Change name for marriage...why?

I didn't mean leave your family in terms of abandoning them, but you do move out of their house, and financially, and personally your first responsibilities and priorities are with your husband or wife and children.

Things change when you get married - you no longer show up at family events w/ your parents, but rather with your spouse, they are not financially obligated to you anymore, they don't sign your name to Christmas cards - little things like that are examples of "leaving" your family (in terms of mother father and siblings) to start your own.
Originally Posted by babywavy
Yes. But those all apply to the man as well (or they apply to neither - how many people gettng married live on their own, sign their own Christmas cards, and are financially responsible for themselves?). So he could be the one changing his name for all those reasons.

If you are traditional and like the idea of taking your husband's name (or if you are not traditional but felt like doing it anyway) then that's great and wonderful. But don't try to convince me that it is the natural and right way to do things. It is just a cultural convention, one that is a product of a patriarchal society. The reason women were expected to change their names was because traditionally they had no property, no professional contacts, no profession period. Women were just not allowed to create any accomplishments that would make their last name meaningful, so it was no big deal to change it.
Originally Posted by geeky


Just because I'm stating reasons for why *I* would take my husbands name, why does mean that I'm trying to convince everyone else to do so? This board commonly makes the misconception that people are trying to change others minds when they're giving their OWN reasons for doing things.

For the SECOND time I will say that on page 1 I stated that you can take your wifes name, or create an entirely different name when you get married. Why the hell would I care what you or anyone else does with your name when you get married? Am I gaining something by convincing others to take the traditional route on name changes for marriage?

The title of the thread is "Change name for marriage.....why?" and RCW's question was: "My question: In modern society, is there any real reason anymore to take a man's name simply because of marriage?" And that's what I was discussing and commenting on. Personally, why *I* feel this way.

People really need to stop feeling like each post is directed at them individually to get them to "come to our side". Brush it off as being my personal opinion, or debate it, I don't care, but don't get pissy with me about trying to "convince" you what's right and natural. That sounds like your hang up, not mine.
~ the artist formerly known as babywavy ~

Please excuse any typos. For the time being, we are blaming it on my computer.
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I see what you're saying babywavy
Just because I'm stating reasons for why *I* would take my husbands name, why does mean that I'm trying to convince everyone else to do so? This board commonly makes the misconception that people are trying to change others minds when they're giving their OWN reasons for doing things.

For the SECOND time I will say that on page 1 I stated that you can take your wifes name, or create an entirely different name when you get married. Why the hell would I care what you or anyone else does with your name when you get married? Am I gaining something by convincing others to take the traditional route on name changes for marriage?

The title of the thread is "Change name for marriage.....why?" and RCW's question was: "My question: In modern society, is there any real reason anymore to take a man's name simply because of marriage?" And that's what I was discussing and commenting on. Personally, why *I* feel this way.

People really need to stop feeling like each post is directed at them individually to get them to "come to our side". Brush it off as being my personal opinion, or debate it, I don't care, but don't get pissy with me about trying to "convince" you what's right and natural. That sounds like your hang up, not mine.
Originally Posted by babywavy
This is the last time I will disagree with a pregnant woman

I did was not getting pissy with you. The way you phrased the last post sounded to me like you were talking about things in general, not your own beliefs and experiences, so I was responding to that. But you were talking about onlu the way you feel, so I misunderstood.
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I didn't mean leave your family in terms of abandoning them, but you do move out of their house, and financially, and personally your first responsibilities and priorities are with your husband or wife and children.

Things change when you get married - you no longer show up at family events w/ your parents, but rather with your spouse, they are not financially obligated to you anymore, they don't sign your name to Christmas cards - little things like that are examples of "leaving" your family (in terms of mother father and siblings) to start your own.
Originally Posted by babywavy
LOL! I still go to family events with my parents, we still have financial "stuff" and they still sign my name on their cards! I also do those things with my husband in addition.
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Just because I'm stating reasons for why *I* would take my husbands name, why does mean that I'm trying to convince everyone else to do so? This board commonly makes the misconception that people are trying to change others minds when they're giving their OWN reasons for doing things.

For the SECOND time I will say that on page 1 I stated that you can take your wifes name, or create an entirely different name when you get married. Why the hell would I care what you or anyone else does with your name when you get married? Am I gaining something by convincing others to take the traditional route on name changes for marriage?

The title of the thread is "Change name for marriage.....why?" and RCW's question was: "My question: In modern society, is there any real reason anymore to take a man's name simply because of marriage?" And that's what I was discussing and commenting on. Personally, why *I* feel this way.

People really need to stop feeling like each post is directed at them individually to get them to "come to our side". Brush it off as being my personal opinion, or debate it, I don't care, but don't get pissy with me about trying to "convince" you what's right and natural. That sounds like your hang up, not mine.
Originally Posted by babywavy
This is the last time I will disagree with a pregnant woman

I did was not getting pissy with you. The way you phrased the last post sounded to me like you were talking about things in general, not your own beliefs and experiences, so I was responding to that. But you were talking about onlu the way you feel, so I misunderstood.
Originally Posted by geeky


- I'm sorry. After I wrote all that I'm loading my dishwasher thinking "damn, I sound pregnant"!

I wasn't trying to take it out on you, but people on this board DO tend to take things as if we're always referring to THEM.

I don't care what other people do - personally I myself see it as being respectful to take my husbands name.....which is why I did it. If someone else decides to do differently, they don't have to explain their reasons for doing so.

Again, I'm sorry for lashing out. There are days when I think I'm on 9 months of PMS! What is it about being pregnant that makes you care less about holding back on what you say to people. :P
~ the artist formerly known as babywavy ~

Please excuse any typos. For the time being, we are blaming it on my computer.
I'll take his name when I get married - my last name sounds like a first name, and my first name is all sorts of confusing to anyone without familiarity with a romance language - I've been looking forward to marrying out of my last name since I was about 8 and understood this whole "maiden name/married name" thing.

Since then, my reasons for wanting to change my name have matured a bit. My family is of the opinion that our last name was made up to avoid trouble with the law - and I love my family, but there's never been too much pressure on the "Family Name." I'll change my name from a four letter name of sketchy origin to a nine letter Polish name which sounds good with my first name. Yay!
Location: Napa, CA
There are more than just last names for family names. I have my grandma's first name as my middle name, and my daughter has my first name as her middle name. On my mom's side of the family Rose is a very common middle name to pass on. I guess I don't understand why people are making such a big deal of the last name thing. I rarely get called by my last name. I always get called Leticia not Mrs. ********, and I will always be Leticia no matter what my last name is.
I took my husband's last name because I like it - it's a pretty name. It's also about a thousand times easier to spell and pronounce than my butchered-German maiden name.

This is yet another topic that I just can't get all bunched up about. Do what you want; I don't care. Sure, maybe having a different last name than your kids might be a little confusing, but so what. It isn't going to kill anyone.
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I didn't change mine when I was married before and I wouldn't if I marry again. It's just too patriarchal for me.

I never did understand the arguement about kid confusion if the parents have two different last names. Tons of single women give their kids the 'baby daddy' last name without a problem.

I lived in Italy where women don't change their last names when they marry - unless they marry American guys. No one had problems with what kids belong to which parents.

With modern paternal testing, I also don't see the ownership issues of kids last names vs father's last names.

I like th dual last name for kids to recognize both sides of the family.
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I took my husband's last name because I like it - it's a pretty name. It's also about a thousand times easier to spell and pronounce than my butchered-German maiden name.

This is yet another topic that I just can't get all bunched up about. Do what you want; I don't care. Sure, maybe having a different last name than your kids might be a little confusing, but so what. It isn't going to kill anyone.
Originally Posted by PartyHair
I agree completely. Not something I really care about. I changed my last name because I wanted to. If we got divorced, I'd change it back (unless we had kids, then I'd probably keep it so they'd have the same name as me.) I don't really get people talking about how difficult it is to change your name...? Maybe it's just my state, but all I had to do was take my marriage certificate to the Social Security office and in about 10 minutes, it was done. That's all you have to do to change it after divorce, too. *shrug*

But hey, that's just my way of doing it. I didn't feel some attachment to my old last name. I think the argument is the same either way - I am still just as much a part of my family as I was before, even with the different last name, just as others feel with their spouse, with the different last name. I don't care what others do. I wanted to have the same last name as my husband, and I want our kids to have the same last name. I can see why others would keep their maiden name, as well. Whatever floats your boat, I'd say
I always planned to take my SO's last name when we get married. I don't have any particular attachment to mine, it always meant something negative to me. The less I have in common with my relatives, the better.

He seems to be very traditional in wanting me to have his last name, anyway. I asked him why, because he seemed to feel so strongly about it. He mostly used the "We need to have the same last name as our children" argument, so fine. I can get behind that.

It would bother me a lot more if I had been planning to keep my last name, but since I'm not, whatever. I'm not going to obsess over it.
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I was thrilled to take my husband's last name and never considered not doing it at all. I've had to spell out my maiden name all of my life so it was a relief. Also, I was just so happy to be identifed with my husband. This is just how I look at it.
Maudie
I am no one's property, so the "tradition" of taking his last name is not one that I felt obliged to uphold, when we married.

I gave my daughter my last name for her middle name, and she and her father share a last name.

I find it terribly amusing though, when people call him Mr. Cocoa Coily.





It was very important to my hubby and mine changed from a 10 letter polish name to a 4 letter last name. I have to say I don't mind signing stuff as much now. We choose not to have kids but if we did want them that would be a good reason too, to all have the same name.
Originally Posted by kimmyc
Ha! My husband has a 12 character Polish last name. Can you imagine if I hypenated?! Yeesh, I wouldn't be able to sign anything!

my husband offered to take on my name when we got married. he didn't care if i took on his name or not or if i hyphenated. we talked about us both hyphenating. in the end, we've both kept our own names; we're both in media and our names are our calling cards (i'm a writer). when we have kids, they'll probably have his name. maybe my last name as a middle name. i do like my last name, even though i hated it as a kid. it is somewhat unusual and it's short.

i do like the idea of a joint family name; just don't see why it has to be the man's name. on the other hand, i'll answer to whatever. some people call me mrs. his name, some people call me by a hyphenated name, etc. i'm always amused by the assumptions that people make, though. most people in addressing correspondence to us, will automatically hyphenate my name.
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In fact, if we prove that we are equal in every way, we will actually not be equal, but we will be superior as women. No matter what WE accomplish, men will never be able to bear children. We forget what a HUGE ability this is that we have over men that they will NEVER be able to do. We create life and GIVE men something to pass their genes and hertiage onto. What's in a name? I think we can at least give them that.

My husband doesn't/didn't care about that. We named our 2 children together with both our last names and the kids use my last name as their official name.

My 2 ex-husbands still have the privilege of having my sons bear their last names, something that irks the crap out of me, because they are not involved in my sons' lives at all.

So, we're a family of 6, with 4 different last names. We're still very much a real family, regardless of the names we carry. Society doesn't always understand, but that's their problem really.
I have a problem with a lot of the "traditional" aspects of marriage/weddings, the name change being a big part of it. The part of the wedding where the father walks the bride down the isle to hand her over to the husband feels too much like a property transfer to me. And as with any valuable piece of property, you need to have a title transfer, which is what the name change feels like to me. I'm sorry if I sound overly bitter, but I refuse to follow traditions that are based in women being their fathers' and husbands' property.

My kinda woman!
After giving it much thought, the history behind wives taking their husbands' names just left a really bad taste in my mouth and I couldn't do it. I probably wouldn't have given it nearly as much consideration were it not for the fact that my husband wanted me to change my name. Yes it would have meant a lot to him, but it means a lot to me too and I'm not sure why his desires should trump mine in this situation. If he really wanted to marry some traditional demure woman he should have realized his mistake long before he proposed to me.
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I took and kept his name only because it has a y in it and my initials spell elk which makes me happy.
I too took his name to get rid of mine. I'm convinced my maiden name is cursed.
God doesn't give special kids to special parents. He takes ordinary, imperfect people, and gifts them with his greatest treasures. And therein, he creates special parents.

I kept my last. Some people think I did so b/c I'm an actress. ummm, no. I like my la name and there really is no reason in the world I should have to change it.

A few of my female friends got mad at me for not changing. Few times they addressed things to me a Mrs. Hubby's Last name. I went off, they stopped. I don't go buck wild if someone calls me that b/cthey just don't know. But THEY did.

Some of his relatives address things as Mr. and Mrs. Hubby's Full Name. I HATE that. What, now I don't even have a first name.

My baby has hubby's last name. I had a funny conversation with one o my friends, a maiden-name hater

Hater: So you're not changing your name?
me: no
Hater: He doesn't care?
me: no
Hater: My hubby told me if I didn't change my name he wouldn't marry
me I wouldn't marry a guy who thought that way
Hater: what about the baby?
me: He'll have huby's
Hater: Won't that be confusing to people?
me: It's not that hard. If it is, they are too dumb to live


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