Need outside advice..

Warning.. this is probably going to be a bit long winded..

My boyfriend currently lives on his own in an apartment, and works full time. He is graduated from college and is doing pretty well for himself. His parents, both of whom are in their mid-50s, are having problems. His father has decided that he wants to be separated for 6 months from his wife. Boyfriend's parents seem to think it's a good idea for boyfriend to move out of his apartment, let his father move in and use all his stuff for the remaining 6 months of the rent, while boyfriend moves back into the house with his mother. I don't think this is such a good idea. Boyfriend can barely stand to listen to his mother for 5 minutes on the phone. It seems to me like his father, who everyone suspects is cheating because he has been caught several times sneaking around and conversing with a divorced woman both parents are friends with, is trying to use his son as an easy way out. He says he might come back to his wife after the 6 months, so he doesn't want to have to rent an apartment for a year. His wife also thinks he is more likely to come back to her if he doesn't have to go out and buy furniture and furnish a new apartment. It seems to me and the boyfriend that the father has already made up his mind.. he has already talked to a lawyer about divorce, etc. Boyfriend does not know what to do. He originally rented the apartment with his ex girlfriend, who helped him pay some of the rent. They've been broken up for a long while now and he is doing fine paying for it himself. I'm not in the position to move in with him for at least a year or two from now. Had he still been living there with ex-girlfriend his parents would have never put him in the middle of this situation because they couldn't expect both of them to move out. I think it's a bad idea to go back and live with his mother.. I know what it is like to have to live with a mother in the same type of situation.. it made me completely miserable and depressed and I would have given anything to be able to move somewhere else if it had been possible at the time. To me it seems like his father is looking for the quick way out, and is going to stick his son in the house with his depressed wife whom he can't wait to get away from. He wants to leave now he says because he is tired of her "stalking" him, and constantly checking up on him.. I don't know what he expects after his wife catches him talking to other women and he tells her that he is no longer happy there. I also don't think the situation will improve much if he moves into his son's apartment because it is about 2.5 minutes from his house (where his wife will still be living). She will just do the stalking from outside his apartment instead of from outside of their house. Over-all I just feel horrible because it's a terrible situation.. I guess I'm just looking for some outside opinions.
Lindsey
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I think it is a big mistake and lousy of them to involve their son in their marital crap.
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No way would I do that.
It's terrible, amazing, or whatever what parents do to their kids...jmo
I wish him luck.
Your inside opinion is correct, it's a BAD idea. If the father wants to leave, let him handle the where and the hows on his own. You boyfriend should tell his parents ASAP that he will not leave his apartment and that he will not discuss that option any further.

The father can rent a furnished apartment month-to-month or stay in a hotel if he wants out so badly.
You and BF are right. BF should stay in his apartment, and father should look for a short-term lease somewhere else, if that is what he thinks he needs. BF should make it very clear to his parents that he cares for both of them, but does not want to be swept up in the middle of their marital feud. Good luck to both of you.
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ITA with nextmove. That is just unbelievably unfair, what his parents are doing. Your boyfriend has worked hard to be independent and make a place for himself, and he shouldn't give that up. His parents need to work their issues out between themselves and leave him out of it.

I do feel badly for his mom, it seems like she's trying really hard to hold onto someone who just wants out. If he doesn't want to be with her, six months living somewhere else is probably only going to reinforce that, even if it *is* his son's apartment.

Good luck to your boyfriend! Poor guy.
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The boyfriend is actually leaning towards moving back with his mother because "she only needs someone for a few months". I'm starting to really worry about how it is going to affect us, because I can barely stand to be around the guys mother for a few hours at a time now. I don't know what will happen if he actually ends up living with her. Of course I feel like I can't say anything though, I don't want to add more to a bad situation.
Lindsey
BKT'ed
I agree with everyone else and that parents should figure out there own crap, leave him out of it.

Dad can rent a furnished room or apartment for a few months, lots of people offer those.

ETA ~ Ok, just read that boyfriend is thinking about moving home. Is this something he really wants, or just trying to make Mom & Dad happy?
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I agree with everyone else and that parents should figure out there own crap, leave him out of it.

Dad can rent a furnished room or apartment for a few months, lots of people offer those.

ETA ~ Ok, just read that boyfriend is thinking about moving home. Is this something he really wants, or just trying to make Mom & Dad happy?
Originally Posted by CurlyCanadian
He feels like its his duty to go and live with his mom because she doesn't want to be alone and sister can't do it because she is married and has kids.
Lindsey
BKT'ed
Your bf should absolutely not move in with his mother. He really needs to stand up now and tell them to leave him out of their marital problems. His mother is a grown woman and she will be fine. Tell him to stop feeling guilty it's not his fault. He can support his mother and go visit her but he should not get in the middle of it.
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No way. It is not his responsibility to move in with his mother. What happens if they get divorced? Will he be stuck with her forever? His parents are unreasonable to even expect him to move back home.
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What awful parents they are...involving a grown son in their marital nonsense. You might want to re-think your involvement with the boyfriend, especially if he turns out to be not-man-enough to stand up to his parents. If you have a long-term relationship with him, no telling how much the awful parents will interfere with your lives.
He feels like its his duty to go and live with his mom because she doesn't want to be alone and sister can't do it because she is married and has kids.
Originally Posted by SoLastSunday152
I agree with GG!

If he moves in now, whats going to happen if Dad wants a divorce? He won't be able to leave her then. It just seems like a very slippery slope to move back now.

Maybe he can just let her know that he is there for her, and actively spend more time with her? I just think there are going to be big problems if he moves back
I believe in manicures. I believe in overdressing. I believe in primping at leisure and wearing lipstick. I believe in pink. I believe that laughing is the best calorie burner. I believe in kissing, kissing a lot. I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong. I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls. I believe that tomorrow is another day and I believe in miracles.
Audrey Hepburn
He should just visit her often if he's that concerned with her being lonely. It seems extreme to uproot his life just because his parents can't get it together. A good parent would never ask their child to give up everything they worked hard for in order to make their lives easier, imo.
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What awful parents they are...involving a grown son in their marital nonsense. You might want to re-think your involvement with the boyfriend, especially if he turns out to be not-man-enough to stand up to his parents. If you have a long-term relationship with him, no telling how much the awful parents will interfere with your lives.
Originally Posted by RedCatWaves
This is what I'm worried about. I really don't know what to do.. I love him but I don't know if I will be able to deal with 6 months + of him living back home with his mother.

The really sad thing is that his parents have been together since they were 15 years old. They were engaged at 18, married and bought a house at 20. His mother hasn't been on her own since she was basically 15 years old.
Lindsey
BKT'ed
wow, how incredibly rude of them. bad idea all around, i agree with you and everyone else. they are not being parents - they are putting him in a parenting role. yuck. dad needs to suck it up and go rent a place if he wants out so badly. mom needs to go talk to a therapist if she's depressed. why does the son have to bear all the burden and discomfort for their issues? very unhealthy situation. i feel for you ... hope he stands up to them and it works out fr the best.

m
coarse, thick 3a
modified cg







It really sucks when parents try to guilt trip their kids into doing things. Your bf should NOT allow his father to move into his apartment. If his dad wants to leave then he is a grown man and should find his own place to live. There is no reason why your bf can't be there for his mother emotionally without actually moving back in with her.

Was a decision made?
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I think it is a big mistake and lousy of them to involve their son in their marital crap.
Originally Posted by internetchick
i totally agree!

it's unfair for the father to snatch his son's first home right out from under him for his personal reasons.

if it's so urgent that he leave his wife, why doesn't he rent from an economy hotel on a week-to-week basis? that way, when he's ready to leave, he won't have a lease to contend with? and he'll have a suite-like accomodations.

actually, why do i give a crap how comfortable the father is? it's his bed. let him lie in it.

i feel for your boyfriend. what they are doing to him is selfish.
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the best thing you can do at this point is study up on the concept of a 'paragraph'.
the best thing you can do at this point is study up on the concept of a 'paragraph'.

Ah, a new grammar cop. How wonderful.

I think her paragraph formation was fine, although capitalization could use some work...yours too.

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