parislarue

Yep, my hubby is. He is a man of morals, integrity, and faith, which made all the difference.

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rouquinne

well... i guess i'm doomed to singlehood now... i'll be 52 in 6 weeks and i'm still single - engaged 3 times and never got to the wedding.

i don't think it hurts to go looking at all. you can't sit around and wait for your life to take you where you want to go...

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RedCatWaves

Yeah, you can't just pick any nerd, because some of them are socially inept, and that's a PITA to deal with too. My husband is a nerd, but he has good social skills...he's just shy with women, on a romantic level. He relates very well with women as long as he's not trying to date them. Once he's in a relationship, he's great.

violets

RCW, sometimes you scare me your truths. I dated a guy who was great on paper but a total ass. He had a 'video game room' in his house. He had hundreds of games and a ton of platforms.

I agree the good men are all working, not wasting their time in bars. They might go to bars but not a lot. Or they might go just to get out but don't really like it. The minute they get into a relationship they stop going because they didn't like it to begin with.

SCG

Hah, my dad just said the same thing to me the other day!

I think there are good guys out there. They just take some work to find. I know quite a few really great guys... None of them are dating material for various reasons (one of which being that most of them are taken). But it's nice to know that they exist! But steer clear of the Nice Guy. He's very different from a nice guy.

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Amazinnatural

[QUOTE=rouquinne;1975897]well... i guess i'm doomed to singlehood now... i'll be 52 in 6 weeks and i'm still single - engaged 3 times and never got to the wedding.

i don't think it hurts to go looking at all. you can't sit around and wait for your life to take you where you want to go...[/QUOTE

That may be true, but maybe what you may have thought was good for you wasn't that great. Im not sure why you never made it to the altar...maybe the timing was wrong. Who's to say, but i do hope you find what you are looking for as well. That's if you are still looking for someone to settle down with.



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Jess the Mess

Mine is totally a nerd with good social skills. I have a much healthier relationship with him than I had with my extremely good looking, jock husband.


My fat thumb will make mistakes.

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NetG

A more succinct way of saying what I was saying. And so true!

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iroc

My situation is the complete opposite of yours. People are different and bad relationships come in all shapes and sizes. Some people just take you for granted no matter what.

It takes experience to find out what's really best for you.

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*Marah*

I always laugh at this question because to me the answer is obvious..of course they exist just as well as good women exist. People have varying degrees though on what they value as "good". And I notice these days what a lot of people consider "good" in the beginning lands them in a lot of relationship drama and turmoil later.

I believe in many cases certain people have the most ridiculous and unrealistic expectations of the WRONG kind of people in the first place which is nothing more than a huge set-up for relationship failure. Know what you want, look for that, and don't settle on things that are very important to you..small things like.. okay he/she has brown eyes instead of blue..no big deal but if he/she says he'll/she'll do one thing and always does another or says he's/she's one thing and lives contrary to that...going any further with that relationship is just plain stupid.

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sleepymeko

Yea... I don't have ridiculous expectations or a list of what they should look like. I just want a man that would respect me, is kind, is understanding or at least tries to be and communicates with me. I don't care if he is a CEO or works as a cashier. But these qualities are hard to find with men around my age since they mostly do not know what they want and don't want to settle down in the first place. And I'm just not attracted to men who are more than 5 yrs older than me.

I have dated guys over the past year (or somewhat). But the first two months are very important to me. It's when I'm getting to know that person or when I'm trying to see past that mask that people wear when they first meet someone. Most of the guys seem perfectly fine at first (as they usually do), but then I start seeing glimpses of things I don't like. One seemed a bit controlling the more I got to know him (wanted me to dress a certain way) so I dumped him. And I do the same for men who are too touchy with me when getting to know me. If a guy wants to touch me too soon, that's not a good sign for me. I need someone to respect me and move slowly with me instead of trying to get in my pants.

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*Marah*

What I posted wasn't directed to you or a reflection of your relationship choices. It was really a general statement concerning expectations in relationships based on your question of "do good men even exist".

Bottom line: yes they exist. But one's ability to find one and how to go about doing that is separate issue to me.

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LindseyLoo003

I'm 21 and I met my boyfriend at a party and we were both drinking with friends. We hit it off right away, hung almost the whole night talking and have been together since for almost 3 years. He evwn used tp hang out with a rowdy group of friends and now he never talks to them and this happened in a matter of months. We are best friends and very in love. I really do think good men exist, and it can happen anywhere. My Guy spends every night with me and all his time pretty much and just makes me feel so loved. He's attentive and affectionate and he has his manly tough side. If you can find a Guy who will tell you he loves you every day more than once and if he's always there, never cheats and you love him then there's your good man, ignore all his other "flaws"..

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sleepymeko

Yea... I am happy you found someone like that, but I don't want a man like that. I couldn't deal being with a man who didn't hang out with his own friends or hung around me all day. While, I do want to be loved and appreciated, I don't need someone telling me that every day. I feel like your actions and the things that you do should show me how much you love me instead of you telling me, because words don't mean a lot at the end of the day.

I'm also rather independent myself. I couldn't deal with someone who is clingy. We don't have to spend every waking hour together. I want time to do my own things or hobbies and spend time with my friends. And he should do the same.

The person that he is was the thing that drew me to him in the first place. I wouldn't want someone to give everything up to be with me and I think women should do the same. Don't forget your friends and interests for a lover. That's what made you, you. Knowing myself, I would lose interest in someone who gave up everything just to hang around me all the time.

But anyway, good for you it's good you found a relationship that is your ideal.

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Xyz

I do think good men exist, but the whole idea that you have to look at the men that all your female friends are labeling as "too nice" sounds off to me. If this guy knows 15 different women and none of them want him, he's not a good man to me. Most of my friends don't want playboys. In fact, my friends who are married picked perfectly boring, kindof fixer uppers. So in among that group, if nobody wanted a particular guy, that's a red flag.

I think what some/most women are looking for is a man who is desirable but selective. Now that's a hard thing to find. Because if the guy is in anyway desirable, he will have the option to spend time with more than one woman. He would have to know and appreciate that not all women are the same.

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spiderlashes5000

I really liked what WhoMe said...but then found myself liking what Saria said even better. LOL

I deal w/ that kinda stuff now. There is one guy in particular who really, really likes me. Has liked me for years. He cannot understand why I don't feel the same way about him. And then he throws his little pity party guilt trip about how women only want a balla type w/ a lot of swagger, a flashy expensive car blah, blah, blah and nobody apprecriates him bc he is just a nice, unassuming, responsible guy...and women apparently don't want that bc we are all too shallow to see his worth yadda, yadda, yadda.

Well, I do appreciate his good character but I'm simply not attracted to him physically. And his communication skills suck. LOL

(Which goes back to what RedCatWaves said.)

I think there are lots of good guys out there but they may only be good for certain types of women. Like one woman's trash is another woman's treasure.

I met a guy not too long ago and he was awesome...from what I could tell. But he wasn't done w/ work until around 11:00 pm each night. And I was like yeah, he'd probably be the perfect guy...for a vampire...or a hamster...or somebody who is not me bc I need to go to sleep!

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Eilonwy

The title of the thread keeps reminding me of "Holding Out for a Hero."

Where have all the good men gone
And where are all the gods?
Where's the streetwise Hercules to fight the rising odds?


BTW here's the most awesome dance ever to that song.

RedCatWaves

I'm not interested in ignoring flaws. It really depends on what the flaws are. If his flaw is not-working or no-ambition, that's a real problem, no matter how many times he says he loves me.

rouquinne

in the dark ages before there was the World Wide Web, we had Usenet newsgroups with forums like this one - you could probably find a forum for every interest and permutation of the human condition under the sun, and then some!



no pictures, no ads, just words.

i belonged to an online singles group back then and one of the things that always happened, constantly, was that you would have men of many ages coming in to the group, proclaiming that they were a Nice Guy and women ignored them. it happened so often, that it was written into the FAQ for the group:

A “nice guy” is a guy whom other people think is nice. A “Nice Guy™”is a guy who thinks himself to be nice and expects that women owe him romantic attention because of this. It is not unusual for a “Nice Guy™” to immediately follow up his proclamation of his own niceness with bitter invective about the women who have crossed his path, thereby demonstrating how truly nice a fellow he actually is.

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thelio

I had to think about this a minute. And I have come to the conclusion that there are some good dudes out there!

My dad, my uncles, most of my bestie guy friends. They are all awesome!

A few of my guy friends, I wish I was attracted to them! They are real catches!!

I just think you have to go, where the good men hang out.