Change name for marriage...why?

So as not to guano another thread, I thought I'd start this one on birth names versus married names. I call my name my "birth name". I don't call it my "maiden name", because I find the term offensive...the state of my hymen is no one's business.

My question: In modern society, is there any real reason anymore to take a man's name simply because of marriage?
You are the first and only person I have ever heard relate the term maiden name to anything to do with a hymen

No real reason why you need to take your husband's name. Nowadays I think it is all preference. No one has to really even get married anymore, let alone change their name.

I like that me, my husband, and my children all have the same last name. I prefer it that way.
Couldn't help but reply to this, especially since the divorce/marriage riot in a past thread.

In Islam a woman is NOT supposed to change her 'maiden name' when she marries a man. You never see a Muslim woman reffered to by her husband's family name, people always use hers.
I haven't changed my name yet and we've been married for almost 5 years. I'll do it one day, just not sure when yet. :P
Even though I like the sound of my maiden name better than my married name, I chose to change my name b/c I wanted that to be something that my husband and I share. Also, I knew how much it meant to him and how happy it made him that I take his last name.
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I prefer my last name to his, but since we're planning on having children, I think it's best to have the same last name to reduce confusion.
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I prefer my last name to his, but since we're planning on having children, I think it's best to have the same last name to reduce confusion.
A wise and frugal government, which shall leave men free to regulate their own pursuits of industry and improvement, and shall not take from the mouth of labor the bread it has earned - this is the sum of good government. ~Thomas Jefferson
It was very important to my hubby and mine changed from a 10 letter polish name to a 4 letter last name. I have to say I don't mind signing stuff as much now. We choose not to have kids but if we did want them that would be a good reason too, to all have the same name.
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I guess I don't understand keeping your "maiden name."

Why should you change your name. . . because this is now your family. The two of you are the heads of it (whether there are children or not). Only makes sense to me to change your name. Call me old fashioned but this is what I believe.
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I guess I don't understand keeping your "maiden name."

Why should you change your name. . . because this is now your family. The two of you are the heads of it (whether there are children or not). Only makes sense to me to change your name. Call me old fashioned but this is what I believe.
Originally Posted by munchkin
If this is your family and you two are the heads of it, why can't the man change his name?


I hyphenated my name. I could not see giving it up completely as it was mine for 30 years. This way I can use either or both, depending on my mood. It was mostly for the sake of having children. I wanted to have our last names at least partially the same.

It does make it easier when everyone in the family has the same last name, but that is only because of the prejudices of society and I believe it is society's burden to change and be more accepting.
To Trenell, MizKerri and geeky:
I pray none of you ever has to live in a communist state.

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I think it's a matter of personal choice, I changed my name because I knew it meant something very important to my husband (he has a very dysfunctional family so my changing my last name was very symbolic to him of starting a new branch of the family, sort of starting fresh) I don't have in problem with hyphenated names, but in my case I have a 3 syllable first name and a 4 syllable married last name, I just didn't want any more syllables
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I thought long and hard about it. I amost hyphenated but chose not to..

I guess for me, I had very few good memories associated with my maiden name in relation to my family. I wanted to start fresh with new memories. The new name helped. All of my best family memories have happened since I got married.
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i never changed my name. now that we are divorced i am grateful that i didn't, it would be a hassle to change it back. i don't like what it symbolizes. if i get married again i won't change it. our children will have my paternal and his paternal last names, as is custom in hispanic cultures, so no problem there.

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I think it simplifies things when everyone in the family has the same last name. Esp once you have children (trust me on this one, I haven't officially added his name on to mine yet and now we have a daughter and you'd think we were the only people in the world ever to be in this situation). However you arrive at it, things are just much easier if you all share a name.
I believe that when you get married you leave your prospective families to create a family of your own. I also like having the same last name as my husband and my kids. It makes me feel like we have our own little club

You CAN take the wifes name - I've known someone who did this who had a destructive and abusive family life, and didn't keep in contact with his family, so he had no reason to carry on the name - OR you can make up a name of your own. I read on some wedding website that a couple had combined their last names to make up a new last name.

In my case, and probably most cases, it's traditional to take your husbands name. Most men find pride in carrying on their family name, so why do we have to look for reasons to take that away from them.
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Professionally I use my maiden name. Everywhere else, I hyphenate.
This works well for us.
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I didn't change mine, my husband didn't change his, and the kids will have my last name and his last name without a hyphen - as mayim said, that's the Hispanic way. My husband and his family don't follow that tradition so they were a little upset at first that I didn't change my name and that the kids will have "two last names", but they're getting over it.

Babywavy, I never got the argument about men having pride in continuing the family name. I have just as much pride in my family and my name as any man and I want to continue my name to my kids so they can be identified as part of this family. In my family we have lots of comments and sayings about our last name. Let's say it's Smith - so we say stuff like "you'll always be a Smith", "once a Smith always a Smith", "there's a whole tribe in Africa called Smith - they have the big bottoms and speak their minds", "If you're not a Smith, you wouldn't understand", etc. etc. etc. In fact, my mama, two aunts and three cousins all married people with the same last name but not related! So it's a name of both sides of the family to me.

Yep, "maiden" means "virgin."
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WOW. I'm surprised at the number of people on this thread who have taken their husband's name. I can only think of two of my girlfriends who did this. One of my friends and her husband gave their daughter the wife's last name. His father was an SOB.

I know couples where the husband took the wife's name or where the two people took part of each other's names and merged it into a new last name.

I thought most of my female friends were going to have a stroke at my college roommate's wedding when we discovered she was taking her husband's name. They all asked me why and did I know? I told them "no." We all just assumed she wouldn't. No one else we knew had.

My other friend who took her husband's name had a horrible father. She said she took her husband's name b/c either way she was saddled with a man's name and she would rather it be the name of someone she picked and loved. Her father was truly an awful human being. She said she would have kept her name if her father wasn't such a suck hat.

Honestly, I think it's sort of weird to take the man's name. It seems sort of a throw back to me of the days when the law regarded wives as chattel. (Don't freak. I know no one here is chattel.) If anything, taking the woman's would make more sense for inheritance stuff, "bloodlines", etc. You can't always prove paternity, but maternity is a certainty
You CAN take the wifes name - I've known someone who did this who had a destructive and abusive family life, and didn't keep in contact with his family, so he had no reason to carry on the name - OR you can make up a name of your own. I read on some wedding website that a couple had combined their last names to make up a new last name.

In my case, and probably most cases, it's traditional to take your husbands name. Most men find pride in carrying on their family name, so why do we have to look for reasons to take that away from them.
Originally Posted by babywavy
It depends on where you live, too.

In New York, when you apply for a marriage license, there are places on the form for both spouses to specify a new last name. So the woman can take the man's name, the man can take the woman's name, they can both change their names to anything, they can both keep their original las tnames. Whatever. I understand in some states the options are more limited and you have to jump through a lot more hoops unless you are doing the traditional patriarchal thang.

As for the bolded, I am sure some women take pride in carrying on their family name too. I don't think it's looking for reasons to take something away from your man if you are not comfortable with changing your identity when you get married. It's not about taking away fromthe man, it's about being true to yourself.
To Trenell, MizKerri and geeky:
I pray none of you ever has to live in a communist state.

Geeky is my hero. She's the true badass. The badass who doesn't even need to be a badass. There aren't enough O's in cool to describe her.
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Officially, I'm not changing my name. It just seems like an unnecssary hassle to me. But if someone calls me Mrs. Webjockey's Husband, or put on a card Mrs. and Dr. "Webjockey's Husband" I'm not going to make a big stink about it either. Kid will have his last name.

Acutally, I really prefer my mom's maiden name, but I think it would hurt my father too bad if I did that.

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