Sandusky's sexual abuse defense strategy

Devushka · 06-18-2012, 10:42 AM

Jerry Sandusky Trial: The Defense

I certainly support everyone's right to a vigorous defense, but I have to admit I have the hardest time when it comes to child abuse cases. The fact that Sandusky has a problem is pretty clear, but it wasn't those victims' problem until he made it their problem.

I really hope all those boys (grown men now) are getting/have gotten/will get any help they might need.

curlypearl · 06-18-2012, 11:13 AM

I agree Devushka, but I hope he gets a good strong defense so that when he is found guilty, it can't be overturned on appeal.

He's a monster.

thelio · 06-18-2012, 11:28 AM

By looking at the article, Dottie Sandusky will be facing some changes soon right?RIGHT!!!!?????

Nappy_curly_crown · 06-18-2012, 11:40 AM

I've been listening to the digest of the court case on TV and the entire thing just creeps me out beyond belief. This man is truly sick and depraved in every sense of the word.

spiderlashes5000 · 06-18-2012, 11:47 AM

Ughhhhhh, do parents (or even foster parents) not talk to their kids anymore? How does this continue for decdes w/o anyone blowing the whiste.

I'm not about name calling, bc to some, he has an "illness" or whatever (and I don't necessarily disagree w/ that). But as a parent, I am just wondering wth it takes to prevent this.

My parents never did anything special or really even mentioned this more than once or twice, and I went to camp and babysitters and sleepovers...and this never happened to me. And if someone had tried it, I KNOW I would have told my parents.

But anyway, yes, this is a very bizarre defense strategy and really rather pathetic. He raped young boys and teenagers. Just call it what it is.

Springcurl · 06-18-2012, 11:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by spiderlashes5000

Ughhhhhh, do parents (or even foster parents) not talk to their kids anymore? How does this continue for decdes w/o anyone blowing the whiste.

I'm not about name calling, bc to some, he has an "illness" or whatever (and I don't necessarily disagree w/ that). But as a parent, I am just wondering wth it takes to prevent this.

My parents never did anything special or really even mentioned this more than once or twice, and I went to camp and babysitters and sleepovers...and this never happened to me. And if someone had tried it, I KNOW I would have told my parents.

But anyway, yes, this is a very bizarre defense strategy and really rather pathetic. He raped young boys and teenagers. Just call it what it is.

As with all sexual predators, he preyed on the vulnerable. The boys he molested were in foster care or from broken homes. He chose them deliberately because they were vulnerable.

Also, some of these kids DID tell and were stonewalled by authorities who didn't believe them and thought Sandusky was a great guy.

spiderlashes5000 · 06-18-2012, 12:07 PM

Maybe I just don't get this phenomenon.

But no matter how vulnerable the child, at some point, having a grown man groping and sodomizing you just feels wrong. And you stop going to the camp/games/bathrooms w/ him. You say, "get the hell off me, you [whatever]" and you disengage somehow.

Who/how you tell is another thing.

Poodlehead · 06-18-2012, 12:35 PM

Don't forget about the "If you ever tell anyone, I will kill your ___" fill in the blanks with who/what ever is dear to you.

Sexual predators are very good at what they do. Unfortunately.

spiderlashes5000 · 06-18-2012, 12:38 PM

Obviously, I know it's different w younger kids & family members, etc.

Noy trying to blame the victims but just understsnd how this cintinued for so long & w older kids.

What can parents do?? U would think by adolescence u no longer have to worry about this...

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Po · 06-18-2012, 12:56 PM

Don't forget how EMBARRASSING it would be for a teenage boy to confess he is being molested by another man.

Some kids don't want to hurt their parents.

Most of the time predators imply, or explicitly state, that no one will believe them or some harm will come to their families if they tell.

Thousands and thousands of adults don't say anything after being raped; I can't imagine a child with emotional issues having more courage.

It took my cousin months to tell her mother she was sexually assaulted and my cousin did not want to prosecute (she was a young adult when this happened). Trials are strenuous and quite humiliating. And then if he's found not guilty, it's even more humiliating.

Poodlehead · 06-18-2012, 01:02 PM

Or "I'm an upstanding member of the community, and you're a kid who's always in trouble, which one of us do you think they're going to believe?"

Or, they play on the kid's natural feelings of shame and guilt and say "Look what you made me do."

These are kids. Kids. There are adults who are abused every day who don't tell anyone. Why would we expect any more from a child?

ETA: what Po said.

Devushka · 06-18-2012, 01:15 PM

ITA, curlypearl. I hate it when someone "beats the rap" on a total technicality. I hope the whole trial process precedes according to the law.

As far as why kids don't tell/how it can go on for so long without anyone knowing -- Unfortunately, shame seems to have a lot to do with it. Even a child who's too young to "know" about sexual acts immediately and inherently understands how wrong any act of sexual abuse is. But abused people often feel ashamed at having been abused; they often take on guilt about the whole thing, thinking they somehow brought it on themselves. COMPLETELY NOT TRUE OF COURSE, but I guess a lot of times telling that to someone who's been so thoroughly violated doesn't work.

And I totally get your concern about how to protect your kids. It's so scary and revolting. With my own kids, we've talked about how they are loved and matter *always*, about feeling empowered, about how if someone tells them "Don't tell" then that's EXACTLY when they should tell, etc.

Po · 06-18-2012, 01:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by spiderlashes5000

Obviously, I know it's different w younger kids & family members, etc.

Noy trying to blame the victims but just understsnd how this cintinued for so long & w older kids.

What can parents do?? U would think by adolescence u no longer have to worry about this...

Sent from my SCH-I500 using CurlTalk App

My mom was sexually assaulted as a teenager and her mother never talked to her about sex or sexual assault prior to the assault.

The most important thing my mom told us, and drilled into our heads, is that if anyone ever says "don't tell...", TELL! And if they say they are going to hurt your family, kill your dog, blah, blah, blah, don't believe them. They're lying.

We can pretty much tell our mother anything. Stuff most people would never tell their mother. She has made it extremely comfortable to do so.

cympreni · 06-18-2012, 01:43 PM

The kids who fall victims to long term abuse are usually groomed for it for possibly years. They tend to come from abusive and neglectful homes. Basically the tactic is, come in and be the parental figure that they desperately need, the slowly start introducing the abuse as a favor or payback. The kids just accept it as just something else they have to do. Kids from those backgrounds, they've learned that love hurts. Kids from those homes are more likely to go further to please people. Kids tend to blame themselves for things that happen to them. It's pretty common for kids to believe that if they're good enough, then they'll get the love and approval that they need and that means doing what their caregivers tell them to do. Kids forgive and forget easily, and they've probably had a ton of practice. They are possibly used to extreme mood swings. If you get beaten, then immediately get ice cream from the person who did it enough, after a while it becomes your version of a normal life. They don't have the same red flags as others. What they were taught is appropriate is different from others. They were probably taught that their instincts are wrong and learned to ignore them, that love is conditional, that they are not as valuable and deserving as others.

Devushka · 06-18-2012, 01:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cympreni

The kids who fall victims to long term abuse are usually groomed for it for possibly years. They tend to come from abusive and neglectful homes. Basically the tactic is, come in and be the parental figure that they desperately need, the slowly start introducing the abuse as a favor or payback. The kids just accept it as just something else they have to do. Kids from those backgrounds, they've learned that love hurts. Kids from those homes are more likely to go further to please people. Kids tend to blame themselves for things that happen to them. It's pretty common for kids to believe that if they're good enough, then they'll get the love and approval that they need and that means doing what their caregivers tell them to do. Kids forgive and forget easily, and they've probably had a ton of practice. They are possibly used to extreme mood swings. If you get beaten, then immediately get ice cream from the person who did it enough, after a while it becomes your version of a normal life. They don't have the same red flags as others. What they were taught is appropriate is different from others. They were probably taught that their instincts are wrong and learned to ignore them, that love is conditional, that they are not as valuable and deserving as others.

Wow...So sad and so true.

roseannadana · 06-18-2012, 02:47 PM

Really, if you can't relate or grasp that this could happen to an adolescent, consider yourself lucky that you don't understand. I hope they find him guilty on all counts.

moodydove · 06-18-2012, 02:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by spiderlashes5000

Obviously, I know it's different w younger kids & family members, etc.

Noy trying to blame the victims but just understsnd how this cintinued for so long & w older kids.

What can parents do?? U would think by adolescence u no longer have to worry about this...

Sent from my SCH-I500 using CurlTalk App

Unfortunately it does. I was physically abused as a preteen and I didn't tell anyone about it until 3 or 4 years later. The first time I said anything, the person rejected me and said I deserved it. I didn't really feel like telling anyone else after that. That wasn't sexual abuse obviously, but still.
I wish I knew what more parents could do about it.

Springcurl · 06-18-2012, 03:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by moodydove

Unfortunately it does. I was physically abused as a preteen and I didn't tell anyone about it until 3 or 4 years later. The first time I said anything, the person rejected me and said I deserved it. I didn't really feel like telling anyone else after that. That wasn't sexual abuse obviously, but still.
I wish I knew what more parents could do about it.

When I told my grandmother she said, "Well, your uncle has epilepsy so he probably doesn't even remember that it happened."

When I told my boyfriend (only about 10 years ago-- and we're talking about a 35 year old man), He said, "I mean, I just don't understand how you could have let it go on for so long."

munchkin · 06-19-2012, 09:17 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by thelio

By looking at the article, Dottie Sandusky will be facing some changes soon right?RIGHT!!!!?????

She shouldn't have to pay for his crimes "if she didn't know." That said, I have a hard time believing all this happened in their home while she was upstairs and she didn't know, or at least have some suspicions ???

Devushka · 06-19-2012, 10:56 AM

Yeah, I have a hard time believing she had NO idea. The suspicions had to have been there. She must have been doing some serious mental gymnastics in order to avoid acknowledging that she married a monster. It's incredible what a person can decide to turn a blind eye to.