My friend has herpes...

....well, possibly.

He says he thinks he has it because he gets rashes/random bumps down there every now and then. He has researched it online and is convinced the bumps are the same as the pictures he's seen. He also went to his ex-girlfriends house recently and saw a prescription for herpes medication on the counter.

I guess I shouldn't let it bother me because it's his life and I never have and never will have sex with him, but he's being really stupid about it. He won't go to a doctor for it. He might not even have it! Even so, he thinks he has it and still has unprotected sex with random girls. He says they won't catch it if he has sex with them when he's outbreak free.

I don't know much about herpes. Can't you catch it even when the person doesn't have an outbreak??

Normally he's not this stupid. It's really pissing me off because he can hurt so many other girls by doing this.

Your thoughts.
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I read that Herpes can still be passed even if there isn't an outbreak because the sores are not always visible. He's using denial as an excuse not to get tested. If he's never compeltely sure he can keep using his flimsy excuse

There is so much denial when it comes to STD's that its the reason why I insist on condoms and getting tested in committed relationships. You take a chance with unprotected sex and his luck ran out. Now he's putting others at risk. I would be angry too.
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I'm pretty sure you don't need to be having an outbreak in order to give herpes to someone else.

And yes, he IS being stupid about it. Even if he's a teeny uncertain, he needs to the doctor and have it checked out.

And he needs to stop having unprotected sex, obviously. How would he feel if he realized his ex-girlfriend had it, knew she had it, but didn't tell him and gave it to him anyway? Because that's what he could be doing now, and it's not fair to whoever he's sleeping with.

Gah, I just don't get some people. Why would you continue to have unprotected sex if you think you might have an STD, then not tell whoever you're sleeping with?! :x
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You can absolutely catch it not during an outbreak. He's being a complete idiot and just for not going to the doctor. There are a thousand other reasons why he shouldn't be having unprotected sex!
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wow. i can't imagine anything more lame. he's just not thinking, period. what else could he have exposed himself (or might be exposing others) to by being so sexually irresponsible? he's really putting himself and everyone at risk.

you might want to share with him the following from the nyc department of mealth and mental hygiene:
Like other STDs, if left untreated, herpes can increase a person's chance of getting or spreading HIV. If you have symptoms, get examined as soon as possible to avoid any complications and discuss treatment options.
what a jerk. he needs to get real.

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Depending on where you are, I think he can be held legally responsible if he passes it on to someone else while suspecting he may have it. That may get his ass into a doctor on on something.
I believe in manicures. I believe in overdressing. I believe in primping at leisure and wearing lipstick. I believe in pink. I believe that laughing is the best calorie burner. I believe in kissing, kissing a lot. I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong. I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls. I believe that tomorrow is another day and I believe in miracles.
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That's pretty disgusting. First of all, having unprotected sex is pretty stupid, so these girls who are choosing to have unprotected sex with this guy are equally stupid, but to knowingly have an STD (or possibly have an STD) and refuse to get checked out for it, and continue to possibly pass it around to other people is just so wrong. Especially when we're talking about an incurable STD.
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Please excuse any typos. For the time being, we are blaming it on my computer.
....well, possibly.

I guess I shouldn't let it bother me because it's his life and I never have and never will have sex with him, but he's being really stupid about it. He won't go to a doctor for it. He might not even have it! Even so, he thinks he has it and still has unprotected sex with random girls. He says they won't catch it if he has sex with them when he's outbreak free.

I don't know much about herpes. Can't you catch it even when the person doesn't have an outbreak??
.
Originally Posted by spiderman5000
YES. He can pass it on even when he is not having an outbreak and right BEFORE he has an outbreak, as well as right ATER he has had an outbreak. He is being very selfish and irresponsible ----whats worse is that even if these women are having protected sex with him, they can still contract the virus because its so highly contagious and can be passed through the skin, etc.
The herpes test is easy--a simple blood test. He's an idiot for not getting checked. What if it's something worse?
When are women going to face the fact that they donít know their own bodies as well as men who have heard things?

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Depending on where you are, I think he can be held legally responsible if he passes it on to someone else while suspecting he may have it. That may get his ass into a doctor on on something.
Originally Posted by CurlyCanadian
This is what I was gonna post. Oh, and slap him upside the head for me, won't you?
Dear Alice,

My boyfriend has genital herpes - I do not. We are currently practicing safe sex, but would like to know what risks are involved in having sex without a condom when no episode is present, and if oral sex without a condom is a possibility and what the risks are. Please help us!

Signed,
Safe, but curious



Dear Need Info, Desperate, and Safe, but curious,

If one partner has genital herpes, the other partner is at risk of contracting herpes. It's up to you and your partner to decide what level of risk you are comfortable with. When sores are visible, the risk of transmission through sex and other close body contact (around the area with sores) is high. When no sores are visible, the risks are less certain, because there's a slight possibility of the herpes virus being present on the surface of the skin -- this is called viral, or asymptomatic, shedding What is viral shedding? in Alice's Sexual Health archives). Viral shedding can occur at anytime and anywhere in the genital area, although some sites are more common than others. This means that herpes transmission cannot always be prevented by using a condom or oral dam for vaginal, anal, and/or oral sex. Keep in mind that viral shedding occurs a few days per year at the most, so take this into consideration when making your decisions.
http://www.goaskalice.columbia.edu/1237.html
I believe in manicures. I believe in overdressing. I believe in primping at leisure and wearing lipstick. I believe in pink. I believe that laughing is the best calorie burner. I believe in kissing, kissing a lot. I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong. I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls. I believe that tomorrow is another day and I believe in miracles.
Audrey Hepburn
The herpes test is easy--a simple blood test. He's an idiot for not getting checked. What if it's something worse?
Originally Posted by mrspoppers
I was always under the impression that they cannot test for herpes unless you are having an outbreak, and then they do a culture. I think they can do a blood test to test your white blood cell count against it, but I didn't think that was very accurate.
~ the artist formerly known as babywavy ~

Please excuse any typos. For the time being, we are blaming it on my computer.
There has been a really regular commercial lately about herpes which communicates that it can be passed even if you have no visible signs. Does that mean it can be passed when you're not having an outbreak? I dunno... but what it tells me is that you cannot always tell when you're having an outbreak.

Dude is a moron out to wreck others' lives as his has been (to the extent that herpes causes issues in your life). Then again... one would assume that his potential partners aren't being very wise, either.
The good people do is interred with their bones. Their mistakes live on forever...
Also, someone with cold sores can pass it to someone else during oral sex. Even if she didn't have genital herpes but had cold sores she could have still been on some meds for it.

Regardless, he needs to get checked! It would really suck but people can live with it. They need to be aware if they actually have it first though. And as someone above said, I think it can be a huge deal if he knowingly has unprotected sex with someone, knowing he has it. He really needs to confirm if he has it or not.

I know a girl who was 14, stupid, first time, thought he loved her, blah, blah.... yeah, she got it the first time she had sex. She doesn't have a choice but to live with it however, if it comes time to consumate a relationship the first thing she has to do is inform her pending partner.
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Also, someone with cold sores can pass it to someone else during oral sex. Even if she didn't have genital herpes but had cold sores she could have still been on some meds for it.
Originally Posted by kimmyc
Wait, I know that cold sores are one of the herpes viruses, along with chicken pox. But it can actually be passed to the genitals? I know several people with cold sores, but I've never heard of any of them having this problem with their partners!
The herpes test is easy--a simple blood test. He's an idiot for not getting checked. What if it's something worse?
Originally Posted by mrspoppers
I was always under the impression that they cannot test for herpes unless you are having an outbreak, and then they do a culture. I think they can do a blood test to test your white blood cell count against it, but I didn't think that was very accurate.
Originally Posted by babywavy
The blood test is not very accurate because most people test positive for it because they have been exposed to one or more strains of the herpes virus at one point in their life - even if it's not genital herpes. Most doctors prefer to do a visual examination during an outbreak for conclusive results.
I haven't got the slightest idea how to change people, but I still keep a long list of prospective candidates just in case I should ever figure it out.
Also, someone with cold sores can pass it to someone else during oral sex. Even if she didn't have genital herpes but had cold sores she could have still been on some meds for it.
Originally Posted by kimmyc
Wait, I know that cold sores are one of the herpes viruses, along with chicken pox. But it can actually be passed to the genitals? I know several people with cold sores, but I've never heard of any of them having this problem with their partners!
Originally Posted by Eilonwy
I thought that as well, but this says differently....

How is herpes spread?

Direct contact with the live virus including:

* Any direct contact with an herpes infection
* Kissing, touching or caressing actively infected areas
* Sexual contact (vaginal, oral, or anal sex)
* Cold sores or mouth herpes can be spread by sharing the same drinking glass, lipstick, cigarette, etc.

Herpes can be spread by any of the following real-life situations:
Kissing someone if you have a cold sore can transfer the virus
Kissing someone if you have a cold sore can transfer the virus to any part of the body that you kiss them (including inside of the mouth and throat, or the genitals)

The virus can be transmitted to your partner if you have active genital herpes.

The virus can be transmitted to your partner if you have active genital herpes and have vaginal or anal intercourse.

If you have a cold sore and put your mouth on your partner's genitals (oral sex), your partner can be infected with genital herpes.
A good site you may want to pass on to your friend....

http://www.herpes-coldsores.com/herpes_transmission.htm
I believe in manicures. I believe in overdressing. I believe in primping at leisure and wearing lipstick. I believe in pink. I believe that laughing is the best calorie burner. I believe in kissing, kissing a lot. I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong. I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls. I believe that tomorrow is another day and I believe in miracles.
Audrey Hepburn
Also, someone with cold sores can pass it to someone else during oral sex. Even if she didn't have genital herpes but had cold sores she could have still been on some meds for it.
Originally Posted by kimmyc
Wait, I know that cold sores are one of the herpes viruses, along with chicken pox. But it can actually be passed to the genitals? I know several people with cold sores, but I've never heard of any of them having this problem with their partners!
Originally Posted by Eilonwy
I thought that as well, but this says differently....

How is herpes spread?

Direct contact with the live virus including:

* Any direct contact with an herpes infection
* Kissing, touching or caressing actively infected areas
* Sexual contact (vaginal, oral, or anal sex)
* Cold sores or mouth herpes can be spread by sharing the same drinking glass, lipstick, cigarette, etc.

Herpes can be spread by any of the following real-life situations:
Kissing someone if you have a cold sore can transfer the virus
Kissing someone if you have a cold sore can transfer the virus to any part of the body that you kiss them (including inside of the mouth and throat, or the genitals)

The virus can be transmitted to your partner if you have active genital herpes.

The virus can be transmitted to your partner if you have active genital herpes and have vaginal or anal intercourse.

If you have a cold sore and put your mouth on your partner's genitals (oral sex), your partner can be infected with genital herpes.
A good site you may want to pass on to your friend....

http://www.herpes-coldsores.com/herpes_transmission.htm
Originally Posted by CurlyCanadian
Great, they already make her self-conscious enough! I don't believe she's put anyone at risk, but I should tell her. I thought it could only be spread mouth-to-mouth.
Great, they already make her self-conscious enough! I don't believe she's put anyone at risk, but I should tell her. I thought it could only be spread mouth-to-mouth.
Originally Posted by Eilonwy
I doubt she would be kissing anyone, let alone anything else, but yeah, more info is always better!
I believe in manicures. I believe in overdressing. I believe in primping at leisure and wearing lipstick. I believe in pink. I believe that laughing is the best calorie burner. I believe in kissing, kissing a lot. I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong. I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls. I believe that tomorrow is another day and I believe in miracles.
Audrey Hepburn
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Wait, I know that cold sores are one of the herpes viruses, along with chicken pox. But it can actually be passed to the genitals? I know several people with cold sores, but I've never heard of any of them having this problem with their partners!
It's definately true, that's how I ended up with it. I have Herpes Simplex Virus Type 1, which is usually found on the mouth as in cold sores. I didn't know that it could be passed to the genitals and for that mistake I now have a lifelong "friend".

There has been a really regular commercial lately about herpes which communicates that it can be passed even if you have no visible signs. Does that mean it can be passed when you're not having an outbreak? I dunno... but what it tells me is that you cannot always tell when you're having an outbreak.
In a lot of people the frequency and intensity of the outbreaks decreases as time goes on. My doctor said that some women even forget that they have it until they get pregnant, you can't have a vaginal birth if you are having an outbreak. Personally, after my inital outbreak there is only one outbreak that I can definately pinpoint and that I had to be on medication for. Since then, and it's been a few years and while there have been a few times I've wondered, the discomfort hasn't been enough for me to even see a doctor. So I'm sure that there have been times when I've been "shedding", as they call it, and not even known about. During those times I can pass it on to a partner.

My ignorance may have gotten my infected but I've educated myself and make sure that any partner that I'm with has that opportunity as well. When things end up getting to that stage I make sure that I tell them in a neutral moment and make sure that they take the time to really think about it and talk with their doctor first. I would never allow someone to go through the hell I went through.

spiderman- Your friend may have genital warts or some other STD. I don't know if it's the same for everyone but usually the initial outbreak is VERY painful. There are blisters, urinating is painful and you're very itchy. When he's having a rash he should go to his doctor or a clinic and be swabbed and tested. He may also want to get a general STD testing as well, especially if he's having unprotected sex with girls.

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