I HATE other people's kids!

SAHM = Stay At Home Mom

I prefer the term full-time-mom, since I rarely stay home.
Originally Posted by RedCatWaves
I think most moms are full time moms, whether they work outside the home or not.
Originally Posted by mrspoppers
absolutely

I'm still Momming from work.
I think most moms are full time moms, whether they work outside the home or not.

I disagree. I've been a working mom, and when I was working, I couldn't fulfill all the mothering roles that I do now. I had to hire people to fill in for me when I wasn't there.
Originally Posted by RedCatWaves
You are hiring people to do some tasks but you aren't hiring them to be a mom. I have two jobs. Attorney and mother. I work my butt off at both of them.


"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." -- Theodor Seuss Geisel
You are hiring people to do some tasks but you aren't hiring them to be a mom. I have two jobs. Attorney and mother. I work my butt off at both of them.

Some of those tasks are definitely parenting-by-proxy. I couldn't do all of them while I was working. Heck, I can't even do all of them when I'm not working.
SAHM = Stay At Home Mom

I prefer the term full-time-mom, since I rarely stay home.
Originally Posted by RedCatWaves
I find that really offensive.
To Trenell, MizKerri and geeky:
I pray none of you ever has to live in a communist state.

Geeky is my hero. She's the true badass. The badass who doesn't even need to be a badass. There aren't enough O's in cool to describe her.
I don't like the term "full time mom", although I do see what RedCatWaves is trying to say. To say that you have 2 full time jobs - one being a mom, and the other being your work, probably isn't accurate. You can't have TWO full time jobs, no matter how much you work. That terminology just isn't correct. You ARE obviously a mom all the time - that title doesn't go away, but I wouldn't word it as being one of your full time jobs.

But - and though it took me a minute - I see what Geeky finds offensive too. Calling yourself a Full-Time Mom b/c you stay at home in insinuating that mothers who work are Part Time Moms, which isn't right either. Though I'm not a working mom, I'm sure your job as mom doesn't go out the window once you go to work. You are still constantly thinking about, and planning for your kids, even if you're not with them.

I suppose a better way to word it would be to say "I am a full time (insert job here) and a mom".

I see nothing wrong with the term "Stay At Home Mom". It just means that as a mom you stay at home rather than go to work. I don't think anyone is thinking that you constantly stay home just b/c you're a SAHM........well, *I* do.
~ the artist formerly known as babywavy ~

Please excuse any typos. For the time being, we are blaming it on my computer.
I think most moms are full time moms, whether they work outside the home or not.

I disagree. I've been a working mom, and when I was working, I couldn't fulfill all the mothering roles that I do now. I had to hire people to fill in for me when I wasn't there.
Originally Posted by RedCatWaves
You are hiring people to do some tasks but you aren't hiring them to be a mom. I have two jobs. Attorney and mother. I work my butt off at both of them.
Originally Posted by DarkAngel

ITA!! I currently work f/t outside of the home now that my kids are school aged. I was a SAHM for a while when my kids were young. I am no less of a mother now than I was then.
3C, BSL Unstretched -
rainshower's Avatar
Join Date: Apr 2001
Posts: 6,000
Yesterday, hubby and I wanted to go out with two other couples. Both have two kids ages 4 and 2. Since it was later in the evening and no one could decide on where to go, we stupidly invited everyone over 'and bring the kids!'

Those kids were absolute MONSTERS. One pair had two little toys they kept putting in their mouths, then wiping it on my furniture, leaving fingerprints on the glass doors and TV, eating brownies and walking around getting crumbs all over the floor. All the kids kept screaming and running around my coffee tables, climbing up my couches to pull down hung tapestries, going into the kitchen to play with the dishwasher and stove.

We even had to move the computer keyboard because one 2 year old started pulling at the keys!!

And where were the parents?? Well my husband moved the men into another room to have 'peaceful conversation' , and the 2 mothers couldn't control their kids. They're SAHM for crying out loud!!! Don't they have time for discipline??!! :x One mom said 'Well, I'm sorry, but I'm sure you expected this type of behaviour'.

I'm so frickin PO. And I'm a clean freak, so every little fallen crumb and smudged glass was like a knife in my heart. I couldn't wait for them to leave!!!

:x
Originally Posted by KateRoberts
that behavior was unacceptable.

the mothers (your friends) were irresponsible for letting it happen and having a non chalant attitude about it.

when you mix toddlers with "late in the day" and "not knowing where to eat", you are welcoming a disaster of ungodly proportions!

my husband and i would have backed out, knowing our kids. when our kids haven't napped, haven't eaten, and haven't spent their energy outdoors, they can be a handful, and we wouldn't subject others (in their own homes) to that.

the toddlers shouldn't have been allowed to wander out of the mothers' reach. simple as that. the parents should have gotten the immediate impression of the neatness of your home and figured out that they would have to keep a close watch over their kids during the visit.

now to the part you played in all of this. did you have anything planned that would occupy the kids during their visit? was your house childproofed for toddlers who still like to explore things by putting them in their mouths?

the moral of the story is, don't play hostess to others' children. invite adults only. and the next time you are all out and can't decide on a place to eat, call it a day and go your separate ways.

edited to add: i didn't mean to suggest that only a tidy home should be respected. anyone's home should be respected by visitors and their children, whether the home is spotless or unkempt. but i think you all knew where i was coming from, in that parents know by the way a person's home looks and by the temperament of that person that they should be aware of their children's behavior and keep them on short leashes. it's one thing to let them run freer in your sister's home because she has a relaxed home environment where she wouldn't mind if they climb on sofas or toss pillows on the floor. it's another to allow them to do the same things in another person's home who isn't as kid-friendly and whose home environment isn't as appropriate for kid play. but playing with kitchen appliances and breaking property, to me, isn't normal kid play. the parents are totally the people that your anger should be directed at. the children were only doing what the parents allowed them to do.
"Dogs stink too, but I like dog stink." ~ rileyb
To comment on the original topic, those parents were way out of line. It is definitely their responsibility to not let their kids go wild in someone else's house.

I've left many outings early or not even bothered to go when my kids were little.

Kids will be kids and sometimes that means that you don't put them in situations like this where they will be a holy terror.
3C, BSL Unstretched -
I think most moms are full time moms, whether they work outside the home or not.

I disagree. I've been a working mom, and when I was working, I couldn't fulfill all the mothering roles that I do now. I had to hire people to fill in for me when I wasn't there.
Originally Posted by RedCatWaves
Wow. I think that even though I work outside the home, I am still a mom. I think that your statement is actually extremely offensive, and angers me very much.
I think most moms are full time moms, whether they work outside the home or not.

I disagree. I've been a working mom, and when I was working, I couldn't fulfill all the mothering roles that I do now. I had to hire people to fill in for me when I wasn't there.
Originally Posted by RedCatWaves
Wow. I think that even though I work outside the home, I am still a mom. I think that your statement is actually extremely offensive, and angers me very much.
Originally Posted by M2LR & Co.
I agree - that statement is offensive. Working outside the home or not working outside the home are not going to define how much of a mother I am or am not.
Get used to me. Black, confident, cocky; my name, not yours; my religion, not yours; my goals, my own; get used to me. -Muhammad Ali











rainshower's Avatar
Join Date: Apr 2001
Posts: 6,000
I think most moms are full time moms, whether they work outside the home or not.

I disagree. I've been a working mom, and when I was working, I couldn't fulfill all the mothering roles that I do now. I had to hire people to fill in for me when I wasn't there.
Originally Posted by RedCatWaves
Wow. I think that even though I work outside the home, I am still a mom. I think that your statement is actually extremely offensive, and angers me very much.
Originally Posted by M2LR & Co.
i'm a full-time worker and full-time mother.

even when our children started preschool at 3 and 4, the dynamics of their relationships with their teachers could hardly replace what i supplied them. granted, their teachers were nurturing and patient, but it was still a classroom setting where she fostered the socializing among the children. that took nothing away from my full-time mothering responsibilities.

now, if i had a live-in/full-time nanny who had as much or more of an emotional and physical investment in my child's day-to-day rearing, nurturing, teaching, precious firsts (first words, walking, potty training) etc., i might have to rethink the role i play in my child's life.
"Dogs stink too, but I like dog stink." ~ rileyb
I have to agree that just b/c one works outside the home does not make them any less of a mom. i actually find myself to be a BETTER mom to my child when i get to leave for 2 -3 hours a day to work out/go to the grocery store/go to class ect.
I think most moms are full time moms, whether they work outside the home or not.

I disagree. I've been a working mom, and when I was working, I couldn't fulfill all the mothering roles that I do now. I had to hire people to fill in for me when I wasn't there.
Originally Posted by RedCatWaves
Wow. I think that even though I work outside the home, I am still a mom. I think that your statement is actually extremely offensive, and angers me very much.
Originally Posted by M2LR & Co.
i'm a full-time worker and full-time mother.

even when our children started preschool at 3 and 4, the dynamics of their relationships with their teachers could hardly replace what i supplied them. granted, their teachers were nurturing and patient, but it was still a classroom setting where she fostered the socializing among the children. that took nothing away from my full-time mothering responsibilities.

now, if i had a live-in/full-time nanny who had as much of an emotional and physical investment in my child's day-to-day rearing, nurturing, teaching, precious firsts (first words, walking, potty training) etc., i might have to rethink the role i play in my child's life.
Originally Posted by rainshower
There was a period of time when I was growing up when we had a live-in nanny. I don't think it in any way lessened the role my mama played in our lives. My cousins grew up with live-in nannies and their parents were no less parents to them. My university voice teacher had a nanny and she was still very much mother to her children. I don't think that that is fair to say either.
Get used to me. Black, confident, cocky; my name, not yours; my religion, not yours; my goals, my own; get used to me. -Muhammad Ali











rainshower's Avatar
Join Date: Apr 2001
Posts: 6,000
I think most moms are full time moms, whether they work outside the home or not.

I disagree. I've been a working mom, and when I was working, I couldn't fulfill all the mothering roles that I do now. I had to hire people to fill in for me when I wasn't there.
Originally Posted by RedCatWaves
Wow. I think that even though I work outside the home, I am still a mom. I think that your statement is actually extremely offensive, and angers me very much.
Originally Posted by M2LR & Co.
i'm a full-time worker and full-time mother.

even when our children started preschool at 3 and 4, the dynamics of their relationships with their teachers could hardly replace what i supplied them. granted, their teachers were nurturing and patient, but it was still a classroom setting where she fostered the socializing among the children. that took nothing away from my full-time mothering responsibilities.

now, if i had a live-in/full-time nanny who had as much of an emotional and physical investment in my child's day-to-day rearing, nurturing, teaching, precious firsts (first words, walking, potty training) etc., i might have to rethink the role i play in my child's life.
Originally Posted by rainshower
There was a period of time when I was growing up when we had a live-in nanny. I don't think it in any way lessened the role my mama played in our lives. My cousins grew up with live-in nannies and their parents were no less parents to them. My university voice teacher had a nanny and she was still very much mother to her children. I don't think that that is fair to say either.
Originally Posted by Amneris
i said nannies who have as much of a role. and i'm thinking of nannies or caregivers who play so much of a childrearing role that the child may be more responsive to that person's discipline, or the child may seek that person for comfort before going to his own mother. i'm thinking nannies who pretty much raise the kids while the parents play touch and go and get updates. it still happens where the kids grow up feeling closer to their caregivers than their own parents. that's what i was eluding to when i emphasized "as much of a role."
"Dogs stink too, but I like dog stink." ~ rileyb
I understand kids are kids, but at a certain point, it gets ridiculous. Messes happen. Nevertheless, it drives me bonkers when parents are doing nothing to correct behavior. Children jumping on furniture should be told not to and be removed from the furniture -- regardless of age. One of my first thoughts reading the message was "Those kids could have hurt themselves badly." Pulling a tapestry down? It could have fallen on them.

I honestly don't know what childproofing, toddler or baby proofing means beyond putting away attractive breakables or obviously harmful things/substances. (For example, the Waterford ornaments come off the tree when kids are going to be around.)

I baby sat my best friend's four year old on Saturday. I love the kid, but jeepers. She chased my cat who was terrified. I didn't think she would b/c she has a cat who does not like to be held or petted. I had a small doll I bought at the San Diego Zoo years ago on a bookshelf. It's based on the Masai. It wasn't expensive, but it had sentimental value. Well, I looked up and somehow, she had gotten a hold of it and was swinging it around by the plaits even after I asked her not to. I told her she could hold the doll as long as she didn't swing it by the hair. Guess what? She held it for all of 10 minutes before doing it again. I took the doll away at that point. One of the plaits broke off. broke. She figured it out and apologized.

She jumped up and down on the sofa, the chairs and my bed -- eventhough I asked/told her not to. Of course, her mom and dad let her do it at home for the first three years of her life. Why wouldn't she think it was okay?

She told her mom when her mom about breaking the doll's hair when mom came to pick her up. No sorry. No how can we replace it or can we. Nuttin. I love my best friend, but she and hub sort of let the kid run wild for the first 2 - 3 years and now wonder why she can act like a "girl gone wild" in public, at home or in general. I have other friends who have a daughter a few months older. They started setting boundaries early. The kids are like night and day behaviorwise.

I love kids, but I honestly don't want my friends' kids in my home all that often. I'm single, have some nice things and don't want to feel as if I have to completely strip my home of pictures on the walls, hangings on the walls or every little thing that makes my home mine just to see my friends. For those of us being childless who try to understand that many times when we want to see our childed friends we're going to have to have the kids along b/c it's easier for mom, it can be maddening to always get the "they're still really young" or "kids will be kids" schpeel.

What
As a SAHM I could care less what people think of me.

There would have been no way Katie would have acted like that at a dinner party. I quick trip to the bathroom and a couple of evil mother glances would have brought her angel side out. If she had gotten out of control I would have sat her on my lap while I talked.

Crumbs are the reason I have dogs, you would never find brownie crumbs on my floor.

Why did you make sweets when there were kids coming over, I never have anything with sugar when I have more than 1 kid in the house. That would be like giving crack heads a fix then expecting them to behave.
OT HSL I was just about the say what a beautiful picture that is of your daughter in your avatar, and you went and changed it!


Crumbs are the reason I have dogs, you would never find brownie crumbs on my floor.

Why did you make sweets when there were kids coming over, I never have anything with sugar when I have more than 1 kid in the house. That would be like giving crack heads a fix then expecting them to behave.
Originally Posted by hayseedlady
OMG, these two statements made my day.
Crumbs are the reason I have dogs, you would never find brownie crumbs on my floor.
Originally Posted by hayseedlady
So true! Anything that hits my floor is gone within seconds... whether it's technically edible or not.
*Poster formerly known as Bailey422*

Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid. ~ George Carlin
Crumbs are the reason I have dogs, you would never find brownie crumbs on my floor.
Originally Posted by hayseedlady
So true! Anything that hits my floor is gone within seconds... whether it's technically edible or not.
Originally Posted by Bailey422
I say at least once a day "see, this is why we need a dog".
~ the artist formerly known as babywavy ~

Please excuse any typos. For the time being, we are blaming it on my computer.

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