Is it really that unusual to get married in early 20s and be happy?

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I think that it is becoming less and less common and for that reason, I am happy. The human brain doesn't mature until age 25 and I surely think there is so much to experience in life, especially when you're still very young. I do not see the rush for marriage. As for myself, I am 22 (almost 23 in 3 months) and I do not plan on getting married/pregnant until my thirties. In Europe (when I lived abroad) this was completely normal. I just noticed when I moved back Americans tend to rush into things without thinking clearly about the commitment and work it takes to make a marriage work. Especially when you're still developing and changing as a person. I can even say now that I am NOT the same person I was when I was 21. I used to stay home all the time and not do much. Now I'm going to Vegas, getting drunk and dancing at clubs or bars, seeing live bands, eating out with my friends and enjoying life. I feel like EVERYONE male and female should get that craziness out in their twenties so they're not sitting at home in their thirties or forties with some regrets since they never experienced youth.

I have two cousins that have married in their early twenties (21 and 22). Do I feel bad for them? Yes. Because I know they will never live the life I have or have the opp. that I have. Getting married is such a huge commitment. I still need to travel and see most of the world before I get married.
Who says your cousins want your life? Just because you think your life is great doesn't mean everyone else does. Not everyone wants the same things. Your feeling sorry for people who choose paths different from yours is pretty arrogant, honestly.

Not everyone finds what you label as "craziness" appealing or the least bit enticing. So why would there be regrets?
Not to mention that for people who are into that, there's nothing that says they can't do all of those things when married. Not all people start having babies the moment they're married. If anything, with combined finances, it's possible for some people to do things they wouldn't have been able to afford on their own.
Depend on the person. I was never one to want to be married while going to school. So between undergrad then the conservatory, I wasn't done until 26. I also felt that I wanted to be a more realized "me" if that makes any sense.

I'm married, and I still go out, drink and whatnot. And not always with my husband

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I don't think of it as a waste because you should out partying and acting stupid. I do think your 20's are a post-teen time where you still don't fully know yourself and what you want. But its a time when you think you're an adult and you know everything I also think you change a lot between your 20's and 30's.

Its this inexperience and immaturity that sometimes results in a bad choice of who you married.

I also don't care how long someone has been married. Many people stay in marriages for years being completely miserable. The length of time proves nothing to me. Being married for 10 or 12 years is not a lasting marriage. Being married for 40 or 50 years, is.
That being said, of course it's possible to get married young and still be happy, but I'd feel short changed of my youth.

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Originally Posted by iroc
I agree w/ all of this esp the bold. Even if someone tells you "we've been happily married for xx years" it doesn't mean anything bc maybe she's lying or in denial or maybe she is happy and he is not or maybe she doesn't know what happiness is, etc.

I was thinking about this the other day and it's a lot of BS honestly, when people hold up a certain couple as an example of an "good marriage" or seek marital advice from them, etc.
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Last edited by spiderlashes5000; 06-22-2012 at 09:07 AM.
It really depends on the people involved. For a lot of folks, their 20's are a transitional time when they are going to school, trying to start careers and are learning about themeselves. Some mature faster than others and are able to make a commitment like marriage at a fairly young age. Personally, I wouldn't have been able to do that as I was emotionally unstable then and I wouldn't have been financially capable enough to support a household. Also, my parents were married young (my father was 23, my mother was only 19), but it was more common to do that in their day. Their marriage turned out to be unsuccessful in the long run, mainly because they hardly ever spoke to each other and there's was often tension between them. This was a case where the people involved most likely married way before they were fully capable of understanding the commitment they made and they probably would have benefited from waiting longer, but the times they lived in didn't allow for that. Their example not only convinced me not to marry that young, but in all likelihood, not to marry at all.
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Depend on the person. I was never one to want to be married while going to school. So between undergrad then the conservatory, I wasn't done until 26. I also felt that I wanted to be a more realized "me" if that makes any sense.

I'm married, and I still go out, drink and whatnot. And not always with my husband

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Originally Posted by Trenell
I am AGHAST at this revelation! Bad wife! Bad mother!
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I agree w/ all of this esp the bold. Even if someone tells you "we've been happily married for xx years" it doesn't mean anything bc maybe she's lying or in denial or maybe she is happy and he is not or maybe she doesn't know what happiness is, etc.

I was thinking about this the other day and it's a lot of BS honestly, when people hold up a certain couple as an example of an "good marriage" or seek marita advice from them, etc.
Originally Posted by spiderlashes5000
Yes. You never know what's truly going on in someones relationship, and honestly, it isn't anyone's business. What's good for one person may not be good for another, but you need to give yourself some growing time to discover what it is that's good for you.

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I got married very young (1 and I definitely know I wasn't mature enough to understand the concepts of what marriage entailed. Part of me feels I missed out on some of the fun of college but mostly the friendships and of course an education under my belt. I never had much desire to party and sleep around so that aspect I don't feel I missed out on. But overall I don't see why someone young couldn't handle marriage as some people mature at different times. But that being said I certainly am a much different person now though than when I was twenty.
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I think it is unusual since most people are still growing and selfish in their 20s. But when it works, it's a beautiful thing. I thought I wanted to get married at 20 because I thought it was the right guy. I never wanted to be married that early and still don't, but if the right love came along, I couldn't and wouldn't say no.

I party and have sex with different people here and there. It's fun for a while but not as fun as being in a great relationship.
I think people think it's a waste getting married so early because in a person's 20's people look at that time as a self discovery time to explore what's out there. And that often means for many not being "tied down" with a spouse and or kids.

I got married very young and we've been together for 20 years total. We are happy so it can work and work well. But I think it comes down to how committed each person (no matter the age) to making the marriage work. And I think sometimes people forget to cut back on the "I" part a bit and think in terms of "we" more.

I would certainly say though that a lot of people in their 20's don't have the maturity or experience to be in a relationship that can stand the test of time, but then again nor do a lot of much older people. I know some people that got married in their early 20's and are happy as can be and some that got married much later and seem like they are just miserable in the marriage. So I have a difficult time believe it ONLY comes down to age and that's coming from an admitted ageist.
I am AGHAST at this revelation! Bad wife! Bad mother!
Originally Posted by Saria

Dear lord! Are those broads for serious?! We take vacations as a family, as a couple and on our own. My husband as NO desire to go to DragonCon, and that is a-ok with me. He'd just slow me down and mock my fangirl geekocity.
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my step-sister and her husband were married 40 years ago when she was 22 and he was 25.

it can work.

at the same time, many moons ago, i worked with a 21-year-old who had married her high school sweetheart at 18, both of them over the objections of their parents. she said when it's right, you know it's right. period.

2 years after i left the employ of that company, i went back to a retirement party for someone and the now-25-year-old was on her 2nd marriage! i guess it wasn't so right after all...
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I got married at 17 and divorced at 24.

I remarried at 25 and have been married for 30 years since.

Was I happy every single minute of the last 30 years? Well...no. But my life has been joyful and very rewarding.

Usually life is what you make of it. But in the case of my husband #1, he was soooooo wrong that life would not have been bearable with him.

Totally depends on the individuals. I think a lot of people (not all, okay?) marry super young because they just don't know what else to do. It's a thing you're supposed to do as an Official Grownup, so they do it. As you grow up a bit more and figure out life, sometimes you're still on the same page as your spouse (yay!) and sometimes you're not (boo).

I had the usual wave of friends get married right out of college, and have met many others who did the same. All but one of those couples are now divorced.

If I could build a time machine the first thing I would do would be to travel back to my 21 year-old self and thank her for not marrying my college boyfriend. And also for not getting any stupid or embarrassing tattoos, but that's a different discussion.
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Last edited by MoppyT; 06-22-2012 at 11:10 AM.
Totally depends on the individuals. I think a lot of people (not all, okay?) marry super young because they just don't know what else to do. It's a thing you're supposed to do as an Official Grownup. As you grow up a bit more and figure out life, sometimes you're still on the same page as your spouse (yay!) and sometimes you're not (boo).

I had the usual wave of friends get married right out of college, and have met many others who did the same. All but one of those couples are now divorced.

If I could build a time machine the first thing I would do would be to travel back to my 21 year-old self and thank her for not marrying my college boyfriend. And also for not getting any stupid or embarrassing tattoos, but that's a different discussion.
Originally Posted by MoppyT


Most of my friends who married their college sweethearts before 25 were divorced by 30. I was happy to not be included in that group.

But hey, we all have our own journeys to take in life, and what is right for one curly certainly isn't right for another.

If you are happy, and your relationship with your spouse is thriving, then that is what is important.
Totally depends on the individuals. I think a lot of people (not all, okay?) marry super young because they just don't know what else to do. It's a thing you're supposed to do as an Official Grownup. As you grow up a bit more and figure out life, sometimes you're still on the same page as your spouse (yay!) and sometimes you're not (boo).

I had the usual wave of friends get married right out of college, and have met many others who did the same. All but one of those couples are now divorced.

If I could build a time machine the first thing I would do would be to travel back to my 21 year-old self and thank her for not marrying my college boyfriend. And also for not getting any stupid or embarrassing tattoos, but that's a different discussion.
Originally Posted by MoppyT
I agree with the first paragraph of this, totally.

I think its easy to say 'when its right, its right' because when you're young and in love, you're SURE its right. But if you don't have any other knowledge or experience, do you really know?

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I've been with my hs sweetheart since 06 then got married this yr. I'm 21, he's 23. Nothing has changed about out relationship and when we have an issue we work through them. I'm very happy. That being said, I have two friends who got married around the same time/before me and their relationships are suffering or gone. Then I know others who are very happy.
I think young marriages can work and they can do a lot of the things that single ppl do like travel and party etc. It's when you have kids that the dynamic of the relationship changes. Knowing yourself and your expectations is the key when you are n a long relationship. Learning how to compromise, put your foot down, back down....lol a bunch of things. And depending on what marriage means to you keeping in mind that even in Gods eyes your spouse is number one. Then everyone else. It's a spiritual union that no one should be able to break.

Sry, got carried away! Anyway, for some it is unusual or a waste. But as someone else said there are young ppl who don't want to sleep around (not saying that n a negative way) or go out n party.
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I agree with the first paragraph of this, totally.

I think its easy to say 'when its right, its right' because when you're young and in love, you're SURE its right. But if you don't have any other knowledge or experience, do you really know?

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Originally Posted by iroc
Totally agree with you and Moppy T (I don't know why the site isn't quoting Moppy T, though. It used to quote entire conversations). I also feel that a number of people get married just because they think it's something that's expected of them. The thought of whether they're fully mature enough to handle such a responsibility can be secondary to the thought that they are now considered "normal" or an "adult." That can be people of any age, though, not just those 18-25 or whatever.

I always had the feeling that my mother married my father just to get out of the house. Her mother was a controlling and manipulative woman and I guess my mother got to the point where she couldn't take it anymore. However, 45 years ago, the only acceptable way for most women to leave home was to marry. If she were young these days, I don't doubt that she'd make different choices.
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I don't think of it as a waste because you should out partying and acting stupid. I do think your 20's are a post-teen time where you still don't fully know yourself and what you want. But its a time when you think you're an adult and you know everything I also think you change a lot between your 20's and 30's.

Its this inexperience and immaturity that sometimes results in a bad choice of who you married.

I also don't care how long someone has been married. Many people stay in marriages for years being completely miserable. The length of time proves nothing to me. Being married for 10 or 12 years is not a lasting marriage. Being married for 40 or 50 years, is.
That being said, of course it's possible to get married young and still be happy, but I'd feel short changed of my youth.

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Originally Posted by iroc

I respectfully disagree. What if somebodies childhood was completely chaotic, they partied constantly as a teen, and once grown and out on heir own they want nothing buy calm peaceful life. To say that everyone should party and act stupid in their 20s is naive and totally subjective.

Partying is not a one size fits all. I'm 28 an would like to marry my BF in the next couple of years but I did NOT spend my 20s partying and being stupid, I spent it finding a career, making a living for myself, and becoming a responsible adult. All of which can be done while married or single.


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Who says your cousins want your life? Just because you think your life is great doesn't mean everyone else does. Not everyone wants the same things. Your feeling sorry for people who choose paths different from yours is pretty arrogant, honestly.

Not everyone finds what you label as "craziness" appealing or the least bit enticing. So why would there be regrets?
Not to mention that for people who are into that, there's nothing that says they can't do all of those things when married. Not all people start having babies the moment they're married. If anything, with combined finances, it's possible for some people to do things they wouldn't have been able to afford on their own.
Originally Posted by Saria
Oooh, funny that you say that. But both of my cousins have been pregnant while in teens (had abortions), and one wishes she never had one. I wouldn't put it past them to get pregnant right after. I don't care if it's arrogant, but as someone that loves them I wish they would have waited. I know my cousins, I know they want to party and have a good time (especially the younger one). I think they're rushing into it because they don't want to be alone.

Quite honestly, I don't care if you think I'm being arrogant. I think it was dumb to get married young. I have already done some travelling myself and they would always tell me they wish they could do that. Now they're married in living in hillbilly country, when one of them before was going to university (dropped out which I think it's stupid, get that college exp. and education out of the way while you still can) and is just sitting around playing house. You don't have to agree with my own opinion, but don't go around calling me arrogant.

And I agree with iroc, I know plenty of people who have been married for years and hate each other, but I'm sure they tell people they're "happily" married. I'm not saying the people in here are lying, but honestly I think the amount of time you've been married is irrelevant. In my own perspective, a woman should take advantage of the things the world has to offer, get her education, experience life on her own and then get married. I'm rather irritated that it should be a woman's goal to get married and have children. I'm even appalled when women give up everything to be with a man when men rarely do that themselves.

That's my take on it, IDC if anyone agrees with me or not. I know what I'm looking for and know how I want to live my life. If you were married young or if you are going to, that's your own business. But I do think it's a foolish thing to do.
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Last edited by sleepymeko; 06-22-2012 at 01:01 PM.
I respectfully disagree. What if somebodies childhood was completely chaotic, they partied constantly as a teen, and once grown and out on heir own they want nothing buy calm peaceful life. To say that everyone should party and act stupid in their 20s is naive and totally subjective.

Partying is not a one size fits all. I'm 28 an would like to marry my BF in the next couple of years but I did NOT spend my 20s partying and being stupid, I spent it finding a career, making a living for myself, and becoming a responsible adult. All of which can be done while married or single.


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Originally Posted by Jpop825
Well Iroc can speak for herself, but I am pretty sure you are misinterpreting what she said.

She was saying that your 20s are a time for discovering yourself --NOT necessarily going out partying/drinking/being stupid.

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