She Make$ More

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My husband was down in Orlando, Fl visiting with one of his frat brothers who informed him his wife wrote a book. She titled it “She Make$ More”. My husband was a little taken aback by the title. His boy’s wife is a radiologist and he used to be a school book salesman until he lost his job due to downsizing. His boy met his wife at a graduate chapter fraternity party event and constantly reminds my husband how he took her money but his boy ended up marrying her (my husband was dating me at the time). His boy has and always was impressed with the fact she was in medical school and was planning to be a doctor.
Prior to that unfortunate event of being downsized they bought this gorgeous home on a beautiful ½ acre of property with a pool and everything. They relocated to Florida because for no other reason – she wanted to. She felt that since she makes more he should follow her and she has a on-up to make the decisions for the family.
Here is a link to her blog on the subject and there is also a Facebook Page: http://www.shemakesmoreblog.com/. You can find the link to the page if you search on She Makes More on FB.
What do you think about the subject? Do the dynamics change when the woman earns more money in her career than her husband? Is it fair the roles change simply because she makes more money?
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I don't think roles should change based on who makes more. But if one person doesn't work or only works parttime, then that person should do more of the household chores/childcare.

I also feel like when a person works (a paying job), there are certain things that person deserves to have that a non-income producing person doesn't...such as better clothes, a better car, more money to spend eating out at restaurants, more professional services, etc. That is, if there aren't sufficient resources for both to indulge equally. Whe money is an issue, the wage earner should have the edge bc there are certain expectations and needs that go along with having to go to work every day that a person who stays home usually doesn't encounter (e.g., if you stay home, you have more time to cook your own lunch, if you stay home you have less need for expensive new clothes.)

Other than that, I think the personalities of each person and their goals as a family should dictate who does what and where they live, etc.)

Not sure what you mean by:
constantly reminds my husband how he took her money
3b (with 3c tendencies) on modified CG

Sorry, clarification - he constantly reminds my husband how, when she stepped into the club, he took her money b/c he was working the door and had a chance to possibly get with her but he missed the opportunity which allowed my hubby's friend to get with her, marry her and start a family and life with her.
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I disagree that the wage earner automatically gets to indulge in or is entitled to nicer things. I don't see how this wouldn't lead to resentment.


Sent from my iPhone - blame autocorrect for everything strange
Looking at income alone is very narrow and doesn't represent the big picture. One can also look at cost savings through DIY activities, or the fixed assets each party brings to the table.

For example, if it wasn't for hubby, I would pay to do taxes. We save lots of money because he does it,and he probably does a better job than my old tax person because he has a direct interest in saving us $.

One person could bring financial assets, but another person can bring expertise, know-how and time. It's what you're building together that matters.

As for who gets nicer stuff. That falls under "who cares" category for me. Whatever makes their relationship work. If that's what she needs to feel happy and secure AND it makes their relationship better go for it.
hello.world.
I agree Nej. I can't see how a relationship would work where the breadwinner feels entitled to more luxury items and "edge" just because he/she is producing the income. There is a given in such a relationship that the sole provider use his/her income for the benefit of the entire family. In other words, just because they make all the money doesn't mean it's just THEIR money. In many cases their SO is giving up the luxury of making their own income in order to take care of the house and perhaps the kids that they collectively own. So to me, it seems like the responsibilities are evenly distributed.

IMO anyone who doesn't see it that way is selfish.

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I just want to do what I want to do when I want to do it.
I disagree that the wage earner automatically gets to indulge in or is entitled to nicer things. I don't see how this wouldn't lead to resentment.
Originally Posted by Nej
This.

The partner who stays home is no less entitled to nicer things than the person who brings home the paycheck. To think otherwise is rather selfish and entitled, imo. Families with one wage earner support each other in different ways and it shouldn't be looked at as a contest.
reeni, curlylaura, B-wavy and 1 others like this.
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The rules of a marriage are very individualized. Personally, I would not be in a relationship where I was expected to do more household or more childcare based on my work status alone. Why?

Because what the hockey sticks did you do before you were married?! Hopefully you did all of your own chores or if you brought kids into the marriage you took care of them 100% of the time. The point of marriage (to me) is sharing the load. It is one large part of the marriage contract that I look forward to besides simple companionship.

So I would not want a June Cleaver kind of life (male or female version) where someone is expected to have dinner on the table and a glass of scotch on the rocks ready for me when I get home. Or the expectation that I can do fewer chores because I leave the home to work. And aren't the kids the partner's, too? No, you need to be just as invested in child care as I am. I would not be ok with my spouse wearing clothes from say the dollar store and I'm walking around in Prada on the daily. I think lopsided relationships like this make the higher wage earner look horrible and exploitive. Yes, we would be getting a divorce. Post-haste. LOL

At the same time I wouldn't expect someone staying at home to sit at home and do nothing. Again, we share the load.

My marriage would not be based on one of us submitting to the other. Compromise and mutual respect across the board. If the marriage relationship was going to be that lopsided, then there would be no point in me ever getting married.

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Last edited by curlyarca; 05-18-2012 at 05:31 PM.
Pfft. Women are always relocating for men. 'Bout time a man had to relocate somewhere else because a woman wanted to RME.

Not sure what this thread is about though? Sounds like to me your husband's friend is perfectly fine with his current living conditions. As long as he is fine with it, then everyone else should be fine with it.

And he knew what he was getting himself into when he went for an ambitious woman.
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Last edited by sleepymeko; 05-18-2012 at 06:45 PM.
I do not think because someone earns more they are entitled to more. Our stuff is OUR stuff. NOW if one just prefers more expensive stuff and the other has simpler tastes...cool. But don't dare try to step to me in a marriage claiming more simply because you think you bring more to the table because you earn more.

I think it is a very narrow way at judging the value of each other's contributions simply to look at who is the greater earner. If a man makes less but earns and grinds does that mean he isn't a provider for his family?
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I would not say his friend is fine with it. Well let me take it back - I think a man who is impressed by what a woman earns is not the type of man I would want because a man looks for different things in a mate than a woman.

The guy is flashy, constantly brags about what he has BUT they let their house get foreclosed, his cc gets declined in public and invited us over for a fight party and passed a hat to help pay for PIZZA! REALLY but you brag about how much money ya'll make? Either you are setting it out or you setting it out!

Who passes a hat and not in college?
I am a 3c/4a with medium/fine strands
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Agreed - you both need to be equally invested! My hubby had a maid when he was single. We have one married! Always have!

Before this I cleaned my own home and never hired one. But we agreed our finances could afford it and so we continued it. Changed services but it is still going on.

We are both earners and do have investments earning as well. But it is equal. He earns more but it was never brought up as if he could do more because he makes more. It doesn't go down like that.

He consults with me on EVERYTHING and not a purchase is made without my consent PERIOD!


The rules of a marriage are very individualized. Personally, I would not be in a relationship where I was expected to do more household or more childcare based on my work status alone. Why?

Because what the hockey sticks did you do before you were married?! Hopefully you did all of your own chores or if you brought kids into the marriage you took care of them 100% of the time. The point of marriage (to me) is sharing the load. It is one large part of the marriage contract that I look forward to besides simple companionship.

So I would not want a June Cleaver kind of life (male or female version) where someone is expected to have dinner on the table and a glass of scotch on the rocks ready for me when I get home. Or the expectation that I can do fewer chores because I leave the home to work. And aren't the kids the partner's, too? No, you need to be just as invested in child care as I am. I would not be ok with my spouse wearing clothes from say the dollar store and I'm walking around in Prada on the daily. I think lopsided relationships like this make the higher wage earner look horrible and exploitive. Yes, we would be getting a divorce. Post-haste. LOL

At the same time I wouldn't expect someone staying at home to sit at home and do nothing. Again, we share the load.

My marriage would not be based on one of us submitting to the other. Compromise and mutual respect across the board. If the marriage relationship was going to be that lopsided, then there would be no point in me ever getting married.
Originally Posted by curlyarca
I am a 3c/4a with medium/fine strands
No strict haircare regimen - trying my hand at the Curly Girl Method.

Fitness Blog: http://femmefitalefitclub.com/
Check out the Femme Fitale Facebook page: facebook.com/FemmeFitaleFitness

He consults with me on EVERYTHING and not a purchase is made without my consent PERIOD!
Originally Posted by CurleeDST

I would be quite resentful if I had to have my partners consent to buy something. Sure i'd discuss a big purchase but wait for consent? hell no.
Fat does not make you fat. It's actually pretty important.
Let me rephrase - does he need my permission to buy gas? Umm, no. Does he need my permission to shop at Neimans and Saks - ummm YES!

A new car, summer camp for the kids, etc.? Ummm YES! When something out of the ordinary is coming out of our checking account....he needs to consult with me.

Same goes for investments - any stock purchases we discuss before we purchase them.

We discuss if we plan to change contributions to our 401Ks.. because it impacts our future. Life insurance...if we pick up more or drop - we discuss it and make sure we agree on the tactic.


He consults with me on EVERYTHING and not a purchase is made without my consent PERIOD!
Originally Posted by CurleeDST

I would be quite resentful if I had to have my partners consent to buy something. Sure i'd discuss a big purchase but wait for consent? hell no.
Originally Posted by curlylaura
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I am a 3c/4a with medium/fine strands
No strict haircare regimen - trying my hand at the Curly Girl Method.

Fitness Blog: http://femmefitalefitclub.com/
Check out the Femme Fitale Facebook page: facebook.com/FemmeFitaleFitness
I disagree that the wage earner automatically gets to indulge in or is entitled to nicer things. I don't see how this wouldn't lead to resentment.
Originally Posted by Nej
+1
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The Facebook page appears pretty insightful. She addresses issues that may arise in a marriage when the women is the high-income earner. Doesn't appear to male bash. Overall, seems like a nice site. I wonder how much traffic the site gets. Wonder how many males appreciate their SO putting their "biz" out in the public square though.
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Does he need my permission to shop at Neimans and Saks - ummm YES!
Originally Posted by CurleeDST
This would never fly with me


I feel like this is two very seperate topics. A woman making more in a relationship and a couple obviously living beyonf their means (having people over for pizza and asking for money), unless they don't share their finances at all?

As far as dinamics changing if the woman is making more, I think its very individual to every couple. I know two couples where the man stays home with the kids. They do the majority of the cooking cleaning, shopping, volunteering at school, etc and love it.

If both are working, but the woman is working more (going with the op and she's a Dr), then the guy will have to put in more around the house. No different then if roles are flipped and the man is at work more and the wife may need to do more at home.

I don't know that its so much role reversal as just team worw within the marriage.
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Last edited by CurlyCanadian; 05-19-2012 at 09:38 AM. Reason: Fixing quote
Let me rephrase - does he need my permission to buy gas? Umm, no. Does he need my permission to shop at Neimans and Saks - ummm YES!

A new car, summer camp for the kids, etc.? Ummm YES! When something out of the ordinary is coming out of our checking account....he needs to consult with me.

Same goes for investments - any stock purchases we discuss before we purchase them.

We discuss if we plan to change contributions to our 401Ks.. because it impacts our future. Life insurance...if we pick up more or drop - we discuss it and make sure we agree on the tactic.


He consults with me on EVERYTHING and not a purchase is made without my consent PERIOD!
Originally Posted by CurleeDST

I would be quite resentful if I had to have my partners consent to buy something. Sure i'd discuss a big purchase but wait for consent? hell no.
Originally Posted by curlylaura
Originally Posted by CurleeDST
Hmm, some of those are combined choices/expenses and a joint agreement is necessary.

I'm guessing Saks is a shop? If so, he needs consent/permission to go shopping?

Would you feel the same if he told you what you could spend money on? I'm pretty sure most women on this board would see that as controlling by the man (with the exception of car buying, school camp, white goods etc where a joint decision is best imo)
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Fat does not make you fat. It's actually pretty important.
If both my husband and I were working full time and one made more than the other, I would expect that our money was equally shared between both of us. I would not expect the one earning more to get nicer things. That's ridiculous to me. Over the course of our 10-year marriage, I consistently earned more money than my husband until a couple of years ago. (Now we earn exactly the same.) However, we have both had periods of unemployment. I figure it's a wash over our lifetimes and I don't see the point of calculating who's making more at any given time.

I feel that both people should contribute to the family. If one is the sole money-earner, the other person should contribute in other ways. In my world, that means one person earns the money and the other takes care of the home day-to-day. If I'm working full time and my husband is not working or in school full time, I think the house should be clean, the dogs fed, and my dinner cooking when I get home from work. If it were reversed, I would do the same for my husband.

Of course, every marriage is different. This is one of those things you discuss before getting married so you're sure you're on the same page after.
sarah42 likes this.
I agree mrspoppers. If one person is home I feel that person would be doing more around the house-cooking laundry etc. I work from home and make close to a 6 figure salary but i have no issues doing laundry during the day and cooking dinners. It would seem odd to me if I waited for B to get home to do laundry.


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Last edited by xcptnl; 05-20-2012 at 05:23 PM. Reason: 3 figure salary :) s/b 6.

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