Lunch invite etiquette

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  • 2 Post By jeepcurlygurl
  • 2 Post By roseannadana
  • 1 Post By cailin
  • 1 Post By NetG

I'm asking this on behalf of a friend/coworker (she wanted my advice and she didn't like what I told her so I said I would get other opinions here);

My friend Ashley is leaving the job and moving on to a different agency. Her colleagues in her immediate work group are going to take her out for lunch. Terri is planning the lunch. (Even though i'm outside of her immediate work group, I am invited bc Ashley and I are good friends.)

So it's clear Terri has fav restarant and asked Ashley several times if she would be OK going there. This restaurant is not within waking distance and might be inconvenient depending on everyone's driving/parking situation (we work downtown).

Ashley has her own fav restaurants (none of which are within driving distance either) and doesn't particularly love the place Terri suggested. But moreover, Ashley is mad that Terri didn't ask her (Ashley) where she wanted to go...it is Ashley's goodbye lunch, after all, and thinks Terri is being too bossy.

The way it stands now, Terri will not send the evite until Monday morning to give Ashley time to think about it. But so far, Terri has criticized every place Ashley suggsted (e.g., ugh that's near a homeless shelter, ugh the food is bad there, ugh that's too far a drive, ugh parking is bad there...)

My thought is that Terri is doing a nice thing and means well but happens to be bossy and opinionated. And I also think, in Terri's mind, this is more of a work-related event instead of a friendly lunch, and she's trying to choose a place she knows a lot of people who work with us like to go.

If ~I~ were Ashley, I would suggest going someplace w/in walking distance for the sake of convenience...but I would not press the issue or look a gift horse in the mouth...I would just go where Terri wanted to take me (uness there was a dietary restriction or something, which there is not in this case).


But Ashley is just insensed that Terri is being so controlling and doesn't want to back down.
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Last edited by spiderlashes5000; 04-17-2012 at 03:59 PM.
i'm with Ashley. a luncheon honouring person X should take into account X's feelings. also, walking distance to the office is WAY better!
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Yeah, if I were Ashley I'd also consider places that I liked the most within walking distance. Sure, might not be her favorite place, but she should take the others into consideration somewhat, you know?
If people have to drive, or if they aren't comfy in a certain neighborhood, then they might not go.
If Terry had just planned the whole thing without asking for input, fine.
But if Terry asked Ashley where she wanted to go then Terry should have just agreed to have the lunch at Ashley's restaurant of choice.
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Ashley gets to choose and she should be encouraged to select something within walking distance. Even if she chooses a restaurant where people have to drive, it is up to her. Hopefully she'll consider all the guests.

Terri doesn't need to be so controlling.

I'll be watching for your update!
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Ashley gets to choose and she should be encouraged to select something within walking distance. Even if she chooses a restaurant where people have to drive, it is up to her. Hopefully she'll consider all the guests.

Terri doesn't need to be so controlling.

I'll be watching for your update!
Originally Posted by roseannadana
This.


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Ashley gets to choose and she should be encouraged to select something within walking distance. Even if she chooses a restaurant where people have to drive, it is up to her. Hopefully she'll consider all the guests.

Terri doesn't need to be so controlling.

I'll be watching for your update!
Originally Posted by roseannadana
This.


Siri types my posts for me.
Originally Posted by redcelticcurls
Agreed

But the Terri/Ashley conflict is what happens when people who normally wouldn't be friends try to plan something. Years ago I worked in an office where all the ladies were horrendous to me. High School stuff. Yet, when my birthday rolled around they bought me a cake because they felt they *had* to. Henceforth known as "insincere cake*

This debacle is very close to being an "insincere luncheon"
roseannadana likes this.
Terri's being pretty rude about this insincere luncheon she's supposed to be arranging.

Ashley would be wise to consider somewhere nearby which people from the office like to go to - however, she should not be held solely to Terri's favorite restaurant.
multicultcurly likes this.
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My old coworkers always has a couple of places we all went.
I would never pick something that wasn't close. It is a go away lunch but it is still a work lunch!
Ashley should pick somewhere close.
I've been to a lot of farewell lunches because my last company sucked so bad, about 15 in the last year, no joke. The person leaving always picked the place and someone else happily planned it. What is the planners problem? Sounds like she's being selfish and making it about her. It really should not be that complicated.
I printed out all of your replies and gave them to Ashley. She read them and really appreciates your input!

She has selected another restaurant...one that is within walking distance to our job but is similar to her previous choice (Italian/pasta).

She hasn't informed Terri yet, however. LOL

I will update you when the ish hits the fan...I mean, when the plan is revised.
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Last edited by spiderlashes5000; 04-18-2012 at 01:21 PM.
I printed out all of your replies and gave them to Ashley. She read them and really appreciates your input!

She has selected another restaurant...one that is within walking distance to our job but is similar to her previous choice (Italian/pasta).

She hasn't informed Terri yet, however. LOL

I will update you when the ish hits the fan...I mean, when plan is revised.
Originally Posted by spiderlashes5000


In that case, I think Ashley is being totally reasonable... I kind of hoped Terri was the one you were asking for so she'd stop being self-serving and making a martyr of herself at the same time!
The pews never miss a sermon but that doesn't get them one step closer to Heaven.
-Speckla

But at least the pews never attend yoga!

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