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Old 04-26-2012, 11:58 PM   #41
 
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I'm not offended by your perspective because I don't think you're trying to say you are distrustful of my integrity in my sexuality or that you think I am in any way less than you because of what you described. I totally understand where you're coming from and as much as I hate how persistent that attitude is, I can't fault you for it.

That being said, I simply find it hurtful. Again, not specifically of you or of anyone else, but just as a phenomenon. I just don't understand why, if I am able to have a deep, meaningful connection with someone, it should matter what gender the other people I've had connections with in the past are, or how many there were.
+1, exactly. I don't ever fault anyone for having distrust, especially based on their past experience. However, at the same time, when people express a similar viewpoint (of basically they couldn't be with a woman who was interested in both men and women because they couldn't trust them or something to that extent), it is hurtful.

@HelloBunny, I do appreciate your insight too though; I think us being able to have this type of conversation is helpful for both sides. For me, to understand what experiences can lead to distrust like that, and hopefully for other people, to also get another viewpoint.
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Old 04-27-2012, 12:08 PM   #42
 
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I can't speak from the perspective of a bisexual or lesbian woman, but I have always been open to dating bi men and cursed the stereotype that bisexual people can never be happy with just one gender. Twice I have dated bi men, and both times sooner or later, they wanted to find a man to be involved with as well. I know that they are not representative of all bi men or bi people, but I admit, after it happened the first time, it took me a little while to be open to dating bi men again. With the 2nd guy, our relationship got pretty serious. And for him, he was only interested in men for sex, and women for sex and relationships. It was tempting to swear off all bi men again, but I'm reminding myself that in case #1, we were young, and I think the guy wasn't quite sure if he had preferences. And in the 2nd case, turns out the guy had issues with commitment and monogamy anyway. So I'm consciously telling myself, as I look through profiles on OkC, "Remember, bi guys are no more likely than straight guys to have issues with monogamy and commitment, it's just a stereotype." It's taking this consciousness to combat my personal experiences and the stereotype that's been bored into my head.
i think guys that like guys for sex will always be drawn to that and a woman, no matter how fine or freaky just can't compare to that. i appreciate your openness but it seems like being open to a man that wants men for sex is opening the door to the constant threat of cheating. i guess the same could be said of women and i think it's true depending on what role in the sex the woman tends to play. all interesting.
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Old 04-27-2012, 01:29 PM   #43
 
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i think guys that like guys for sex will always be drawn to that and a woman, no matter how fine or freaky just can't compare to that. i appreciate your openness but it seems like being open to a man that wants men for sex is opening the door to the constant threat of cheating. i guess the same could be said of women and i think it's true depending on what role in the sex the woman tends to play. all interesting.
People are always drawn to qualities their monogamous partners lack because people are attracted to a vast multiplicity of qualities and no single partner can ever have them all. To say someone who dates me or other posters on this thread is "opening the door for cheating" is unfair and untrue, because people are capable of making the decision to remain faithful to their partners or of making the decision to cheat regardless of their sexual orientation. I'm really hurt, offended, and feeling attacked by what you just said.
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Old 04-27-2012, 02:08 PM   #44
 
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i think guys that like guys for sex will always be drawn to that and a woman, no matter how fine or freaky just can't compare to that. i appreciate your openness but it seems like being open to a man that wants men for sex is opening the door to the constant threat of cheating. i guess the same could be said of women and i think it's true depending on what role in the sex the woman tends to play. all interesting.
People are always drawn to qualities their monogamous partners lack because people are attracted to a vast multiplicity of qualities and no single partner can ever have them all. To say someone who dates me or other posters on this thread is "opening the door for cheating" is unfair and untrue, because people are capable of making the decision to remain faithful to their partners or of making the decision to cheat regardless of their sexual orientation. I'm really hurt, offended, and feeling attacked by what you just said.
i'm sorry i hurt your feelings and i certainly wasn't trying to "attack" you in my post. that was not my intent.
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Old 04-27-2012, 03:11 PM   #45
 
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I've been lurking for a while, mainly because I've been trying to figure out exactly what I wanted to say. I'm going to apologize in advance, because sometimes when I'm writing stuff out it doesn't come across the way I intend and I really don't want to offend anyone here (the main reason for my hesitation in posting).

I'm not sure how I would label myself. I've always been in heterosexual relationships, but sometimes attracted to other women. I'm not opposed to a relationship with a woman; it's just never happened. Maybe it's the long hair, maybe it's not. Could definitely be partly not knowing how to even begin to approach a woman. Could be that I live in one of the few conservative bastions of New York.

I don't think that being attracted to both men and women makes someone more pre-disposed to cheating. I also don't think that someone who is bisexual necessarily feels like something is missing from a relationship. Just because you like men and women doesn't mean that you have the need to be with both a man and a woman at the same time. In my mind, it's always been about the connection with the person as an individual, not what's in their pants. Some people just cheat. Some do it once and never again, and for others it's something that will never change (slightly OT- read an article about this several years back that made a lot of sense to me). I think there are people who will use bisexuality as an excuse for this behavior, but I definitely don't think it's fair to categorize an entire population. (As an analogy, I dated two different guys from Texas. They both cheated on me. I could turn around and say that Texans must all be cheaters, or I could say that I had the bad luck of dating two cheaters who happened to be Texans. Because I'm sure that not all Texans cheat, and I'm sure there are plenty of cheaters in the other 49 states as well).

I apologize if I started rambling...
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Old 04-27-2012, 04:22 PM   #46
 
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I agree with everything you wrote, Corrina, and Amandamarie, I felt offended by Luvmylocs post as well. I was certainly not inviting cheating by dating the guys I did. And both of the bi guys I dated, while interested in sex or relationships with men while they were seeing me, neither of them cheated. They were mature and decent enough to tell me how they felt. In the relationship that got serious, the reasons we broke up had nothing at all to do with his desire to have sex with men. He had commitment issues like lots of people do, and that's ultimately why I left.
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Old 04-27-2012, 04:36 PM   #47
 
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Originally Posted by Corrina777 View Post
I've been lurking for a while, mainly because I've been trying to figure out exactly what I wanted to say. I'm going to apologize in advance, because sometimes when I'm writing stuff out it doesn't come across the way I intend and I really don't want to offend anyone here (the main reason for my hesitation in posting).

I'm not sure how I would label myself. I've always been in heterosexual relationships, but sometimes attracted to other women. I'm not opposed to a relationship with a woman; it's just never happened. Maybe it's the long hair, maybe it's not. Could definitely be partly not knowing how to even begin to approach a woman. Could be that I live in one of the few conservative bastions of New York.

I don't think that being attracted to both men and women makes someone more pre-disposed to cheating. I also don't think that someone who is bisexual necessarily feels like something is missing from a relationship. Just because you like men and women doesn't mean that you have the need to be with both a man and a woman at the same time. In my mind, it's always been about the connection with the person as an individual, not what's in their pants. Some people just cheat. Some do it once and never again, and for others it's something that will never change (slightly OT- read an article about this several years back that made a lot of sense to me). I think there are people who will use bisexuality as an excuse for this behavior, but I definitely don't think it's fair to categorize an entire population. (As an analogy, I dated two different guys from Texas. They both cheated on me. I could turn around and say that Texans must all be cheaters, or I could say that I had the bad luck of dating two cheaters who happened to be Texans. Because I'm sure that not all Texans cheat, and I'm sure there are plenty of cheaters in the other 49 states as well).

I apologize if I started rambling...
Labels suck, Corrina; I don't care to use them either. I firmly think, if you consider that to be a part of who you are, it doesn't really matter whether you've been in a relationship with a woman or not.
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Old 06-05-2012, 10:30 AM   #48
 
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Just out of curiosity ... I feel like we've got a lot of married women and mothers around here and I'm curious whether anyone else dates women or maybe has a different gender ID/expression and if so whether you feel like that affects how you think about your hair?

(Personally, obsessing over my hair makes me feel absurdly feminine in a way that I don't usually, but if it's going to get me attention from girls ... )
I lurked awhile before joining NC but It's always nice to know there is a variety of people on hair forums
A hair forum shy lesbian in this corner. Hello everyone.(:
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Old 06-05-2012, 10:39 AM   #49
 
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Originally Posted by amandamarie View Post
Just out of curiosity ... I feel like we've got a lot of married women and mothers around here and I'm curious whether anyone else dates women or maybe has a different gender ID/expression and if so whether you feel like that affects how you think about your hair?

(Personally, obsessing over my hair makes me feel absurdly feminine in a way that I don't usually, but if it's going to get me attention from girls ... )
I lurked awhile before joining NC but It's always nice to know there is a variety of people on hair forums
A hair forum shy lesbian in this corner. Hello everyone.(:
Welcome, Always@Night!
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Old 06-05-2012, 11:33 AM   #50
 
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Thank you, I'm happy to be In the curlyworld.
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