that your BF can't move past it, concerns me.
Originally Posted by medussa
ITA with CGNYC and Medussa.
I think your boyfriend is blowing it out of proportion, but I also think it is rude to talk on the phone for more than a minute when you have guests and that minute should be mostly explaining that you have guests and can't talk now.

Emergency's excepted of course.
Originally Posted by sdcurly
She was in her own home for the weekend with a house full of guests who can entertain each other, so I don't think it's rude.
Originally Posted by Amneris
Anyway, are her boyfriend and her roomate's fiance really "guests?"
Originally Posted by Gemini13
I do think it's rude. A guest is anyone in you invited into your home who doesn't live there. Manners seem to be going out of style.
Originally Posted by sdcurly
So if a family member visits for a month, you can NEVER take a personal phone call from anyone else? I think that's kind of ridiculous. When my husband and I were dating, he visited me at grad school for 2 weeks. I lived with my aunt so he stayed there too. She and I took phone calls, and I had homework to do, chores to do, rehearsals, auditions etc. etc. Life didn't stop for my boyfriend. Whenever possible, we did stuff together, but he understood that I was a busy student. It was NYC - he was perfectly capable of finding stuff to do on his own without me coddling him.
Originally Posted by Amneris
So now you are comparing her BF coming for the weekend to a relative coming for a month or your BF staying for 2 weeks? Those are different situations and I didn't say she could NEVER take a phone call, what I said is she shouldn't have spent much time on the phone. Why are you blowing what I said all out of proportion?

Even is she does not consider him a guest, he doesn't llive there, he was there to see her and she ignored him to talk on the phone.

You can change the situation however you want to make your argument the right one, but I disagree in this situation that what she did was ok. If you read my other e-mails I never said he was reacting correctly.
Originally Posted by sdcurly
You said "it is rude to talk on the phone for more than a minute if you have guests" as if it were a blanket statement, not "what kurls did in this situation was rude." So I was just disagreeing with the statement that "it is rude to talk on the phone for more than a minute if you have guests." You defined a guest as a person that normally does not live there - so a relative coming for a month and my BF coming for 2 weeks fall in that category. If you meant that it is rude only for short term visits, like a weekend or an evening, that is a different thing than what you said.
Get used to me. Black, confident, cocky; my name, not yours; my religion, not yours; my goals, my own; get used to me. -Muhammad Ali












I agree with you.

Maybe the boyfriend is making too big a deal of it or maybe there is (likely) more to the story regarding how he feels about this particular ex, etc.
Originally Posted by KatieCoolLady
She wasnt talking to her ex ---were you Kurls? Thats not the impression I got from your first post.
Originally Posted by SaKkeh
oops, maybe I misunderstood...sounded like she was talking to her exboyfriend on the phone while her current boyfriend was sitting there.
Originally Posted by KatieCoolLady
No...I am close friends WITH my ex who lives here in my city. But the phone call was with a buddy of mine from FL....so it's 2 different guys we're talking about here!!
Originally Posted by kurls
Well that's a lot better.

Still, I think that a lot of men think that any guy who wants to be friends with a woman is only doing so for ulterior motives, so I can understand where your boyfriend is coming from and I guess the whole thing with your ex just compounded the situation.

So I still don't think your boyfriend is necessarily controlling or has issues based on his reaction to the phone call because there is some history of this issue in your relationship.

I just think you need to put yourself in his shoes (like you said earlier) and just try to imagine how you might feel if the situation were reversed. Also, just talk to him about this and hopefully you all can work it out.
If there were more people on earth who desired their own happiness more than the unhappiness of others we would have a paradise ~ Bertrand Russell
Still, I think that a lot of men think that any guy who wants to be friends with a woman is only doing so for ulterior motives, so I can understand where your boyfriend is coming from and I guess the whole thing with your ex just compounded the situation.

So I still don't think your boyfriend is necessarily controlling or has issues based on his reaction to the phone call because there is some history of this issue in your relationship.

I just think you need to put yourself in his shoes (like you said earlier) and just try to imagine how you might feel if the situation were reversed. Also, just talk to him about this and hopefully you all can work it out.
Originally Posted by KatieCoolLady
Now that Kurly has explained the sitaution a bit more, I kind of see his point of view when he blew up the FIRST time (still not saying that was adult behaviour), But, to continue on and on, he's just being annoying and needs to stop now.
I'm TRYING to talk to him...I really am, but he's just in his own world right now. 3 days worth of hearing about 'THE PHONE CALL' is old now...I get it, I was wrong, I'm sorry. Won't happen again - that's a promise. But he said on the phone to me today that he's really 'hurt' by the whole thing and embarassed (because my friends witnessed the whole thing). So I don't know WHAT to do....although I think he IS making way too much of this, I know that I had a 'part' in upsetting him, and I need to know how to handle it.
People will always do what they want to do...no matter what you say!
I think your boyfriend is blowing it out of proportion, but I also think it is rude to talk on the phone for more than a minute when you have guests and that minute should be mostly explaining that you have guests and can't talk now.

Emergency's excepted of course.
Originally Posted by sdcurly
She was in her own home for the weekend with a house full of guests who can entertain each other, so I don't think it's rude.
Originally Posted by Amneris
Anyway, are her boyfriend and her roomate's fiance really "guests?"
Originally Posted by Gemini13
I do think it's rude. A guest is anyone in you invited into your home who doesn't live there. Manners seem to be going out of style.
Originally Posted by sdcurly
So if a family member visits for a month, you can NEVER take a personal phone call from anyone else? I think that's kind of ridiculous. When my husband and I were dating, he visited me at grad school for 2 weeks. I lived with my aunt so he stayed there too. She and I took phone calls, and I had homework to do, chores to do, rehearsals, auditions etc. etc. Life didn't stop for my boyfriend. Whenever possible, we did stuff together, but he understood that I was a busy student. It was NYC - he was perfectly capable of finding stuff to do on his own without me coddling him.
Originally Posted by Amneris
So now you are comparing her BF coming for the weekend to a relative coming for a month or your BF staying for 2 weeks? Those are different situations and I didn't say she could NEVER take a phone call, what I said is she shouldn't have spent much time on the phone. Why are you blowing what I said all out of proportion?

Even is she does not consider him a guest, he doesn't llive there, he was there to see her and she ignored him to talk on the phone.

You can change the situation however you want to make your argument the right one, but I disagree in this situation that what she did was ok. If you read my other e-mails I never said he was reacting correctly.
Originally Posted by sdcurly
You said "it is rude to talk on the phone for more than a minute if you have guests" as if it were a blanket statement, not "what kurls did in this situation was rude." So I was just disagreeing with the statement that "it is rude to talk on the phone for more than a minute if you have guests." You defined a guest as a person that normally does not live there - so a relative coming for a month and my BF coming for 2 weeks fall in that category. If you meant that it is rude only for short term visits, like a weekend or an evening, that is a different thing than what you said.
Originally Posted by Amneris
I don't think it's ok to talk on the phone for any length of time when you have guests no matter who they are or how long they are staying. However, I was specifically referring to her situation to explain why I felt she was rude in this instance. Anytime people don't like what they read here they bring in other situations that were not being talked about and expand the whole conversation. I probably have done that myself. My point was directed at the OP to answer her question. I guess I should have mulled over EVERY occurence of the phone ringing while one has guests and provided answers for all of those at the same time.
I'm TRYING to talk to him...I really am, but he's just in his own world right now. 3 days worth of hearing about 'THE PHONE CALL' is old now...I get it, I was wrong, I'm sorry. Won't happen again - that's a promise. But he said on the phone to me today that he's really 'hurt' by the whole thing and embarassed (because my friends witnessed the whole thing). So I don't know WHAT to do....although I think he IS making way too much of this, I know that I had a 'part' in upsetting him, and I need to know how to handle it.
Originally Posted by kurls
Now that you have apologised and promised it wont happen again, what is he saying that he wants you to do? You should ask him what else he wants you to do and hear what he says.
I'm TRYING to talk to him...I really am, but he's just in his own world right now. 3 days worth of hearing about 'THE PHONE CALL' is old now...I get it, I was wrong, I'm sorry. Won't happen again - that's a promise. But he said on the phone to me today that he's really 'hurt' by the whole thing and embarassed (because my friends witnessed the whole thing). So I don't know WHAT to do....although I think he IS making way too much of this, I know that I had a 'part' in upsetting him, and I need to know how to handle it.
Originally Posted by kurls
Now that you have apologised and promised it wont happen again, what is he saying that he wants you to do? You should ask him what else he wants you to do and hear what he says.
Originally Posted by SaKkeh
Seriously, at this point, I would be asking him what I needed to do to get him to STFU about it all. I mean, how long are you going to have to hear about it?

How long have you guys been together?
Kurls, I'm sorry to say this but this sounds like an abusive relationship in the making. If not physically, then emotionally/mentally.

He has been making you feel guilty for THREE DAYS about talking to a friend on the phone??

Like Amneris said, this is how abusers begin to exert control over people.

I agree with the boyfriend on this one. Maybe not for bringing it up continually for 3 days, but for being upset.
I used to have a signature but it disappeared and I just couldn't be bothered writing another so please feel free to ingore this.
Now that you have apologised and promised it wont happen again, what is he saying that he wants you to do? You should ask him what else he wants you to do and hear what he says.
Originally Posted by M2LR & Co.
Seriously, at this point, I would be asking him what I needed to do to get him to STFU about it all. [/quote]

I dont mean to, but
What "whole thing" did your friends witness that he is so embarassed about? I take that to mean him pitching a fit and making a fool of himself - otherwise what was there to witness? You took a phone call for 30 minutes, they think it was rude, that's it, unless his behaviour turned it into something more. I thought you said they were in bed while you were on the phone anyway.
Get used to me. Black, confident, cocky; my name, not yours; my religion, not yours; my goals, my own; get used to me. -Muhammad Ali











Seriously, at this point, I would be asking him what I needed to do to get him to STFU about it all. I mean, how long are you going to have to hear about it?

How long have you guys been together?
Originally Posted by M2LR & Co.
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I think the fact that you talked for 30 minutes while having guests was rude, no matter who you talked to (if no emergency issue). But it is a "red flag" that he seems to want to control you and keep on persuing it so much. A little scary actually.
I am with the whole he needs to STFU camp.

He was there, you took a call, which personally I don't think is a huge deal (as Amneris stated and I agree). I don't consider the other people to be Kurls' guests, it was her roommate and her roommate's bf. Not Kurls' guests. So, you took the call, he pitched a hissy fit, you apologized, and he can't get over it.

STFU and move on. (him, not Kurls)

IMO this is a red flag, this is SUCH a nothing situation and he IS blowing it hugely out of porportion.
Democracy is not a spectator sport.

You know why pandas are endangered? Cause pandas ain't got no game.

Jesus loves you, but I'm his favorite.
STFU---
Okay, I'm stopping now, promise
My opinion: something happened prior to this to make it where he doesn't trust you..for whatever reason. And you sitting on the phone with a guy friend while he was sitting there made him feel threatened or like you're "up to something". For some reason he feels that way.
My opinion: something happened prior to this to make it where he doesn't trust you..for whatever reason. And you sitting on the phone with a guy friend while he was sitting there made him feel threatened or like you're "up to something". For some reason he feels that way.
Originally Posted by Meghuney
But how can she be up to something if he is right there and everyone heard her, since as she stated she was talking loudly. Plus, she apologized how many times now? And if he doesn't trust her, then he needs to not be with her. IMO.
Democracy is not a spectator sport.

You know why pandas are endangered? Cause pandas ain't got no game.

Jesus loves you, but I'm his favorite.
My opinion: something happened prior to this to make it where he doesn't trust you..for whatever reason. And you sitting on the phone with a guy friend while he was sitting there made him feel threatened or like you're "up to something". For some reason he feels that way.
Originally Posted by Meghuney
That's how I see it too... I do think it is somewhat of a red flag, especially in that he is still bringing it up so much after days. But yeah, it would probably bother me too if I were him, especially since the guy said he had feelings for her.

I don't think she should have to give up her friends and he shouldn't make her choose, but that would bother most people really. He really does need to STFU about it now, after three days.

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