sleepymeko

I'm almost twenty-three and I can sadly say, I have only met one good man and he is dating a lovely friend of mine.

It kind of baffles me. I don't date often, I actually prefer not to because most men I meet start out OK and then the claws or typical douchebaggery starts to show up. I've had the mind-set for the past year that I would much rather be alone than settle for these type of men!

And it's not just my sucky pickings, I've noticed it from observing people. None of my friends are dating good men (minus that ONE) or I listen or watch people that I sort of know. I know of so many men that just cheat and don't give two-****s. Then I go to a party school so I always see men cheating on their gfs (or have men with gfs approach me) or they all just want to sleep around and treat women like sex toys.

Watching all of this kind of makes me feel relieved that I'm single and not bothering to find someone. It seems like 96% of men are douchebags.

This isn't a rant or something, I've just felt this way for such a long time.

ttlolla

I agree.
I'm 23 as well and I want to believe that as I get older, all these great men will spring up . Right now they all seem to talk the talk but their actions don't match up.

Fifi.G

I'm 36, getting closer to 37, and I want to believe that good men exist as well. Right now I'm leaning toward the belief that good men are mythological creatures.

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When I hear terms like "hipster" I think, who told cliques they could leave high school??

frau

define a good guy.

poisonivy

There are good men out there, but I know what you mean. My husband is loyal, hardworking, a great father and he tries really hard to make arrangements to just hang out with me. And he puts up with my ********! It seems like a lot of my friends husbands are very controlling and I hate that. I have a friend whose husband tells her how to sweep the floor and how to brush her teeth!

missbanjo

There are good ones out there. Mine is, sometimes he drives me nuts with his terrible memory or temper tantrums but they're both generally caused from working nights and not enough sleep so I just ride it out or disappear until he goes to bed.

The ones you're talking about SM are the general dogs/douches (not trying to offend anyone with those terms) and we can only hope that one day they'll be taken to task, but probably won't.

I hear ya on the controlling men PI and, really, it's those women's fault (that looks silly but I'm tired). They shouldn't have let it go when it first started and it wouldn't still be happening. We're still trying to dig our way out of that BS place that society put us in and too many don't bother to care to get out of it.

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iroc

I am sure there are good men, but even good men have their bad moments.

I think since men don't rule themselves emotionally, like women do, they can be hurtful.

I also think that even good men can be at different places in their life, and so at that time, they're not so good.

Its not always about finding a good guy, but finding him in a good place, emotionally and mentally.


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B-Nessa11

Yep. Mine is!

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missbanjo

I'll also add: I'm guessing that you're seeing men around your age. They do grow out of that BS too, just not all of them.

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Southern Colorado Curly
Mix of 2s med-low porosity, med-fine texture, lots of hair
Playing: Beautiful Curls curl activating cream & L/I
Clarify 1-2x a month, lo-poo once a week, cowash 2x a week
Regimen: dime SheaM C&H Milk, 2 nickels LOOB/Biotera Gel, dime SheaM Smoothie/dime SheaM C&H milk mixed, plop overnight, 2 nickels BRHG, diffuse 10 minutes

Who Me?

I think also the good guys aren't the ones you'll see out at night drunk...either because they're not hitting on you (or anyone) or they're just not catching your eye. The good guys are the ones hanging out with their friends, including girls who would never consider dating them because they're "too nice" and "just a friend". If you're looking for a good guy in a pile of douchebags he's gonna be hard to find...you need to accept that, and locate your nearest source of good guys!

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"I don't know! I don't know why I did it, I don't know why I enjoyed it, and I don't know why I'll do it again!" -BART SIMPSON

NetG

Yes. There are a lot of great guys out there. They are rarely in the middle of a large group of dirtbags, though. If you're surrounded by dirtbags, I suggest looking elsewhere. I knew plenty of great guys at 23, many of whom are still my friends now. My problem is finding a guy who can deal with my pain in the butt self, but there are great guys all over.

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The pews never miss a sermon but that doesn't get them one step closer to Heaven.
-Speckla

But at least the pews never attend yoga!

Lucky Charm

Couldn't agree more!!




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SaraNoH

the question is, are we looking for perfect men or just good men? Everyone's got their faults... my suggestion: look in another country. Sure as hell worked for my mom!

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lcl0706

Good men do exist but it took me a long time to find one. I am 28 & looked for years at the wrong crowd of guys. The "hot" ones with nice clothes & cars & charm & underneath all that was just another player. I had to step out of my box a bit & give a chance to someone I usually wouldnt have. He's cute, but not in your typical good-looking tall dark & handsome way. He's 35 & has a child which is important to me since I had 2 kids of my own. He's balding, going gray rapidly, only 3" taller than me, looks a little rough when he needs to shave, his teeth arent perfect, etc. But his personality fits mine & outshines all the little physical stuff I could nitpick. He's picky about who he dates - which is huge. He hasnt been thru a ton of girlfriends, didnt always have a girl around him, which was a big red flag about other men. If they have girls fawning over them 24/7, to me its a big sign they'll sleep with whoever. Mine doesnt believe in getting into relationships unless the girl is really worth it. He dotes on me & is a very good man, & was probably filed away into the friend zone by a lot of other women looking for a good man but not looking at him

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Saria

While I kind of get what you're saying and sort of agree, I hate the whole Nice Guy mentality up there. It's just such a load of "woe-is-me, all these superficial women can't appreciate me, they only want a guy who treats them badly" rhetoric.

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Starmie

Mine too.

And I know many others. Not to say any of them are perfect (no-one is) but certainly what I would consider "good".

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sleepymeko

I'm not looking for anyone that is perfect, but it seems impossible to meet a decent guy these days I haven't been on a date in a year since I pretty much gave up. The sad thing is, I am thankful that I am single because I always see women getting treated like crap. What's the point in that? I kinda feel like I'm gonna be an old woman with a bunch of cats, haha!

lcl0706

You will not, I promise. Most men your age are complete idiots still, altho I've met my share of 30-something men who are still idiots too. I had that mentality until SO came along. Figured it just wasnt in the cards for me. But you'll find someone, may not help how you feel now but it'll happen.

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fine, thin, normal porosity. Non-CG, but I treat it with TLC. I can't co-wash more than 1x a week, & I have to use T-Gel in rotation due to scalp issues.

Poo: T-Gel (SLES), Burt's Bees Grapefruit (sodium coco-sulfate)
RO:TN, Nexxus Youth Renewal
LI: KCKT
PT: gelatin PT, ION EC
Stylers: Giovanni mousse, TIGI Curls Rock amplifier (a-cone)
Gels: SCC spray gel, Ouidad Climate Control (d-cone)

Amazinnatural

YES, there are good men out there. My husband is one of them. But the thing about finding a good man is that you can't go looking for him. If you do that than all you'll attract are douchebags. I had to learn that the hard way. But be patient and the guy that's right for you will come.

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Products I love:
Ion Dandruff/Seborrheic Dermatitis Tar Shampoo
Suave Shea Butter Conditioner
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Biolage Fortify Therapy Shampoo
Trader Joe's Tea Tree Tingle Conditioner
Beautiful Textures Rapid Repair Deep Conditioner
Shea butter, olive oil, coconut oil, apricot oil, peppermint oil, tea tree oil, and eucalyptus oil

multicultcurly

Good men do exist. It seems like you aren't interested in the party boys, which seem to be the type of guys you are mostly around and who your friends date. I suggest getting involved in activities you really enjoy, whether through a school club or meetup.com. You'll meet new friends & have a better chance of meeting men who don't repulse you.

Also, not all good-looking guys are players or jerks. Not every ok-looking guy is a good catch. In the OP's age bracket, a lot of good guys are shy or unsure of themselves. The jerks, however, have lots of women stroking their egos or express their insecurities through treating women like crap. And then there is just immaturity.

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