Is it really that unusual to get married in early 20s and be happy?

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Haha, so many people in here are so against partying! I never said I sleep around though, I'm celibate but I do love myself a good beat and a lighted up dance floor. Gotta' show everyone my Beyonce dance moves

This just proves one size doesn't fit all. I like to party, eat at restaurants, get high with friends, dance, go to bars, travel, go to amusement parks, etc. And I want to do all of that without a boyfriend. They just add onto my stress level. Always asking me what I'm doing, where I am, and need to talk all the time. I don't have time for that!

I cannot do a relationship, let alone a husband. I'm too busy staying on the Dean's list and spending my free-time with my friends and ogling at hot men. I'm young, there is plenty of time to get married! The time I did briefly have a BF this year, I was really bummed out.

Yup, best not to drag a man along.
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I got married at 25 after dating for seven years and I've always said if we had married any sooner it may not have lasted. We both had some growing up to do and some things that needed to be done on our own. I'm so thankful that Mr. Spring realized this because I was silly in love and would have been that girl who thought getting married was dreamy.

Who knows for sure if we had married sooner if it would have lasted, but what I do know is that we did what was right for us and you certainly can't place an age on things like that.




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Haha, so many people in here are so against partying! I never said I sleep around though, I'm celibate but I do love myself a good beat and a lighted up dance floor. Gotta' show everyone my Beyonce dance moves

This just proves one size doesn't fit all. I like to party, eat at restaurants, get high with friends, dance, go to bars, travel, go to amusement parks, etc. And I want to do all of that without a boyfriend. They just add onto my stress level. Always asking me what I'm doing, where I am, and need to talk all the time. I don't have time for that!

I cannot do a relationship, let alone a husband. I'm too busy staying on the Dean's list and spending my free-time with my friends and ogling at hot men. I'm young, there is plenty of time to get married! The time I did briefly have a BF this year, I was really bummed out.

Yup, best not to drag a man along.
Originally Posted by sleepymeko
You seemed to have missed my point. I didn't say you were arrogant, I said it's arrogant to feel sorry for people because you assume that choosing a different lifestyle from your own somehow means other people can't be happy.
That your cousins aren't happy with their choices doesn't negate what I said.

And you still don't get that you are implying what you do for fun is the ideal. People aren't against partying nor has anyone said that it's a bad thing. What some of us are saying is that not everyone enjoys the same things you do. The idea of going to Vegas is to me one of the most unappealing thoughts ever. You'd have to pay me to go there. You think it sounds like fun. People have different ideas of what constitutes as fun. So maybe some people feel they're living as they like, even if it doesn't measure up for you.
And not everyone thinks they're wasting their youth because they decided to share their lives with someone they found and felt was the right person for them.
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Last edited by Saria; 06-22-2012 at 01:01 PM.
I got married at 20. It's been 14 years and we're still together.

That being said, would I do it again? Nope. Not saying we'd never get married, I just would have waited until I knew a bit more about people and the world. Plus we got married FAST. Like 4 months fast! I would have gotten to know HIM better. Plus I don't think we got married or STAYED married for the right reasons.

Basically, it varies from person to person. Some it works, some it doesn't, others just muddle through.




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I've never felt that having a serious bf has stopped me from partying, eating out with friends, travelling etc. In fact I tend to have a way more active and fun social life with a supportive partner. The right person adds to your life, not stifles you from living it!
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Well Iroc can speak for herself, but I am pretty sure you are misinterpreting what she said.

She was saying that your 20s are a time for discovering yourself --NOT necessarily going out partying/drinking/being stupid.
Originally Posted by LAwoman
She did. I was. Thank you

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I'm not against partying in your 20's. I did it. It was fun. It should definitely be left there. I don't want to look like that now!

I got married at 27. I think it was too young. I will be divorced this year. I'm 34.

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You seemed to have missed my point. I didn't say you were arrogant, I said it's arrogant to feel sorry for people because you assume that choosing a different lifestyle from your own somehow means other people can't be happy.
That your cousins aren't happy with their choices doesn't negate what I said.

And you still don't get that you are implying what you do for fun is the ideal. People aren't against partying nor has anyone said that it's a bad thing. What some of us are saying is that not everyone enjoys the same things you do. The idea of going to Vegas is to me one of the most unappealing thoughts ever. You'd have to pay me to go there. You think it sounds like fun. People have different ideas of what constitutes as fun. So maybe some people feel they're living as they like, even if it doesn't measure up for you.
And not everyone thinks they're wasting their youth because they decided to share their lives with someone they found and felt was the right person for them.
Originally Posted by Saria
Haha, you're saying I don't know what my cousins need when you don't even know them. That's funny to me! They're worse than I am and I know they're marrying because they're lonely. I know how they are, you don't. That's the end of that story

And I am WELL aware that my idea of having fun isn't the idea for everyone else. What I was SAYING was that people should do things that they consider fun, be a little wild sometimes, instead of actively looking for a relationship. When something is GOOD it will last whether or not you get married or not. I was ALSO saying that I wasn't into partying until recently. What someone may be into when they're 21 is definitely not what they're into when they're 23 or 24. People change drastically when they're in their twenties, I do not understand why you are not grasping this concept.

Do you get it now?

And as for still having a BF and doing all those things, that's wonderful but I don't want the responsibility of a relationship. Having to call someone and talk to them all the time is not something I want to do. And when I make those amazing memories (as of NOW) I don't want to look back and see an ex-bf in my mind. Why? Because I know that if I was to get in a relationship RN it would be temporary. Have I been in love before? SURE! Did I ever want to marry any of them? Nope. Being in love isn't enough for me to get married. Love is just one thing you need for marriage. There are so many OTHER things you need in a marriage besides love.

And partying and being wild isn't stupid, haha. It's called getting that **** out of the way so I don't turn into those loser thirty year olds you see at clubs still trying to be cool SMH
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Last edited by sleepymeko; 06-22-2012 at 01:46 PM.
I got married last year @ the age of 23 and honestly i don't feel like im missing a thing. i did the partying and drinking in my teens. So as i got into my 20s i realized that that kind of thing no longer excited me the way it once did when i was younger. I know i was ready to settle down, so that's what i did. Btw getting married in your 20s isn't something new, my grandparents got married when they were 19

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I've never felt that having a serious bf has stopped me from partying, eating out with friends, travelling etc. In fact I tend to have a way more active and fun social life with a supportive partner. The right person adds to your life, not stifles you from living it!
Originally Posted by Nej
Historically, tho, when folks got married, it meant the woman had to give up her educational pursuits/career and start having babies. If her husband wanted to move to further his career, she had to defer to his plans and move with him. And then if the marriage ended (his choice), she was left w/ no prospects and only a shaky idea of who she was as a person bc she'd spent her entire adulthood up under his thumb.

I don't think the main issue is partying and socializing...but when people get married really young, they haven't dated much (as adults) and don't have a good sense of what they really want and need in a partner. Sometimes it just works out and they happen to make a good choice and the two people grow together. But sometimes it doesn't.
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I drink and party now and my husband and I do it tgt. I do it with my friends. Being married doesn't stop you from living life.

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I rocked it out throughout my 20s pretty solidly and had a slew of relationships thoughout. Heck, my boyfriend and I are in our late 30s and we still like to get our Party on sometimes.

Granted, the "Party" doesnt last much past 11 p.m. these days ... LOL #overthehill

This just proves one size doesn't fit all. I like to party, eat at restaurants, get high with friends, dance, go to bars, travel, go to amusement parks, etc. And I want to do all of that without a boyfriend. They just add onto my stress level. Always asking me what I'm doing, where I am, and need to talk all the time. I don't have time for that!

Honestly, I've NEVER had a boyfriend like that.

But I purposely seek out, and am drawn to, men who are independent like I am. Maybe you need to do the same?
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Haha, you're saying I don't know what my cousins need when you don't even know them. That's funny to me! They're worse than I am and I know they're marrying because they're lonely. I know how they are, you don't. That's the end of that story

And I am WELL aware that my idea of having fun isn't the idea for everyone else. What I was SAYING was that people should do things that they consider fun, be a little wild sometimes, instead of actively looking for a relationship. When something is GOOD it will last whether or not you get married or not. I was ALSO saying that I wasn't into partying until recently. What someone may be into when they're 21 is definitely not what they're into when they're 23 or 24. People change drastically when they're in their twenties, I do not understand why you are not grasping this concept.

Do you get it now?

And as for still having a BF and doing all those things, that's wonderful but I don't want the responsibility of a relationship. Having to call someone and talk to them all the time is not something I want to do. And when I make those amazing memories (as of NOW) I don't want to look back and see an ex-bf in my mind. Why? Because I know that if I was to get in a relationship RN it would be temporary. Have I been in love before? SURE! Did I ever want to marry any of them? Nope. Being in love isn't enough for me to get married. Love is just one thing you need for marriage. There are so many OTHER things you need in a marriage besides love.

And partying and being wild isn't stupid, haha. It's called getting that **** out of the way so I don't turn into those loser thirty year olds you see at clubs still trying to be cool SMH
Originally Posted by sleepymeko
I'm not trying to tell you anything about your cousins. You initially framed the issue as your cousins being regretful that they married young because they couldn't have your life. So no, it doesn't invalidate my point about you making assumptions about people who choose to get married young. Basically, what you revealed afterwards about them just points to the real problem with them being married young, not that marrying young itself is the problem.

And of course marriage entails more than just being in love. My point is why do you assume that people who decide to do it young don't think about these things? Or that they do it for the wrong reasons? You paint with a VERY wide brush.

Also, I'm older than you and I'm never going to want to party. It's just not something that's ever going to be an appealing lifestyle to me. Ever. You can party away. I promise I won't feel deprived.
Haha, so many people in here are so against partying! I never said I sleep around though, I'm celibate but I do love myself a good beat and a lighted up dance floor. Gotta' show everyone my Beyonce dance moves

This just proves one size doesn't fit all. I like to party, eat at restaurants, get high with friends, dance, go to bars, travel, go to amusement parks, etc. And I want to do all of that without a boyfriend. They just add onto my stress level. Always asking me what I'm doing, where I am, and need to talk all the time. I don't have time for that!

I cannot do a relationship, let alone a husband. I'm too busy staying on the Dean's list and spending my free-time with my friends and ogling at hot men. I'm young, there is plenty of time to get married! The time I did briefly have a BF this year, I was really bummed out.

Yup, best not to drag a man along.
Originally Posted by sleepymeko
I'm pretty much the same as this and I've had my time so I am thankful. Ideally I'd like to find someone who enjoys doing those same things with me. When I'm with someone I'm into, I don't need to oogle men and I like spending most of my time with them.
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I think this is less of an age issue and more of an issue of maturity.

There are some 18-24 year olds who are wise/mature "beyond their years" (as some may say), and who get married and happily stay married for the rest of their lives.

Likewise, there are 30, 40, 50 year olds who never seem to want to grow up, and usually never do.
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And partying and being wild isn't stupid, haha. It's called getting that **** out of the way so I don't turn into those loser thirty year olds you see at clubs still trying to be cool SMH
Originally Posted by sleepymeko
Of course it's not stupid if that's what you like to do but you're being hypocritical. You think it's loserish at a certain age just as some people see it loserish at any age, including 20s. If it's something you enjoy, then you should do it.

I'm 33 and go out(to clubs) about once a week. The only reason I don't go more often is because I am older and my body physically can't handle it, recovery time is a lot longer and I waste a whole day such as today. I have to make my work up on the weekend. In my 20's I was good by noon. I went out last night to watch the game with a friend who is from Miami and a huge fan. Then we went out to celebrate, naturally. He was happy as hell and had money to burn. We went to a strip club with a couple of his friends..then I ended up staying over and came back home this morning to go to work. I guess that's considered wild but I only do this once in a while(as in a few times a year).

I still go to Miami every other month mainly to party and hang out and went to Vegas over Memorial day weekend, went to a pool party everyday, including rehab on Sunday. It was awesome! Yes that experience would not be there if I was in a relationship(girls trips), and I am glad I was able to experience this before. Now I just enjoy it until I meet someone. I know married couples that still go to Vegas and travel a lot together, but obviously it's a bit different.

It's something I enjoy and don't see stopping anytime soon just because I'm not in my 20s. It's not something to get out of the way. I will continue until I meet someone and then modify, I would like to do almost the same things with him and our friends. I see other couples and groups(at my age) with similar lifestyles. It's really not that big of a deal, just a different lifestyle. I wonder if I'll ever get bored of it, I imagine it will happen one of these days but not anytime soon. And obviously if I ever have kids, things would change.
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My husband and I got married young (22 and 23), and it's never held either of us back from traveling or going after our pursuits. We've had our own hobbies/interests (some separate and some together), earned graduate degrees, have successful careers, and traveled extensively, including living abroad for two years.

Now having children, on the other hand, really does change one's lifestyle. We still figure out how to have fun and travel (sometimes without the kids--horror!).
I got married at 25 to a man I had dated since we were both 18. I have NEVER been a partier and never wanted to be. We dated for a long time because having that "marriage" title wasn't all that important, despite knowing it was "right" and neither of us were going anywhere. As someone else mentioned upthread, having a husband who supports me and everything that I want to do has allowed me to do more than I could have if I was single and going it alone. We have grown together, but were both very mature for our ages all along. We went into marriage with full knowledge of what we wanted and what we were willing to put in. I think it comes down to the people involved, and most definitely not their ages.

If you're not ready for or don't ever want marriage, good for you. Live your life how you want, but it's a little much to say you feel sorry for someone who makes another choice. I assure you, no one who's made a conscious choice needs your sympathy.
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Last edited by Like.Australia; 06-22-2012 at 03:14 PM.
I'm not trying to tell you anything about your cousins. You initially framed the issue as your cousins being regretful that they married young because they couldn't have your life. So no, it doesn't invalidate my point about you making assumptions about people who choose to get married young. Basically, what you revealed afterwards about them just points to the real problem with them being married young, not that marrying young itself is the problem.

And of course marriage entails more than just being in love. My point is why do you assume that people who decide to do it young don't think about these things? Or that they do it for the wrong reasons? You paint with a VERY wide brush.

Also, I'm older than you and I'm never going to want to party. It's just not something that's ever going to be an appealing lifestyle to me. Ever. You can party away. I promise I won't feel deprived.
Originally Posted by Saria
Understandable. But the main thing I noticed among my friends that do want to get married is that they're doing it for religious reasons, which is totes fine by me even though I am not religious. But when my friend and I ask why do they actually want to get married, we're met by a blank stare and so women say back to us: "we never thought about it like that". I'm not trying to say everyone that does it is immature and unprepared because a select few are able to do it and do it successfully. But from what I've seen and heard by younger females around me, they don't really seem to have a reason for wanting to be married, minus the pretty wedding dress


Of course it's not stupid if that's what you like to do but you're being hypocritical. You think it's loserish at a certain age just as some people see it loserish at any age, including 20s. If it's something you enjoy, then you should do it.

I'm 33 and go out(to clubs) about once a week. The only reason I don't go more often is because I am older and my body physically can't handle it, recovery time is a lot longer and I waste a whole day such as today. I have to make my work up on the weekend. In my 20's I was good by noon. I went out last night to watch the game with a friend who is from Miami and a huge fan. Then we went out to celebrate, naturally. He was happy as hell and had money to burn. We went to a strip club with a couple of his friends..then I ended up staying over and came back home this morning to go to work. I guess that's considered wild but I only do this once in a while(as in a few times a year).

I still go to Miami every other month mainly to party and hang out and went to Vegas over Memorial day weekend, went to a pool party everyday, including rehab on Sunday. It was awesome! Yes that experience would not be there if I was in a relationship(girls trips), and I am glad I was able to experience this before. Now I just enjoy it until I meet someone. I know married couples that still go to Vegas and travel a lot together, but obviously it's a bit different.

It's something I enjoy and don't see stopping anytime soon just because I'm not in my 20s. It's not something to get out of the way. I will continue until I meet someone and then modify, I would like to do almost the same things with him and our friends. I see other couples and groups(at my age) with similar lifestyles. It's really not that big of a deal, just a different lifestyle. I wonder if I'll ever get bored of it, I imagine it will happen one of these days but not anytime soon. And obviously if I ever have kids, things would change.
Originally Posted by Josephine
Oh no! I did not mean to insult. I meant the creeps who run up to young females and telling them they have a yacht. I have run into so many men in their thirties to forties who run towards me like a bunch of perves to brag about the money they have. It's so weird. And a lot of them are MARRIED. I think that just strengthens my belief that men should go ahead and get their promiscuity out of the way until they're tired of it. If I can count how many times older men have come to me to tell me about their homes and travels and how they have a GF at home, but it's not ~important~. It's rather insulting! Makes me think such talk works with most young women though. It doesn't help that I live in a very expensive part of Cali where the avg. home is a million dollars, so I'm sure a lot of these men aren't joking. But I'm not interested.

If you're chillin' with your girls and friends or whoever, then get it gurl. I'm more bothered by the weirdos who are trying to be hip and cool with the 21 year olds. You know what I mean?

Anyway, can I just say I admire your lifestyle? I kind of want to be you in a decade

I agree with you 100%. I mainly hope to meet a man that can keep up with me (not right no though). A lot of guys I have met believe in the traditional **** and I am not down for that nor am I in a rush to have children. I was a nanny and that was the biggest birth control ever. I'm convinced that my mid-thirties will be dedicated to childcare, but RN I want some things, you know? I want to be like you and chill at the poolside with my cocktail and giggle with my girlfriends.

If a man accepts me as is then I'm down for it.
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Last edited by sleepymeko; 06-22-2012 at 05:19 PM.
As others have said, everyone is very different.

However, I do think religion does sometimes have something I do with people marrying young. One of my closest friends is getting married in a month to a guy to a guy she knew 4 months before getting engaged. By the time they are married, it won't quite have been a year. He's a vicar. She's training to be a vicar, we haven't explicitly talked about it, but our mutual friend and I both suspect that old 'no sex before marriage' might well be a big reason for the haste.

Some marriages last, others don't. I don't think you have to be together 50 odd years for it to be considered a successful marriage. I also think these days, people my own age are not necessarily in the right position to be getting married. In their early 20s my parents had a mortgage, had been working full time for several years. My friends and are living back at home with our parents, in a lot of debt from uni, and having trouble finding entry level, low paying jobs.
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