Is this REALLY that unforgettable? (relationship issue) - Page 3

M2LR · 01-17-2007, 02:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by medussa

Quote:

Originally Posted by CGNYC

Yes, it is rude to ignore your guests to spend half an hour chatting on the phone to some random friend. I don't do that when I have guests and I can't imagine trying to entertain myself for half an hour if I were visiting a friend who decided that the person on the phone was the priority right now.

That said, it's not worth getting huffy or holding a grudge and bringing up over and over. That's just obnoxious.

ITA. You were being rude. Doesn't matter who was on the phone (male or female). But the fact that your BF can't move past it, concerns me.

ITA with CGNYC and Medussa.

Amneris · 01-17-2007, 02:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sdcurly

Quote:

Originally Posted by Amneris

Quote:

Originally Posted by sdcurly

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gemini13

Quote:

Originally Posted by Amneris

Quote:

Originally Posted by sdcurly

I think your boyfriend is blowing it out of proportion, but I also think it is rude to talk on the phone for more than a minute when you have guests and that minute should be mostly explaining that you have guests and can't talk now.

Emergency's excepted of course.

She was in her own home for the weekend with a house full of guests who can entertain each other, so I don't think it's rude.

Anyway, are her boyfriend and her roomate's fiance really "guests?"

I do think it's rude. A guest is anyone in you invited into your home who doesn't live there. Manners seem to be going out of style.

So if a family member visits for a month, you can NEVER take a personal phone call from anyone else? I think that's kind of ridiculous. When my husband and I were dating, he visited me at grad school for 2 weeks. I lived with my aunt so he stayed there too. She and I took phone calls, and I had homework to do, chores to do, rehearsals, auditions etc. etc. Life didn't stop for my boyfriend. Whenever possible, we did stuff together, but he understood that I was a busy student. It was NYC - he was perfectly capable of finding stuff to do on his own without me coddling him.

So now you are comparing her BF coming for the weekend to a relative coming for a month or your BF staying for 2 weeks? Those are different situations and I didn't say she could NEVER take a phone call, what I said is she shouldn't have spent much time on the phone. Why are you blowing what I said all out of proportion?

Even is she does not consider him a guest, he doesn't llive there, he was there to see her and she ignored him to talk on the phone.

You can change the situation however you want to make your argument the right one, but I disagree in this situation that what she did was ok. If you read my other e-mails I never said he was reacting correctly.

You said "it is rude to talk on the phone for more than a minute if you have guests" as if it were a blanket statement, not "what kurls did in this situation was rude." So I was just disagreeing with the statement that "it is rude to talk on the phone for more than a minute if you have guests." You defined a guest as a person that normally does not live there - so a relative coming for a month and my BF coming for 2 weeks fall in that category. If you meant that it is rude only for short term visits, like a weekend or an evening, that is a different thing than what you said.

KCL · 01-17-2007, 02:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kurls

Quote:

Originally Posted by KatieCoolLady

Quote:

Originally Posted by SaKkeh

Quote:

Originally Posted by KatieCoolLady

I agree with you.

Maybe the boyfriend is making too big a deal of it or maybe there is (likely) more to the story regarding how he feels about this particular ex, etc.

She wasnt talking to her ex ---were you Kurls? Thats not the impression I got from your first post.

oops, maybe I misunderstood...sounded like she was talking to her exboyfriend on the phone while her current boyfriend was sitting there.

No...I am close friends WITH my ex who lives here in my city. But the phone call was with a buddy of mine from FL....so it's 2 different guys we're talking about here!!

Well that's a lot better.

Still, I think that a lot of men think that any guy who wants to be friends with a woman is only doing so for ulterior motives, so I can understand where your boyfriend is coming from and I guess the whole thing with your ex just compounded the situation.

So I still don't think your boyfriend is necessarily controlling or has issues based on his reaction to the phone call because there is some history of this issue in your relationship.

I just think you need to put yourself in his shoes (like you said earlier) and just try to imagine how you might feel if the situation were reversed. Also, just talk to him about this and hopefully you all can work it out.

SaKkeh · 01-17-2007, 02:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KatieCoolLady

Still, I think that a lot of men think that any guy who wants to be friends with a woman is only doing so for ulterior motives, so I can understand where your boyfriend is coming from and I guess the whole thing with your ex just compounded the situation.

So I still don't think your boyfriend is necessarily controlling or has issues based on his reaction to the phone call because there is some history of this issue in your relationship.

I just think you need to put yourself in his shoes (like you said earlier) and just try to imagine how you might feel if the situation were reversed. Also, just talk to him about this and hopefully you all can work it out.

Now that Kurly has explained the sitaution a bit more, I kind of see his point of view when he blew up the FIRST time (still not saying that was adult behaviour), But, to continue on and on, he's just being annoying and needs to stop now.

kurls · 01-17-2007, 02:51 PM

I'm TRYING to talk to him...I really am, but he's just in his own world right now. 3 days worth of hearing about 'THE PHONE CALL' is old now...I get it, I was wrong, I'm sorry. Won't happen again - that's a promise. But he said on the phone to me today that he's really 'hurt' by the whole thing and embarassed (because my friends witnessed the whole thing). So I don't know WHAT to do....although I think he IS making way too much of this, I know that I had a 'part' in upsetting him, and I need to know how to handle it.

ShrekLover · 01-17-2007, 02:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Amneris

Quote:

Originally Posted by sdcurly

Quote:

Originally Posted by Amneris

Quote:

Originally Posted by sdcurly

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gemini13

Quote:

Originally Posted by Amneris

Quote:

Originally Posted by sdcurly

I think your boyfriend is blowing it out of proportion, but I also think it is rude to talk on the phone for more than a minute when you have guests and that minute should be mostly explaining that you have guests and can't talk now.

Emergency's excepted of course.

She was in her own home for the weekend with a house full of guests who can entertain each other, so I don't think it's rude.

Anyway, are her boyfriend and her roomate's fiance really "guests?"

I do think it's rude. A guest is anyone in you invited into your home who doesn't live there. Manners seem to be going out of style.

So if a family member visits for a month, you can NEVER take a personal phone call from anyone else? I think that's kind of ridiculous. When my husband and I were dating, he visited me at grad school for 2 weeks. I lived with my aunt so he stayed there too. She and I took phone calls, and I had homework to do, chores to do, rehearsals, auditions etc. etc. Life didn't stop for my boyfriend. Whenever possible, we did stuff together, but he understood that I was a busy student. It was NYC - he was perfectly capable of finding stuff to do on his own without me coddling him.

So now you are comparing her BF coming for the weekend to a relative coming for a month or your BF staying for 2 weeks? Those are different situations and I didn't say she could NEVER take a phone call, what I said is she shouldn't have spent much time on the phone. Why are you blowing what I said all out of proportion?

Even is she does not consider him a guest, he doesn't llive there, he was there to see her and she ignored him to talk on the phone.

You can change the situation however you want to make your argument the right one, but I disagree in this situation that what she did was ok. If you read my other e-mails I never said he was reacting correctly.

You said "it is rude to talk on the phone for more than a minute if you have guests" as if it were a blanket statement, not "what kurls did in this situation was rude." So I was just disagreeing with the statement that "it is rude to talk on the phone for more than a minute if you have guests." You defined a guest as a person that normally does not live there - so a relative coming for a month and my BF coming for 2 weeks fall in that category. If you meant that it is rude only for short term visits, like a weekend or an evening, that is a different thing than what you said.

I don't think it's ok to talk on the phone for any length of time when you have guests no matter who they are or how long they are staying. However, I was specifically referring to her situation to explain why I felt she was rude in this instance. Anytime people don't like what they read here they bring in other situations that were not being talked about and expand the whole conversation. I probably have done that myself. My point was directed at the OP to answer her question. I guess I should have mulled over EVERY occurence of the phone ringing while one has guests and provided answers for all of those at the same time.

SaKkeh · 01-17-2007, 02:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kurls

I'm TRYING to talk to him...I really am, but he's just in his own world right now. 3 days worth of hearing about 'THE PHONE CALL' is old now...I get it, I was wrong, I'm sorry. Won't happen again - that's a promise. But he said on the phone to me today that he's really 'hurt' by the whole thing and embarassed (because my friends witnessed the whole thing). So I don't know WHAT to do....although I think he IS making way too much of this, I know that I had a 'part' in upsetting him, and I need to know how to handle it.

Now that you have apologised and promised it wont happen again, what is he saying that he wants you to do? You should ask him what else he wants you to do and hear what he says.

ShrekLover · 01-17-2007, 02:53 PM

DP

M2LR · 01-17-2007, 02:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SaKkeh

Quote:

Originally Posted by kurls

I'm TRYING to talk to him...I really am, but he's just in his own world right now. 3 days worth of hearing about 'THE PHONE CALL' is old now...I get it, I was wrong, I'm sorry. Won't happen again - that's a promise. But he said on the phone to me today that he's really 'hurt' by the whole thing and embarassed (because my friends witnessed the whole thing). So I don't know WHAT to do....although I think he IS making way too much of this, I know that I had a 'part' in upsetting him, and I need to know how to handle it.

Now that you have apologised and promised it wont happen again, what is he saying that he wants you to do? You should ask him what else he wants you to do and hear what he says.

Seriously, at this point, I would be asking him what I needed to do to get him to STFU about it all. I mean, how long are you going to have to hear about it?

How long have you guys been together?

iris427 · 01-17-2007, 03:00 PM

Kurls, I'm sorry to say this but this sounds like an abusive relationship in the making. If not physically, then emotionally/mentally.

He has been making you feel guilty for THREE DAYS about talking to a friend on the phone??

Like Amneris said, this is how abusers begin to exert control over people.

CGE · 01-17-2007, 03:05 PM

I agree with the boyfriend on this one. Maybe not for bringing it up continually for 3 days, but for being upset.

SaKkeh · 01-17-2007, 03:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by M2LR & Co.

Now that you have apologised and promised it wont happen again, what is he saying that he wants you to do? You should ask him what else he wants you to do and hear what he says.

Seriously, at this point, I would be asking him what I needed to do to get him to STFU about it all. [/quote]

I dont mean to, but

Amneris · 01-17-2007, 03:07 PM

What "whole thing" did your friends witness that he is so embarassed about? I take that to mean him pitching a fit and making a fool of himself - otherwise what was there to witness? You took a phone call for 30 minutes, they think it was rude, that's it, unless his behaviour turned it into something more. I thought you said they were in bed while you were on the phone anyway.

afrosheenqueen · 01-17-2007, 03:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by M2LR & Co.

Seriously, at this point, I would be asking him what I needed to do to get him to STFU about it all. I mean, how long are you going to have to hear about it?

How long have you guys been together?

Kurlee · 01-17-2007, 03:11 PM

I think the fact that you talked for 30 minutes while having guests was rude, no matter who you talked to (if no emergency issue). But it is a "red flag" that he seems to want to control you and keep on persuing it so much. A little scary actually.

gekko422 · 01-17-2007, 03:15 PM

I am with the whole he needs to STFU camp.

He was there, you took a call, which personally I don't think is a huge deal (as Amneris stated and I agree). I don't consider the other people to be Kurls' guests, it was her roommate and her roommate's bf. Not Kurls' guests. So, you took the call, he pitched a hissy fit, you apologized, and he can't get over it.

STFU and move on. (him, not Kurls)

IMO this is a red flag, this is SUCH a nothing situation and he IS blowing it hugely out of porportion.

SaKkeh · 01-17-2007, 03:18 PM

STFU---

Okay, I'm stopping now, promise

Meghuney · 01-17-2007, 03:23 PM

My opinion: something happened prior to this to make it where he doesn't trust you..for whatever reason. And you sitting on the phone with a guy friend while he was sitting there made him feel threatened or like you're "up to something". For some reason he feels that way.

gekko422 · 01-17-2007, 03:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Meghuney

My opinion: something happened prior to this to make it where he doesn't trust you..for whatever reason. And you sitting on the phone with a guy friend while he was sitting there made him feel threatened or like you're "up to something". For some reason he feels that way.

But how can she be up to something if he is right there and everyone heard her, since as she stated she was talking loudly. Plus, she apologized how many times now? And if he doesn't trust her, then he needs to not be with her. IMO.

Rheanna · 01-17-2007, 03:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Meghuney

My opinion: something happened prior to this to make it where he doesn't trust you..for whatever reason. And you sitting on the phone with a guy friend while he was sitting there made him feel threatened or like you're "up to something". For some reason he feels that way.

That's how I see it too... I do think it is somewhat of a red flag, especially in that he is still bringing it up so much after days. But yeah, it would probably bother me too if I were him, especially since the guy said he had feelings for her.

I don't think she should have to give up her friends and he shouldn't make her choose, but that would bother most people really. He really does need to STFU about it now, after three days.