Any LGBT Curlies?

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Hello hello everyone!

Diaspora, I don't think she would be necessarily annoyed by the culture here any more than in any other not-specifically-designated-as-queer space. It's a pretty pervasive thing. I find that I'm a lot more comfortable in any environment when I'm not having to wonder if I'm going to be alienating people by talking about "gay things" too much or at all, because I know who might have similar experiences to mine. Which is the reason I started this thread. Maybe it's just me, though? I just feel like it's easy to feel a little outnumbered, in the world at large, and since being queer isn't exactly 100% socially accepted, it's nice to be able to be supportive of one another.
Originally Posted by amandamarie
Amandamarie, I'm very glad you started this thread. I am sometimes uncomfortable with the culture here, as I am in any group of people that didn't come together based on shared goals for social justice or equality of some kind. Too many times I've been attacked for expressing my beliefs. I think it's really helpful when people with perspectives that are lesser-heard speak up and don't hold back, because it helps other people who tend to feel alienated feel more comfortable, and there are always others out there who feel the same way but we don't know it, and it educates some people out there who are open to listening. It is always taking a chance to speak up though.

Anyway, I get what you are saying about hair and identity. The same friend I mentioned got her long curls cut very short, and admits that she does feel like she is given more cred by the people she hangs out with even though she thinks the reason is really stupid. This is with her new friends in SF, her old friends don't care of course. And she gets hit on less by guys now, though she still likes some (queer) guys too.
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I was just wondering, for those who have mentioned that they are bisexual/queer but are generally perceived as straight, how do you approach women? I have tried asking my friends who are bisexual/queer, but most of them "look the part" with their haircut or the way they dress or the way they carry themselves, they don't really have much advice to give me because they don't really understand my problem. I can go up and make small talk with women, but I think I have a problem translating that to "I'm interested in you."
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^^ day 1 of going CG; avatar = 6 months later
I was just wondering, for those who have mentioned that they are bisexual/queer but are generally perceived as straight, how do you approach women? I have tried asking my friends who are bisexual/queer, but most of them "look the part" with their haircut or the way they dress or the way they carry themselves, they don't really have much advice to give me because they don't really understand my problem. I can go up and make small talk with women, but I think I have a problem translating that to "I'm interested in you."
Originally Posted by kimmidawn
I pm'ed you!

I also had a question for the LGBT thread regarding hair and looks in general...

.... Do any of you that don't 'look' lesbian, bisexual, gay etc feel like..your less part of your culture? Do you think it affects your identity with the culture and your acceptance both with the rest of society and LGBT culture??

Lately i've been feeling like how I feel on the inside and who I am on the inside doesn't match on the outside. I like the way i look and dress....but then i have conflicting feeling that for once I would just like my identity to be clear to both general people and the LGBT community. Even LGBT people question if 'i am really a lesbian' and I have be accused of 'faking' due to the way i look before. Sometimes it feels like my own culture is rejecting me due to my looks...

What is everyone's feelings or opinions surrounding this?
Mixture of 2c/3a curls, fine to med texture

PROTEIN LOVER!!!

Wishing my hair would be more like this ------>
and less like this --------->
Too many things I want to quote oh my goodness! Giant "yes!" to everything happening in this thread right now.

Kimmidawn, I find I automatically go into flirtatious mode whenever I'm talking to someone I'm interested in, which, if you're someone who knows me a little, will be obvious. I also kind of go out of my way to let girls know it's on the options table by mentioning something early on--a story about a friend's reaction to my coming out or whatever. Problem is there's no way to tell for sure it's not just a way to bond! Recently a friendly acquaintance dropped a "when I date girls ..." into a conversation that it totally didn't belong in and I left the conversation giggling a little to myself because I knew it was her way of letting me know she's "part of the club", so to speak, but she wasn't hitting on me (at least I don't think). It's difficult.

09rohiba, yes, I do find that. It's actually a little bizarre to me because on the one hand, I think it's stupid that you should have to look a part in order to avoid having your identity questioned, so I actually find myself joking about, "Is it way too queer of me to buy this plaid shirt?" etc (I'd rather be entirely myself at all times than be intentionally fitting or avoiding stereotypes). On the other hand, I feel frequently rejected by LGBT culture, and I feel like if I looked a certain way, I'd fit in more.

I think for me and a lot of others similar to me, though, it's partly because some lesbians have a bit of a fear of dating non-lesbians. I've encountered the belief a lot that bisexual women or ambiguously queer women will decide they'd rather date a man and break it off with a lesbian and leave her broken-hearted ... Which is intensely frustrating to me, because I am not a person who can't make up her mind or just likes kissing girls in bars or whatever; I would be happy to marry a woman if I found the right one and I wouldn't think twice about it. Plus, if I met the love of my life tomorrow who happened to be a man, I would not in any way consider that to have negated my past experiences or made them less real or valuable.

But, yeah, part of it is, "You have long hair and wear shirts with flowers on them so you must be straight."
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Favorite products: Kinky-Curly Knot Today, Kinky-Curly Curling Custard, Curl Junkie Curls in a Bottle, Curl Junkie Curl Rehab, Curl Junkie Curl Assurance Smoothing Lotion, Shea Moisture Curl and Style Milk, homemade flaxseed gel.

Still looking for a cleanser I like.
I don't think I necessarily have a hard time combining the way I look with who I am inside, but there definitely are days when it is frustrating where I'm automatically classified as straight and I literally just want to wear a sign that says "hi my name is kimmidawn and I'm bisexual". As far as what I wear or how I do my hair though, its more for me just how I feel prettiest, not so much a part of my identity. I'm not sure if it would differ if I was lesbian rather than bisexual (since now I'm thinking about it and while there's a clear physical image of lesbian that the media and pop culture likes to use, I can't think of an equally common physical image that's portrayed for bisexuals - physical image meaning a look as opposed to somewhat more abstract descriptions).

@amandamarie, I never really consciously thought about inserting a comment that would make my sexuality known, but that's definitely a good idea. I guess part of it is since I've never actually dated a girl (I am more than open to it and could definitely see myself in a long term relationship with a woman), I don't feel like its something that can casually be dropped in conversation; I would probably be like your friend with that random comment lol. At first, I didn't even tell my female friends that I was bi because I didnt know if they would feel kind of "betrayed" that we had known each other for so long and I had kept that from them. But after nothing but positive responses, I am much more comfortable telling acquaintances and casual friends.
2b, fine texture, normal porosity & elasticity (CG as of 12/2011)

Low-poo: UFD Rich & Funky
Cowash: VO5 Kiwi Lime
RO: Tresemme Naturals, Aubrey Organics GPB, Ion Effective Care, MillCreek Keratin
PT/DT: IAgirl's PT, GVP CB
LI: KCKT, Cure Care, CJ CCCC Lite
Styling: Curl Keeper, As I Am Jelly, UFD Curly Magic, CJ Curl Queen, TIGI Strong Hold Mousse


http://public.fotki.com/kdawn12/


^^ day 1 of going CG; avatar = 6 months later
I think for me and a lot of others similar to me, though, it's partly because some lesbians have a bit of a fear of dating non-lesbians. I've encountered the belief a lot that bisexual women or ambiguously queer women will decide they'd rather date a man and break it off with a lesbian and leave her broken-hearted ... Which is intensely frustrating to me, because I am not a person who can't make up her mind or just likes kissing girls in bars or whatever; I would be happy to marry a woman if I found the right one and I wouldn't think twice about it. Plus, if I met the love of my life tomorrow who happened to be a man, I would not in any way consider that to have negated my past experiences or made them less real or valuable.
Originally Posted by amandamarie
And +1 to this
amandamarie likes this.
2b, fine texture, normal porosity & elasticity (CG as of 12/2011)

Low-poo: UFD Rich & Funky
Cowash: VO5 Kiwi Lime
RO: Tresemme Naturals, Aubrey Organics GPB, Ion Effective Care, MillCreek Keratin
PT/DT: IAgirl's PT, GVP CB
LI: KCKT, Cure Care, CJ CCCC Lite
Styling: Curl Keeper, As I Am Jelly, UFD Curly Magic, CJ Curl Queen, TIGI Strong Hold Mousse


http://public.fotki.com/kdawn12/


^^ day 1 of going CG; avatar = 6 months later
I don't think I necessarily have a hard time combining the way I look with who I am inside, but there definitely are days when it is frustrating where I'm automatically classified as straight and I literally just want to wear a sign that says "hi my name is kimmidawn and I'm bisexual". As far as what I wear or how I do my hair though, its more for me just how I feel prettiest, not so much a part of my identity. I'm not sure if it would differ if I was lesbian rather than bisexual (since now I'm thinking about it and while there's a clear physical image of lesbian that the media and pop culture likes to use, I can't think of an equally common physical image that's portrayed for bisexuals - physical image meaning a look as opposed to somewhat more abstract descriptions).

@amandamarie, I never really consciously thought about inserting a comment that would make my sexuality known, but that's definitely a good idea. I guess part of it is since I've never actually dated a girl (I am more than open to it and could definitely see myself in a long term relationship with a woman), I don't feel like its something that can casually be dropped in conversation; I would probably be like your friend with that random comment lol. At first, I didn't even tell my female friends that I was bi because I didnt know if they would feel kind of "betrayed" that we had known each other for so long and I had kept that from them. But after nothing but positive responses, I am much more comfortable telling acquaintances and casual friends.
Originally Posted by kimmidawn
Haha, noooo, when that friend made that comment, I honestly just thought it was funny, because I've totally done things like that too. Once, I was in a bar and got to talking with this girl I met about her fiancee, and then we started talking about how I'm a writer. She asked me who my favorite author was and I thought and eventually gave a nod to Virginia Woolf. She was really excited and I just said, "Yeah, I feel like she's a very queer author to choose as your favorite ..."

Also once some people I had just met were talking about how their roommates reacted to them being gay. I chimed in with my own stories, and then within three days one of the girls had asked me out. Sooo ... there's that? (That's another option, btw. Just straight-up ask for a girl's number or ask her to get coffee or a drink sometime, haha.)

As far as friends' reactions, personally, I'm at a point in my life where I feel like anyone who isn't okay with it doesn't need to be around me. That has taken me years, though, and I recognize I'm really lucky in that respect because I'm able to be in environments that are mostly accepting. So, yeah, I think being comfortable being "out" is A+.
2a/b (really thick but sort of fine with pretty weak waves), medium-to-fine texture, normal porosity (I think). Doesn't seem to like protein.

Favorite products: Kinky-Curly Knot Today, Kinky-Curly Curling Custard, Curl Junkie Curls in a Bottle, Curl Junkie Curl Rehab, Curl Junkie Curl Assurance Smoothing Lotion, Shea Moisture Curl and Style Milk, homemade flaxseed gel.

Still looking for a cleanser I like.
I hope no one finds me nosey or intrusive.

I am straight, but 90% of my closest friends are G/L/B and fabulous drag queens. I am nothing but supportive.

I wanted to share a story because it does touch on something you have brought up, just in reverse. In 1995 I decided to get a pixie cut. I did have a Julia Roberts/Steel Magnolia moment of shock and "Oh Dear" at first. I had never cut my hair that short and needed a moment to adjust. At first I found this hard to do because men no longer seemed interested in me. I could not go anywhere without them looking at me, and whispering. Then the boldness set in. I had countless men (strangers and a few who had known me my entire life) approach me and say, What's it like being a lesbian? It's a shame you're a lesbian. I wouldn't have thought you'd end up being a lesbian", etc... And many put in offensive terms. Every time I was approached and these comments were made I would ask the guy to sit down and explain his reasoning. It was always stereotypical and silly (your hairs short) but I was more than happy to point this out, and sometimes in more offensive terms. In an odd turn of events, this ended up helping me love my new do even more. It was somehow liberating. In fact, bleep all, I went back to the salon and had it buzzed. I was not asked out by a man until my hair grew out, below my ears, but that was okay. I fully expected it and after that nonsense, I was more than ready to take a breather from those odd creatures.

Hair in no way should define your preference, but just try telling someone else that. Lol
When I hear terms like "hipster" I think, who told cliques they could leave high school??

I think for me and a lot of others similar to me, though, it's partly because some lesbians have a bit of a fear of dating non-lesbians. I've encountered the belief a lot that bisexual women or ambiguously queer women will decide they'd rather date a man and break it off with a lesbian and leave her broken-hearted ... Which is intensely frustrating to me, because I am not a person who can't make up her mind or just likes kissing girls in bars or whatever; I would be happy to marry a woman if I found the right one and I wouldn't think twice about it. Plus, if I met the love of my life tomorrow who happened to be a man, I would not in any way consider that to have negated my past experiences or made them less real or valuable.
Originally Posted by amandamarie
And +1 to this
Originally Posted by kimmidawn
+1 to this also...im soooo glad you said this amandamarie! This especially has been my own experience (as a lesbian dating bisexual woman). I hope this doest offend anyone its just my personal experience but.... I generally do not date bisexual woman as a rule anymore because i find it to be far to complicated. i have even had bisexual woman ask me if i can be there 'bit on the side' whilst they date men because for some reason i don't count as much or I am somewhat lacking in some way which means they cant be in a real relationship. For me its hard to find a genuine bisexual girl that wouldn't discount me for a man.
Mixture of 2c/3a curls, fine to med texture

PROTEIN LOVER!!!

Wishing my hair would be more like this ------>
and less like this --------->
I think for me and a lot of others similar to me, though, it's partly because some lesbians have a bit of a fear of dating non-lesbians. I've encountered the belief a lot that bisexual women or ambiguously queer women will decide they'd rather date a man and break it off with a lesbian and leave her broken-hearted ... Which is intensely frustrating to me, because I am not a person who can't make up her mind or just likes kissing girls in bars or whatever; I would be happy to marry a woman if I found the right one and I wouldn't think twice about it. Plus, if I met the love of my life tomorrow who happened to be a man, I would not in any way consider that to have negated my past experiences or made them less real or valuable.
Originally Posted by amandamarie
And +1 to this
Originally Posted by kimmidawn
+1 to this also...im soooo glad you said this amandamarie! This especially has been my own experience (as a lesbian dating bisexual woman). I hope this doest offend anyone its just my personal experience but.... I generally do not date bisexual woman as a rule anymore because i find it to be far to complicated. i have even had bisexual woman ask me if i can be there 'bit on the side' whilst they date men because for some reason i don't count as much or I am somewhat lacking in some way which means they cant be in a real relationship. For me its hard to find a genuine bisexual girl that wouldn't discount me for a man.
Originally Posted by 09robiha
I don't know about anyone else, but that didnt offend me; everyone has different experiences and just because I may not agree with your experience doesn't mean it's not valid. My question to you is, what do you mean you find dating bisexual women far too complicated? I think, if your relationship with your partner ends, you could open the possibility of dating a bisexual woman but still be very cautious, by only being open to that possibility with bisexual women who are interested in actually dating a lesbian, not simply the sexual aspect.

Even though I can't exactly discount all the negative experiences with bisexual women you've had, but personally, I would never have anyone on the side (man or woman) because that would be disrespectful to my primary partner. I'm bisexual, and I'm attracted to women in terms of both sexually and as far as a relationship. I would be equally happy in a relationship with a woman as a man. I appreciate your experience, as it's important to know both good and bad experiences (not just good ones), but I hope I've been able to show that not all bisexuals are like the ones you've encountered.
2b, fine texture, normal porosity & elasticity (CG as of 12/2011)

Low-poo: UFD Rich & Funky
Cowash: VO5 Kiwi Lime
RO: Tresemme Naturals, Aubrey Organics GPB, Ion Effective Care, MillCreek Keratin
PT/DT: IAgirl's PT, GVP CB
LI: KCKT, Cure Care, CJ CCCC Lite
Styling: Curl Keeper, As I Am Jelly, UFD Curly Magic, CJ Curl Queen, TIGI Strong Hold Mousse


http://public.fotki.com/kdawn12/


^^ day 1 of going CG; avatar = 6 months later
And +1 to this
Originally Posted by kimmidawn
+1 to this also...im soooo glad you said this amandamarie! This especially has been my own experience (as a lesbian dating bisexual woman). I hope this doest offend anyone its just my personal experience but.... I generally do not date bisexual woman as a rule anymore because i find it to be far to complicated. i have even had bisexual woman ask me if i can be there 'bit on the side' whilst they date men because for some reason i don't count as much or I am somewhat lacking in some way which means they cant be in a real relationship. For me its hard to find a genuine bisexual girl that wouldn't discount me for a man.
Originally Posted by 09robiha
I don't know about anyone else, but that didnt offend me; everyone has different experiences and just because I may not agree with your experience doesn't mean it's not valid. My question to you is, what do you mean you find dating bisexual women far too complicated? I think, if your relationship with your partner ends, you could open the possibility of dating a bisexual woman but still be very cautious, by only being open to that possibility with bisexual women who are interested in actually dating a lesbian, not simply the sexual aspect.

Even though I can't exactly discount all the negative experiences with bisexual women you've had, but personally, I would never have anyone on the side (man or woman) because that would be disrespectful to my primary partner. I'm bisexual, and I'm attracted to women in terms of both sexually and as far as a relationship. I would be equally happy in a relationship with a woman as a man. I appreciate your experience, as it's important to know both good and bad experiences (not just good ones), but I hope I've been able to show that not all bisexuals are like the ones you've encountered.
Originally Posted by kimmidawn
Sigh. Okay. I find it really frustrating--less offensive and more just annoying, not of you, 09robiha, but as a cultural thing--because being bisexual or any other non-monosexual orientation should not, IMO, imply a tendency to cheat or have reckless or inappropriate sex or anything like that. For me, it's as simple as being much more interested in the insides than the outsides of my partner, and I know a lot of other people who either describe it that way or who are more like what it sounds like is true of kimmidawn and happen to be interested in attractive women and attractive men (but not at the same time). It's upsetting and a bit hurtful to me to feel like I might get rejected on those grounds, or that a girlfriend's friends might tell her not to date me on those grounds, when I know perfectly well that what I am looking for is a long-term, loving, monogamous relationship, and I don't care what the body of the person who I have it with looks like. That does not seem like a reason to reject me?!

On the other hand, there are a lot of these girls out there who really do call themselves bisexual because boys think it's hot, or who might really like women but aren't ultimately ready to accept the societal implications that go with being in a lesbian relationship. I know a bunch of those ones too (and usually don't like them nearly as much as people). So it's rough because I can't totally blame lesbians for feeling this way--or the women in question, because hey, I don't know their lives, I can't say how queer they are or aren't--I just wish it generally were taken for granted a little more that people fall in love with who they fall in love with and that these labels don't tell you much about what's really in a person's heart.

Ew, I just got really cheesy. But you guys know what I mean?!
2a/b (really thick but sort of fine with pretty weak waves), medium-to-fine texture, normal porosity (I think). Doesn't seem to like protein.

Favorite products: Kinky-Curly Knot Today, Kinky-Curly Curling Custard, Curl Junkie Curls in a Bottle, Curl Junkie Curl Rehab, Curl Junkie Curl Assurance Smoothing Lotion, Shea Moisture Curl and Style Milk, homemade flaxseed gel.

Still looking for a cleanser I like.
Also, well done, Fifi! I hate when people pull the "Well, she must be a lesbian; look at her hair!" act.
2a/b (really thick but sort of fine with pretty weak waves), medium-to-fine texture, normal porosity (I think). Doesn't seem to like protein.

Favorite products: Kinky-Curly Knot Today, Kinky-Curly Curling Custard, Curl Junkie Curls in a Bottle, Curl Junkie Curl Rehab, Curl Junkie Curl Assurance Smoothing Lotion, Shea Moisture Curl and Style Milk, homemade flaxseed gel.

Still looking for a cleanser I like.
And +1 to this
Originally Posted by kimmidawn
+1 to this also...im soooo glad you said this amandamarie! This especially has been my own experience (as a lesbian dating bisexual woman). I hope this doest offend anyone its just my personal experience but.... I generally do not date bisexual woman as a rule anymore because i find it to be far to complicated. i have even had bisexual woman ask me if i can be there 'bit on the side' whilst they date men because for some reason i don't count as much or I am somewhat lacking in some way which means they cant be in a real relationship. For me its hard to find a genuine bisexual girl that wouldn't discount me for a man.
Originally Posted by 09robiha
I don't know about anyone else, but that didnt offend me; everyone has different experiences and just because I may not agree with your experience doesn't mean it's not valid. My question to you is, what do you mean you find dating bisexual women far too complicated? I think, if your relationship with your partner ends, you could open the possibility of dating a bisexual woman but still be very cautious, by only being open to that possibility with bisexual women who are interested in actually dating a lesbian, not simply the sexual aspect.

Even though I can't exactly discount all the negative experiences with bisexual women you've had, but personally, I would never have anyone on the side (man or woman) because that would be disrespectful to my primary partner. I'm bisexual, and I'm attracted to women in terms of both sexually and as far as a relationship. I would be equally happy in a relationship with a woman as a man. I appreciate your experience, as it's important to know both good and bad experiences (not just good ones), but I hope I've been able to show that not all bisexuals are like the ones you've encountered.
Originally Posted by kimmidawn
Im glad that this didnt offend... I re read it back and wasnt sure if it sounded like i was bashing all bisexual people. Im not... And like you said it is all very personal experience. I have only ever had bad experiences with bi woman and was left truly broken hearted by one (the one that wanted to have me on the side instead) but yes not all experiances are bad!!

In answer to your question i find dating bisexual woman complicated because... They have feelings for both sexes I always felt they were either comparing me to male past or that there would be always something missing for that woman (this feeling is particularly strong after being past over or dumped for men in the past) I dont know if that makes sense i am struggling a little to get how i feel about it down on paper. I do agree with your point tho...i think i would maybe be open to dating a bisexual woman that is only interested in dating a lesbian rather than the sexual aspects... but sighhhhh must never find these girls!!
Mixture of 2c/3a curls, fine to med texture

PROTEIN LOVER!!!

Wishing my hair would be more like this ------>
and less like this --------->
I get what you're saying. That's actually how my most recent exboyfriend felt when we first dated and I hadn't explained my bisexuality. I know there are some bi women who are only interested sexually in other women and others who are only interested in a relationship with women (it's somewhat of a spectrum). Personally, I am interested in women both as far as a relationship and sexually, and I know that has made some of my exboyfriends nervous (haven't yet dated a girl). My most recent ex was afraid, like you mentioned, that I would always feel like I was missing something by being in a relationship with only one gender and that I would never be satisfied, and other things like that. I can't speak for anyone else, but for me, I am attracted to/fall in love with whoever; the gender doesn't matter. I have never felt like I was missing anything by being in a relationship with only one gender and I have never felt the need to compare one to the other. Does that help to clarify a little? Or did I just make it more confusing? Lol
2b, fine texture, normal porosity & elasticity (CG as of 12/2011)

Low-poo: UFD Rich & Funky
Cowash: VO5 Kiwi Lime
RO: Tresemme Naturals, Aubrey Organics GPB, Ion Effective Care, MillCreek Keratin
PT/DT: IAgirl's PT, GVP CB
LI: KCKT, Cure Care, CJ CCCC Lite
Styling: Curl Keeper, As I Am Jelly, UFD Curly Magic, CJ Curl Queen, TIGI Strong Hold Mousse


http://public.fotki.com/kdawn12/


^^ day 1 of going CG; avatar = 6 months later
Also, well done, Fifi! I hate when people pull the "Well, she must be a lesbian; look at her hair!" act.
Originally Posted by amandamarie
Well thank you. I tried It had deeper meaning, to me, as well. At this point in the 90's (in our early 20's) a large number of my friends, who I had known from the first day of school or since the first day of high school, were coming out to friends and family. I had been the first person a friend had told, on 3 occasions thus far, and had been asked to be with them when they came out to their parents twice. Growing up in a small, southern, predominately baptist town... You never knew which way it would go. The whole judging a book by it's cover thing has always frustrated me, and watching the stress and turmoil my friends went through for simply being themselves frustrated me more. It felt good, at least in part, to give a butt chewing and/or hopefully share some reasoning. At least my friends had a very tight knit "immediate" support group. We didn't have one close straight male friend who reacted badly when another male friend came out, or vice versa with females. If anything, they were upset the friend had not came out sooner and that the idea he/she might be shunned or treated differently had even crossed their minds. If only everyone could be so lucky.

Anyway, nuff said. I truly just wanted to drop by and say "hello, hello, hello!" Didn't mean to ramble.
When I hear terms like "hipster" I think, who told cliques they could leave high school??

I can't speak from the perspective of a bisexual or lesbian woman, but I have always been open to dating bi men and cursed the stereotype that bisexual people can never be happy with just one gender. Twice I have dated bi men, and both times sooner or later, they wanted to find a man to be involved with as well. I know that they are not representative of all bi men or bi people, but I admit, after it happened the first time, it took me a little while to be open to dating bi men again. With the 2nd guy, our relationship got pretty serious. And for him, he was only interested in men for sex, and women for sex and relationships. It was tempting to swear off all bi men again, but I'm reminding myself that in case #1, we were young, and I think the guy wasn't quite sure if he had preferences. And in the 2nd case, turns out the guy had issues with commitment and monogamy anyway. So I'm consciously telling myself, as I look through profiles on OkC, "Remember, bi guys are no more likely than straight guys to have issues with monogamy and commitment, it's just a stereotype." It's taking this consciousness to combat my personal experiences and the stereotype that's been bored into my head.
Formerly Urbancurl.
Medium-high density, fine-medium, low-normal porosity, 3b/c, permanent color.
CG, no heat, combs, brushes, parabens.
Fall/Winter HG=Alba Botanica Soft Hold Style Cream.
Spring/Summer HG=MGA Sculpting Gel
Current fave LI=Madre Labs Made by Nature for Baby Conditioner.
Limit oils, butters, glycerin.
I get what you're saying. That's actually how my most recent exboyfriend felt when we first dated and I hadn't explained my bisexuality. I know there are some bi women who are only interested sexually in other women and others who are only interested in a relationship with women (it's somewhat of a spectrum). Personally, I am interested in women both as far as a relationship and sexually, and I know that has made some of my exboyfriends nervous (haven't yet dated a girl). My most recent ex was afraid, like you mentioned, that I would always feel like I was missing something by being in a relationship with only one gender and that I would never be satisfied, and other things like that. I can't speak for anyone else, but for me, I am attracted to/fall in love with whoever; the gender doesn't matter. I have never felt like I was missing anything by being in a relationship with only one gender and I have never felt the need to compare one to the other. Does that help to clarify a little? Or did I just make it more confusing? Lol
Originally Posted by kimmidawn
+1 on a lot of this except reverse the gender of the most recent ex. My ex-girlfriend also has told me since we broke up that she doesn't want me to date a man because that would "hurt her lesbian pride" or something like that ... I'm like, "Yeah, but you know you don't get a vote in who I date anymore, right?"
2a/b (really thick but sort of fine with pretty weak waves), medium-to-fine texture, normal porosity (I think). Doesn't seem to like protein.

Favorite products: Kinky-Curly Knot Today, Kinky-Curly Curling Custard, Curl Junkie Curls in a Bottle, Curl Junkie Curl Rehab, Curl Junkie Curl Assurance Smoothing Lotion, Shea Moisture Curl and Style Milk, homemade flaxseed gel.

Still looking for a cleanser I like.
I would also rather date a bisexual man (or otherwise non-heterosexual though obviously if they're completely gay they won't be into me) purely on the basis that a straight man will never totally get what it means to be queer. And I would like to date someone who understands that that is an integral part of me.
2a/b (really thick but sort of fine with pretty weak waves), medium-to-fine texture, normal porosity (I think). Doesn't seem to like protein.

Favorite products: Kinky-Curly Knot Today, Kinky-Curly Curling Custard, Curl Junkie Curls in a Bottle, Curl Junkie Curl Rehab, Curl Junkie Curl Assurance Smoothing Lotion, Shea Moisture Curl and Style Milk, homemade flaxseed gel.

Still looking for a cleanser I like.
I'd like to add that I understand what 09r means when she says she finds having a relationship with bisexual women more complicated, because in all honesty it is. There's that fear of being left for a man which has already been addressed, but in my perspective it's extremely hard for me to imagine myself being intimate with a woman who is intimate with men, for me it's like being intimate with a woman who has a long list of sexual partners. As a lesbian, that's what turns me off, because outside of close knit friendships with men, I want nothing to do with them. Also a lot of bisexual women I've encountered are doing it for show so that they can appear to be alternative, and others are just experimenting with women for time being, because they got their heart broken. I don't discriminate as far as friendships go, but I wouldn't get involved with a bisexual woman unless she hadn't been with men for awhile, but I accept my bisexual sisters and brothers, because they are apart of the community too and face the same struggles as queers do. Even some lesbians I've met aren't really lesbians, they're just experimenting and don't want to call themselves bisexual because in the gay community there is an even greater stigma associated with it.

And 09r, as a femme lesbian I understand what you mean when you say you sometimes feel like you need to up your swag to fit into the gay community, I dress stereotypically female and my partner dresses more tomboyish, and I'm honestly surprised she even approached me at the time, I could of just been straight girl. If you're into the more aggressive lesbians all you need to do is make eye contact with them and they will usually come over... If they're single.

@Amanda I hope nothing I said offended you, sister. I was just offering my perspective on the subject.
I'd like to add that I understand what 09r means when she says she finds having a relationship with bisexual women more complicated, because in all honesty it is. There's that fear of being left for a man which has already been addressed, but in my perspective it's extremely hard for me to imagine myself being intimate with a woman who is intimate with men, for me it's like being intimate with a woman who has a long list of sexual partners. As a lesbian, that's what turns me off, because outside of close knit friendships with men, I want nothing to do with them. Also a lot of bisexual women I've encountered are doing it for show so that they can appear to be alternative, and others are just experimenting with women for time being, because they got their heart broken. I don't discriminate as far as friendships go, but I wouldn't get involved with a bisexual woman unless she hadn't been with men for awhile, but I accept my bisexual sisters and brothers, because they are apart of the community too and face the same struggles as queers do. Even some lesbians I've met aren't really lesbians, they're just experimenting and don't want to call themselves bisexual because in the gay community there is an even greater stigma associated with it.

And 09r, as a femme lesbian I understand what you mean when you say you sometimes feel like you need to up your swag to fit into the gay community, I dress stereotypically female and my partner dresses more tomboyish, and I'm honestly surprised she even approached me at the time, I could of just been straight girl. If you're into the more aggressive lesbians all you need to do is make eye contact with them and they will usually come over... If they're single.

@Amanda I hope nothing I said offended you, sister. I was just offering my perspective on the subject.
Originally Posted by HelloBunny
I'm not offended by your perspective because I don't think you're trying to say you are distrustful of my integrity in my sexuality or that you think I am in any way less than you because of what you described. I totally understand where you're coming from and as much as I hate how persistent that attitude is, I can't fault you for it.

That being said, I simply find it hurtful. Again, not specifically of you or of anyone else, but just as a phenomenon. I just don't understand why, if I am able to have a deep, meaningful connection with someone, it should matter what gender the other people I've had connections with in the past are, or how many there were.
2a/b (really thick but sort of fine with pretty weak waves), medium-to-fine texture, normal porosity (I think). Doesn't seem to like protein.

Favorite products: Kinky-Curly Knot Today, Kinky-Curly Curling Custard, Curl Junkie Curls in a Bottle, Curl Junkie Curl Rehab, Curl Junkie Curl Assurance Smoothing Lotion, Shea Moisture Curl and Style Milk, homemade flaxseed gel.

Still looking for a cleanser I like.

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