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Old 04-28-2012, 11:04 PM   #1
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Default How should I interpret this?

Mom: I don't blame people who commit suicide if they're in some kind of severe pain and they can't take it anymore.
Me: You go to church every week and this is what you believe? I don't agree.
Mom: *repeats above*
Me: That's how I feel in my life.
Mom: I know.

To me, this woman is the phoniest, ugliest, most disgustingly self-involved and self-serving woman I've ever met.

Last edited by slinky1; 04-28-2012 at 11:07 PM.
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Old 04-29-2012, 05:46 AM   #2
 
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Is there more to this? I guess I'm not seeing the harsh conclusion. One can attend church and still have their own personal opinion, especially on something as personal and painful as suicide.

ETA. I re-read your post and I think
your reaction is that you imply you're in enough pain to consider suicide as a way to end it ? and she
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Old 04-29-2012, 07:34 AM   #3
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She's been saying this a lot. I believe she's insinuating that I commit suicide. But, I also believe she's either mentally ill or demented. I wish I could get a brain scan for her.
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Old 04-29-2012, 07:48 AM   #4
 
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I understand what you mean, and, at heart, you WANT your mom to know how you're feeling and to be worried like crazy about you. That's exactly how I feel right now...I've been struggling with really bad, scary depression for a while and my mom blows off my problems all the time because they're not as bad as her money problems or her relationship problems. I want my mom to say, "I am SO worried about you and I'll do anything I can to help you" but she's not. I feel like she doesn't care.
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Old 04-29-2012, 07:56 AM   #5
 
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Are we missing some back story here, because I don't see the issue with her statement.


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Old 04-29-2012, 08:05 AM   #6
 
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I don't think you need to focus on interpreting what she may or may not have meant. It was just the thoughtless comment of a woman you've already said is self-involved. It wasn't about you.
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Old 04-29-2012, 08:07 AM   #7
 
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Do you think there's a chance she's trying to let you know, not that you should commit suicide, but that she understands you're going through something very, very painful and that she doesn't want to minimize your pain or make you feel as though you should just be able to get over it? I have a hard time believing there are many mothers who would try to goad their children into suicide.
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Old 04-29-2012, 08:14 AM   #8
 
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Originally Posted by redcelticcurls View Post
Are we missing some back story here, because I don't see the issue with her statement.


Siri types my posts for me.
I think it's pretty obvious. Slinky's mom said she understands if people who are in a lot of pain every day commit suicide. Slinky responded that she is in a lot of pain every day of her life, and Slinky's mom responded that she knows that, meaning that, indirectly, she would understand if Slinky wanted to commit suicide.

It's the casual "I know" that sounds careless/insensitive. Unless this conversation went on and on and Mom said something like, "I know, and it terrifies me to think you'd ever want to end your life and I'll do what I can to get you all the help you need so you're not in pain"...then I would be hurt as well.
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Old 04-29-2012, 08:16 AM   #9
 
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Originally Posted by amandamarie View Post
Do you think there's a chance she's trying to let you know, not that you should commit suicide, but that she understands you're going through something very, very painful and that she doesn't want to minimize your pain or make you feel as though you should just be able to get over it? I have a hard time believing there are many mothers who would try to goad their children into suicide.
That's what I was hoping, too.

There's also the chance that she's just writing you off as being dramatic or trying to get attention...but even if that's the case, then she should STILL be concerned and realized you're doing things or saying them for a reason, as a cry for help.
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Old 04-29-2012, 08:25 AM   #10
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CanItBeChristine View Post
Quote:
Originally Posted by redcelticcurls View Post
Are we missing some back story here, because I don't see the issue with her statement.


Siri types my posts for me.
I think it's pretty obvious. Slinky's mom said she understands if people who are in a lot of pain every day commit suicide. Slinky responded that she is in a lot of pain every day of her life, and Slinky's mom responded that she knows that, meaning that, indirectly, she would understand if Slinky wanted to commit suicide.

It's the casual "I know" that sounds careless/insensitive. Unless this conversation went on and on and Mom said something like, "I know, and it terrifies me to think you'd ever want to end your life and I'll do what I can to get you all the help you need so you're not in pain"...then I would be hurt as well.
I dont/didn't know the back story and I took slinky's comment to mean that she disgrees with how her mom feels about suicide not and the "I know" as "Yes I know you disagree with me about suicide." So I totally understood RCC's comment.

Blame it on the cell phone...
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Old 04-29-2012, 08:26 AM   #11
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CanItBeChristine View Post
Quote:
Originally Posted by redcelticcurls View Post
Are we missing some back story here, because I don't see the issue with her statement.


Siri types my posts for me.
I think it's pretty obvious. Slinky's mom said she understands if people who are in a lot of pain every day commit suicide. Slinky responded that she is in a lot of pain every day of her life, and Slinky's mom responded that she knows that, meaning that, indirectly, she would understand if Slinky wanted to commit suicide.

It's the casual "I know" that sounds careless/insensitive. Unless this conversation went on and on and Mom said something like, "I know, and it terrifies me to think you'd ever want to end your life and I'll do what I can to get you all the help you need so you're not in pain"...then I would be hurt as well.
Slinky never mentioned her own pain in her post.


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Old 04-29-2012, 08:32 AM   #12
 
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Originally Posted by redcelticcurls View Post
Quote:
Originally Posted by CanItBeChristine View Post
Quote:
Originally Posted by redcelticcurls View Post
Are we missing some back story here, because I don't see the issue with her statement.


Siri types my posts for me.
I think it's pretty obvious. Slinky's mom said she understands if people who are in a lot of pain every day commit suicide. Slinky responded that she is in a lot of pain every day of her life, and Slinky's mom responded that she knows that, meaning that, indirectly, she would understand if Slinky wanted to commit suicide.

It's the casual "I know" that sounds careless/insensitive. Unless this conversation went on and on and Mom said something like, "I know, and it terrifies me to think you'd ever want to end your life and I'll do what I can to get you all the help you need so you're not in pain"...then I would be hurt as well.
Slinky never mentioned her own pain in her post.


Siri types my posts for me.

I took the "that's how I feel in my life" to mean that Slinky is in pain every day of her life, but maybe I'm wrong.
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Old 04-29-2012, 08:33 AM   #13
 
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Originally Posted by CanItBeChristine View Post
Quote:
Originally Posted by amandamarie View Post
Do you think there's a chance she's trying to let you know, not that you should commit suicide, but that she understands you're going through something very, very painful and that she doesn't want to minimize your pain or make you feel as though you should just be able to get over it? I have a hard time believing there are many mothers who would try to goad their children into suicide.
That's what I was hoping, too.

There's also the chance that she's just writing you off as being dramatic or trying to get attention...but even if that's the case, then she should STILL be concerned and realized you're doing things or saying them for a reason, as a cry for help.
Agreed completely.

I would be hurt in that conversation as well, for absolute sure, and am not trying to minimize the hurtfulness of it; it's not good either way, but I wanted to provide an alternate interpretation.
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Old 04-29-2012, 08:58 AM   #14
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CanItBeChristine View Post
Quote:
Originally Posted by redcelticcurls View Post
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Originally Posted by CanItBeChristine View Post

I think it's pretty obvious. Slinky's mom said she understands if people who are in a lot of pain every day commit suicide. Slinky responded that she is in a lot of pain every day of her life, and Slinky's mom responded that she knows that, meaning that, indirectly, she would understand if Slinky wanted to commit suicide.

It's the casual "I know" that sounds careless/insensitive. Unless this conversation went on and on and Mom said something like, "I know, and it terrifies me to think you'd ever want to end your life and I'll do what I can to get you all the help you need so you're not in pain"...then I would be hurt as well.
Slinky never mentioned her own pain in her post.


Siri types my posts for me.

I took the "that's how I feel in my life" to mean that Slinky is in pain every day of her life, but maybe I'm wrong.
I interpreted it the same way as you.

Slinky I hope you are getting some professional help.
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Old 04-29-2012, 09:22 AM   #15
 
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Slinky, I'm sorry. Like you and CanItBeChristine (and I'm sure lots of others) I've had ongoing bouts of depression and anxiety that have led to several hospitalizations. It would be even harder if my mom didn't have some understanding and compassion for what I was going through. Hugs to you and I hope you have support, both professionally and otherwise, because your mother's sure not helping. Do you live with your mom? When we're in pain, we need all the help we can get, and that includes minimizing or abstaining from contact with people who make us feel worse.
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Old 04-29-2012, 09:45 AM   #16
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My mother knows full well what my life has been like with physical health and related emotional issues. I don't have to mention things to her or try to get attention. She's always been the type of person who would be in a funk for 3 weeks if someone said some benign thing to her...all crying and beyotchy. She's also vain to the point where if she had a rash on her neck where no one could see, she'd fall into a deep depression and bark at anyone who tried to look at it. And the rash would be the focus of her conversation for weeks on end...like it was a cancer.

She's just a selfish person. I think that she's getting demented like her mother and grandfather did at her age and verbalizing things that she normally would not. I tell her this, and she tries to retaliate by bad-mouthing me to friends and anyone she can get ahold of. Just pi$$es me off. I know I should know better, but it just pi$$es me off and I want to be wrong about all of this.
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Old 04-29-2012, 09:51 AM   #17
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My heart goes out to all of you who have struggled with personal and mother issues.

I'm also angry because my father wants to be in denial about my mother. Even though he knows she says things that don't make sense, he just wants to go on with life and have me act like nothing's wrong. He tries so hard to believe that, and will even try to blame me for how she acts. I want to disassociate, but I feel they need my help, and that you shouldn't cut out the people who are supposed to care about you the most.
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Old 04-29-2012, 11:19 AM   #18
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Can you ask her to elaborate?

You can set healthy boundaries with people and still love and care about them very much. It's done to help heal you not to punish.
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Old 04-29-2012, 12:33 PM   #19
 
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My heart goes out to all of you who have struggled with personal and mother issues.

I'm also angry because my father wants to be in denial about my mother. Even though he knows she says things that don't make sense, he just wants to go on with life and have me act like nothing's wrong. He tries so hard to believe that, and will even try to blame me for how she acts. I want to disassociate, but I feel they need my help, and that you shouldn't cut out the people who are supposed to care about you the most.
I don't know how old you are, but you are the child, they are your parents, you need their help, you shouldn't have to take care of them or their feelings. And I don't know nearly enough about your relationship with your parents to suggest anything much, but unfortunately, in some cases, not having contact with one of them (or both) for periods of time or forever is the healthiest option. Sometimes it's impossible to do this, like if you live with them or need them for financial support. But it's definitely ok to emotionally distance yourself from them if you think it will make you feel better. It's best to put yourself first.
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Old 04-29-2012, 01:39 PM   #20
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Yes, I did tell her how I felt about what she said right after she said it, and she just repeated the same thing over and over.

I know I have to let it go.
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