I'm different now...

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  • 2 Post By spiderlashes5000
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So I recently just started talking to an old friend of mine again. In high school...like two years ago...we got very close and we both had feelings for each other. But we were both too nervous to move it past "I like you" "I like you too". Needless to say, he never asked me out but he ended up asking another girl out. After this our relationship slowly fizzled and now I have been with my current boyfriend for a year and a half. But things between me and my boyfriend have been rough lately. Anyway, my old friend moved about 45 minutes away and he is in town today to do some things. I'm very nervous because he might want to see me. I haven't seen him in over a year and a lot has changed. I BC'ed in February and I have put on a little weight (which I'm currently trying to get off). I'm just wondering if he will accept me? Also, I'm black and he is white mixed with Mexican. He liked me before but I am different now. I don't have long flowing straight hair. I have a picked out twa. What do you all think?

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Last edited by Acekkay; 05-06-2012 at 01:53 PM.
I think you should wait and see what happens.
You don't really know what your old friend is going to do.
You are still dating someone. Doesn't sound like you are serious about your current bf, which is ok if that is what you want, but you should be honest to yourself.

Also, your appearance, while different than before, should not cause that much of a shock. He already knows you.
If he doesn't want/like you now because of what you look like, do you really want someone like that in your life? I personally want someone who accepts me no matter what I look like. Because I don't wake up in the morning with a full face of makeup on. And I certainly don't fall out of the shower fully styled. At some point, they're going to see you at your worst and should be prepared to love you in spite of it. Friend or love interest, whichever this turns out to be...that acceptance should be there. After all, aren't you prepared to give them that acceptance in return?

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I don't think you should meet him.

You guys don't have enough of a real friendship to justify a "two friends innocently meeting up" meeting.

It sounds more like you're still crushing on him (or else why would you care what his opinion of your new hairstyle and body size is??).

You've got a bf. Regardless of how the relationship is btwn you and yout bf, he's still your bf and you shouldn't disrespect him by mtg up w/ this dude from high school who you stil seem a tad starry-eyed over.
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If youre still interested in, or considering this friend, and what could be, youre not completely focused on your current boyfriend. Thats probably the part you should examine.

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Ladies I am still interested in him. And it may seem like I'm not really thinking about my current boyfriend at all but that's because he's not serious about our relationship. My boyfriend and I seem to be on two different sheets of music. He's 20 almost 21 and I'm 18 almost 19. However, despite the fact that he's older then me, he's still acting like we are in high school. It's like he's just happy to be able to say "I have a girlfriend". But I'm more like...wanting to have a relationship. He's not really involved at all.

However, my old friend seems to really genuinely care. I'm not really trying or wanting to have a relationship with him. But I just want to know what else is out there. I want to know if this is typical behavior or something. I'm not really around a lot guys. I go to college but I'm kind of a homebody...so when class is over I jet out of there an head home. What I'm trying to say is that I really don't know much else other than my current boyfriend.

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Ladies I am still interested in him. And it may seem like I'm not really thinking about my current boyfriend at all but that's because he's not serious about our relationship. My boyfriend and I seem to be on two different sheets of music. He's 20 almost 21 and I'm 18 almost 19. However, despite the fact that he's older then me, he's still acting like we are in high school. It's like he's just happy to be able to say "I have a girlfriend". But I'm more like...wanting to have a relationship. He's not really involved at all.

However, my old friend seems to really genuinely care. I'm not really trying or wanting to have a relationship with him. But I just want to know what else is out there. I want to know if this is typical behavior or something. I'm not really around a lot guys. I go to college but I'm kind of a homebody...so when class is over I jet out of there an head home. What I'm trying to say is that I really don't know much else other than my current boyfriend.

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Originally Posted by Acekkay
Rule #1 of being a mature adult: You do NOT start exploring your options before you break up with your boyfriend. People do it all the time, but it is rude, immature, and unhealthy, and it speaks VERY poorly of your character.

Rule #2: Anyone who doesn't like you for who you are, regardless of your weight or your hairstyle, is not worth a single minute of your time or energy. Stop worrying at all about what this guy thinks of you, and concern yourself only with what you think of him. If you like him, break up with your boyfriend and explore your options with him.
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"I don't know! I don't know why I did it, I don't know why I enjoyed it, and I don't know why I'll do it again!" -BART SIMPSON
I don't think you should meet him.

You guys don't have enough of a real friendship to justify a "two friends innocently meeting up" meeting.

It sounds more like you're still crushing on him (or else why would you care what his opinion of your new hairstyle and body size is??).

You've got a bf. Regardless of how the relationship is btwn you and yout bf, he's still your bf and you shouldn't disrespect him by mtg up w/ this dude from high school who you stil seem a tad starry-eyed over.
Originally Posted by spiderlashes5000
This is the right thing to do.
I think you all think that I'm just trying to cheat on my boyfriend. However, this is not the case. Why can't I just being hanging out with a friend? It's not like we are going to be all over each other and sleeping together. I understand having some feelings for him might make it different. But you can't honestly say that you have ever been with someone and have not been attracted to or even looked at another person. Not saying this is right, just saying we are human.

Thank you for all your opinions though. I may just start focusing on myself now instead.

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I think you all think that I'm just trying to cheat on my boyfriend. However, this is not the case. Why can't I just being hanging out with a friend? It's not like we are going to be all over each other and sleeping together. I understand having some feelings for him might make it different. But you can't honestly say that you have ever been with someone and have not been attracted to or even looked at another person. Not saying this is right, just saying we are human.

Thank you for all your opinions though. I may just start focusing on myself now instead.

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Originally Posted by Acekkay
It's not about cheating on your boyfriend. I'll believe you that that's not your intention. It's fine to check out other people and even to fantasize about other people when you're in a relationship. What's wrong (and would indicate bad character) is investigating/feeling out potential options if you were to break up, before you break up.

In general, you should make a decision about your boyfriend to be with him or not. And only if you decide not to be with him should you see about some other potential options.
"I don't know! I don't know why I did it, I don't know why I enjoyed it, and I don't know why I'll do it again!" -BART SIMPSON
Because you have unfinished business with this person. You almost got together this person but did not. If the attraction is still there, you probably won't just be hanging out. The fact that youre making comments to downplay the seriousness of your current relationship is proof of that.

No big deal, people lose interest in one person and gain interest in another all the time. Doesnt make you a bad person. Just maybe use this as a wake up to examine that maybe your current relationship isnt what you really want.

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