Are you mean?

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I sometimes think I need to be meaner, because I build up a lot of internal anger at times because I'm too nice to say anything when someone is really frustrating me.
Originally Posted by cmb4314
Exactly how I feel.
Definitely not, I think I'm too nice sometimes. But superficially, yes I am told I'm mean because of my communication style(direct, don't show emotion easily, shy, lacking certain social skills that people need). In general people close to me always joke I am mean.
No. I don't have a mean bone in my body. I try to stand up for myself and I always take the higher road, treat everyone with empathy and compassion, and do the right thing.

Sometimes I wonder if it's a defense mechanism I developed to feel better about myself. Sometimes people deserve to be taken down a few notches and I wish I had it in me to be a honey badger every now and then.
curlypearl likes this.
Eh. I'm a nice person, but I don't go out of my way to talk to people or even smile at them if I'm not in the mood. I'm not terribly social in general and don't get the appeal of chitchatting, so people have told me I come off as snobby or mean. Maybe I'm even meaner than I thought because I don't care? *shrug*
sleepymeko likes this.
No. Im just me. I base everything on my interactions with people. I approach them with kindness knowing full and well that I might not get it in return and that many people out there are "fake nice" and some are truly genuine. If you are good to me in return, it's very nice to meet you. I wont turn down a potential friend. If you are mean when I have personally done nothing to you, I'll see you on the flip side.

People have perceived me as being mean at times and I've had no idea how they came to that conclusion. most of what I say and do comes from a good place, based on my experiences/thoughts. It might be a bit more direct than some are used to, but that's just coming with age. I don't care to play around.

For example, A guy I know asked me out on a date. He is a very nice guy but I am not attracted to him. There is nothing there that "clicks", and I am also distantly related to him. Something I didn't find out until shortly before he asked me out, and I doubt he knew this himself. I thanked him for asking me out but simply said no. According to everyone that heard about it (thanks to a by stander) I was a horribly mean person. I don't understand this. To me, pretending to be interested, accepting, and giving him a sense of false hope would be cruel. I like him too much as a person to do that.

I've also known people who others thought were mean as a snake, but they are not. Their personality can come across as very "fake rude". Lol. People view, say and do things differently. I'm pretty laid back when it comes to the differences in human beings. Now if you try to personally attack those I love, or me, for no real reason, you'll meet mean Fifi. She's a ***** on wheels.
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Last edited by Fifi.G; 05-09-2012 at 09:57 AM.
Yeah, sure.

Truth is I think I'm nice, but I get told I'm mean.
Like, I'll answer a question as matter-of-factly as possible and I get the "that's so mean" reaction and I'll be left puzzled as to how my answer was mean.
For example, I mentioned this one guy who seems to be a ladies' man and I just don't get it because he's super short and not possessing what could be called a handsome face. Apparently that's mean.

Really I'm not very friendly most of the time, which is different than not being nice in my book. A lot of people are friendly enough, but will not hesitate to cut a *****. I'm pretty much the opposite. It can take a while to make me warm up to you, but even if I don't, I'm not one to try to screw anyone over or try to hurt anyone's feelings.

I don't care for people (read: men) trying to make mindless small talk and throw flattery at me to get in good with me. I'm pretty damn honest (I'm a terrible liar), and I have my temper, my snark, and just generally don't suffer fools.

And actually, the people who get me are often puzzled and will defend me when someone points out how "mean" I am. I've had it happen a few times and the reaction is usually "she's so nice" or "she's one of the nicest people I know" because they just know what I'm like and that mostly I just don't feel the need to be "in" with everyone (or most people really).
Originally Posted by Saria
This is pretty much exactly how I am.
.

Last edited by cympreni; 06-06-2014 at 09:52 PM.
yes, i am mean, to my family members mostly.
my daughter says i'm evil, but mean is a fair description.
i tend to judge and criticize.
If I think someone deserves it, then yes, I'll be deliberately mean. And I'm definitely mean in my head.* But, while I don't think I'm particularly nice, since I think "nice" requires a lot more effort than I'm willing to exert, I'm not a mean person in my interactions with people. I'm usually too lazy for confrontation with people I don't know well, so most people categorize me as nice.

*One of my closest friends, when I was *****ing about how I often get harassed by proselytizers and why does it happen so often to me, said, "You look and act nicer than you are, that's the problem." She knows me so well!
Originally Posted by legends
Lord, you're honest!
No MAS.

I am the new Black.

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To strangers, certain family members and probably co-workers, I'm a no nonsense person. To friends and some family members, I'm as sweet as sugar. When I was younger, I was nice and meek to everyone and people tended to walk all over me and I got taken advantage of because I didn't know how to stand up for myself. Once I started setting some boundaries and started standing up for myself, some people (particularly some family) began labeling me a mean *****, which proves that women who defy the social norm of being "nice" can end up with negative social consequences and that our socialization to be nice only serves to hold us down. There are still times when I have trouble confronting someone but not as often as I used to.
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I know some people (here) would disagree, but no, I am not mean.

I think I am of the mind that I hve a very hard time deal with stupidity or people that complain about the same stuff over and over and over again. I don't get 'enjoyment' in terms of telling people what I think, even if it tends to be blunt or rude. I think that if they are asking for an honest opinion or advice, that's what I am giving them. Sure, that might come off as mean.

I know I was mean when I was younger. Esp to my brother. heck, I'm still mean to him now sometimes but moreso because he can be a real dumba** sometimes.



My kids think I am mean.
LAwoman likes this.
No I am far from mean, I get told a lot by my friends and family members that I am to sweet of a person sometimes. Now my boys on the other hand might say I am mean when I ground them or take away their game system if they have poor grades or get mouthy, but I don't raise my voice or cause a seen I just confiscate all gaming system while they are in school so they have a nice surprise when they go to get on the game after school.
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I know some people (here) would disagree, but no, I am not mean.

I think I am of the mind that I hve a very hard time deal with stupidity or people that complain about the same stuff over and over and over again. I don't get 'enjoyment' in terms of telling people what I think, even if it tends to be blunt or rude. I think that if they are asking for an honest opinion or advice, that's what I am giving them. Sure, that might come off as mean.

I know I was mean when I was younger. Esp to my brother. heck, I'm still mean to him now sometimes but moreso because he can be a real dumba** sometimes.



My kids think I am mean.
Originally Posted by M2LR
Yes... all of this.

If you (GY) are complaining about a problem ad-naseum--and it's a problem YOU have the power to change--no, you won't get a boatload of sympathy and backpats from me after the 20th freak-out session.

I came thisclose to ending it with my best friend years back when she was crying weekly about her ex-boyfriend. Hooking up with him while drunk, then expecting things to change, when he told her FLAT OUT he didn't want a relationship with her. Good LORD that was tiresome.
A friend just told me over the weekend that all Black women are mean, aggressive, and emasculate men (which is why most men won't date us). And I'm a Black woman so I freakin' guess I am "mean".

In all honesty, I do not think I am a mean person. I have my days, but so does everyone else. I hate it that when a Black woman or man is mad, they're being "Black" or ghetto. But when a White woman is mad, she's just mad or having a bad day.

SMH.

Overall, I will admit that I sometimes walk around with a *****-face, but this is because I do not feel like being bothered. I'm walking with my music and trying to get somewhere. I don't have the time for chitchat. But I'm the nicest and most sweetest person if we're friends and I FEEL that you genuinely like me. One of my biggest faults is that I forgive too easily, so sometimes I have been taken advantage of. I've pretty much learned my lesson though. I'm honestly just "real". If I do not like you, do not expect me to smile at you, talk to you, or even acknowledge you. I don't do the "fake nice". If I'm at the point where I don't like you, you probably really pissed me off so it's best that we are not on speaking terms. And I also have no problem confronting people. Like I said, I have been used in the past so I'm quite intolerable to BS now. If there is a problem, I will tell you there is a problem.

Anyway, apparently being a no-nonsense I-don't-stand-for-BS type of woman, that makes you a ***** or mean. I wasn't aware that it was feminine to let people use us or be as sweet as sugar regardless of how people treat us. The world still has a long way to go. Standing up for ourselves doesn't make us mean, it means that we respect ourselves.
moodydove and LadyV69 like this.

Last edited by sleepymeko; 05-09-2012 at 11:23 AM.
If I think someone deserves it, then yes, I'll be deliberately mean. And I'm definitely mean in my head.* But, while I don't think I'm particularly nice, since I think "nice" requires a lot more effort than I'm willing to exert, I'm not a mean person in my interactions with people. I'm usually too lazy for confrontation with people I don't know well, so most people categorize me as nice.

*One of my closest friends, when I was *****ing about how I often get harassed by proselytizers and why does it happen so often to me, said, "You look and act nicer than you are, that's the problem." She knows me so well!
Originally Posted by legends
Lord, you're honest!
Originally Posted by The New Black


Just to be clear, when I say "mean," I don't mean things like making fun of people or teasing them when they don't like it. I can be mean, but I'm not cruel, you know?

It's more like others have said...I'm no-nonsense and have very little tolerance for ********. I just like plain speaking (which explains my abysmal flirting skills). And, again, in my head I'm super judgmental and mean about specific things, but I have an excellent filter and I know myself enough to know when my thoughts and feelings about something are unreasonable.
Saria likes this.
Eres o te haces?
I can be very mean. And I can be very not-mean.
Depends on what's going on and who I'm around.
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A friend just told me over the weekend that all Black women are mean, aggressive, and emasculate men (which is why most men won't date us). And I'm a Black woman so I freakin' guess I am "mean".
Ugh.
No MAS.

I am the new Black.

"Hope the Mail are saving space tomorrow for Samantha Brick's reaction piece on the reactions to her piece about the reactions to her piece." ~ Tweet reposted by Rou.

http://www.youtube.com/user/Kimshi4242

http://www.tumblr.com/blog/kimshi4242
If I think someone deserves it, then yes, I'll be deliberately mean. And I'm definitely mean in my head.* But, while I don't think I'm particularly nice, since I think "nice" requires a lot more effort than I'm willing to exert, I'm not a mean person in my interactions with people. I'm usually too lazy for confrontation with people I don't know well, so most people categorize me as nice.

*One of my closest friends, when I was *****ing about how I often get harassed by proselytizers and why does it happen so often to me, said, "You look and act nicer than you are, that's the problem." She knows me so well!
Originally Posted by legends
Lord, you're honest!
Originally Posted by The New Black


Just to be clear, when I say "mean," I don't mean things like making fun of people or teasing them when they don't like it. I can be mean, but I'm not cruel, you know?

It's more like others have said...I'm no-nonsense and have very little tolerance for ********. I just like plain speaking (which explains my abysmal flirting skills). And, again, in my head I'm super judgmental and mean about specific things, but I have an excellent filter and I know myself enough to know when my thoughts and feelings about something are unreasonable.
Originally Posted by legends
Yes to the bolded.

I am not cruel. But...if you're going to try my patience, or be dumb about things, then I might get a little mean. And if you're mean to me, or cruel, then expect the same in return. So, I guess under certain circumstances, I am mean.
I think we need to define mean before I can answer.
I think we need to define mean before I can answer.
Originally Posted by RedCatWaves
For women? Anything that isn't sugary sweet is 'mean'.


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