Are you mean?

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I think we need to define mean before I can answer.
Originally Posted by RedCatWaves
For women? Anything that isn't sugary sweet is 'mean'.


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Originally Posted by redcelticcurls
True story.
I think we need to define mean before I can answer.
Originally Posted by RedCatWaves
For women? Anything that isn't sugary sweet is 'mean'.


Siri types my posts for me.
Originally Posted by redcelticcurls
idk...that may be true to most people. But I don't think most people here define it that way, myself included.
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I would have said for girls anything that's not sugary sweet is mean.

And for women, existing and not being a girl says by definition you are mean, always.


Of course, as Phoenix said - that's not the case here, at least not to everyone.
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A lot of people really get off on what kind of *b* they can be...like it makes them more intelligent and effective. Well, actually, subtracting any kind of tact from your everyday interactions is quite simple. Much easier and less stress inducing than the alternative. No special skills necessary. Plus, who has the time for more friends, anyway? I know I ain't looking for any.

Anyway...I'm not the type to go around making assertions and craptastic remarks about people who are minding their own buisness to help my ego. Just because they're observations, and you know...true. Maybe in middle school, but not now. But, a lot of people...well, maybe most, are like that. So...as long as I see you don't have any severe personal problems, if you f me around I'm not going to be your little fool. You're not going to get the sweet as pie me. You are going to get the curt, matter-of-fact one. And don't think that I don't know what people are doing behind my back. I know. So don't act surprised when you get the cold shoulder when you think I couldn't possibly have any idea about your smack talking. Don't expect to be able to trust me more than I can trust you.

Beyond all of that I am supremely empathetic, nice and kind.
This reminds me of a quote from Tennessee Williams.: "All cruel people describe themselves as paragons of frankness."

Not that anyone here is cruel but the world could use a little more kindness. JMHO
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I was born to be a pessimist. My blood type is B Negative.
This reminds me of a quote from Tennessee Williams.: "All cruel people describe themselves as paragons of frankness."

Not that anyone here is cruel but the world could use a little more kindness. JMHO
Originally Posted by roseannadana
Yeah, I tend to think this too.
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No MAS.

I am the new Black.

"Hope the Mail are saving space tomorrow for Samantha Brick's reaction piece on the reactions to her piece about the reactions to her piece." ~ Tweet reposted by Rou.

http://www.youtube.com/user/Kimshi4242

http://www.tumblr.com/blog/kimshi4242
Too nice generally. People tell me that, and I can see it.

The flip-side is that if I do express something negative with someone who isn't a loved one, it's going to be intense because it means major lines have been crossed.

When I was in junior college there was this guy in his 50s that actually stalked me on campus, and would sometimes be suggestive to me, basically take advantage of my non-confrontational niceness, seeming meekness, I guess.

On the first day of a new semester, I was hungover and feeling pretty awful physically. I was in a Java City line and he came up to me doing his usual stuff. I had been hoping the new semester would be a new slate. It just really pissed me off, and I don't even remember WHAT I said, but I clearly remember talking to him like he was an absolute piece of ****.

I never saw him again.

I suspect most people who are generally too nice have that dynamic with them. Really forbearing, but once the point of ultimate forbearance is crossed, it's time.
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Yeah, sure.

Truth is I think I'm nice, but I get told I'm mean.
Like, I'll answer a question as matter-of-factly as possible and I get the "that's so mean" reaction and I'll be left puzzled as to how my answer was mean.
For example, I mentioned this one guy who seems to be a ladies' man and I just don't get it because he's super short and not possessing what could be called a handsome face. Apparently that's mean.

Really I'm not very friendly most of the time, which is different than not being nice in my book. A lot of people are friendly enough, but will not hesitate to cut a *****. I'm pretty much the opposite. It can take a while to make me warm up to you, but even if I don't, I'm not one to try to screw anyone over or try to hurt anyone's feelings.

I don't care for people (read: men) trying to make mindless small talk and throw flattery at me to get in good with me. I'm pretty damn honest (I'm a terrible liar), and I have my temper, my snark, and just generally don't suffer fools.

And actually, the people who get me are often puzzled and will defend me when someone points out how "mean" I am. I've had it happen a few times and the reaction is usually "she's so nice" or "she's one of the nicest people I know" because they just know what I'm like and that mostly I just don't feel the need to be "in" with everyone (or most people really).
Originally Posted by Saria

+1
We sound like attitude twins.
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I think I am pretty nice generally, but I don't sugarcoat things. I tend to hold my tongue more than I speak ill because I don't love causing conflict, but I can be very, very blunt. Beating around the bush bothers me; I tend to expect others to be just as blunt ad me.
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No, I can be way too nice. However, sometimes the menfolk call me mean when I don't respond to their catcalls/hollas. And I have the tendency to want to correct misinformation no matter where I see it, which makes me mean. A (female) friend tells me to never work with kids because of this quality. Interestingly enough, kids love me lol.
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Last edited by moodydove; 05-09-2012 at 06:18 PM.
No, I'm not mean. I think I've been called sweet more than any other adjective. I don't think I'm "sugary" (hope not) but I value being kind and gentle. If someone hurts or attacks someone I like/love, I can be vicious in response. I'm very protective.
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I would probably be described by "nice" more than mean. The words I would use to describe myself given a choice would be accommodating, courteous, and generous with my time. However, I feel like I set appropriate boundaries without being what you would call "mean". I try hard to be compassionate and kind to people because I nev'er know what they are going through.
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I would probably be described by "nice" more than mean. The words I would use to describe myself given a choice would be accommodating, courteous, and generous with my time. However, I feel like I set appropriate boundaries without being what you would call "mean". I try hard to be compassionate and kind to people because I nev'er know what they are going through.
Originally Posted by JewelCurls

+1 to the bolded
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I would probably be described by "nice" more than mean. The words I would use to describe myself given a choice would be accommodating, courteous, and generous with my time. However, I feel like I set appropriate boundaries without being what you would call "mean". I try hard to be compassionate and kind to people because I nev'er know what they are going through.
Originally Posted by JewelCurls
I relate to this. Most people would describe me as nice, and I think I am. However, if someone in my life is consistently mean and cruel, even a family member, I will cut off contact with them. I will not continue relationships with abusive people. To me, this is part of having boundaries, but some people think it's mean.
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I don't believe women have to be sweet as sugar or they are mean. I see nothing wrong with being sweet and kind to people, if that's you, and that in no way means let people walk all over you. I can't dispute someone with a good heart, but no one is sweet and happy 24-7/365. It's not humanly possible. Everybody has bad days, and everybody reaches a limit, at some point. I always try to take that into account. Someone might snap at me and I know they are not being mean. Something else is going. Or they might take longer to warm up. That's okay too. I'm a introvert (former extrovert and a half). That's why I'm home, on this app, and not out and about.

I define mean as intentionally trying to hurt or belittle someone (man, woman, child) with no substantial reason. I don't see correcting people as being mean, if it's fact based. I know some people do have a need to do this, and are trying to be helpful. Not hurtful. If it's opinion, or method based, eh. There are several ways to reach the same means. Still, I don't see that as someone being mean, depending on how they go about it. It's not always "my way or the highway".

I've had people give me frank advice that I thought was hurtful at the time, because I wasn't ready to hear it, but when it was time for it to sink in, I realized how great it was. That's what tough love is all about, and its not meant to be mean, hence the "love". On the same hand I've seen people think they were being frank and honest but they were just being screaming mean. IMO, all depends on the context and conditions.

And yes, I believe the world could use a little more kindness too.
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When I hear terms like "hipster" I think, who told cliques they could leave high school??


Last edited by Fifi.G; 05-09-2012 at 09:59 PM.
I'm decisive, direct and honest....but I wouldn't say I was actually mean
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I can be meaner than hell - no doubt about it.
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